+[Note: This is not a real Star Trek Deep Space Nine Episode but one invented
+by <a href="http://www.shlomifish.org/">Shlomi Fish</a>.]
+[Note: This story is fictitious and the characters there are fictional.]
+[Introduction: TODO: FILL IN ]
+[Title: Star Trek DS9: "We, the Living Dead"]
+[Bashir, Dax and Jake are standing watching the space.]
+Dax: yep, space. Nothing but nothing all around.
+Jake: hey look at that. (A ship gets out of warp at the distance).
+Bashir: I can recognise this ship anywhere. It's OTF-1 - Othello
+Jake: Othello Task Force? What's that.
+Bashir: they're merceneries. Only they're really good merceneries. Really
+really good merceneries. Too good. Too good until the whole of Star Fleet
+Dax: Jake, not only do we wish all merceneries were like them, their captain
+wants us to be certain of this fact, so he keeps scheduling routine checks.
+And the last thing we need is to check them. Times and again, without ever
+finding anything interesting there.
++++: However, Jake, you may be interested to know that many of the fighters
+there are really hot girls, who are about your age.
+Jake: heh, do they get shore leave?
+Dax: oh, yes, and some of them are wild.
+[Beep sounds. Dax answers]
+Capt. Sisko's Voice: Commander: can you and Dr. Bashir come to Quark's
+conference room? Find Jake and bring him with you.
+Bashir: Quark's conference room? I wonder what's there.
+[ They walk and eventually arrive.]
+[Quark's conference room. Q is there, as is a stranger middle-aged-looking
+woman. All the cast is there including Quark and his brother. Jake, Dax and
+Q: greetings, commander - have a seat, make yourself at home, and meet Q2
+Q2: my pleasure. I am indeed Q2.
+Jake: is there also Q3 and Q4?
+Sisko: in any case - why do you want to see us?
+Q: I have a question for you: as you know, I am omnipotent. Now: can I
+write a computer program that determines if any other computer program
+Dax: the Turing theorem...
+Sisko: yes, Commander, I know. This has logically proven to be impossible,
+and the proof is very simple. So you cannot do it unless you can somehow
+Q: and can I, being a Q and all?
+[ Silence for a moment. ]
+Sisko: I don't think you can. I think it is inconcevieable to think you can
+change logic. In fact, I don't think you are omnipotent. I just think you
+appear omnipotent to us, because you are such an advanced lifeform or even just
+have a sufficiently advanced technology.
+++++: In fact, for all I know you may be a humanoid.
+Q: Captain Sisko - I'm always amazed at how stupid your race is, and how much
+Jake: you mean - you can change logic?
+Q: oh no. This time you were right. Yes, I am not omnipotent. I am only very
+technologically advanced. And and yes, I am a humanoid.
+Sisko: I suppose you belong to the human master-race that created all other
+Sisko: so how old are you?
+Q: I'll be about 6.5 billion terran years next September.
+Sisko: so I gather your race has conquered death.
+Q: death and most other things.
+Bashir: if I may interrupt, it has always been my observation that death
+is completely unnecessary, and that our society could have eliminated
+Sisko: may I inquire who Q2 is?
+Q2: I am in fact the oldest organism that never died. I am about 40 billion
+Dax: that's a long time before the big bang.
+Q2: oh the "Big Bang". We don't call it that. The big bang was in fact an
+explosion of a massive black hole. But it's not the first time it happened and
+not the last. We have some great videos of it.
+[Dax and Jake are smiling and giggling]
+Q2: in any case, I have eventually converted to a human form when I joined the
+Sisko: very interesting - most interesting. In any case, I've just been
+messaged by Captain Krand of the Othello Task Force that he wishes us to
+inspect his ship, before he lets his crew have shore leave. And while this
+fascinates me, I need to juggle some priorities as well.
+Q: actually, I suggest we meet in an hour at the holo-deck, I have some
+things to show you there [shows a module].
