shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / fortunes / shlomif-fav.xml

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xml" href="fortune-xml-to-html.xsl"?>
<collection>
    <head/>
    <list>
        <fortune id="peikoff-what-is-is">
            <meta>
                <title>What is is</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it.
                        Act on it. Idealize it.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Leonard Peikoff</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="io-io-its-off-to-disk-i-go">
            <meta>
                <title>I/O, I/O…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I/O, I/O, <br/>
                        It's off to disk I go, <br/>
                        a bit or byte to read or write, <br/>
                        I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O<br/>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Dave Peacock</author>
                    <work>His signature</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="prince-of-bel-air">
            <meta>
                <title>Roses are red, Violets are Blue ("Fresh Prince of Bel-Air")</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Will: "Roses are red,<br/>
                        Violets are Blue.<br/>
                        Jazz and I are black,<br/>
                        But, Carlton, what are you?"
                    </p>
                    <p>Excerpt from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Andy Borowitz (Creator</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fresh_Prince_of_Bel-Air">"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="wives-live-longer-than-husbands">
            <meta>
                <title>"Wives live longer than husbands…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands
                        because they are not married to women.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Colin Mochrie</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whose_Line_Is_It_Anyway%3F">"Who's Line is it, Anyway?"</work>
                </info>

            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="praise-ancient-times">
            <meta>
                <title>Let others praise ancient times</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was
                        born in these.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="cheerleader-song">
            <meta>
                <title>"Bring it On": Cheerleader Song</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot.<br/>
                        I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare! <br/>
                        I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not.<br/>
                        I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate this school. <br/>
                        Who am I? Just guess. Guys wanna touch my chest. <br/>
                        I'm rockin', I smile and many think I'm vile. <br/>
                        I'm flying, I jump you can look but don't you hump.  Whoo! <br/>
                        I major, I roar. I swear I'm not a whore. <br/>
                        We cheer and we lead - we act like we're on speed. <br/>
                        You hate us cause we're beautiful but we don't like you either. <br/>
                        We're cheerleaders. We are cheerleaders!<br/>
                    </p>

                    <p>Excerpt from "Bring it On"</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bring_It_On_(film)">Bring it On (The Original)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="suppose-x-is-the-speed">
            <meta>
                <title>"Suppose x is the speed…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>An algebra teacher is discussing a problem with a student. The
                        teacher
                        says: "Now, suppose x is the speed at which the train is travelling…".
                        And the student says "But teacher, what if x is not the speed at which
                        the train is travelling?
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown</author>
                    <work href="http://groups.google.com/group/humanities.philosophy.objectivism/msg/e0d0b5a400d47c6b?hl=en">Re: "A Parody on Aristotle's Organum"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="shibber-factor">
            <meta>
                <title>The Shibber Factor</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Keep all the grades of the students who passed the test as is, and
                        convert the grades of all the students who failed to 54%.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                    <work>Based on a Technion Legend</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="god-is-dead-neitzsche">
            <meta>
                <title>God is Dead</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>“God is Dead”</p>

                    <p>— Neitzsche </p>

                    <p>“Neitzsche is Dead”</p>

                    <p>— God</p>

                    <p>( writing on a toilet's wall )</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Anonymous toilet's wall writers</author>
                    <work>Writing on a toilet's wall.</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="wittgenstein-1">
            <meta>
                <title>A serious Philosophical Work</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>A serious and good philosophical work could be written that would consist
                        entirely of jokes.</p>

                    <p>-- Ludwig Wittgenstein</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ludwig Wittgenstein</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="diff-between-good-and-bad-students">
            <meta>
                <title>The difference between a bad student and a good student</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>The difference between a bad student and a good student
                        is that a bad student forgets all the material five
                        minutes before the exam, while a good student five
                        minutes after it.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>One of Shlomi Fish's Lecturers</author>
                    <work>Technion Class</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="histeria-did-the-fall-hurt-you">
            <meta>
                <title>Histeria! - "did the Fall Hurt You?"</title>
            </meta>
            <screenplay>
                <body>
                    <description>
                        <para>Isaac Newton falls off the tree</para>
                    </description>

                    <saying character="Cho-Cho">
                        <para>Did the fall hurt you?</para>
                    </saying>

                    <saying character="Newton">
                        <para>
                            It wasn't the fall; it was the sudden stop at the end.
                        </para>
                    </saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Tom Ruegger</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Histeria!">Histeria!</work>
                </info>
            </screenplay>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="beware-of-bugs">
            <meta>
                <title>Knuth: Beware of Bugs</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it
                        correct, not tried it.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Donald Knuth</author>
                    <work href="http://www-cs-staff.stanford.edu/~uno/faq.html">Memo to Peter van Emde Boas</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="stallmanism-stalinism">
            <meta>
                <title>Stallmanism vs. Stalinism</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <blockquote>
                            <p>It's not because they have suddenly converted to
                                Stallmanism.</p>
                        </blockquote>

                        <p>Anyone else misread that as "Stalinism"?</p>
                    </blockquote>

                    <p>The word "Stalinism" is deprecated, the correct term is
                        "GNU/Communism".</p>

                    <p>-- Spotted on Slashdot</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>k98sven</author>
                    <work href="http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=34331&amp;cid=3715569">Slashdot Comment: “Re: Misread”</work>
                </info><!-- TODO : Find the link on Slasdhot -->
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-creative-shells">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Creative Shells</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Personally, I'd have a far better time writing scripts
                        if I had some more creative shells to script in…</p>

                    <p> ASMsh: The Assembly shell. Commands include MOV, SHL,
                        SHR, JNE, etc.  </p>

                    <p> shellTM: Turing machine shell. Only four commands.
                        Read, write, move left, move right. Capable of
                        producing any programming language imaginable, given
                        enough time and nerves of steel.  </p>

                    <p> GeneSH: Four commands. G, A, T, C. Need I say more?
                    </p>

                    <p> Qsh: Only uses one environment variable, which contains
                        all possible values simultaneously. Method of
                        scripting: isolate the universe in which the desired
                        result is already accomplished, and intersect with it.
                    </p>

                    <p> Of course, I never said they'd be easy to use. But
                        then, if these shells existed, and I knew a sysadmin
                        who used any of them, you can believe Sysadmin Day
                        would be a far more celebrated holiday.  </p>

                    <p>
                        The Night Watchman on a Slashdot Comment
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>The Night Watchman</author>
                    <!-- TODO : Find the link -->
                    <work>Slashdot comment.</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="mission-from-god">
            <meta>
                <title>Mission from God</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>We're on a mission from God.</p>

                    <p>-- The Blues Brothers</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Dan Aykroyd and John Landis</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Blues_brothers">"The Blues Brothers"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sitting-doing-nothing">
            <meta>
                <title>Sitting Here Doing Nothing</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>It may look like I'm just sitting here doing nothing, but I'm really
                        actively waiting for all my problems to go away.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown</author>
                    <work>Unknown</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="have-heard-it-before">
            <meta>
                <title>"The ones of you that have heard it before"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>I'm going to do a routine now, the ones of you that have heard it
                        before may enjoy hearing it again. The ones of you that have not
                        heard it before - may enjoy hearing it again next time.</p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Victor Borge</author>
                    <work href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF4qii8S3gw">Phonetic Punctuation</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-is-an-optimist">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall: "I'm an Optimist"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I guess I really am an optimist. A paranoid optimist, true, but an optimist
                        nonetheless.
                    </p>

                    <p>Larry Wall, "The 3rd State of the Onion"</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/1999/08/onion/talk1.html">3rd State of the Onion</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="esr-catb--linus-greatest-hack">
            <meta>
                <title>"Linus Torvalds's Greatest Hack"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        In fact, I think Linus's [= Linus Torvalds'] cleverest and most consequential
                        hack was not the construction of the Linux kernel itself, but rather his
                        invention of the Linux development model.  When I expressed this
                        opinion in his presence once, he smiled and quietly repeated something
                        he has often said: "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get
                        credit for things other people actually do."  Lazy like a fox.  Or,
                        as Robert Heinlein famously wrote of one of his characters, too lazy
                        to fail.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Eric Raymond, the "Cathedral and the Bazaar"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Eric Raymond</author>
                    <work href="http://www.catb.org/~esr/writings/cathedral-bazaar/cathedral-bazaar/">The Cathedral and the Bazaar</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="two-wolves-and-a-lamb">
            <meta>
                <title>"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have
                        for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.
                    </p>

