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anon...@cec68495-dca5-4e2b-845c-11fdaaa4f967  committed 74c8aad

Removed some files that are maintained on the site.

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  • Parent commits fa3f9a6

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Files changed (15)

File vipe/humour/fortunes/Makefile

-all: dist test
-
-VER = 0.2.7
-
-DIST_BASE = fortunes-shlomif
-
-DIST_DIR = $(DIST_BASE)-$(VER)
-
-PACKAGE_BASE = $(DIST_DIR).tar.gz
-
-FILES = shlomif shlomif-fav friends tinic osp_rules joel-on-software
-
-DATS = $(addsuffix .dat,$(FILES))
-
-$(DATS):: %.dat : %
-	/usr/sbin/strfile $<
-
-test: $(DATS)
-	@fortune -e $(addprefix ./,$(FILES))
-
-dist: $(PACKAGE_BASE)
-
-$(PACKAGE_BASE): $(DATS)
-	mkdir $(DIST_DIR)
-	cp $(FILES) $(DATS) $(DIST_DIR)
-	tar -czvf $(PACKAGE_BASE) $(DIST_DIR)
-	cat index.html | sed '/%%PACKAGE_BASE%%/ s/href=".*"/href="$(PACKAGE_BASE)"/' > index.html.new
-	mv -f index.html.new index.html
-	rm -fr $(DIST_DIR)

File vipe/humour/fortunes/friends

-Phoebe: Yeah, so I said, "OK, relax please," y'know, I mean, sex can be just
-about two people right there in the moment, y'know, it's, if he wants to see
-me again he can call and if not, that's fine too. So after a looooot of 
-talking. . . I convinced him.
-
-Joey: Let me get this straight. He got you to beg to sleep with him, he got
-you to say he never has to call you again, and he got you thinking this was
-a great idea.
-
-Phoebe: Um-hum.
-
-Joey: This man is my God.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep
-with his wife.
-
-Joey: Karen.
-
-Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you 
-know what? I just did.
-
-Joey: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
-
-Chandler: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah, the rogue 
-processor who seduces his co-workers' wives for sport and then laughs about
-it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there
-in my drawer.
-
-Joey: Really?
-
-Chandler: No freakshow, she's fictional.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people 
-going out to dinner and- not having sex.
-
-Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Let me tell you something. As a woman there, is nothing sexier than a 
-man who does not want to have sex.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. I'm 
-straight.
-
-Phoebe: Huuh.
-
-Duncan: Yeah, I know, I.
-
-Phoebe: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, 
-you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award 
-parties.
-
-Duncan: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point 
-where you can't live a lie anymore.
-
-Phoebe: So how long have you known?
-
-Duncan: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I 
-was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my 
-friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in.
-
-Phoebe: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?
-
-Duncan: Her name's Debra.
-
-Phoebe: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
-
-Duncan: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, 
-back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up 
-with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor and 
-e-everyone experiments in college. 
-
-Phoebe: Sure.
-
-Duncan: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born 
-this way.
-
-Phoebe: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to 
-someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 
-'Oh, I'm not gay.'
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Oh my God, 
-
-Phoebe: I know.
-
-Rachel: Why have I never tasted these before?
-
-Phoebe: Oh, I don't make them a lot because I don't think it's fair to the 
-other cookies.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Paolo, I really hate you for what you did to Rachel, 
-[hands him a lasagna] but I still have five of these, so heat it at 375 
-until the cheese bubbles.
-
-Paolo: Grazie.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: I think you should go back with Gary. I don't wanna be the guy
-that breaks up a family, y'know when my parents split up, it was because of
-that guy. Whenever I would see him I was always think y'know 'You're the
-reason, you are the reason why their not together.' and I hated that guy. And
-it didn't matter how nice he was, or how happy he made my Dad.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: I feel terrible, I really do.
-
-Rachel: Oh, I'm sorry, did my back hurt your knife?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: These new kids, they never last. Sooner or later, they all...stop 
-lastin'.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you?
-Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat, 
-it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone
-um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could
-talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
-
-Producer: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing 
-about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
-
-Phoebe: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: No, there is no way he was a velociraptor. No Tony, look at the
-cranial ridge, OK. If Dino was a velociraptor, he would have eaten the 
-Flintstones.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Oh, okay, except I broke up with Roger.
-...
-Rachel: What happened?
-
-Phoebe: I don't know, I mean, he's a good person, and he can be really sweet,
-and in some ways I think he is so right for me, it's just... I hate that guy!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: You uh, you don't believe in gravity?
-
-Phoebe: Well, it's not so much that you know, like I don't believe in it,
-you know, it's just...I don't know, lately I get the feeling that I'm not so
-much being pulled down as I am being pushed.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Erica [Joey's looney fan]: Drake, what're you getting at?
-
-Joey: I'm not Drake.
-
-Ross: That's right, he's not Drake, he's Hans Remore, Drake's evil twin.
-
-Erica: Is this true?
-
-Racehl: Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because, because he pretended
-to be Drake to, to sleep with me. [throws water in his face]
-
-Monica: And then he told me he would run away with me, and he didn't. [throws
-water in his face]
-
-Chandler: And you left the toilet seat up, you bastard. [throws water in
-his face]
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens [in the show].
-
-Joey: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
-
-Rachel: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?
-
-Monica: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: I don't know, I don't get, I don't get it, I mean, wh, wh, two months 
-ago Rachel and I were like, this close. Right now, what, I'm takin messages
-from guys she, she meets at the movies?
-I mean this, this Casey should be takin' down my messages, ya know, or, or,
-Rachel and I should be together and, and we should get some kind of 
-me, message service.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you
-made fun of me?
-
-Chandler: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we
-wouldn't focus on that.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: When I was little, I wanted to be a veteranarian, but then I found
-out you had to put your hands into cows and stuff.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-ROSS: See what? I don't know what she [=Rachel] sees in... innn that goober.