+Quark: ahmm... Mister Q, the holo-decks require some payment to use.
+Q: no problem, here are two bars of Gold-pressed Latinum. [gives to him]
+[ Cut to Sisko, Dax, Bashir and Jake]
+Sisko: Dax, Bashir, will you go and check on OTF?
+Jake: ah, Dad, can I join them?
+Sisko: I don't see why not, sure, go along.
+[The Othello Task Force's ship - a great hall full of busy people. They are
+dressed more informally than the Star Fleet ones, with more variation. Not
+all of them were tight clothes.]
+[Close up to the system administrators' room. To the right there is a row with
+three screens and three QWERTY keyboards. To the left there is a library with
+a large selection of books. There are several dolls of furry animals scattered
+around the room, and the room is quite disorganised. Katie is sitting on the
+close QWERTY keyboard and is typing some things.]
+[Katie is a blonde girl in her early-to-mid twenties. Her face is cute. I
+originally pictured Melissa Joan Hart as playing her.]
+[Jake and Bashir enter.]
+Jake: holy shit, this place is...
+Katie: a system administrators' room!
+Bashir: yeah, we know. We're the Star Fleet guys. We're going to pretend
+that we inspect this place.
+[Jake goes over to the shelves to look at the books.]
+Katie: be my guest. Oh! Katie Jacobson [does a salute] at your service. I'm
+originally from Berkeley, California.
+Jake: Berkeley? Cool, I remember San-Fransisco. So what are you doing here
+Katie: oh well... I've been to a place that taught me a little about software,
+a little about computers, and a little about how to fake that I actually
+Bashir: let me guess - Star Fleet Academy.
+Katie: nope - the Technion.
+Jake: the... Technion...
+Jake: but couldn't you have gone to U. Cal Berkeley, instead?
+Katie: I could walk there from my house, yes. But I figured out I needed
+a challenge. And I wanted to learn Hebrew - ya know, the language the Old
+Testament was written in, and the langauge which the Terran Alphabet was
+Jake: I bet you just wanted to get away from your parents.
+Katie: yeah, I did. B.Sc. in Computer Engineering. I even got a cum laude, if
+it's worth anything to you.
+Bashir: so what are you doing here?
+Katie: good question. See: I got a job doing programming for a
+company. It was very good, working on open-source software and all, but I just
+remained in Earth all the time. So then it occured to me: is that all there's
+to life in the 25th century?
++++: So I decided that instead I'm going to join some people who travel a lot,
+and utilise some of my skills for that. And one thing I can say about
+this task force is that there's almost always something interesting going
+Bashir: oh sorry, we haven't introduced ourselves. Dr. Julian Bashir.
+Katie: Jake Sisko? Oh my god, oh my god - look how this place looks.
+[she starts organising the place] Just my luck! Just when a writer is coming
+Jake: hey, that's OK. That's OK. I actually like this place. It's very...
+Katie: very something yes. [she stops]
+Jake: so? You're a fan of my works?
+Katie: are you kidding? They rock! I read almost every single one. I wish
+I could write like that, but all I can write is really bad poetry and even
+worse short snippets of prose that don't go anywhere. You have a gift.
+Jake: [flattered] thanks.
+[ They stare at each other, and then look the other way.]
+Bashir: so, Ms. Jacboson...
+Bashir: "Katie"... I suppose you know your way around technology...
+Katie: well, I couldn't fix a computer even if my life dependended on it.
+They never even showed us how to change a lightbulb in the Technion. Good
+thing, some of the other people here are good at it and are saints.
+++++: However, I do know how to use all sorts of computers. Can you take out
+your tricorder for a seq?
+[Katie takes out her tricorder, and puts it besides Bashir's Tricorder. They
+practically look the same]
+Katie: It's same tricorder as the Star Fleet one, except for branding.
+Now let me show you something - let's try to put it in Unix-mode and use it.