                    <p>Misattributed to Benjamin Franklin</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Not clear</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Democracy">Quotes about Democracy</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="shlomif-and-wli-on-tech-progress">
            <meta>
                <title>On Tech Progress</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Shlomi Fish: And to think that home desktops can simulate
                        these systems [= PDP-10's and PDP-11's] much faster than those
                        ancient mainframes.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        William Lee Irwin III: Shlomi, and to think the net usefulness
                        of the home desktops is less than what users got out of
                        those mainframes.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        #offtopic on the oftc.net IRC network.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>William Lee Irwin III</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="ashleigh-brilliant-feel-much-better">
            <meta>
                <title>"I feel much better…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.</p>

                    <p>
                        Ashleigh Brilliant
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ashleigh Brilliant</author>
                    <work href="http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Much-Better-That-Given/dp/0880071478">"I Feel Much Better, Now That I've Given Up Hope</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="ashleigh-brilliant-abanodend-search">
            <meta>
                <title>"I have abandoned my search…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a
                        good fantasy.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Ashleigh Brilliant
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ashleigh Brilliant</author>
                    <work href="http://www.amazon.com/Abandoned-Search-Truth-Looking-Fantasy/dp/0912800909/ref=pd_sim_b_2">"I Have Abandoned My Search for Truth and Am Now Looking for a Good Fantasy"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="ashleigh-brilliant-may-not-be-perfect">
            <meta>
                <title>"I may not be totally perfect…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.</p>

                    <p>Ashleigh Brilliant</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ashleigh Brilliant</author>
                    <work href="http://www.amazon.com/Totally-Perfect-Excellent-Brilliant-Thoughts/dp/0912800674/ref=pd_sim_b_1">I May Not Be Totally Perfect, but Parts of Me Are Excellent</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="dijkstra-whether-a-computer-can-think">
            <meta>
                <title>Dijkstra on Whether a Computer can Think</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The question of whether a computer can think is no more
                        interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Edsger W. Dijkstra
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Edsger W. Dijkstra</author>
                    <work href="http://www.cs.utexas.edu/users/EWD/transcriptions/EWD08xx/EWD898.html">EWD898 - The threats to computing science</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="intelligent-life-exists-elsewhere">
            <meta>
                <title>Intelligent Life</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Sometimes I think the surest sign, that intelligent life exists
                        else where in our universe is, is that none of it has tried to
                        contact us.
                    </p>

                    <p>Calvin</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Bill Watterson</author>
                    <work href="http://thinkexist.com/quotation/sometimes_i_think_the_surest_sign_that/8696.html">Calvin &amp; Hobbes quotes</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="clarissa-more-I-think-about-it">
            <meta>
                <title>The more I think about it</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The more I think about it, the more I think I should think
                        about it some more.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains it All"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Clarissa_Explains_It_All">Clarissa Explains it All</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="rusty-russell-sig">
            <meta>
                <title>Rusty Russell's Signature</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Rusty Russell's signature:</p>

                    <p>Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an idiot.<br/>
                        -- Rusty Russell</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Rusty Russell</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rusty_Russell">Rusty Russell's Signature</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="first-law-of-thermo">
            <meta>
                <title>The First Law of Thermodynamics</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The First Law of Thermodynamics: A system with a constant energy,
                        volume and pressure behaves in any way it wants.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-toupper-tolower">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds about His Macros</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I wrote them (and looking at the original ones, I'm a bit
                        ashamed: the "toupper()" and "tolower()" macros are so
                        horribly ugly that I wouldn't admit to writing them if it
                        wasn't because somebody else claimed to have done so.)
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Linus Torvalds on the Linux Kernel Mailing List in response
                        to SCO's Linux Kernel ownership claims.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://www.ussg.iu.edu/hypermail/linux/kernel/0312.2/1241.html">Post to the Linux Kernel Mailing List</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="lwn-everything-owned-by-sco">
            <meta>
                <title>Everything is Owned by SCO</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Baby making is owned by SCO. Linus's mother never payed
                        royalities.</p>

                    <p>
                        Also, having a name is a SCO trade secret. By giving Linus a
                        name, they again ask for being fined.
                    </p>

                    <p>Best regards,</p>

                    <p>Iztok</p>
                    <p>(p.s.: Iztok is owned by SCO, and phrase "Best Regards" as
                        well. LWN is owned by SCO.)
                    </p>


                    <p>
                        An LWN comment in regards to the SCO ownership claims of
                        Linux Kernel code.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Iztok</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/64272/">Linus is "owned by SCO"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="scatman-source-of-my-intention">
            <meta>
                <title>The source of my intention</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The source of my intention<br/>
                        really isn't crime prevention<br/>
                        My intention is prevention of the lie.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Scatman John<br/>
                        "Scatman's World"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Scatman John</author>
                    <work href="http://www.lyricsdownload.com/scatman-scatman-s-world-lyrics.html">Scatman's World</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="esr-follow-the-path">
            <meta>
                <title>ESR: "To follow the Path"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>To follow the path:<br/>
                        look to the master,<br/>
                        follow the master,<br/>
                        walk with the master,<br/>
                        see through the master,<br/>
                        become the master.</p>

                    <p>
                        Eric S. Raymond in "How To Become a Hacker"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Eric Raymond</author>
                    <work href="http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/hacker-howto.html">How to Become a Hacker</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-gimp-manipulate-svgs">
            <meta>
                <title>"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs" on #gimp</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="strestout1">Can GIMP save to svg?</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">strestout1: SVG is a vector graphics format.</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">strestout1: GIMP manipulates bitmaps.</saying>
                    <saying who="strestout1">Yes rindolf, I know.</saying>
                    <saying who="strestout1">I just thought itd be nice to have one app for everything  instead of having to use inkscape for svg and gimp for  everything else.</saying>
                    <saying who="UnNamed">It could do 3d too.</saying>
                    <saying who="schumaml">And Audio processing…</saying>
                    <saying who="UnNamed">And Audio mixing…</saying>
                    <saying who="UnNamed">And word processing…</saying>
                    <saying who="schumaml">And it gotta have a kitchen sink!</saying>
                    <saying who="schumaml">So, the real question might be: is there an image editing mode  for Emacs? ;)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#gimp</channel>
                    <network>GimpNet</network>
                    <tagline>"GIMP Should Manipulate SVGs"</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="hanah-senesh-walk-to-caesarea">
            <meta>
                <title>Hanah Senesh: Walk to Caesarea</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>My God, My God, <br/>
                        May it never, never end. <br/>
                        The sand and the sea, <br/>
                        the jitter of the water, <br/>
                        the shine of the sky, <br/>
                        the prayer of Man.
                    </p>

                    <p>"A Walk to Caesarea" / Hanah Senesh<br/>
                        ( Translated from Hebrew by Shlomi Fish )</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Hanah Senesh</author>
                    <work>Walk to Caesarea</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="without-artifice-for-magic">
            <meta>
                <title>"I am not without artifice where magic is concerned…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>'You must know that I am not without artifice where magic is
                        concerned,'
                        said Weasel. 'Only last year did I - assisted by my friend there - part
                        the notoriously powerful Archmage of Ymitury from his staff, his belt of
                        moon jewels, and his life, in that approximate order.'
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Terry Pratchett</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Colour_of_Magic">The Colour of Magic</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-about-security-of-sha1">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds about the SHA1 Security</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>If we want to have any kind of confidence that the hash is really
                        unbreakable, we should make it not just longer than 160 bits, we should
                        make sure that it's two or more hashes, and that they are based on totally
                        different principles.</p>