-And it takes him, what? Like... like... I don't know, uhh... uhhh, hello...
-a... week, to get out a sentence.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Rachel you have to read this book. It's called "Be Your Own
-Windkeeper". It's about how women need to become more empowered.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah and oh, and but there's, there's wind and the wind can make us Goddesses. But you know who takes out wind? Men,
-they just take it.
-
-Rachel: Men just take out wind?
-
-Phoebe: Ya-huh, all the time, cause they are the lightning bearers.
-
-Rachel: Wow.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah.
-
-Rachel: Well that sounds kinda cool, kinda like The Hobbit.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Ok, Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries Bert in the sand and
-can't find him. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape and he does find him
-again. But, ok, before that happens, there's some pretty rough goin' for a
-while but I think we can handle it. And, there's just the alphabet but we
-know that ends well so. Ok, here we go. [starts the tape again]
-
-Ernie [in the videotape]: Bert, Bert. Bert. Hey, what happened to my friend
-Bert? He was here just a moment ago. Oh no, my old friend Bert is lost.
-
-Phoebe: [to Ben] Oh, I'm so glad you're here.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: You're just, you're just clearly not familiar with our young
-persons vernacular. See, when we say dad, we mean buddy. We mean pal.
-
-Richard: Uh-huh, yeah.
-
-Chandler: No no, seriously, Joey's my dad, Monica's my dad. I've even got
-some dads down at work.
-
-RICHARD: That's fine. Well, your other dad and I are gonna go have a romantic
-evening and I guess I'll just see you kids around.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Oh, why does this bother me so much? I mean I don't wanna be one
-of those people who tells their boyfriend they wanna spend 24 hours a day
-with them.
-
-Phoebe: Sure.
-
-Monica: It's just that he doesn't have that much free time, ya know, and I
-don't know, what do I do?
-
-Phoebe: Does it matter? You're ultimately just gonna die or get divorced
-or have to blow your pets head off.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
-
-Joey: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the
-accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a
-hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get
-to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the
-six of you?
-
-Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandeler: All right, let's get some perspective here, ok? These things,
-they happen for a reason.
-
-Monica: Yeah. You!
-
-Chandler: All right, Pheebs, back me up here, ok? You believe in that karma
-crap, don't you?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, by the way, good luck in your next life as a dung beetle.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Phoebe, listen. You were with me, and we were shopping all day.
-
-Phoebe: What?
-
-Monica: We were shopping, and we had lunch.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, all right. What did I have?
-
-Monica: You had a salad.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, no wonder I don't feel full.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Ok, so uh, who wants the last hamburger?
-
-Phoebe: Oh, alright, that's it, now I have to go see him.
-
-Monica: Why?
-
-Phoebe: Hamburger. McDonald's. Old MacDonald had a farm, my dad is a 
-_pharm_-acist.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Erica: I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?
-
-Joey: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh, 
-uh, foodal chokage.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Today we're gonna start with some songs about barnyard animals.
-
-[singing]
-Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo,
-Oh, the cow in the meadow goes moo.
-Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up,
-And that's how we get hamburgers.
-
-Nooowww, chickens!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Look, I know I should have told you this a long time ago but I am
-not Drake Remore, OK. I'm not even a doctor, I'm an actor. I just pretend
-to be a doctor.
-
-Erica: Oh my God. Do the people at the hospital know about this?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Nurse: All right, all right, there's a few too many people in this room,
-and there's about to be one more, so anybody who's not an ex-husband or a
-lesbian life partner, out you go!
-
-ALL: Good luck!
-
-Chandler: [to nurse] Let me ask you, do you have to be Carol's lesbian life
-partner?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: [to Ben] I know, I know. Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to
-meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
-
-Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you.
-
-Susan: Thanks.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: So we're back on?
-
-Carol: We're back on.
-
-Monica: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost
-2 minutes.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit
-left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
-
-Mr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah. Ok, you don't have to believe me but um, can you think of any
-unfinished business she might have had, like any reason she'd be hanging
-around?
-
-Mr. Adelman: Well, I don't know what to tell you dear. The only thing I can
-think of is that she always used to say that before she died, she wanted to
-see everything.
-
-Phoebe: Everything?
-
-Mr. Adelman: Everything.
-
-Phoebe: Whoa, that's a lot of stuff.
-
-Mr. Adelman: Oh, wait, I remember, she also said she wanted to sleep with
-me one last time.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[At Carol & Susan's lesbian wedding]
-Rachel: Hey, Mom? Having fun?
-
-Mrs Green: Oh, am I! I just danced with a wonderfully large woman. And
-three other girls made eyes at me over the buffet. Oh, I'm not saying it's
-something I wanna pursue, but it's nice to know I have options.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Susan: You wanna dance?
-
-Ross: No, that's fine.
-
-Susan: Come on. I'll let you lead.
-
-Ross: Ok.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Question. Why do we always have to have parties where you poach
-things?
-
-Monica: You wanna be in charge of the food committee?
-
-Ross: Question two. Why do we always have to have parties with committees?
-
-Joey: Really. Why can't we just get some pizzas and get some beers and have
-fun?
-
-Ross: Yeah.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, I agree. Ya know, I think fancy parties are only fun if
-you're fancy on the inside and I'm just not sure we are.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Sandra, I am so sorry, I thought you were Rachel and we just
-weren't ready for you yet.
-
-Mrs. Greene: You thought I was Rachel?
-
-Chandler: Yes because uh, you look so young.
-
-Phoebe: And because you're both, you know, white women.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Listen if you wanna go, just go.
-
-Gunter: No, she'll yell at me again.
-
-Phoebe: Alright, I can get you out.
-
-Gunter: What?
-
-Phoebe: Shh. In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion. When I do, walk
-quickly to the door and don't look back.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[At Rachel's double birthday party]
-Phoebe: Ok, ok, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here but
-it has to be now, she'll be back any minute.
