<s id="towtf1" title="Selena Mandrake - *The* Slayer">
[<b>Written by:</b> <a href="http://www.shlomifish.org/">Shlomi Fish</a>.]
[<b>Note:</b> This is a tribute/parody of "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer" (both
the movie and the show) and of other sources of inspiration such as
the Star Trek frenchise (primarily "Deep Space Nine") as well as other sources.
[<b>Note:</b> style note, when the vampires and demons in the story talk in
a dramatic and phony tone it is placed in "ALL CAPS" (inspired by the talk
of Death in the Discworld series). When they talk non-dramatically and honestly,
it is placed in proper capitalisation.]
<s id="selena-in-history-class" title="Selena in History Class">
[Selena Mandrake is sitting in a classroom taking notes, the other students
are paying attention, and taking notes too. Selena is an attractive (but
not overly so) blonde girl in her high school senior year, who has immigrated
to California from England.]
Selena's Internal Dialogue: [in her native English accent] wow! Why did I have
to major in history. All we learn about is minutae of obscure political
documents from modern times. Like that's going to prepare me for being an
Archaelogist . Maybe I should have majored in maths… or physics… or something.
+++: not to mention that U.S. archaelogy is a joke. Not that England is much
better. Maybe I could study somewhere in the middle east. Turkey… Egypt…
<s id="in-the-hallway" title="In the hallway">
[The bell rings and many school kids are walking out of the classroom,
including Selena. She has an empty hour. As she walks in the hallway, she
is sometimes greeted by "Hi, Selena!", "What's new?", etc. and answers
briefly. She finds Jessica and Jonathan standing next to Jessica's locker and
Selena: oh, there you are. Hi Jess, hi Jon.
Jessica: Selena! I see you've survived History class.
Selena: yeah, I'll take it one lesson at a time, I guess.
[Jonathan hugs Selena from the side and eventually leaves.]
Selena: so how are you two love-birds?
Jessica: oh, this and that, discussing computers endelessly as usual.
Selena: [sarcastically] geeks!
Jessica: heh, like you're not a geek too.
Selena: I is!
Jessica: and we is too.
Selena: this reminds me. I really should update my Mandriva system at home.
I have not in several days, now. And to think I originally had my friend
Aaron install Mandrake Linux for me, because I thought it was cool that
it was called the same as my last name.
Jessica: heh, maybe you should become Selena Mandriva now.
Jonathan: or Selena Mageia.
[Selena bursts out laughing.]
Selena: that sounds like a name of a vampire slayer… or a vampire.
Jonathan: or both.
Selena: yeah. I told you about how I was nicknamed "Puffy" and then "Buffy"
during one summer camp, right?
Jessica: yes, many times.
Selena: yeah, I found it amusing at the time. For a while afterwards, I
insisted that my friends call me "Buffy" until I realised it was silly, and
returned to "Selena".
Jessica: anyway, I'm off to gym.
Selena: bye, love you.
[Selena is reading a book and says to herself out loud]
Selena: Selena "Buffy" Mandrake. <b>The</b> Slayer. I like the sound of it.
<s id="at-home-1" title="Selena at Home">
[Selena enters her house, she goes to her room and drops her backpack.
Afterwards, she goes to the kitchen, opens the refrigerator's door, and pours
a glass of juice. She drinks some of it.]
Selena: what a day!
[After a few more arrangements, she goes to a desktop computer, turns on the
screen, moves the mouse. It's a screen of Linux with Pidgin running. Selena
scrolls the Pidgin contact list a little, finds someone called
"Mosheh Ben-Amram" and double clicks his icon. A window pops up.]
Selena: [on pidgin] Hi Mosheh!
Mosheh: Good day, Selena.
Selena: yes, it was pretty good. How was your day?
Mosheh: it was fine. Business is as usual.
Selena: that's good.
Selena: well, the highlight is that my friend and mine decided that I should
probably change my name to Selena Mandriva or even Selena Megeia, and become
a mighty vampire slayer.
Mosheh: hmmm… interesting.
Selena: yes, "Selena 'Buffy' Mageia, *The* Slayer". Don't you like the sound
Mosheh: heh, maybe.
Selena: BTW, when are you going to finally come here to California?
Mosheh: in time. I like it here in the meanwhile.
Selena: OK. Listen, I need to go and eat supper, so we'll talk later.
[Selena turns off the computer screen.]
Selena's internal dialogue: OK, let's see what there is to eat.
<s id="meet-the-guide" title="Meet the Guide">
[Selena is back at school, and is walking on a corridor, smiling. She opens a
door and the corridor is empty except for "The Guide", an attractive Goth-style
man who looks in his mid-twenties and is standing there watching her with a
grave facial expression.]
[Selena looks at him, smiles and walks towards him. As she passes him he says
in a dramatic voice:]
The Guide: MAGEIA!
[Selena turns around hesistantly.]
The Guide: BUFFY MAGEIA! THAT IS YOUR DESTINY.
Selena: I don't know how you heard of what happened the other day, but it's
just a joke. My name is Selena Mandrake.
The Guide: YOU KNOW YOU'RE REALLY BUFFY MAGEIA. AND BEING <b>THE</b> SLAYER
IS YOUR DESTINY.
Selena: OK, I think you take Buffy way too seriously. I am not really a Vampire
Slayer, and vampires and the other demons that you could see there don't really
The Guide: [giggles] THE PORTRAYAL OF BUFFY, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER IN THE
TELEVISION SHOW WAS VERY EXAGGERATED. THE REAL BUFFY IN QUESTION IS AN
INCOMPETENT SLAYER. EVEN I AM BETTER THAN HER.
+++: YOU, ON THE OTHER HAND, POSSESS FAR GREATER POWERS AND ARE
<b>THE SLAYER</b>. [his eyes are ligthened with fire.]