+[She takes out the Palm-like pen, and starts writing a few commands. The
+screen shows an IceWM screen with a few windows. Katie invokes a terminal,
+$ tricorder-disp --what="env temp"
+A two-dimensinoal window springs up and displays the temperature of the
+Katie: yes, still good old UNIX. Which we still studied in school. But
+I breezed through it, because I already knew it when I came there.
+Bashir: ahmmm... Katie... would you like to accompany us on a presentation
+by "Q" of the "Q Continuum"?
+Katie: you mean the supposedly omni-potent alien? I suppose. Never met him.
+Bashir: actually, according to what he told us, he's not really omnipotent,
+and he's actually a humanoid.
+Katie: I knew it. Jake, that sounds like it's going to be the best first date
+[Bashir and Jake approach Dax. Jake looks perplexed.]
+Dax: Jake, are you OK? You look like you were bitten by a snake.
+Jake: Gadzia, I just got hit by a girl... who's way out of my league!
+Dax: I know the feeling.
+Bashir: and the funny thing is that she seems to feel the same way about
+Dax: sounds like a match made in heaven. OK, I think we can give the OTFers
+Jake: Katie included.... mmmmm....
+[Cut to Quark's Holodeck - everyone is there.]
+Q: Greetings people. I have given Quark a holodeck module - nothing special
+about it for a demonstration. What you're about to see happened in my
+race's home planet over 6 billion years ago. We just broke up from the reign
+of an empire called the "Ivrim". They were not too good and not too bad.
+As such we adopted their language, only with many errors.
++++: Anyway, we also had another language, universal among our continent which
+we called Énglish. It was just like modern English only pronounced
+phonetically. Rather hideous. This language was considered holy - everyone
+knew it, but people were afraid to talk in it. It was reserved for the
+"perophets", who were people who talked with the "Bey-de-jor-eans", who
+Sisko: hmmpppf indeed. How come all these co-incidences?
+Q: the Universe is co-incidential, Captain, for some reasons which even we
+don't fully understand yet. And for the record, even we were preceded by
+different human races, etc.
+Q: in any case, there was this relatively mature man in our time called
+Noahh who had three sons.
+Katie: Shem, Hham and Yepheth? [in Modern Hebrew pronouncation]
+Q: you guessed it. He was a quirky, paranoid fellow. At one point he sensed
+a storm coming, and believed that the world was coming to an end. So he, his
+wife, his sons, and all of his livestock travelled up a nearby mountain, and
+waited for the storm to end. [Pictures are shown]
++++: When the storm ended, he went down to the nearby village, and saw that
+while there was a lot of damage, it was perfectly fine. However,
+he claimed that it was high time to put an end to such problems, to end
+having to depend on natural whims, that our society will flourish.
++++: I was there: my name was indeed "Que" and I was considered a strange
+nomad, who just happened to be there. I decided to take upon myself
+the establishment of the [in Énglish] "civilisation" instead of the
+many different [in Énglish] "cultures".
++++: Now there were many kids in the village who seemed to be amused by that.
+One thing was that they often had trouble pronouncing "Shem"'s name with
+a "Sh" sound and instead used "S" - Sem. People found it annoying,
+but they couldn't care less.
++++: Back then, writing systems were still hideously complex, and no one used
+them. So I told the kids to come up with a good writing system. They
+decided to collect 26 symbols of the signature signs of some people
+in the village, and figure out a way to write using it.
++++: Eventually they invited us all to a presentation.
+[The holo-deck shows a long shot of an Énglishtant field. One kid is
+showing up the Latin alphabet]
+Énglish Boy: Aa, Ba, Tsa, Da, É, Fa, Ga, Ha, I [= Ee], Ja [as in French],
+Ka, La, Ma, Na, O, Pa, Qua, Ra, Sa, Ta, U, Va, Wa, Xa [= Kha], Ya, Za
+[ Then he points to a sign saying
+"THÉ NÉO TÉCH CONSPIRACY FOR ÉSTABLISHING THÉ SÉMITIC CULTURÉ"
+Énglish Boy: tehe ne-o-te-tse-heh konspeerasi for establishing te-he
+Q: [interrupting. ] The people were mad, he mispronounced Shem's name. He
+formed a conspiracy, and he wanted to establish yet another culture.