-
-Girl 1: What about my friend Victor?
-
-Phoebe: No, only the three of you, any more than that and she'll get
-suspicious.
-
-Girl 1: Alright, let me just get my coat.
-
-Phoebe: There isn't time. You must leave everything. They'll take care
-of you next door.
-
-Girl 1: Is it true they have beer?
-
-Phoebe: Everything you've heard is true.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery
-....game?
-
-Mr. Greene: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
-
-Ross: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs
-on my table are already dead.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Ok everybody, it's time for flan.
-
-Chandler: Yup, get ready for the gelatenous fun.
-
-Joey: Kinda looks like that stuff you get when you get a bad infection.
-
-Monica: Ok, that's enough.
-
-Phoebe: Ok Rachel, make a special flan wish.
-
-Rachel: Ok, I've got one. 
-
-[blows out the candles. Somebody calls out 'heads up' and the volleyball
-lands in the flan] 
-
-Rachel: Wow, those things almost never come true.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Okay, okay. If I were omnipotent for a day, I would want, um, world
-peace, no more hunger, good things for the rain-forest...And bigger boobs!
-
-Ross: Yeah, see.. you took mine.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: Phoebs, play with meeee.
-
-Phoebe: No. This game is grotesque. Twenty armless guys joined at the waist
-by a steel bar, forced to play soccer forever. Ahh, hello, human-rights
-violation.
-
-Chandler: Ya know Phoebs, don't feel so bad for 'em. After they're done
-playing, I break out the little plastic women and everybody has a pretty
-good time.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ryan: If I had one wish, it would be to build a time machine, go back to
-when I was 7, when Jimmy Hauser had the chicken pox. I would grab that kid
-and rub him all over my face.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, or you know, you could just wish that I didn't have them now.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Well, see when you're acting you need to think about stuff like that.
-My character, Joseph the processor guy, has two little girls, Ashley and
-Brittany. Ashley copies everything Brittany does.
-
-Chandler: Well, invisible kids can be that way sometimes.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: She's amazing! She makes the women that I dream about look like
-short, fat, bald men!
-
-Monica: Well, go over to her! She's not with anyone.
-
-Chandler: Oh yeah, and what would my opening line be? 'Excuse me.
-Blarrglarrghh.'
-
-Rachel: Oh, c'mon. She's a person, you can do it!
-
-Chandler: Oh please, could she be more out of my league? Ross, back me up
-here.
-
-Ross: He could never get a woman like that in a million years.
-
-Chandler: Thank you, buddy.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, oh, but y'know, you always see those really beautiful
-women with those really nothing guys. You could be one of those guys!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the
-way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking,
-all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's
-fantasy!
-
-Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
-
-Ross: No, of course not! [Thinks] ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
-
-Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's
-going out with someone else?
-
-Joey: I couldn't do it.
-
-Monica: Good for you, Joey.
-
-Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more
-people than she is.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Well, you know what Chandler? I think you've gotta face it. You're
-like, the guy in the big office, you know. You're the one that hires them,
-that fires them... They still say you're a great boss.
-
-Chandler: They do?
-
-Phoebe: Uh huh. But they're not your friends anymore.
-
-Chandler: I just want to--
-
-Phoebe: No, but you can't.
-
-Chandler: But I just wa--
-
-Phoebe: Uh uh.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Well, then you should come tonight. You know, just hang out with
-them. Let them see what a great guy you still are.
-
-Chandler: You think I should?
-
-Phoebe: I really do, yeah.
-
-Chandler: Okay.
-
-Phoebe: Okay.
-
-Chandler: Okay.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, but, could we not go together? I,I don't wanna be the geek
-that invited the boss.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: And this manchild has no problem with how old you are?
-
-Monica: No, of course not. It�s not even an issue. Cause I told him I was
-22.
-
-All: What?
-
-Monica: Oh, I can't pass for 22?
-
-Phoebe: Well, maybe 25-26.
-
-Monica: I am 26.
-
-Phoebe: There you go.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: You're okay there?
-
-Ross: I can't belive you two had sex in her dream.
-
-Chandler: I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was
-in somebody else's subconscious.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Okay. It's-it's about Alan. There's something that you should know.
-I mean, there's really no easy way to say this.. uh.. I've decided to break
-up with Alan.
-
-Ross: Is there somebody else?
-
-Monica: No, nononono.. it's just.. things change. People change.
-
-Rachel: We didn't change..
-
-Joey: So that's it? It's over? Just like that?
-
-Phoebe: You know.. you let your guard down, you start to really care about
-someone, and I just- I- [chews her hair]
-
-Monica: Look, I- I could go on pretending-
-
-Joey: Okay!
-
-Monica: -but that wouldn't be fair to me, it wouldn't be fair to Alan- It
-wouldn't be fair to you!
-
-Ross: Who-who wants fair? Y'know, I just want things back. Y'know, the way
-they were.
-
-Monica: I'm sorry..
-
-Chandler: [Sarcastic] Oh, she's sorry! I feel better!
-
-Rachel: [Tearful] I just can't believe this! I mean, with the holidays
-coming up- I wanted him to meet my family-
-
-Monica: I'll meet somone else. There'll be other Alans.
-
-ALL: Oh, yeah! Right!
-
-Monica: Are you guys gonna be okay?
-
-Ross: Hey hey, we'll be fine. We're just gonna need a little time.
-
-Monica: [dubious] I understand.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica [on the phone]: Hey, have you guys eaten, because uh, Richard and I
-just finished and we've got leftovers... Chicken and potatoes... What am I
-wearing?... Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
-
-[Chandler and Joey come sprinting in]
-
-Joey: Ya know, one of these times you're gonna really be naked and we're
-not gonna come over.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act,
-y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian you have to sit through
-before Pink Floyd comes out.
