shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour.html.wml

Diff from to

t2/humour.html.wml

-#include '../template.wml'
-#include "toc_div.wml"
-
-<latemp_subject "Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms and Quotes Collection" />
+<set-var lang="eng" />
 
 #include "pages/t2/humour.wml"
-
-<div class="main_text">
-<define-tag joke endtag="required">
-%body
-<hr class="joke"/>
-</define-tag>
-
-<define-tag header_joke endtag="required">
-<preserve id header />
-<set-var %attributes />
-<joke>
-<h3 id="<get-var id />"><get-var header /></h3>
-
-%body
-</joke>
-<restore id header />
-</define-tag>
-
-<define-tag quote endtag="required">
-<blockquote>
-%body
-</blockquote>
-</define-tag>
-
-<define-tag comment endtag="required">
-<div class="comment">
-%body
-</div>
-</define-tag>
-
-<h2 id="intro">Introduction</h2>
-
-<p>
-This is a growing collection of aphorisms and funny bits I came up with
-throughout the years. They are arranged in roughly chronlogical order.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-You can also find them and others <a href="<rellink url="humour/fortunes/" host="t2" />">in machine-readble UNIX fortune cookies collections</a>.
-</p>
-
-<toc_div />
-
-<h2 id="list">List of Aphorisms</h2>
-
-<div class="aphorisms">
-
-<header_joke id="jewish_deduction" header="A Jewish Deduction">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-The Bible dictates that "Thou shalt not seethe [=cook] a kid [= young goat]
-in his mother's milk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation,
-the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats,
-to mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated
-goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it
-applies to beef and mutten as well (including mixing the milk and meat
-of two different beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of
-milk production, may not be eaten along with any mammal's milk either.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise,
-it would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-This bit used to appear on my signature for a short while, but people
-got mad because it was too long, so I replaced it.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="used_to_be_arrogant" header="I Used to be Arrogant">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-I used to be arrogant. Now I'm simply perfect.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-This bit was once said by a relative of mine…
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="murphys_law_greeks" header="Murphy's Law">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy's Law would have been known
-as Aristotle's Law.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy's Law would have been known as the
-Law of Socrates.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-
-<header_joke id="microsoft_slogan" header="Microsoft's Slogan">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-Microsoft's slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make sense. <b>Ours</b>.”
-</p>
-
-<p>
-And another twist:
-</p>
-
-<p>
-“Microsoft - friendliness is our outstanding quality. No matter how much we
-mess up your computer work, we will always consider you our friend.”
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="american_lottery" header="The American Lottery">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
-dollar, but you can keep the dream.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="believe_in_fairies" header="I don’t Believe in Fairies">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.<br />
-I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-I don’t really know who said it, so it’s possible that I invented it.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="moses_the_smiley" header="Moses the Smiley">
-
-<quote>
-<pre>
-:)-&lt;
- +--
-</pre>
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="prefix_god_said" header="The prefix &quot;God Said&quot;">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-The prefix "God Said" has the extraordinary logical property of converting
-any statement that follows it into a true one.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="shit_happens" header="Deltas to &quot;Shit Happens&quot; according to Religions">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you take
-the blame for it anyways.
-</p>
-<p>
-Or alternatively:
-</p>
-<p>
-God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate demi-shits in
-between.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="interpret_the_past" header="Interpret the Past">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-Let's interpret the past according to the present and not the present
-according to the past.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-(From an E-mail discussion with Ben Pfaff)
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="computer_science_and_c_programming" header="Computer Science and C Programming">
-
-<quote>
-“Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
-telescopes”
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Edsger W. Dijkstra
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-“C programming is no more about computers than astronomy is about
-stars.”
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Shlomi Fish
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="more_experienced_programmer" header="A more experienced programmer…">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes
-what went wrong more quickly.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="I_promised" header="I promised, I forgot, I broke my promise…">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-I promised, I forgot, I broke my promise - just shoot me and get on
-with it!
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Potentially some famous last words, I also came up with this bit, and I'm
-not sure if I heard it before.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="first_phrase"
-header="The First Phrase that needs to be Taught">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-The first phrase that needs to be taught when teaching a new language is how to
-say "Do you speak English?".
-</p>
-
-<p>
-The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool
-is how to exit it.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="if_A_is_A" header="If A is A and A is not not-A…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-If:<br />
-1. A is A.<br />
-2. A is not not-A.<br />
-does it also imply that:<br />
-1. B is B.<br />
-2. B is not not-B.<br />
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-If you don’t understand it, either forget it or consult the following
-threads:
-<a href="http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&amp;threadm=deca99a9.0110250144.654613e9%40posting.google.com&amp;prev=/groups%3Fnum%3D25%26hl%3Den%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism%26start%3D25%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism">Usenet</a>,
-<a href="http://www.mail-archive.com/lin-club@vipe.technion.ac.il/msg00750.html">Haifa
-Linux Club</a>
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="know_im_blond" header="I know I'm blond…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I know I'm blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would
-not think I'm stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You've only
-got Three Seconds".