                    <p>
                        And we should all digitally sign every single object too, and we should
                        use 4096-bit PGP keys and unguessable passphrases that are at least 20
                        words in length. And we should then build a bunker 5 miles underground,
                        encased in lead, so that somebody cannot flip a few bits with a ray-gun,
                        and make us believe that the sha1's match when they don't. Oh, and we need
                        to all wear aluminum propeller beanies to make sure that they don't use
                        that ray-gun to make us do the modification _ourselves_.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/132513/">Message to the git mailing list</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="neo-tech-about-capitalism">
            <meta>
                <title>Neo-Tech: About Capitalism</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The dictionary definition of capitalism is: An economic system characterized
                        by private ownership of capital goods and by investments that are determined
                        by private decision rather than by state control. Prices, production and
                        distribution of goods are determined by a free market.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        But most writers and commentators put dishonest altruistic-platonistic
                        connotations on the meaning of capitalism: A system of exploitation of the
                        weak by the strong -- devoid of love and good will. A system in which
                        unwanted goods and services are pushed onto consumers through clever,
                        deceptive advertising for the sole purpose of profits and greed. Capitalism
                        dominates most Western governments. Capitalism, big business, and fascism
                        are synonymous.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Neo-Tech IV / The Neo-Tech Discovery.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Frank R. Wallace</author>
                    <work href="http://xrl.us/bmszm">Neo Tech IV</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-people-who-disagree">
            <meta>
                <title>"People who disagree with me…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are by
                        definition crazy. (Until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become
                        upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.)
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://www.linux.com/articles/45571">Linus compares Linux and BSDs</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="one-bug-two-bugs">
            <meta>
                <title>One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,<br/>
                        grep bugs, mew bugs, old bugs, new bugs.<br/>
                        This bug has a little hack,<br/>
                        This bug has a broken stack.<br/>
                        Say! What a lot of bugs to track. <br/>
                        Yes, some are in tar, and some in su.<br/>
                        Some are old. And some are new. <br/>
                        Some in sed, and some in jed.<br/>
                        And some are even in parted.<br/>
                        Why are they in parted, jed and sed?<br/>
                        I do not know. Bugs should be dead! <br/>
                        Some in jpeg, and some in TIFF<br/>
                        This TIFF one has an attached diff. <br/>
                        From there to here, from here to there   <br/>
                        Test release bugs are everywhere.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Red Hat Inc. Fedora Workers</author>
                    <work href="http://linux.derkeiler.com/Newsgroups/linux.redhat.misc/2004-03/0327.html">Fedora Core 2 Test 2 available for x86 and x86-64</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="charlene-sweet-life">
            <meta>
                <title>Charlene: The Sweet Life</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        "I took the sweet life<br/>
                        but I never knew<br/>
                        I'd be bitter from the sweet"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Charlene</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I've_Never_Been_to_Me">I've Never Been to Me</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="neo-tech-fully-integrated-honesty">
            <meta>
                <title>Neo-Tech: Fully Integrated Honesty</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Yet, acting on fully integrated honesty (Neo-Tech), not reason itself, is
                        the basic moral act. When Genghis Khan, for example, chose to use reasoning
                        for a specific military move, then in an out-of-context sense, he chose to
                        act morally by protecting himself and his troops (thus filling human
                        biological needs). But in the larger sense of fully integrated honesty,
                        Khan's total actions were grossly immoral in choosing to use aggressive
                        force in becoming a mass murderer (thus negating human biological needs).
                        The highly destructive, irrational immorality of Genghis Khan's overall
                        dictatorial military actions far outweighed any narrow, out-of-context
                        "moral" actions. …Genghis Khan was enormously evil as were Stalin, Hitler,
                        Mao, Castro, Pol Pot.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        <a href="http://www.neo-tech.com/orientation/">Neo-Tech
                            Orientation and Definitions</a><br/>

                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Frank R. Wallace</author>
                    <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/n-t-/neo-tech/Neo-Tech/orientation.html">Neo Tech Orientation and Definitions</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-ruby-code-cant-be-bad">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic: "Ruby Code Can't Be Bad"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Why are there so many unmaintainable applications written in PHP and Perl?
                        Because PHP and Perl let undisciplined, inexperienced programmers write
                        useful code. So does Ruby -- but give it the popularity and longevity of PHP
                        and Perl (at least in English-speaking circles) and I bet you'll see plenty
                        of bad code written in Ruby too.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        This seems like a variant of the Hackers and Painters fallacy. (Paul Graham
                        is rich. Paul Graham writes Lisp. Therefore everyone who writes Lisp will
                        get rich.) "All of the good, smart programmers I know are using Ruby. They
                        write good code. Therefore you can't write bad code in Ruby!"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        It feels like there's another fallacy in there somewhere. I want to call it
                        the Pre-Post-Java Blindspot, where Java was the beginning of Serious
                        Programming Languages and only its successor will unseat it. (Like any good
                        fallacy, you have to ignore history, such as the fact that Ruby's between 10
                        and 12 years old.)
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        (I mean, if you really just can't read regular expressions, why not admit
                        it? You could start a twelve-step program or something.)
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://www.advogato.org/person/chromatic/diary.html?start=237">Blog Post for 17-Novemeber-2005</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sheep-in-big-city-plot-device">
            <meta>
                <title>I Upgraded the Plot Device's…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I have upgraded the plot device's hard-drive, soft-drive and squishy
                        drive,and it is now being the world's most powerful super-computer!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        The Angry Scientist in "Sheep in the Big City"
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Mo Willems</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sheep_in_the_Big_City">Sheep in the Big City</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="affairs-of-dragons">
            <meta>
                <title>Affairs of Dragons</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good
                        with ketchup.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Source unknown.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown Author</author>
                    <work>Internet Meme</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="stroustrup-about-java">
            <meta>
                <title>Bjarne Stroustrup about Java</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Much of the relative simplicity of Java is - like for most new languages -
                        partly an illusion and partly a function of its incompleteness. As time
                        passes, Java will grow significantly in size and complexity. It will double
                        or triple in size and grow implementation-dependent extensions or libraries.
                        That is the way every commercially successful language has developed. Just
                        look at any language you consider successful on a large scale. I know of no
                        exceptions, and there are good reasons for this phenomenon. [I wrote this
                        before 2000; now see a preview of Java 1.5 - <a href="http://developers.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=03/05/30/1942259&amp;mode=thread&amp;tid=108&amp;tid=126&amp;tid=156">http://xrl.us/kb3a</a> ]
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Bjarne Stroustrup</author>
                    <work href="http://public.research.att.com/~bs/bs_faq.html#Java">F.A.Q. Entry about Java</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="uncyclopedia-redundancy">
            <meta>
                <title>Oscar Wilde on Redundancy (from the Uncyclopedia)</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        "I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy."
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        An Oscar Wilde quote, that quotes Oscar Wilde on his views on Redundancy
                        in a quote.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Uncyclopedia</author>
                    <work href="http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Redundancy">Uncyclopedia entry about Redundancy</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="dailywtf-marketing-speak-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Vital Enterprise Applications Are (DailyWTF)</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        In yesterday's post (Bitten by the Enterprise Bug), we learned how vital
                        enterprise application are for proactive organizations leveraging collective
                        synergy to think outside the box and formulate their key objectives into a
                        win-win game plan with a quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key
                        players to drive-up their core competencies and increase expectations with an
                        all-around initiative to drive up the bottom-line.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        <a href="http://thedailywtf.com/forums/64833/ShowPost.aspx">http://thedailywtf.com/forums/64833/ShowPost.aspx</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>The Daily WTF</author>
                    <work href="http://thedailywtf.com/forums/64833/ShowPost.aspx">The Daily WTF - Enterprise SQL</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="beatles-come-together-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Beatles: "Come Together"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        He says "One and one and one is three".<br/>
                        Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Excerpt from "Come Together" by the Beatles.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>The Beatles</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Come_Together">Come Together</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="o-and-m-smithosnian">
            <meta>
                <title>The Smithosnian (from Ozy and Millie)</title>
            </meta>
            <screenplay><body><saying character="Isolde"><para>Any museum has a certain Americana factor. But the Smithosnian…
                            This is the one place you can find the very essence of America, distilled.
                            </para></saying><saying character="Millie"><para>Ooh.. do they let you drink it, and then take on mutant American
                            superpowers, and then go around unilaterlly dispensing frontier-style
                            justice in the name of "Freedom"?
                            </para></saying><saying character="Isolde"><para>No, not usually.
                            </para></saying><saying character="Millie"><para>Museums would be a lot more fun if they'd actually *read* what
                            I put in their suggestion boxes.
                </para></saying></body>
                <info>
                    <author>D.C. Simpson</author>
                    <work href="http://www.ozyandmillie.org/2006/om20060417.html">Ozy and Millie - "The Essence of America"</work>
            </info></screenplay>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-vim-version-7">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Vim Version 7</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Version 7? [of Vim]
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        GNU Emacs is at version 21.4. Can we really trust such an immature
                        editor?
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "yet another coward" in a Slashdot comment for the announcement
                        of the release of Vim version 7.
                        <a href="http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=185216&amp;cid=15286781">Slashdot comment</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>yet another coward</author>
                    <work href="http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=185216&amp;cid=15286781">Comment on the release of Vim version 7</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-bmp-star-trek-plot">
            <meta>
                <title>Star Trek Plot on FreeNode's #bmp - The Beep Media Player channel.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="deadchip">Computer: Remove characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">*beeepbeepbeebeeep*</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">Computer: Resume program.</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"Program cannot run without characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'. restoring instances.</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">Computer: Command override, command code Lt. Cmdr. Milosz Derezynski omega-3-3-9-alpha zero. Remove instances 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Unable to comply."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Computer: Is it possible to at least, _alter_ the subprograms nenolod and sxpert?"</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Specify parameters."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">hmm i take that as a "yes"</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">lol</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Computer: Please remove 'nonsense' component from 'sxpert' character."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Affirmative."</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"unable to comply. "</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">bah</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">yeah</saying>
                    <saying who="nenolod">grr</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">you're truly un-nonsensifiable</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">hahaha</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"the intellectual subroutines are not alterable"</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Computer: Is it possible to alter the _look_ of the character 'sxpert'?"</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Affirmative."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Computer: Please dress character 'sxpert' in a clown's costume."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Specify paramters."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Mid-20th-century Earth, Balkan area."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">"Processing. Character alteration complete."</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">sxpert: bah</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">yeah i knew you would delete the whole databank first</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">lol</saying>
                    <saying who="geekoe">"Computer, can we …. finally… simply remover the characters 'sxpert'?"</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"computer, here's arlequin costume. apply to character deadchip"</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"character parameters changed"</saying>
                    <saying who="sxpert">"woop"</saying>
                    <saying who="geekoe">:D</saying>
                    <saying who="deadchip">o_O</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#bmp</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Star Trek-Like Plot</tagline>
                </info>