-
-Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's
-that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
-
-Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how
-great the show was, you girls are always looking for the comedian again,
-y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just
-trying to stay awake.
-
-Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next
-time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album
-alone.
-
-Joey: [Pause]....Are we still talking about sex?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: You're twins?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, career driven
-type.
-
-Chandler: What does she do?
-
-Phoebe: She's a waitress.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Joey and Chandler are watching T.V.]
-Phoebe: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional
-people.
-
-Joey: No, inside good, outside bad.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise
-you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
-
-Ross: Oh, I promise, what.
-
-Monica: It's Richard Burke.
-
-Ross: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor
-Burke? Why? Why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like
-a uh, brother... to dad.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Rachel dashes into the cafe, excited.]
-Rachel: Airport, airport. Ross, not alone, Julie, arm around her.
-Cramp, cramp.
-
-Chandler: Ok, I think she's trying to tell us something. Quick, get the
-verbs.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
-
-Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: It was amazing! And not just for her... uh-uh. For me, too. It's
-like, all of a sudden, I'm blind. But all my other senses are heightened,
-y'know? It's like... I was able to appreciate it on another level.
-
-Chandler: I didn't know you had another level.
-
-Joey: I know! Neither did I!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?
-
-Rachel: Yeah.
-
-Monica: Oh, from who?
-
-Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Well, I have to be, I don't really have a choice, I mean, you know,
-I could look at the bright side, I get two birthday parties and two
-birthday cakes.
-
-Chandler: Well, actually just one birthday flan.
-
-Rachel: What?
-
-Chandler: It's a traditional Mexican custard dessert...Look talk to Monica,
-she's on the food committee.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Listen honey, can you keep dad occupied, I'm gonna go talk to mom
-for a while.
-
-Ross: Ok, do you have any ideas for any openers?
-
-Rachel: Uhh, let's just stay clear of "I'm the guy that's doing you
-daughter" and you should be ok.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it
-as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We
-could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
-
-Monica: So have you called her yet?
-
-Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane?
-It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem?
-[To the guys] I'm right, right?
-
-Joey & Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.
-
-Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one
-of you people.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Oh, have either one of you guys ever been to the Rainbow Room? Is it
-real expensive?
-
-Chandler: Well, only if you order stuff.
-
-Joey: I'm takin' Orsula tonight. It's her birthday.
-
-Ross: Whoa. What about Phoebe's birthday?
-
-Joey: When's that?
-
-Ross: Tonight. 
-
-Joey: Oh, man. What're the odds of that happening?
-
-Ross: You take your time.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: [Entering with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and
-it turns out, I do put career before men.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me. You
-know after we graduated college we broke up for a while. It seems her
-Father, your Grandfather, wanted her to travel around Europe, like he 
-did.
-Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's nickel, because he was also
-strafing German troop trains at the time.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Mon, Mon, are you OK?
-
-Monica: You remember that video I found of mom and dad?
-
-Ross: Yeah.
-
-Monica: Well, I just caught the live show.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Hey, this isn't about juice anymore, alright man.
-
-Chandler: Alright, so what's it about?
-
-Joey: Eggs. Who's eggs do you like better, his or mine, huh?
-
-Chandler: Well I like both eggs equally.
-
-Joey: Oh come on. Nobody likes two different kinds of eggs equally. You
-like one better than the other and I wanna know which.
-
-Chandler: Well what's the difference? Your eggs aren't here anymore, are
-they? You took your eggs and you left. You really expect me to never find
-new eggs?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[on "The Days of our Lives":]
-Amber: I want you Drake.
-
-Dr. Remore: I know you do but you and I can never be together that way.
-
-Amber: What?
-
-Dr. Remore: There's something I never told you Amber. I'm actually your
-half-brother.
-
-[Everyone gasps. The show ends.]
-
-Rachel: So what happens next?
-
-Joey: Well, I get the medical award for separating the siamese twins. Then
-Amber and I go to Venezuela to meet our other half-brother, Ramone. And
-that's where I find the world's biggest emerald. It's really big but it's
-cursed.
-
-Chandler: God that is good TV.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Come on man! You never want to do anything since you and Janice broke
-up.
-
-Chandler: That's not true! I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut
-clusters all day. I wanted to start drinking in the morning. Don't say that
-I don't have goals!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Anyway. That's when our Mom said we were not to play football ever
-again.
-
-Monica: Y'know what, I think we should play a game. I mean come on, it's
-been twelve years.
-
-Ross: Can I see you for a second?
-
-(they walk over to the sink and discuss it for a moment)
-
-Monica: (shouting) Once!!
-
-Ross: All right, we're gonna play.
-
-Chandler: But wait a minute though, how are we gonna get there, though,
-because my Mom won't let me cross the street.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: We should definetly play football more often. Maybe there's like
-a league we could join or something.
-
-Phoebe: Isn't there a national football league?
-
-Chandler: Yes. Yes, there is, they play on Sundays and Monday nights.
-
-Rachel: Oh shoot! I work Monday nights.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if
-you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing
-ritual.
-
-Rachel: Phoebes, this woman is voluntarily bald.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah. So, we can do it tomorrow night, you guys. It's Valentine's
-Day. It's perfect.
-
-Monica: Ok, well, what kind of ritual?
-
-Phoebe: Ok. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
-
-Rachel: Or?
-
-Phoebe: Or...or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
-
-Monica: Burning's good.
-
-Rachel: Burning's good. Yeah, I got stuff to burn.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: I'm just sayin' if dogs do experience jet lag, then, because of the
-whole um, seven dog years to one human year thing, then, when a dog flies
-from New York to Los Angeles, he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses
-like a week and a half.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like
-a foghorn: "Janice! Janice!". You want me. You need me. You can't live
-without me. And you know it. You just don't know you know it. 
-See ya.
-
-[She kisses him passionately,then leaves.]