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you've only got six seconds.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="reinvent_the_wheel" header="Re-inventing the Wheel">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a
-wheel works.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<p>Or:</p>
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<p>
-<a href="http://nadav.harel.org.il/">Nadav Har’El</a>'s response was:
-</p>
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend
-a year trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="cpp_and_oop" header="C++ and Object-Oriented Programming">
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-IMO, C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming roughly as much as COBOL supports
-Functional Programming.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-You have to be a relatively experienced hacker to get this joke. So don’t
-worry if you don’t understand it.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="better_alternative" header="A Better Alternative">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know
-that something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>This was said by my friend</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="good_student_vs_bad_student" header="Good Student vs. Bad Student">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
-forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
-minutes afterwards.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-This was said by a lecturer of mine.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="not_clear" header="If it was not Clear">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I hope that if it was not clear before, it is not less clear now.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Also by a lecturer.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="apple_a_day" header="An Apple a Day">
-<p>
-An apple a day keeps a doctor away. Two apples a day will keep two doctors
-away.
-</p>
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="smg_next_film" header="Sarah Michelle Gellar's Next Movie">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
-is not likely that they will have more and that's because 'Summerschool at
-the NSA' may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar's next
-movie.”
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did Last
-Summer' it is going to be scary.”
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="objective_philosophy" Header="Objective Philosophy…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one's mind.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="turing_test" header="Taking a Turing Test">
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-From <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465">
-Hackers-IL message No. 2465</a>:
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-&gt;<br />
-&gt; Shlomi,<br />
-&gt;<br />
-&gt; Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)<br />
-&gt;<br />
-</p>
-
-<p>
-&lt;sarcasm&gt;<br />
-Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
-tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
-turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
-not detect that the latter fact was true.<br />
-&lt;/sarcasm&gt;<br />
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="hi_sophie" header="Hi, Sophie!">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-<b>Jack</b>: Hi, Sophie!
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Sophie</b>: Don't “Hi, Sophie!” me.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Jack</b>: Don't “Don't ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="corollary_of_godwyn" header="Corollary of Godwyn's Law">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Shlomi, I'm considering naming a corollary of Godwyn's law after you -
-any discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.
-</p>
-
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Muli Ben-Yeuhuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbiews.org)
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum
-when I mention Freecell Solver.
-</p>
-
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)
-</p>
-</comment>
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="keeping_an_idea_to_yourself" header="Keeping an Idea to Yourself">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-There's no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there's a 10 to 1
-chance that somebody already has it and will share it before you.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="you_are_banished" header="You are banished!">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! - Hey! I'm just
-kidding!
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="opinions_crazy" header="Crazy Opinions">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-My opinions may seem crazy but they all make sense. Insane sense, but
-sense nonetheless.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="foreign_languages" header="Foreign Languages">
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-<b>Ben Collins-Sussman</b>: Tis' true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t
-change every 100 miles.
-</p>
-
-
-
-<p>
-<b>Shlomi Fish</b>: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10
-miles.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="happened_to_cmpilato" header="What Happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?<br />
-Is he gone?<br />
-Is he gone for good?<br />
-Is he gone for better?<br />
-Is he gone for best?<br />
-Is he gone forever?<br />
-Will he return?<br />
-Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?
-</p>
-
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng" header="In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering,">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for
-Poriginality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with
-the idea for each feature first.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="he_has_high_degree" header="He has a high degree of…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
-higher degree of inability to distiniguish between the two.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-I originally thought of something similar to that about
-<a href="http://www.stallman.org/">Richard M. Stallman</a> who has headed the
-<a href="http://www.fsf.org/">Free Software Foundation</a> and its GNU
-project since it’s inception. He is known for his radical and uncomprising
-views that combine both idealism and just plain stubburness. Otherwise, he's
-a great and noble guy, and I had the opportunity of meeting and talking
-him during his visit to Israel. (He is much more pleasant in real life than
-online.)
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="hacker_sees_bug" header="Hacker Sees Bug">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-
-<p>
-I was told that the natural continuation to this should be “Hack, hacker,
-hack!”
-</p>
-
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="linus_95_percent_of_programmers" header="95% of Programmers">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Linus Torvalds: “95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%”.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Shlomi Fish's Corollary: “95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they did
-not write, in the bottom 5%”.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Also see <a href="http://discuss.joelonsoftware.com/default.asp?joel.3.125980.14">a discussion of it on the Joel on Software forum</a>
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="too_girly" header="Too Girly">
-
-<quote>
-
-<pre>
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort
-               of a dramedie, but a serious one.