            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="love-to-change-world">
            <meta>
                <title>I'd love to change the world</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the
                        source code.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        — Unknown
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown Author</author>
                    <work>Unknown</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="lion-king-what-are-stars">
            <meta>
                <title>"What are stars?" on the Lion King</title>
            </meta>
            <screenplay><body><saying character="Pumbaa"><para>Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?
                            </para></saying><saying character="Timon"><para>Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.
                            </para></saying><saying character="Pumbaa"><para>Oh. What are they?
                            </para></saying><saying character="Timon"><para>They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh… got stuck up on that big
                            bluish-black thing.
                            </para></saying><saying character="Pumbaa"><para>Oh, gee. I always thought they were gigantic balls of gas burning
                            billions of miles away.
                            </para></saying><saying character="Timon"><para>Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas.
                </para></saying></body>
                <info>
                    <author>Walt Disney Corp</author>
                    <work href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110357/">"The Lion King"</work>
            </info></screenplay>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="joel-forum-unix-shooting-in-the-foot">
            <meta>
                <title>Martin about UNIX Letting You Shoot Yourself in the Foot</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        &gt;That's the nice thing about UNIX, it gives you so many
                        &gt;ways to shoot yourself in the foot.  :)
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        At least it does allow you to shoot yourself in the foot.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        It doesn't say "shooting feet isn't supported"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Or you can shoot yourself in the foot by writing a management console plugin
                        that will pass the data to Word using VBA and then call Excel via com to split
                        it into columns and then write an activeX control to get the columns back as
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Martin</author>
                    <work href="http://discuss.joelonsoftware.com/default.asp?joel.3.351421">Comment in the JoS Forum</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="dazjorz-irc-we-are-the-borg">
            <meta>
                <title>Dazjorz: "We are the Borg on IRC"</title>
            </meta>
            <raw>
                <body>
                    <text><![CDATA[[21:10] *** dazjorz changed nick to We
[21:10] * We are the Borg.
[21:10] *** We changed nick to Lower
[21:10] * Lower your shields and power down your weapons.
[21:11] *** Lower changed nick to We
[21:11] * We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
[21:11] *** We changed nick to Resistance
[21:11] * Resistance is futile.
[21:11] *** Resistance changed nick to __You
[21:11] * __You will be assimilated.
[21:11] *** __You changed nick to dazjorz
]]></text>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Sjors (Dazjorz)</author>
                    <work>Freenode on IRC</work>
                </info>
            </raw>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="simpsons-god-favourite">
            <meta>
                <title>God is my favourite…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        "(God) is my favourite fictional character." - Homer Simpson
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Matt Groening</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Simpsons">The Simpsons</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="yaakov-learn-several-new-words">
            <meta>
                <title>Learn several new words everyday</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        You should learn several new words everyday--eventually you will forget how to
                        speak so others can understand you.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Yaakov on Freenode's #perl
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Yaakov</author>
                    <work>Freenode's #perl Conversation.</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="acme-newmath">
            <meta>
                <title>Acme::NewMath</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        For thousands of years, we have been plagued by mathematicians insisting that
                        two plus two equals four. Who elected them? I, Stevie-O, am promoting an
                        entirely new system, where two plus two equals FIVE. Eventually, it will be
                        extended to provide other stuff these power-hungry madmen kept hidden away for
                        themselves, such as division by zero, cold fusion, the ability to solve the
                        halting problem, and the secret to attracting hot chicks.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Stevie-O on the Acme::NewMath POD document.<br />
                        <a href="http://search.cpan.org/dist/Acme-NewMath/">Acme-NewMath</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Stevie-O</author>
                    <work href="http://search.cpan.org/dist/Acme-NewMath/">Acme::NewMath POD document</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="should-perl-drop-sco-support">
            <meta>
                <title>Should Perl drop SCO Support?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        &gt; Should Perl do the same? [= Drop SCO Support]
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Absolutely not.  Perl supports defunct operating systems, buggy
                        operating systems, commercial operating systems, and poorly marketed
                        operating systems.  It would be inappropropriate to drop SCO just
                        because it happens to be all of the above.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Kurt Starsinic</author>
                    <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/advocacy%40perl.org/msg01815.html">advocacy@perl.org Email</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perlcafe-climbing-for-the-apocalypse">
            <meta>
                <title>Climbing for the Apocalypse on #perlcafe</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">Lynx_: you do seem to do a lot of climbing</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">Lynx_: you'll have the last laugh when the apocalypse comes</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">you'll be physically fit</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">climbing over the mountains of sulfurous ash</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">bounding over rivers of lava</saying>
                    <saying who="Lynx_">sounds great</saying>
                    <saying who="Lynx_">but what will i eat?</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">those who didn't bother to practice climbing</saying>
                    <saying who="Lynx_">eww</saying>
                    <saying who="Lynx_">those will be all fatty</saying>
                    <saying who="Lynx_">but maybe sulfurous ash is not so bad with some salt</saying>
                    <saying who="jkauffman">perhaps</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Climbing for the Apocalypse</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-soviet-russia-kill-kitten">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: "In Soviet Russia…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, god masturbates
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        GyroTech on <a href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=195378&amp;cid=16009070">a Slashdot comment</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>GyroTech</author>
                    <work href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=195378&amp;cid=16009070">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perlcafe-wrote-this-much-code">
            <meta>
                <title>"I Wrote This Much Code" on Freenode's #perlcafe</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="jagerman">dooky: A coworker used to like to say things like "I wrote this much code" while holding his hands a couple feet apart</saying>
                    <saying who="mofino">hahaha</saying>
                    <saying who="jagerman">Once I asked him "At what font size?"</saying>
                    <saying who="mofino">+30</saying>
                    <saying who="q[ender]">hahah</saying>
                    <saying who="jagerman">He never said it any more</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>"I Wrote This Much Code"</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-dealing-with-rms-vim-attitude">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Dealing with RMS's Vim Attitude</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Recently, Richard Stallman gave a speech in which he illustrated an academic
                        point about programming history by quoting a guy who described vi as 'an editor
                        spread at sword-point and which is really hard to use'.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I think I speak for all moderate vi(m) users when I say -- DEATH and DAMNATION
                        (in that order) to this Cardinal of the CTRL key! Needless to say my own local
                        vim user group has dispatched assassins to kill Mr. Stallman, but this is
                        hardly the end of the story. The fact is that a man has referred to another man
                        who in turn expressed some often-voiced reservations about OUR EDITOR! On
                        behalf of all editors of text everywhere, I implore EMACS users to return to
                        the true path, lest you be burned at the stake and then go to hell, the Buffer
                        From Which There Is No Unloading. We'll see how productive you are then, with
                        your ctrl-meta-alt and your ELISP and your 'ring buffer', whatever THAT is.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Peace and love to all.<br/>
                        ^C<br/>
                        ^X<br/>
                        quit<br/>
                        q<br/>
                        QUIT<br/>
                        exit :exit<br/>
                        zz<br/>
                        ZZ
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        kahei on
                        <a href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=196931&amp;cid=16136657">Slashdot</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>kahei</author>
                    <work href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=196931&amp;cid=16136657">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-debugging-my-own-machines">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus: "debugging my own machines"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The thing is, I don't actually enjoy debugging my own machines. I _much_
                        prefer having other people debug _their_ machines, and fixing my machine
                        in the process. So I didn't want just something that worked on the Mac
                        Mini, I wanted something that works _universally_, so that hopefully
                        people who are even crazier than me will waste _their_ time trying to get
                        these machines working.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Linus Torvalds in <a href="http://lwn.net/Articles/188123/">an Email message</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/188123/">Email Message</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-iran-first-they-came-for">
            <meta>
                <title>Slasdhot: Iran: "First they came for"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Re:Silly Iranians… ALWAYS!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        First, they came for the newspapers, and I did nothing because the Farsi Side
                        comic was just re-prints now.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Next, they came for the books, and I looked the other way because the Death to
                        America Book of the Month Club was only recommending books to burn anyway.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Then, they came for the Satellite Dishes, and I said nothing because I still
                        had a year left on my Infidelphia Cable contract.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Finally, they came for my Internet Service, and no one was left
                        to hear my ululation!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        patrixmyth on
                        <a href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=201413&amp;cid=16490111">Slashdot</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>patrixmyth</author>
                    <work href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=201413&amp;cid=16490111">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-not-always-change-my-mind">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: "I Won't Always Change my Mind"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I don't guarantee that I always change my mind, but I _can_ guarantee that if
                        most of the people I trust tell me I'm a dick-head, I'll at least give it a
                        passing thought.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        [ Chorus: "You're a dick-head, Linus" ]
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Linus Torvalds in
                        <a href="http://lwn.net/Articles/201440/">an E-mail message</a>.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/201440/">Email Message</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="amazon-review-of-the-oed">
            <meta>
                <title>Review of the Oxford English Dictionary</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Review of the Oxford English Dictionary on Amazon.com:
                    </p>