-
-Chandler: Call me!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Frank Jr.: Well, no, maybe-maybe it wasn't perfect, but y'know it was pretty
-cool, y'know, 'cause we had all those great talks y'know.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, um, which ones in particular were great for you?
-
-Frank: Well y'know about the tongue thing, y'know, and how I told you about
-my likes and my dislikes...
-
-Phoebe: I don't....
-
-Frank: How-how I like to melt stuff, and how I dislike stuff that doesn't melt.
-
-Phoebe: Right, okay, um-mm.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: So, Chandler, who's on your list?
-
-Chandler: Ah, Kim Basinger, Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry, Yasmine Bleeth,
-and ah, Jessica Rabbit.
-
-Rachel: Now, you do realize that she's a cartoon, and way out of your
-league?
-
-Chandler: I know, I know, I just always wondered if I could get her eyes
-to pop out of her head.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Monica is in her bed but can't fall asleep]
-Monica (voiceover): If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the
-shoes. 
-No. Don't do this. 
-This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything,
-I'm gonna go get them... But then everyone will know.
-Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back! 
-...I need help!
-[Buries her head in her pillow]
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would - would
-remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not
-gonna do that. 
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Ok, uh, Billy Dreskin, Pete Carney, Barry, and uh, oh, Paolo.
-
-Ross: Oh yes, the weenie from Torrini.
-
-Rachel: Oh honey, are you jealous of Paolo? Oh, c'mon, I'm so much happier
-with you than I ever was with him.
-
-Ross: Really?
-
-Rachel: Oh please. That Paolo thing was barely a relationship. All it
-really was was just, you know, meaningless animal sex.
-
-[Realizing what she just said.]
-Rachel: Ok, you know, that sounded soooo much better in my head.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: I can't believe two cows made the ultimate sacrifice so you guys
-could watch TV with your feet up.
-
-Chandler: Well they were chair-shaped cows. They never would have survived
-in the wild.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Yes, but I, I think about who's apartment we're gonna sleep at
-tomorrow night and, and where we're gonna have dinner next Saturday night.
-I do not think about what our children's names are gonna be. [watches Ross'
-expression] You know what our children's names are gonna be.
-
-Ross: No, no, I mean, ya know, I, I read a book and there was a girl named
-Emily and I thought, I thought that might be good.
-
-Rachel: What was the book?
-
-Ross: The Big Book of Children's Names.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Nono, me neither. Although, uh, y'know, back in college, Susan
-Sallidor did [think Chandler was gay].
-
-Chandler: You're kidding! Did you tell her I wasn't?
-
-Ross: No. No, it's just 'cause, uh, I kinda wanted to go out with her too,
-so I told her, actually, you were seeing Bernie Spellman... who also
-liked her.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: So, Ross, what's going on with you? Any stories? [Digs her elbow
-into his hand] No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks?
-
-Ross: [Pulls his hand away] Okay! Okay. [To Mr. & Mrs. Geller] Look, I, uh-
-I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol
-and me, and, so, well, here's the deal. Carol's a lesbian. She's living
-with a woman named Susan. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Susan
-are going to raise the baby.
-
-[Stunned silence]
-
-Mrs. Geller: [Turns to Monica] And you knew about this?!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Rachel is on the phone]
-Rachel: Okay. [listens] Okay, daddy we'll see you tomorrow night. [listens]
-Okay bye-bye. [hangs up]
-
-Ross: We?
-
-Rachel: Are ah, having dinner with my Dad tomorrow night, I hope that's
-okay.
-
-Ross: Oh shoot, tomorrow's not so good, I'm supposed to um, fall off the
-Empire State building and land on a bicycle with no seat. Sorry.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Hey, Monica bought a bed from the "Mattress King"?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, so please, please, please, don't say anything to Chandler.
-
-Joey: You want me to lie to Chandler?
-
-Phoebe: Is that a problem?
-
-Joey: No.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Dr. Green: You know what's really good here, the lobster. What do you say
-- shall I just order three?
-
-Ross: Yeah, if you're really hungry. (Dr. Green stares at him) It was a
-joke, I made a joke.
-
-Rachel: Yeah. Actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to lobster.
-
-Dr. Green: What kind of person is allergic to lobster? I guess the kind of
-person that works at a library.
-
-Ross: It's not a library...
-
-Dr. Green: [interrupting him] I know!! It's a museum! What, you're the
-only one around here who can make a joke? At least mine was funny. 
-Ah, waiter, we will have two lobsters and a menu.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade. Now, I've never been able to cry as
-an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my
-pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling. Or ah, or, let's
-say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the
-basic "I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it".
-[Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook.]
-Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and
-divide 232 by 13. [looks all confused] And that's how it's done. Great soap
-opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: I'm, I'm freaking out! Monica kinda trusted me with something and
-she shouldn't have! All right, I haven't lived here in a while, so I have
-to ask you something: does Monica still turn on the lights in her bedroom?
-
-Rachel: Um. yeah.
-
-Phoebe: I am soo dead. [goes to Monica's room]
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Look, honey, I have tried to make nice, it doesn't work.
-
-Rachel: Okay, look, Ross, I realise that my Father is difficult, but that's
-why you have got to be the bigger man here.
-
-Ross: Look sweetie, I could be the bigger man, I could be the biggest man,
-I could be a big, huge, giant man, and it still wouldn't make any
-difference, except that I could pick your Father up and say "Like me! Like
-me tiny doctor!"
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: What? It's true, my right leg is two inches shorter.
-
-Dr. Green: Come on! You're just titling! [to Ross] Her legs are fine!
-
-Ross: I know that!
-
-Dr. Green: So, why do you let her go to a chiropractor for?
-
-Rachel: I'm sorry, let her?
-
-Ross: What can I do, she doesn't listen to me about renter's insurance
-either.