+Kids: Haqol Qara! Haqol Qara
+Q in the holodeck: The voice has called. The voice has called.
+Q in the Énglishtant scene: Haku rega! Ooooof!
+[Eventually he steps on a mound saying:]
+Q in the Énglishtant scene: Qara Ma Sheqara, yiqreh ma sheyiqreh, haqol qoré
+Q in the holodeck: what I said was ambigious in Hebrew. Let's say it means
+"He called what he called. Whatever will happen - will happen. The voice
+[In the Énglishtant scene, everybody have fallen silent. Then a small boy starts
+Small boy: Q Gadol! Q Gadol! Q Gadol!
+[Everyone joins him, they carry Q on their hands until an even larger hill
+Q: [in Énglish] Vampires of the world - unite! This kids have invented the
+Aa-Ba-Tsa, which will make writing easy. I want an Aa-Ba-Tsa for Hebrew, too.
+I want something to facilitate calculations. And let's tell the world about
+it. I want it all, and i want it now!
+Q: [in the holodeck] three days after this, some people invented the decimal
+system. We sent delegates to other villages and countries bringing the news of
+the Alphabet and all our other discoveries and decisions. Eventually, I found
+the Énglish pronouncation too tedious, so I asked people to make a better one.
+And someone came up with modern English.
+Q: we advanced quickly. A year later we already had steam. We discovered our
+planet was round, and circled the globe within 10 years. We defined a
+constitution, and founded mass-production and free market. I kept asking for
+more and more challenges to accomplish. Here is what happened after 40 years:
+[The holodeck shows Q standing on the hill where he had given the speech
+holding a flag. There's a large crowd and many cameras are visible. He then
+moves to the right and sticks the flag somewhere else.]
+Vision Q: [in modern English] Vampires of the world - we are united! 40 years
+ago I stood there [points to the top of the hill] and decided to form an
+encompassing civilisation for our entire planet. Today, I can say we have been
++++: We've already been extending our lives incrementally by large
+differeneces. But it will be nice to find a way to remain young
+forever. So this is the next Q task. And another one is to conquer the
+stars. So go to work! [The crowd cheers]
+Holodeck Q: we conquered the stars and spread across the galaxy. Within 400
+years, we encircled the galaxy in one go using this ship [Shown a very old
+Q: At that point we were approached by the Alpha Continuum. They sent Q2 here
+[Q2 blushes] to greet us.
+Q2: I'll take it from here. It took the Énglishtant 400 years from the
+invention of the Alphabet till the circling of the Galaxy. 400 years for
+a Carbon-based lifeform was a record that was not broken ever or since. I
+informed Q that the Alpha Continuum provided the Énglishtant with protection
+against pre-mature deaths, and gave other services that Continuums give.
++++: Q informed me that since his race had been so succesful, he has decided
+to form their own Continuum - the Q Continuum. After some thinking, I told
+him that I would join the Q Continuum, as an act of appreciation for them
+being so competent and determined.
+Sisko: so I understand that the Q Continuum is not the first Continuum to
+have been span-off the Alpha Continuum.
++++: Q: so you've misled us to believe you were the most uncooperative
+being in existence, while in fact projecting the greatest cooperative
+project in the history of the universe?
+Q: well, for some values of "greatest". See: I used to be a simple common
+organism. But six and a half billion years later and a lot of technological
+advancement have made me much less dependent on other people's whims.
++++: I appear rather blazé and always have been to some extent. But I still
+don't wish to die now or never. Technology can give you many things,
+but we high-order Q's still find a lot of joy in a walk in the woods,
+or in tasty food, or in the little joys of life. We're still human,
+Q: in any case, fast forward to the present - this happened about 20 days ago.