                    <p>[One Star] </p>

                    <p>"an epic work that has trouble holding the interest"</p>

                    <p>By: a customer</p>

                    <p>
                        I'm at the ABs, and I still can't get a grip on the plot. Characters enter, are
                        introduced in exhausting detail -- and then disappear again! Very frustrating.
                        The only time an old character shows up again is in another's history! A lot
                        like _A Dance to the Music of Time_, I suppose.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Perhaps things will become clearer when we meet Oxford, English or Dictionary
                        -- clearly three key figures. Some kind of menage a trois?
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.amazon.com/Oxford-English-Dictionary-20-Set/dp/0198611862">Amazon.com: Oxford English Dictionary</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="neo-tech-selfishness">
            <meta>
                <title>Neo-Tech: Selfishness</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Although the contents of her book, The Virtue of Selfishness, are precisely
                        accurate and widely integrated, Ayn Rand committed an error by distorting the
                        word "selfishness" in fashioning a dramatic statement. The word "selfishness"
                        does have valuable, precise denotations of "an irrational, harmful disregard
                        for others". Rand could have strengthened her work by selecting accurate
                        wording such as rational self-growth. Instead, she unnecessarily bent and
                        undermined the precise, valuable meaning of selfishness. …As with
                        selflessness, selfishness is a form of immature, destructive, irrational
                        behavior -- a form of stupid behavior.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        <a href="http://www.neo-tech.com/neotech/advantages/advantage14.html">Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Frank R. Wallace</author>
                    <work href="http://www.neo-tech.com/neotech/advantages/advantage14.html">Neo-Tech Advantage No. 14 - "Self-Growth vs. Selfless View"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="alan-kay-on-cpp">
            <meta>
                <title>Alan Kay on C++</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in
                        mind.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Alan Kay (Attributed)
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Alan Kay</author>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-vb.net-and-java-func-call">
            <meta>
                <title>VB.NET and Java Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="ew73">VB.NET is all of the fun of enforced privacy OO with all of the power of BASIC.</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">java.sun.os.device.videocard.screen.pixel.dance.a.jig.and.turn.red('true')</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>VB.NET and Java</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="wildernesscat-extra-peculiar">
            <meta>
                <title>Wilderness Cat: Extra Peculiar</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Extra Peculiar
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Did you watch Uri Geller's show last night? He said that if anything
                        extraordinary happened at home during the show, people should phone in, or
                        report it at his website. During the entire show I was installing Hebrew
                        Windows XP for my mother-in-law, and something extraordinary did happen. The
                        operating system got installed, came up, ran without a glitch. Should I report
                        this to Uri?
                    </p>

                    <p>khatul's comment:</p>

                    <p>
                        Without a glitch, huh? Apparently you (and Uri) managed to install Linux from a
                        Windows XP installation CD. This is much more than telekinesis. It smells like
                        pure alien intervention. Report immediately!
                    </p>


                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>wildernesscat</author>
                    <work href="http://wildernesscat.livejournal.com/530346.html">wildernesscat : Extra Peculiar (Blog Entry)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-rare-perfect-kernels">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: Rare "Perfect" Kernels</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        It's one of those rare "perfect" kernels. So if it doesn't
                        happen to compile with your config (or it does compile, but then does
                        unspeakable acts of perversion with your pet dachshund), you can rest easy
                        knowing that it's all your own d*mn fault, and you should just fix your
                        evil ways.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        You could send me and the kernel mailing list a note about it anyway, of
                        course. (And perhaps pictures, if your dachshund is involved. Not that
                        we'd be interested, of course. No. Just so that we'd know to avoid it next
                        time).
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Linus Torvalds announcing the 2.6.19 Linux kernel.<br />
                        <a href="http://lwn.net/Articles/211904/">Email message</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/211904/">Email Message</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-not-comparable">
            <meta>
                <title>"Not comparable" on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="castoff">merlyn: is it true that array itteration is better performance wise than hash itteration?</saying>
                    <me_is who="avar">would guess that array iter is faster than hash iter</me_is>
                    <saying who="merlyn">what is "hash iter"?</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">with "each()"?</saying>
                    <saying who="castoff">foreach key…</saying>
                    <saying who="avar">yeah, or keys</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">I don't see those as comparable</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">when you have a hash, and you need to iterate, you do.</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">when you have an array, and you need to iterate, you do</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">what is there to choose between?</saying>
                    <saying who="castoff">the hash has no real value stored other than the key so i converted to arrays</saying>
                    <saying who="avar">merlyn: you can compare the speed of the two operations</saying>
                    <saying who="avar">well duh</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">Why would you compare the speed of unrelated events?</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">"let's time baking this bread compared to driving to seattle"</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">it's pointless</saying>
                    <saying who="ides">merlyn: heh, yes, but I think it would make a funny performance comparison article! :)</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">"always optimize for baking bread!"</saying>
                    <me_is who="avar">eats merlyn</me_is>
                    <saying who="ides">merlyn: I was thinking more along the lines of "Performance comparison on Perl vs RoR vs Ice Fishing"</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">"I repeated baking bread 5000 times to get the average"</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">"It took me six years"</saying>
                    <saying who="ides">merlyn: too bad there isn't a Benchmark module for my oven…</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">Ovenmark</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Not comparable</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-jokes-about-particle-physics">
            <meta>
                <title>Jokes about Particle Physics on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">Two atoms are walking down the street when one of them says "I think I've lost an electron." The second one says "are you sure?", to which the first one replies "Yes, I'm positive".</saying>
                    <saying who="mpeg4codec">So officer Schroedinger pulls over this quantum particle and he says ``Do you know how fast you were going?''</saying>
                    <saying who="mpeg4codec">the particle says, ``No, but I know exactly where I am.''</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">everybody has heard of Schroedinger's cat experiment</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">but very few people know that Schroedinger hated cats</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">with a passion</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">and actually experimented on them</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">he even owned a set of cat-fur gloves</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">cats mysteriously disappeared around Schroedinger's laboratory</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">and there was no Chinese restaurant close by to explain the disappearances</saying>
                    <saying who="mpeg4codec">Schroedinger's cat: wanted dead AND alive</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Jokes about Particle Physics</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="shachar-shemesh-tel-aviv-def">
            <meta>
                <title>Tel Aviv - a functional definition</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Tel Aviv - a functional definition:
                    </p>
                    <p>
                        Free parking space free space.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Shachar Shemesh<br/>
                        <a href="http://blog.shemesh.biz/?p=435">Blog Post</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Shachar Shemesh</author>
                    <work href="http://blog.shemesh.biz/?p=435">"Tel Aviv - a Functional Definition" (Blog Post)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-finding-someone-to-blame">
            <meta>
                <title>Always find someone to blame on Freenode's #perl.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="Botje">tecloSolaris: that's an irssi script. you can't run it outside irssi.</saying>
                    <saying who="tecloSolaris">but it fails in irssi</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">why does it fail?</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">it fails because of its parents!</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">I blame its parents</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">It fails because of society.</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">it fails as a fundamental shortcoming of Perl</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">it fails at succeeding</saying>
                    <saying who="Teratogen">I blame society!</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">I blame Teratogen's society.</saying>
                    <saying who="merlyn">I'll blame the blamer</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Always find someone to blame</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-superbowl-sunday">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: Releasing Kernel 2.6.20 on Superbowl Sunday</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        In a widely anticipated move, Linux "headcase" Torvalds today announced
                        the immediate availability of the most advanced Linux kernel to date,
                        version 2.6.20.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Before downloading the actual new kernel, most avid kernel hackers have
                        been involved in a 2-hour pre-kernel-compilation count-down, with some
                        even spending the preceding week doing typing exercises and reciting PI
                        to a thousand decimal places.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        The half-time entertainment is provided by randomly inserted trivial
                        syntax errors that nerds are expected to fix at home before completing
                        the compile, but most people actually seem to mostly enjoy watching the
                        compile warnings, sponsored by Anheuser-Busch, scroll past.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        As ICD head analyst Walter Dickweed put it: "Releasing a new kernel on
                        Superbowl Sunday means that the important 'pasty white nerd'
                        constituency finally has something to do while the rest of the country
                        sits comatose in front of their 65" plasma screens".
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Walter was immediately attacked for his racist and insensitive remarks
                        by Geeks without Borders representative Marilyn vos Savant, who pointed
                        out that not all of their members are either pasty nor white.  "Some of
                        them even shower!" she added, claiming that the constant stereotyping
                        hurts nerds' standing in society.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Geeks outside the US were just confused about the whole issue, and were
                        heard wondering what the big hoopla was all about. Some of the more
                        culturally aware of them were heard snickering about balls that weren't
                        even round.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        -- Linus Torvalds announcing kernel 2.6.20 ( http://lwn.net/Articles/220544/ )
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/220544/">Announcement of Kernel 2.6.20</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sesquipedallian-def">
            <meta>
                <title>Sesquipedallianism</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Sesquipedallianism:</p>