-
-Dr. Green: Wait a minute, you don't have renter's insurance?!
-
-Rachel: No.
-
-Dr. Green: Well what if somebody steals something? How are you gonna run
-after him with one leg shorter than the other?!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.
-
-Phoebe: Have fun. Oh wait, no, don't! I forgot I am totally against that
-now.
-
-Joey: What? Me having a job?
-
-Phoebe: No, no, I am against innocent trees being cut down in their prime,
-and their, their corpses grotesquely dressed in like tinsel and twinkly
-lights. [to Joey] Hey, how do you sleep at night?
-
-Joey: Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the trees around all day. Hey,
-Phoebe listen, you got this all wrong. Those trees were born to be
-Christmas trees, their fulfilling their life purpose, by, by making people
-happy.
-
-Phoebe: Really?
-
-[Phoebe turns and looks at Monica, while Joey frantically motions to Chandler
-to help him out.]
-
-Chandler: Yes. Yes, and ah, ah, the trees are happy too, because for most
-of them, it's the only chance to see New York.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Hi, I'm selling Brown Bird cookies.
-
-Woman: You're no Brown Bird, I can see you through my peephole.
-
-Ross: No, hi, I'm, I'm an honorary Brown Bird [does the Brown Bird salute.]
-
-Woman: What does that mean?
-
-Ross: Ah, well, it means that I can sell cookies, but I'm not invited to
-sleep-overs.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing
-you to get another one. You need the fear.
-
-Rachel: The fear?
-
-Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go
-after a job you really want.
-
-Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why
-don't you quit and get `the fear'?
-
-[Chandler and Joey both laugh]
-
-Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.
-
-Rachel: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer,
-you know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work
-here.
-
-Chandler: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: [entering] Okay, stop what you're doing, I need envelope stuffers,
-I need stamp lickers.....
-
-Ross: Well hey, who did these resumes for ya?
-
-Chandler: Me! On my computer.
-
-Ross: Well you sure used a large font.
-
-Chandler: Eh, yeah, well ah, waitress at a coffee shop and cheer squad
-co-captain only took up so much room.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[At the Brown Bird meeting]
-Ross: [to the girl sitting next to him] Hi there. How many, how many ah,
-did you sell?
-
-Girl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.
-
-Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.
-
-Girl: You're a big scrud.
-
-Ross: What's a scrud?
-
-Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.
-
-Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
-
-Rachel: Uh-huh!
-
-Ross: And he's, he's a total stranger?
-
-Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
-
-Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
-
-Rachel: What!?
-
-Ross: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop
-in out of nowhere for no reason.
-
-Rachel: To be nice.
-
-Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
-
-Joey: No, only for sex.
-
-Ross: Thank you.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Chandler enters hungover and groaning ]
-Monica: How ya feelin'?
-
-Chandler: Well, my apartment isn't there anymore, because I drank it.
-
-Phoebe: Where'd you get too? We lost you after you opened up all the
-presents.
-
-Ross: Yeah.
-
-Chandler: Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and not alone.
-
-All: Woooo hoooo!!!
-
-Chandler: Ow, no "woo-hooing," no "woo-hooing."
-
-Phoebe: Why, what happened?
-
-Chandler: Ah, I fooled around with Joey's sister. (Phoebe gasps) Well,
-that's not the worst part.
-
-Monica: What is the worse part?
-
-Chandler: I can't remember which sister.
-
-Ross: [to Rachel ] You see what men do! Don't tell me men are nice!
-[points to Chandler ] This is men!!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Some knocking is heard from the ceiling]
-
-Ross: Ah, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
-
-Rachel: Noo, that's our unbelievably loud upstairs neighbor.
-
-Monica: He took up the carpet, and now you can hear everything.
-
-Phoebe: Why don't you go up there and ask him to "step lightly, please?"
-
-Monica: I have like five times, but the guy is so charming, that I go up
-there to yell and then I end up apologizing to him.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-
-Ross: I'm hurt! I'm actually hurt, that you would think that I would send
-you any of those things out of any thing other than love. Hurt! Hurt!
-
-Rachel: All right Ross!! I get it!!
-
-Ross: I mean my God...
-
-Rachel: You're hurt!
-
-Ross: ...can't, can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to his girlfriend's
-office anymorrrrre!!
-
-Rachel: Oh, please, Ross it was so obvious! It was like you were marking
-your territory. I mean you might have well have just come in and peed all
-around my desk!
-
-Ross: I would never do that.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: All right fine, don't do anything, just sit here and talk to us,
-meanwhile she is talking to him about you. And he's being Mr. Joe
-Sensitive,and she starts thinking 'Maybe this is the guy for me, because
-he understands me.'
-
-Joey: And before you know it, she's with him.
-And you'll be all, "Ohh, man!" And he'll be all, "Yes!"
-And us, we'll be like, "Wh-whoa, dude."
-And pretty soon you'll be like, (sadly) "Hhiii,"
-and, and, and, "I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there."
-And we'll be like, "Man get over it, it's been four years!!"
-
-Chandler: He paints quite a picture doesn't he?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Margha: (coming over) The game is over, we eat now?
-
-Chandler: No-no-no-no, the game's not over, we're just switching teams.
-
-Joey: Yeah, Chandler finds me so intimdating that it's better if we're on
-the same team.
-
-Ross: Right. Okay, let's play. Let's go.
-
-Chandler: No ah, hold on a second Joe, where do Dutch people come from?
-
-Joey: Ah well, the ah, Pennsylvania Dutch, come from Pennsylvania.
-
-Chandler: And the other ah, Dutch people, they come from somewhere near
-the Netherlands, right?
-
-Joey: Nice try. (to Margha) See the Netherlands is this make believe place
-where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come from.
-
-Margha: Oh, my.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Luisa: Oookay. Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic [Ross'
-Monkey, Marcel] is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and
-confiscation of the animal?
-
-Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature in jail?