+[The holodeck shows a very large hall crowded with millions of different
+humanoids. Three gigantic strips of light on the ceiling are lighted one after
+the other, from the closest to the farthest. Then the whole hall is lit.
+There are Nazi flags on the wall, and a gigantic Swastika above the stage. Q
+Q: [shouting] My name is Q!! I saved you all!! You've had the misfortune or
+folly to die, but don't worry - you're still alive. You will be relocated to a
+different planet and a different galaxy. And you can thank me for it!
++++: Meanwhile, here's some background music:
+[Starting playing <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4c1KNjTixo">the
+Kobra Mix of the Black Eyed Peas' "Hey Mama!" song</a>]
+Fergey's Voice: Rip it, mama!
+[Cut to the people at the holo-deck - they are amused and seem like they
+find it hard to believe.]
+Q: anyway, we would like to invite those of you who would like it,
+to come with us to the headquarters of the Q Continuum.
+Dax: I would be delighted.
++++: I mean: so do I! so do I!
+Bashir: I'd like to come to.
+Kira: hold your horses, people! We do not know what possible dangers
+lurk in the Q Continuum. If you are indeed going to go then I and other
+security officers must escort you.
+Katie: Major, I think you overestimate the danger. This is Q after all. If
+he wanted that, we would all be dead now.
+++++: He could hurl this entire space station directly into the Bajorean sun.
+Katie: he could spread our atoms evenly in the entire galaxy.
+Sisko: that's enough, Miss Jacobson! OK, Major, you can escort these people.
+Q: would it be OK if my crew took their phasers with them?
+Q: their phasers? Of course. They can also bring some photon torpedoes if they
+wish. None of them will work, but I don't mind them taking them.
+Quark: speaking of technology, I'd like to tag along and film the entire trip.
+I sense a huge business potential to this, and would be willing to give the
+rest of you 10% of the profits.
+Katie: Captain Sisko, are you coming?
+Sisko: I'm afraid I'm not. I'll stay here and keep an eye on the space station.
+Jake: I'd like to go too.
+Jake: thanks. Katie, why don't you have a phaser?
+Katie: a phaser? Oh... I'm all for the right to bear arms and all, but I hate
+these things. My job does not require me to carry one anyway.
+Q: anyone else would like to come with us?
+Odo: I guess I'll also join you.
+Q2: OK, cool. We'll let you kids do last minute arrangement and we'll meet
+here in 45 minutes. Meanwhile I'll have a drink.
+Q: I could use one too. Quark, how much would that be?
+Quark: two drinks would be two strips of gold-pressed Latinum.
+++++: However, Mr. Q., I recall you saying you could provide me with 1 million
+pieces of gold-pressed Latinum.
+Q: that's nothing, Mr. Quark. I can conjour a ball made out of gold-pressed
+Latinum the size of a red giant. Of course, it will quickly implode into
+a nasty blackhole. Nothing we can't handle of course, but still.
+[Cut to Quark - he is speechless and looks astonished.]
+Q: But two strips should be enough - there you go.
+TODO: FILL IN - some scenes before the visit.
+[Title: The Q Continuum Headquarters]
+Dax: I think so. Yes, everyone's here.
+Q2: OK - please don't be alarmed as the surroundings changes incrementally.
+It's a trick we do to make the teleportation change easier.
+[The sorroundings change and eventually change to a well-lit large room.
+There's a large window to the left.]
+Dax: so I presume that's part of the Q Continuum headquarters? According to
+this tricorder we seem to be on a completely different galaxy. A different
+[Katie, Jake and other people approach the window]
+Katie: wow! It's beautiful.
+[View of the Q Continuum planet - there are several tall white buildings
+none of which obscure the views. They are shaped like a trumpet, and there
+are robots going up and down their tall parts.