                    <p>Making excessive use of long words.</p>

                    <p>http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sesquipedallian</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sesquipedallian">Definition
                        for Sesquipedallian</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-TimToady-lament">
            <meta>
                <title>TimToady's Lament</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="TimToady">TimToady's Lament: The pain in reign falls mainly in the 'splain. --</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl6</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>TimToady's Lament</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-spanish-inquisition-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: The Spanish Inquisition</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        You fool. Why did you tell him the Spanish Inquisition is coming. Now he's
                        going to expect it.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        niconorsk on a
                        <a href="http://politics.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=224312&amp;cid=18164404">Slashdot Comment</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>niconorsk</author>
                    <work href="http://politics.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=224312&amp;cid=18164404">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="beowulf-cluster-of-386s">
            <meta>
                <title>Cluster of 386s</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>From the Beowulf Cluster FAQ:</p>

                    <p>
                        11. Should I build a cluster of these 100 386s? [1999-05-13]
                    </p>


                    <p>
                        If it's OK with you that it'll be slower than a single Celeron-333
                        machine, sure.  Great way to learn.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.canonical.org/~kragen/beowulf-faq.txt">Beowulf mailing list FAQ</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-x-installs-y">
            <meta>
                <title>Are you being installed in FreeNode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <me_is who="f00li5h">installs q-mail</me_is>
                    <me_is who="dazjorz">installs f00li5h</me_is>
                    <me_is who="Zaba">installs dazjorz</me_is>
                    <saying who="jeeger">qmail installs f00li5h</saying>
                    <saying who="jeeger">In soviet russia …</saying>
                    <saying who="jeeger">Software installs YOU!</saying>
                    <me_is who="dazjorz">rm -rf zaba</me_is>
                    <me_is who="f00li5h">is in Soviet Australia</me_is>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Are you being installed?</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-losing-my-abstraction">
            <meta>
                <title>Losing my Abstraction</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>That's me in the corner.<br/>
                        That's me in the spotlight.<br/>
                        Losing my abstraction.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Trying to keep my point of view…<br/>
                        And I don't know if I can do it.<br/>
                        Oh no, I code too much.<br/>
                        Haven't debugged enough.<br/>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Is that why I heard you laughing?<br/>
                        I thought that I heard you ping.<br/>
                        I think I thought I saw you reply.<br/>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Andy Armstrong and Randal L. Schwartz</author>
                    <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2007/05/msg5435.html">Perl module-authors post</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-memorial-day-sql-dbs">
            <meta>
                <title>Memorial Day Weekend and SQL Databases</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Slashdot Comment on Reasons to or not to use MySQL:
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        A nice flame war. I'm just going to sit back, crack a beer and enjoy it.
                        It is almost memorial day weekend, you know. Hopefully it get hot enough
                        in here to roast a hot dog.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Oh goody! I'll help get things going:
                    </p>

                    <ul>
                        <li>
                            * MySQL users will have to wait until you are done with the fire before they
                            can roast their hot dogs, since MySQL is not a real database and does not
                            support concurrent roasting;
                        </li>

                        <li>
                            * I've read the PostgreSQL manual eight times and still can't figure out
                            something as bloody simple as roasting a hot dog, though I did figure out I
                            have to call VACUUM before I can apply ketchup;
                        </li>

                        <li>
                            * Serious enterprises who care about their hot dogs use Oracle, since you can
                            roast over 10,000 dogs at once and optionally impart the taste of filet mignon;
                        </li>
                        <li>
                            * If you try to roast a footlong hotdog using MySQL it will silently truncate
                            it to regular size, causing your child to cry;
                        </li>

                        <li>
                            * Oracle will sue you if you complain about the difficulty of
                            starting your fire or the blackened taste of the dogs;
                        </li>

                        <li>
                            * With SQLite your hot dogs are pre-roasted;
                        </li>

                        <li>
                            * Last year on Memorial Day, mysqld leapt out of my MacBook Pro and pushed my
                            cousin into the fire, resulting in third degree burns. And also it causes
                            cancer. And terrorism. Blindness. Violent puppy death. BOO! MYSQL IS SCARY
                            DON'T USE MYSQL!!
                        </li>
                    </ul>

                    <p>
                        http://developers.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=236249&amp;cid=19275875
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://developers.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=236249&amp;cid=19275875">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="dailywtf-calculator-2.0">
            <meta>
                <title>DailyWTF: Calculator 2.0</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Max Rabkin's description for his entry is better than anything I could come up
                        with:</p>

                    <p>
                        "Calculator 2.0 is an enterprise-level client-side numerical productivity suite.
                        It leverages proven technologies to provide a clear and user-friendly interface
                        to a rich set of efficient and powerful components. It is powered by an XML
                        database."
                    </p>


                    <p>
                        <a href="http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/OMGWTF-Highlights-2-Misc.aspx">OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/OMGWTF-Highlights-2-Misc.aspx">OMGWTF Highlights #2: Misc. (The Daily WTF)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-dual-core-and-ms">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Dual Core and Microsoft</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I think this is the idea behind dual core: 1 core belongs to microsoft, 1 core
                        for you.</p>

                    <p>
                        -- sucati on <a href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=244291&amp;cid=19718695">a Slashdot comment</a>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        No. All your core are belong to us.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        -- geobeck <a href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=244291&amp;cid=19722737">in response</a>.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=244291&amp;cid=19722737">Slashdot Comments</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="eye-have-a-spelling-chequer">
            <meta>
                <title>"Eye have a Spelling Chequer"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Eye have a spelling chequer<br/>
                        It came with my pea sea<br/>
                        It plainly marques four my revue<br/>
                        Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.<br/>
                        Eye strike a key and type a word<br/>
                        And weight four it two say<br/>
                        Weather eye am wrong oar write.<br/>
                        It shows me strait a weigh.<br/>
                        As soon as a mist ache is maid<br/>
                        It nose bee fore two long<br/>
                        and eye can put the error rite.<br/>
                        Its rare lea ever wrong.<br/>
                        Eye have run this poem threw it<br/>
                        I am shore your pleased two no<br/>
                        Its letter perfect awl the weigh<br/>
                        My chequer tolled me sew.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com/jokes-spellingchequer.html">Spell Chequer</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-linus-and-bill-gates">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Linus and Bill Gates</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Oh no, here we go again..</p>