-
-Monica: Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly
-to yourself first?
-
-Phoebe: Yes, but there isn't always time!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
-
-Luisa [from Animal Control]: No!
-
-Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!
-
-Luisa: Sorry, prom queen.
-
-Ross: [To Rachel] You had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't
-have been fat.
-
-Rachel: Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the
-homecoming queen and the class president and you... were also there!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Hi.
-
-All: Hey.
-
-Joey: [to Phoebe] Look at you. Since when do you roller blade?
-
-Phoebe: Oh! Since tomorrow. I met this really cute guy in the park and he
-like y'know, jogs, and blades, and swims, and so y'know we made a deal
-that's he's going to teach me all sorts of jock stuff.
-
-Ross: And what are you going to do for him?
-
-Phoebe: I'm going to let him.
-
-Ross: Okay.
-
-Joey: Cool.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: Hey, Rach, how you doing with The Shining?
-
-Rachel: Oh, Danny just went into room 217.
-
-Joey: Oooh, the next part's the best, when that dead lady in the bathtub...
-
-Rachel: Oh, no, meh-nah-nah-nah, come on you're gonna ruin it!
-
-Joey: All right I'll talk in code. (to Ross and Chandler) Remember when
-the kid sees those two blanks in the hallway?
-
-Chandler: Hmmm, that's very cool.
-
-Joey: Oh, all blank, and no blank, make's blank a blank blank. Oh no-no-no,
-no, the end when Jack almost kills them all with that blank, but then at
-last second they get away. Aww!
-
-Rachel: Joey! I can't believe you just did that!
-
-Chandler: I can't believe she cracked your code!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: These little women. Wow!
-
-Chandler: Your liking it, huh?
-
-Joey: Oh yeah! Amy just burned Jo's manuscript. I don't see how he could
-ever forgive her.
-
-Ross: Umm, Jo's a girl, it's short for Josephine.
-
-Joey: But Jo's got a crush on Laurie. (Ross nods his head) Oh. You mean
-it's like a girl-girl thing? `Cause that is the one thing missing from
-The Shining.
-
-Chandler: No, actually Laurie's a boy.
-
-Joey: No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: (to Monica) Hey, how much will you give me to eat this whole jar of
-olives?
-
-Monica: I won't give you anything, but you'll owe me 2.95.
-
-Joey: Done.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: So Pheebs what's this guy like?
-
-Phoebe: Umm, well he's very dashing, y'know, and umm, very, very
-sophisticated, and he doesn't speak any English, but according to
-his translator, he totally gets me.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down
-to the Xerox place.
-
-Monica: Oh, no thanks.
-
-Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
-
-Monica: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down
-there?
-
-Joey: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the
-belly button ring again?
-
-Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
-
-Joey: Yeah!
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-
-Monica: So you had fun, huh?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah. Except for, y'know when you're on a date and you're getting
-along really great but the guy's translator keeps getting in the way.
-
-Monica: No.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chandler: Hey, y'know what, maybe we should get going. I mean what time
-did Chloe say we should be there?
-
-Joey: Uh, 10:30.
-
-Chandler: What time is it now?
-
-Joey: 4:30.
-
-Chandler: Yeah all right, so we'll hang out.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: You had no right coming down to my office, Ross. You do not bring
-a picnic basket to somebody's work! Unless maybe they were a park ranger.
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Chloe: [seeing Ross enter] Hey, it's the dinosaur guy.
-[runs over to Ross] Hi, Ross.
-
-Ross: Oh, hi Chloe.
-
-Chloe: I want you to met some friends of mine. [Introduces him to Chandler
-and Joey] This guy is my hero, he comes in with some stuff he wants it
-blown up 400%, we said we don't do that, and he says you gotta. And y'know
-what? we did it. And now anytime anybody wants 400, we just say
-"let's Ross it!".
-
-Chandler: And that's the only colour that comes in.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Oh, and I can also speak a little French. Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? (Mischa laughs) Why? What did I say?
-
-Mischa: Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to bed with you tonight.
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Monica, can I talk to you behind my menu, please.
-[Behind the menu] What are you doing?
-
-Monica: Well, I was having a conversation.
-
-Phoebe: Yeah but, Mischa is so interested in you, that Sergei and I
-haven't been able to say two words to each other.
-
-Monica: What do you want me to do? Just sit here silently while you three
-have a conversation?
-
-Phoebe: That would be great. Thank you.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to
-wait a while?
-
-Chandler: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
-
-(Ross goes to call her.)
-
-Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
-
-Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
-
-Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
-
-Joey: Nothing, he's just really believes in that.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Mischa: [to Monica] And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world
-away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my
-dog. In seven languages.
-
-Monica: Oh. [to Phoebe] Can I have a tissue?
-
-Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck
-it up through your nose and choke on it.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Monica: Okay, all right don't judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this
-info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything
-on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg
-waxing, it just, it looked so amazing....
-
-Phoebe: Waxine!!
-
-Monica: Yes! Have you seen it?
-
-Phoebe: Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
-
-Monica: I know!!
-
-Phoebe: God. Do think it really doesn't hurt? `Cause how can they do that?
-
-Monica: Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of
-the rain forest!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: You think?! God, I, ah, I'm in hell. I mean what, what am I gonna
-do? Rachel's all like, "I love you and, and let's work on this." And
-all I can think about is, "What is she gonna do? What is she gonna say?"
-when I tell her what I did.
-
-Chandler: Well, before we answer that, I think we should address the
-more important question: how dumb are you?
-
-Ross: What?! Look, we're trying to rebuild a relationship here, right.
-How am I supposed to do that here, without being totally honest with
-each other?
-
-Joey: Look, Ross look, I'm on board about this totally honesty thing,
-I am, just not about stuff that's gonna get you in trouble.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Ross, you had sex with another woman!
-
-[Cut to Monica's bedroom, both Monica and Phoebe gasp.]