+There is a lot of trees and forests intermingled. There are large roads made
+of very clean stone, with some alien life forms, most resembling mammals
+walking in between them.]
+Kira: [unethusiastically] impressive, I say.
+Dax: well back to our business. Is there anything we're looking here?
+Q: Sure. Amanda, please come here.
+[Amanda from <a href="http://sttng.epguides.info/?ID=306">The True Q
+Episode</a> enters through a door.]
+Amanda: greetings people.
+Katie: wait a second - she looks like...
+Dax: yes, you're the honour student that was identified as a Q on an USS
+Amanda: that is indeed the case. As you see my parents - both human - had to
+return to the Q Continuum and decided to leave me on Earth (as a normal human
+baby) because some of them Terran friends became attached to me.
+Dax: and I suppose your parents missed you?
+1st level Q: A conscious organism.
+2nd level Q: A vampire - capable of living forever.
+3rd level Q: An immortal - cannot be killed.
+4th level Q: capable of teleporting within the same planet.
+5th level Q: capable of any teleportation.
+6th level Q: capable of teleporting himself and others.
+Amanda: that too, and they decided to meet me. So I was temporarily EnQed to
+a very high Q level, and then decided to come here. I met my parents and
+decided to start my road as a "Q" here. Right now, I'm a sixth level Q, and
+trying to slowly become confident in not abusing my powers. Great power
+requires great responsibility.
+Amanda: yep. A Q that is capable of teleporting himself and others.
+Katie: I see. What's a first-level Q?
+Q2: a first level Q is any conscious organism. A second level Q is a
+"vampire" - an organism that doesn't die. A third level Q is an "immortal"
+- an organism that cannot be killed.
+Dax: and what about that woman of the humanoid master-race (the
+Énglishtants, I presume) told us about the master race dying and
+Q: oh that. That was The Symbol [pronounced "Té Symbol"]...
+Katie: The Symbol, wait a second! [checks her laptop]. Hmmm... a very powerful
+sourceres in the Forgotten Realms world; an omni-potent goddess in the Plarian
+mythology; and the list goes on.
+Dax: so she is one of your most powerful Q's.
+Q: The Symbol? Hardly! She is in fact an old technophobe that after all the
+billions year is still only a 3rd level Q, and relies on us for transportation.
+She's a bit distressed from always being considered a practically omni-potent
+++++: In any case, she is considered the oldest Énglishtant (not
+quite accurate, but still), and has been the "T" in our alphabet.
+Displaying that message around the galaxy was her idea. But it was a
+Bashir: ah hah. BTW, Q2, I would be interested to know what was your original
+Q2: you can certainly know. Look here [points to a screen].
+[The screen shows a large number of Opposum-like creatures on a Jungle-like
+sorrounding, eventually going to a city.]
+Q2: indeed. I still miss it in a way. Giving birth as "an opposum" is very
+painless. In my human forms, after the third time I gave birth, I couldn't
+take it anymore and instead used artificial pregnancies.
+Bashir: wow! I think I know what to do to implement exactly that...
+Worf: that's enough, Doctor.
+Dax: Don't be too uptight, Commander.
+Q2: in any case, I'll leave you kids for now.
+Q2: no. Busy people are unproductive. We are very productive and so we're
+never busy. But I need some rest, and think I'm no longer needed here. Q
+Q2: meanwhile, you'll probably want to meet the living dead.
+[she leaves through the door].
+Q: the living dead. People whom you believed to be dead, while in fact being
+relocated to a different galaxy, fully living there, with all their problems
+restored, etc. Is there anyone specific you'd like to meet.
+Katie: can I go first? [enthusiastically]
+Worf: Miss Jacobson, ...
+Dax: sure you can, Katie!
+Katie: I'd like to meet the big 20th-21st century UNIX hackers. You know,
+Ken Thompson, Dennis Ritchie, Linus [= Lee-nos] Torvalds, Richard Stallman,