                    <p>"Linus just made the kernel; it's irritating when he gets credit for Linux"</p>

                    <p>
                        "Yeah, but at least he made the Kernel -- Gates just made the Basic compiler"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "That's news to me - have you ever heard of this guy called Paul Allen?"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "Doesn't matter - personally I think the Linux kernel isn't all that - I use
                        BSD"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "Screw Linus -- he was wrong about Bitkeeper and Tivo so he's wrong about MS &amp;
                        Novell"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "Yeah, well at least he's not a convicted monopolist"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "Yeah, until M$ stops treating me like a criminal I refuse to buy their
                        software"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Also insert random quotes and mis-quotes such as:
                        "When Microsoft writes an application for Linux, I've Won." - Linus Torvalds
                        "640kb ought to be enough for everybody" - Bill Gates
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        That about cover it? Can we have a non-childish discussion now? If there's any
                        other slime to be thrown, just reply to this post -- let's keep the forum clean
                        for an actual discussion.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        <a href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=267393&amp;cid=20200075">Slashdot comment</a>
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>dhavleak</author>
                    <work href="http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=267393&amp;cid=20200075">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl6-free-karma">
            <meta>
                <title>Free Karma on Freenode's #perl6.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="masak">this definitely gives a more solid feel for kp6</saying>
                    <saying who="masak">kudos to whomever set exp_evalbot up!</saying>
                    <saying who="moritz_">masak: that was me ;)</saying>
                    <saying who="masak">moritz_: kudos</saying>
                    <saying who="masak">moritz_++</saying>
                    <saying who="spinclad">moritz_++</saying>
                    <saying who="fglock">moritz++ :)</saying>
                    <saying who="masak">moritz_++ # the best thing about karma is that it's free</saying>
                    <saying who="masak">moritz++ # oh right</saying>
                    <saying who="moritz_">thanks</saying>
                    <saying who="moritz_">"karma is like software - it's better when it's free" ;-)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl6</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Free Karma</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-getting-rich-easily">
            <meta>
                <title>Getting rich easily on Freenode's #perl.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="talexb">Wow, I've won 4M pounds sterling, and all I have to do is contact someone in Zambia for more information. What could possibly go wrong?</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">talexb: heh.</saying>
                    <saying who="jagerman">Wait, I thought *I* won that.</saying>
                    <saying who="talexb">rindolf, Can't believe people still fall for that line ..</saying>
                    <saying who="fwiles">damn, wish I would win something… I just seem to be pre-approved for about $13 billion worth of home loans</saying>
                    <saying who="talexb">Oops, sorry jagerman .. I'm already faxing this lady my Power of Attorney!!!</saying>
                    <saying who="talexb">fwiiles, Oh, that'll buy you a nice semi in Toronto.</saying>
                    <saying who="jagerman">talexb: Oh, I'm way ahead of you then. I'm flying there to meet with "government officials."</saying>
                    <saying who="jagerman">I'm paying for it myself, of course, since I'll be rich once they transfer the money to me.</saying>
                    <saying who="talexb">jagerman, Rats! Hey, I know a couple of lawyers if you need 'em .. very trustworthy, share some office space with some barbers.</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Getting Rich Easily</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="neo-tech-all-the-destruction-for-what">
            <meta>
                <title>Neo-Tech: All the Destruction for What?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Poetical sing-song or hypnotically rhythmic meter are often found in the
                        rhetoric of dictators, evangelists, sibyls, politicians, theologians,
                        mountebanks, social "intellectuals", media men, medicine men, hallucinating
                        psychotics, chanting shiites, and screaming terrorists. Consider how millions
                        of normally rational Germans thrilled and responded to the poetical cadence and
                        charisma of the consummate altruist neocheater, Adolph Hitler. The results: a
                        reign of destruction with tens of millions of human beings slaughtered so one
                        impotent man could indulge his mysticism to feel unearned power. All that
                        slaughter was for nothing more than to let one neocheater feel a pseudo
                        self-esteem. …Twenty million dead so one pip-squeak could feel big and
                        important.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "So what!" cry the mystics as the lifetime efforts of a thousand productive,
                        innocent individuals are blown to bits every day without a backward glance. So
                        what if the troops roll across the country with military cadence and guns
                        ablaze. So what if they level town after town, reducing to rubble and corpses
                        all the values, beauty, and life that took generations of productive effort to
                        build.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        And that is all the chanting religious automatons or splendid Panzer divisions
                        know how to do -- to destroy in a moment, without a thought, all the values
                        that producers labored for lifetimes to build. Chanting mobs or marching troops
                        never glance back, never think for a moment of the death and destruction they
                        leave behind. So what! the mystics and neocheaters cry. So what if genocide
                        happens in Russia, Nazi Germany, Cuba, Cambodia, Red China, or in our land. "I
                        don't want to hear it! To hell with the lifetime efforts of productive
                        individuals! …Save the snail darter!"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Frank R. Wallace</author>
                    <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/n-t-/neo-tech/Neo-Tech/advantage104.html">Neo-Tech Advantage No. 104</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-microsoft-fonts">
            <meta>
                <title>Fonts and Microsoft</title>
            </meta>
            <raw>
                <body>
                    <text><![CDATA[> > > Ah, understood.  I was stuck with Outlook at my last job, and it was
> > > impossible to get it to quote a message in a way that you could
> > > actually reply to things point by point.  It seemed optimized for
> > > sending a message to every person in the company and making all of
> > > your text blue.  What a fucking joke.
> >
> > If it's a joke you should use Comic Sans so everyone /knows/ it's
> > funny.
>
> No no, Comic Sans is for presentations to the shareholders!

Somebody who is presenting to shareholders knows how to change the
default font?

Weird…
]]></text>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Jonathan Rockway, Andy Armstrong, Jonathan Rockway, and Adrian Howard</author>
                    <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2007/10/msg5907.html">Perl Module Authors Post</work>
                </info>
            </raw>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-1-out-of-10-lawyers">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: 1 out of 10 Lawyers</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Geez…get any 10 lawyers together, one will be a real
                        decent person, the other nine will be total asshats.
                    </p>

                    <p> <a
                            href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=332831&amp;cid=21033847">Slashdot
                            Comment</a> </p>

                    <p> It just appears that way because it's logarithmic. 100
                        lawyers will net you 2 good ones, 1000 lawyers 3 good
                        ones and so forth.  </p>

                    <p> <a
                            href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=332831&amp;cid=21035649">Slashdot
                            comment</a> </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=332831&amp;cid=21035649">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="liedra-what-would-jesus-do">
            <meta>
                <title>What would Jesus do?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        What *would* Jesus do?
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Oh my god.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/news/National/What-would-Jesus-do/2005/05/25/1116950760739.html">http://xrl.us/7j6w</a>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        "They felt Jesus would not have approved of copyright breaches."
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Jesus, you da man! Stick it to those kids!
                    </p>

                    <p> You might be interested to note that the students had
                        studied "Exodus 20:15 - you shall not steal" which
                        comes a little way before Jesus anyway. Wasn't the
                        whole point of Jesus coming to make the "new
                        commandment" that people "love one another as I have
                        loved you" and to annul the previous commandments that
                        were given to Moses? I was raised Christian and was
                        Christian for a long time but now am not, but I can't
                        quite remember the specifics of this point.  </p>

                    <p> Anyway, the point is that Jesus probably would have
                        told them to stick Exodus to the man and just get on
                        with the lovin'. Or something.  </p>