-
-Monica: Oh my God.
-
-Phoebe: Oh, I knew something had to be wrong, because my fingernails did
-not grow at all yesterday.
-
-Chandler: Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight, and he got drunk...
-
-Monica: Oh!! [hits Chandler and Joey in the head] You guys knew about
-this and you didn't tell us?!
-
-Chandler: [to Joey] He has sex, and we get hit in our heads.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: God! And to have to hear about it from Gunther!!
-
-Ross: Come on! Like I wanted him to tell you, I ran all over the place
-trying to make sure that didn't happen!
-
-Rachel: Oh, that is so sweet. I think I'm falling in love with you all
-over again.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: We could eat the wax! It's organic.
-
-Chandler: Oh great, food with hair on it.
-
-Phoebe: No, not the used wax.
-
-Chandler: Because _that_ would be crazy?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: Fine. [on the phone] Hi! Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza.
-
-Ross: No anchovies.
-
-Rachel: With ah, extra anchovies.
-
-Ross: That's okay, I'll just pick `em off.
-
-Rachel: Yeah, and could you please chop some up and just put it right
-there in the sauce?
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Y'know I had a dream where Ross and Rachel were still together,
-they never broke up. And we were all just like hanging out, and everyone
-was happy....
-
-Joey: I had the same dream!
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, and nobody slept with that Xerox girl.
-
-Joey: Oh, I had the opposite dream.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Rachel enters.]
-
-Monica: (seeing her) Okay, let's go!! Let's hit the road!!
-
-Rachel: Hey!
-
-Monica: Let's get the show on it!
-
-Rachel: Okay, let me just get a cup of coffee.
-
-Monica: Oh Rachel, I know the best coffee house and it's sooo close.
-
-Rachel: Closer than here?
-
-Phoebe: (turning around and picking a cup off of a table) Oh, hey, look,
-I found coffee! (handing her the cup)
-Okay, let's skedaddle.
-
-Rachel: Wait, I'm not just gonna drink somebody's old coffee.
-
-Phoebe: Okay, your highness.
-
-[Ross enters behind Rachel, and look at each other for a moment.]
-
-Phoebe: (in a deep voice, imitating Ross) Um, Rachel I'm really sorry.
-(imitating Rachel) That's okay, do you wanna get back together?
-(imitating Ross) Yeah, okay.
-(in her normal voice) Did anyone else hear that?!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Okay, Monica's are the biggest.
-
-Monica: These tiny, little non-breasts?! Please, it's gotta be Rachel.
-
-Rachel: What, no, no, no, mine are deceptively small I mean, I-I-I
-actually sometimes, st-stuff my bra.
-
-Monica: All right then, your bra would still be big.
-
-Rachel: No, I stuff outside the bra.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Okay.
-[She puts the car in gear. The car moves a few feet and sputters to a stop.]
-Phoebe: Oh, no!
-
-Rachel: What, what's it, what's going on?
-
-Phoebe: Yeah, this has happened before.
-
-Rachel: So you know how to fix it?
-
-Phoebe: Yep. Put more gas in.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Phoebe: Do you at least know what route we're on?
-
-Rachel: Yeah, we are definitely on Route 27.
-
-Phoebe: Okay. [on phone] We are at a rest stop on Route 27. Okay.
-[to Rachel] There is no Route 27. [listens on phone]
-[to Rachel] Okay, either 93 or 76?
-
-Rachel: I don't know, I'm sorry, I always slept in the back when we drove
-up here.
-
-Phoebe: Okay. [on phone] Hey, can you send somebody up and down 76 and
-check every rest stop, and, and also 93? [listens] Okay! [hangs up]
-Yeah, no they don't do that.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-[Joey is making a sign on the ground out of sticks]
-Joey: Okay, done.
-
-Monica: [reading the sign] What's "PLEH"?
-
-Joey: That's "HELP" spelled backwards, so that the helicopters can read
-it from the air!
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: [sarcastic] Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
-
-Rachel: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.
-
-Ross: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts - my ski skills.
-
-Monica: Here we go again.
-
-Joey: I-I can't handle this, you guys.
-
-Chandler: You know what, I can handle it, handle is my middle name.
-Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Ross: All we're saying is don't rush into anything.
-
-Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay? She's 44. when you're
-36, she's gonna be 88!
-
-Frank: What, you don't think I know that?
-
-Joey: Look, the point is, there's a lot of women out there you haven't
-even had sex with yet!
-
-Ross: Yeah, he-he's right, he's right. This is your time, y'know. Yeah:
-you're young, you're-you're weird. Chicks dig that.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Pete: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition
-is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you
-could be like-like, "Wash my car!", "Clean my room!"
-It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand
-what you're saying.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Joey: [entering, dancing and singing] Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big
-old baddie! Oh mommie, oh daddie, I am a big old baddie!
-[He dances around the dinner table and exits]
-
-Ross: I guess he musta gotten the part in that play.
-
-Monica and Phoebe: Oh.
-
-Chandler: Yeah, either that, or Gloria Estefan was right, eventually,
-the rhythm is going to get you.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Kate: That info-mercial! For the milk carton spout thing! You're.. you're..
-you're the guy that doesn't know how to pour milk!!
-
-Joey: See, I actually _can_ pour milk, but I got you believing that I
-couldn't. Now, see - that's acting.
-
-Kate: Right, at the end, you choked on a cookie.
-
-Joey: Yeah, that was real.
-
-
-                              Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
-%
-Rachel: I mean I think I'd say no to anybody right now.
-Oh, but it was so strange. I mean I'm standing there with this charming,
-cute guy, who's asking me to go out with him, which I'm allowed to do,
-and I felt guilty. You know, like I'd be cheating on Ross or something.
-
-Phoebe: Wow. So, okay, maybe that means that, you're not over Ross yet
-and you have issues with your father.
-
-Rachel: I don't have any issues with my Father.