-&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Meh.
-&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Too girly for me.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you're using Debian or Gentoo,
-               right?
-&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Gentoo.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: knew it.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.
-</pre>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>rindolf here is Shlomi Fish</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="cpp_is_complex" header="C++ is…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary.)
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="linux_because_software_problems" header="Linux - Because Software Problems…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Refer to <a href="$(ROOT)/art/linux_banner/">this page about that Slogan
-and a resultant graphics made from it.</a>
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="real_programmers_dont_write" header="Real Programmers Don't Write">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to
-upgrade their software.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="if_his_programming" header="If his Programming…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find 10
-imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="blogging_memes" header="Blogging Memes">
-
-<quote>
-
-<pre>
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;  I'm siicckk of blogging memes.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;  You are this file type.
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;  You are that type of cloth.
-&lt;jkauffman&gt;  You are this member of the Friends show
-  &lt;rindolf&gt;  jkauffman: LOL.
-&lt;jkauffman&gt;  “January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it
-             turns out I'm a Joey type”
-</pre>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-rindolf here is Shlomi Fish
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="tcl_is_lisp_on_drugs" header="Tcl is Lisp on Drugs…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Tcl is LISP on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is
-Evil with one of those gigantic E's you can find at the beginning of
-book chapters.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="jewish_atheists" header="Jewish Atheists">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
-Atheists.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Yet more Jew-over-Gentile superiority, this time by me. In case you're
-wondering, Judaism is primarily a peopleship and the Jewish religion is 
-only a part of it.
-</p>
-</comment>
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="original_philosopher" header="An Original Philosopher…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="to_err_is_human_corrolaries" header="Corrolaries to &quot;To err is human&hellip;&quot;">
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Here are some corrolaries to <q>To err is human - to forgive divine</q>.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-
-<ul>
-<li>
-To err is human - to apologise - divine.
-</li>
-<li>
-To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.
-</li>
-<li>
-To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.
-</li>
-</ul>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="might_be_mad" header="Might be mad…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I might be mad. But I'm a mad genius.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="if_god_exists" header="If God exists…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that
-is described in the Old Testament, then we're in deep trouble.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="bad_thing_about_hardware" header="The bad thing about hardware">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes work and sometimes doesn’t.
-The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not work,
-and it always does not work in exactly the same way.
-</p>
-
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="table_with_cups" header="Let's suppose you have a table">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-<b>Sophie:</b> Let's suppose you have a table with 2<sup>n</sup> cups…<br />
-<b>Jack:</b> Wait a second - is 'n' a natural number?
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="chuck_norris_and_perl6" header="Chuck Norris and Perl 6">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then
-destroyed all evidence with his bare hands so no one will know his secrets.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-There's more about Chuck Norris and Perl 6
-<a href="$(ROOT)/humour/fortunes/shlomif.html">in this
-Unix fortune file</a> and more about Norris on
-<a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/">the Chuck Norris Facts
-web-site.</a>.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="ee_in_the_technion" header="Electrical Engineering studies.">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that.
-Forgot a lot. Remember too much.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="not_an_actor" header="I'm not an Actor">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I'm not an actor - I just play one on T.V.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="internet_porn" header="Blocking Internet Pornography">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying
-to stay dry.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Drew Dexter
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="Im_not_straight" header="I'm not straight…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I'm not straight - I'm Israeli!
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Just for the record, I am straight, and I hate being a macho.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="i_do_not_think_it_means" header="I do not think it means…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<pre>
-&gt; You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
-&gt; means.
-
-It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
-means.
-
-&lt;evil-laugh&gt;Muahahahah…&lt;/evil-laugh&gt;
-</pre>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Taken from <a href="http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html">this E-mail to the Linux-Elitists mailing list</a>
-</p>
-</comment>
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="chuck_norris_2" header="Chuck Norris Fact #2">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II, there would have been only
-one world war.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-I feel a bit uneasy about saying it, but it is still kind of funny, for
-those who like <a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/">Chuck
-Norris facts</a>
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="we_dont_know_his_cellphone_numer" header="We don’t know his cellphone number">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
-we didn't know it.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="sometimes_two_bugs" header="Sometimes two bugs…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<pre>
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: you go to OGI?
- &lt;sarnold&gt;  rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there,
-            and other co-workers earned degrees there…
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: OK.
-    &lt;muli&gt;  sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
- &lt;sarnold&gt;  muli: just Bachelor of Arts… no Masters or Ph.D…
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
-    &lt;muli&gt;  rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A.
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: I know. But I was just checking.
- &lt;sarnold&gt;  rindolf: ah, you&#39;re right, B.Sc… I chickened out on the language
-            requirements :)
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: see?? LOL.
-    &lt;muli&gt;  rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: wisely spoken.
- &lt;rindolf&gt;  But mine wasn&#39;t a bug - it was a sanity check.
-
-    -- #offtopic on OFTC
-</pre>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="what_do_you_mean" header="What do you mean…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-What do you mean by “WDYM”?
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="windows_vs_linux" header="Windows vs. Linux">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-<b>Chen Shapira:</b>  spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print
-on my new wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after
-few minutes.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Shlomi Fish:</b> Heh. Linux++ .
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Chen Shapira:</b> I'd do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer
-underflow.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="pedantic_people" header="Pedantic People">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
-then I remember - because they are so pedantic.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-An Israeli Perl Monger
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="met_a_guy_in_the_bar" header="I Met a Guy in the Bar">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-
-<p>
-This is an anti-thesis to the fact that many <a
-href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminazi">Feminazis</a> claim that using
-“girl” for “a female guy”, is derogatory, despite the fact that it is very
-common, and quite harmless. In Hebrew, there's a perfectly good word for
-a girl, which is not a female child, and since I think in Hebrew about 50%
-of the time, I tend to import such things into my English speech. There are
-much worse derogatory etymologies in Hebrew of course, but “guy”/“girl” is
-not one of them.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-While as a general rule I support the woman liberation movement, and believe
-in equality of opportunities among the genders, I still don’t believe that
-a Politically-Correct re-engineering of the English language to be
-100% gender-neutral (and mostly only the English language, because most
-other European and Semitic languages are not gender-neutral, and even have
-genders for objects) is a good idea. I also don’t believe in applying
-government control in order to “promote” women, and think that members of
-both genders, and all other divisions should learn to cope with
-discrimination and other abuse as they encounter it, instead of just bitching
-about how they were discriminated against, or accusing the other party of
-being “sexist” or “racist” or whatever.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-So I'm going to continue using “girl” for a “female guy”, regardless of what
-other people think. I also don’t mind using the term
-<a href="http://shlomif.livejournal.com/53966.html">nazi for someone
-who's unnecessarily strict</a> or calling Black people “Negros”, which is
-just the Spanish word for the colour “Black”.
-</p>
-
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="on_the_Internet" header="On the Internet">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Two female dogs talking about modern-life:
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Jasmine:</b> It's so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog!
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Daisy:</b> Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you're a bitch!
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-
-<p>
-<a href="http://www.unc.edu/depts/jomc/academics/dri/idog.html">See this page
-about “On the Internet”</a> for context.
-</p>
-
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="God_gave_us_two_eyes" header="God gave us…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as
-we read.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code" header="Only wimps complain about bad code">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="wikipedia_has" header="Wikipedia has…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink</a> .
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="what_does_IDK_stand_for" header="What does IDK stand for?">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-What does “IDK” stand for? I don’t know.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="siginificance-of-being-18" header="Significance of Being 18">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always
-wish they were younger.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="chuck-norris-and-the-wikipedia" header="Chuck Norris and the Wikipedia">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="give-me-ascii" header="Give me ASCII">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="technion-ways" header="Technion Ways">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other,
-but they are all the same length.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="chuck-norris-and-wikipedia-deletionists" header="Chuck Norris and Wikipedia Deletionists">
-
-<quote>
-<p>
-Deletionists beware! If you delete Chuck Norris' Wikipedia submission, he
-will delete you!
-</p>
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-Or:
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-Chuck Norris deletes deletionists that he considers lame.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-<p>
-See <a href="http://opendotdotdot.blogspot.com/2008/04/includipedia-count-us-in.html">"Includipedia - Count Us In" on open-dot-dot-dot</a> for the context.
-</p>
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-
-<header_joke id="english-spelling" header="English Spelling">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="sorting-the-dishes" header="Sorting the Dishes">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-<b>Shlomi's Father:</b> If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won't
-be sorted.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Shlomi:</b> No, it won't be sorted by me.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Shlomi's Father:</b> No, it won't be sorted at all. We will throw away the
-dishwasher.
-</p>
-
-<p>
-<b>Together:</b> Along with all the dishes.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="cats-in-soviet-russia" header="Cats in Soviet Russia">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="email-web-feeds" header="E-mail, web feeds…">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-E-mail, web feeds, and doing something productive — choose two.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-<header_joke id="waste-time" header="Wasting time">
-
-<quote>
-
-<p>
-The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.
-</p>
-
-</quote>
-
-<comment>
-
-<p>
-For more information about that, see the book
-<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Momo_%28novel%29">Momo</a> by Michael 
-Ende and <a href="http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/1342.html">this 
-post on my blog</a>.
-</p>
-
-</comment>
-
-</header_joke>
-
-</div> ;;; End of aphorisms div.
-
-<h2 id="license">Copyright and Licence</h2>
-
-<cc_by_sa_british_blurb year="2002" />
-
-</div> ;;; End for main_text
-
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