                    <p>
                        liedra in <a href="http://liedra.livejournal.com/21176.html">a blog post</a>.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>liedra</author>
                    <work href="http://liedra.livejournal.com/21176.html">Blog Post</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-geeky-your-momma-so-fat">
            <meta>
                <title>Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="LeoNerd">defc0n-: Make sure to use a nice tight knot, so your joined thread doesn't fall apart</saying>
                    <saying who="Somni">thread jokes, how droll</saying>
                    <me_is who="LeoNerd">grins "I have a whole stack of them waiting here.."</me_is>
                    <saying who="defc0n-">C jokes are worse, a la if (malloc(sizeof(yourmom_t)) == NULL) printf("error: mom too fat\n");</saying>
                    <saying who="idiotben">joke? hell thats good logic! =P Your</saying>
                    <saying who="idiotben">Your momma so fat, the bitch needs PAE to fit in memory w/o using up swap</saying>
                    <saying who="idiotben">yo momma so fat, your dad has to run RHEL4's "hugemem" kernel</saying>
                    <saying who="idiotben">your mom is sooooo fat! everyone she comes in contact with has a buffer overflow!</saying>
                    <saying who="LeoNerd">… she needs 64k cluster size?</saying>
                    <saying who="LeoNerd">(going for a combined fat/FAT joke there)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Geeky "Your Momma's So Fat" Jokes</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-managed-cpp">
            <meta>
                <title>use.perl.org - Managed C++</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>
                        Michael Frame:
                    </p>

                    <blockquote>
                        <p>Managed C++… there’s a pile of hate. Let’s take all
                            the complexity and bad design in C++, and throw away
                            the speed and efficiency by compiling it to .NET
                            interpreted pseudocode instead. Microsoft has such
                            great ideas when it comes to languages.</p>
                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        To which in reply, Yossi Kreinin:
                    </p>

                    <blockquote>

                        <p> What’s there not to like with C++/CLI? You
                            can have macros expanding to templates from which
                            generics are generated, and then have classes
                            generated from the generics. And these classes can
                            have a close function and two destructors, and hold
                            references to unmanaged pointers to managed
                            pointers!  With C++, you only have duplicate
                            features, but with C++/CLI, you can finally have
                            triplicate ones! You see, this is a language for an
                            expert. Experts love having 3 different ways to do
                            things, each broken in its own way.  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~Aristotle/journal/34740">use.perl.org Blog Post</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-windows-desktop-search">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Windows Desktop Search</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>I think you'll find that the [Windows] Desktop Search is
                        completely inseparable from the desktop and that the
                        latter would be rendered completely useless if it is
                        uninstalled. Just like IE is.</p>

                    <p>
                        speaker of the truth in
                        http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=339585&amp;threshold=0&amp;commentsort=0&amp;mode=thread&amp;cid=21112043
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>speaker of the truth</author>
                    <work href="http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=339585&amp;threshold=0&amp;commentsort=0&amp;mode=thread&amp;cid=21112043">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="asr-mouse-device">
            <meta>
                <title>A mouse is a device</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> A mouse is a device used to point at the xterm you want
                        to type in.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown</author>
                    <work href="http://groups.google.com/group/alt.sysadmin.recovery">alt.sysadmin.recovery</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="write-an-mlm-from-scratch">
            <meta>
                <title>Writing a Mailing List Manager from Scratch</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Apart from the fact that I congratulate you for writing
                        bugless software without peer review, I also
                        congratulate you for being able to write a fully RFC
                        compliant MLM that won't blow up when you receive input
                        you didn't account for.  </p>

                    <p> Quite frankly, even a crappy sysadmin can get a
                        reasonable mailman setup working (including nice
                        archiving), quicker than the best coder can rewrite a
                        full MLM from scratch.  And you still have time left
                        over to modify/fix/improve mailman to do the few things
                        it didn't do quite right for you.  </p>

                    <p> But if your attitude to coding is "I'd rather rewrite
                        all this than soiling my eyes and hands looking at
                        someone else's code", that's not a very good way to get
                        hired anywhere as a coder, and even if you are super
                        brilliant, you end up being a DJB that people snicker
                        at with "that guy thinks he's so bright that he had to
                        write his own libc" (instead of fixing/wrapping the few
                        problematic pieces of them, and in the case of
                        reasonable maintainers, contributing the code back).
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Marc Merlin</author>
                    <work href="http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-October/012251.html">linux-elitists blog post</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="spaceballs">
            <meta>
                <title>"Not doing it for money"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> We're not doing it for money…We're doing it for a
                        shitload of money!  </p>

                    <p>Excerpt from Spaceballs</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Mel Brooks</author>
                    <work href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094012/">Spaceballs</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-something-on-something">
            <meta>
                <title>"%s on %s" on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="asarch">Is there any web application framework for Perl? Something ala Ruby on Rails</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">asarch: Jifty and Catalyst and lots more!</saying>
                    <saying who="archon-">asarch: catalyst</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">for example CGI::Application.</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">asarch: Perl on Pontoons.</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">Jifty is closer to Rails than Catalyst is</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">Catalyst is like Lego, Jifty is like that not-Lego stuff that sucks :-)</saying>
                    <saying who="asarch">Thanks Yaakov</saying>
                    <saying who="asarch">Let me see…</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">I WAS LYING</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">THERE ARE NO PONTOONS</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">Why can't you just use Rails? Too slow? Too crap?</saying>
                    <saying who="asarch">lol :-D</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">Ruby on Rails will always seem like Ruby on Crack to me, thanks to that promotional video…</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">Haskell on Highways</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">Logo on Logs</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">PHP on PCP</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">BCPL on Boats</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">They should bring back BCPL</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">JCL on Jets</saying>
                    <saying who="anno-">cobol on cobbles</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">Algol on Airplanes</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">Snobol on Snowmobiles</saying>
                    <saying who="Yaakov">Ada on Armored Transports</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>%s on %s</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-perl-on-rails">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Slasdhot Response to "BBC Creates 'Perl on Rails'":
                    </p>

                    <p> This is proof that there is a conspiracy to make up
                        absurd programming shenanigans to sell overpriced door
                        stoppers! Coming soon… </p>

                    <ul>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails for Dummies"</li>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails for Idiots"</li>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails Bible"</li>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails in 24 Hours"</li>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails in a Nutshell"</li>
                        <li>"Perl on Rails: The Missing Manual"</li>
                    </ul>

                    <p>
                        …at a bookstore near you to burn a hole in your wallet!
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>creimer</author>
                    <work href="http://developers.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=376757&amp;cid=21544637">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-worse-is-better">
            <meta>
                <title>"Worse is Better" (Larry Wall)</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Among the generalists, the conventional wisdom is that
                        the worse-is-better approach is more adaptive.
                        Personally, I get a little tired of the argument: My
                        worse-is-better is better than your worse-is-better
                        because I'm better at being worser! Is it really true
                        that the worse-is-better approach always wins? With
                        Perl 6 we're trying to sneak one better-is-better cycle
                        in there and hope to come out ahead before reverting to
                        the tried and true worse-is-better approach.  Whether
                        that works, only time will tell.  </p>

                    <p>
                        Larry Wall in "State of the Onion 11"<br/>
                        http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html?page=3
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html?page=3">State of the Onion 11</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-too-many-cooks">
            <meta>
                <title>Too many Freenode #perl cooks.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="ew73">I have discovered another benefit to the unemployed status!</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">I can cook whenever I want.</saying>
                    <saying who="sili">ew73: cooking with… imagination?</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">sili: I'm actually quite good at teh cookingz.</saying>
                    <saying who="sili">ew73: ARE YOU GOOD PROGRAMMAR 2/</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">no :(</saying>
                    <saying who="sili">I guess that explains why you're unemployed :p</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">That was mean!</saying>
                    <saying who="sili">it's not like I stole your bike</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">That also would be mean.</saying>
                    <saying who="phroggy">good cooking impresses the ladies a lot more than good programming.</saying>
                    <saying who="utopia_">depends on the lady</saying>
                    <saying who="phroggy">(any present female company excepted, of course)</saying>
                    <saying who="jdv79">phroggy: except when you don't have any money</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">phroggy: But imagine, a good cook AND a good programmer.</saying>
                    <saying who="sili">I can cook some stuff.</saying>
                    <saying who="phroggy">jdv79: yeah, that nixes the deal. I have that problem too.</saying>
                    <saying who="jdv79">its a start</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">"Here's my recipie for mushroom stir-fry. And HERE's the source for my nutritional database system."</saying>
                    <saying who="phroggy">haha</saying>
                    <saying who="jim">ew73: so when you load the data model, do you get the recipe free?</saying>
                    <saying who="ew73">jim: Geek.</saying>
                    <me_is who="jim">looks around…</me_is>
                    <saying who="jim">like yer any different :)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Too many Freenode #perl cooks.</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-security-by-perl-deprivation">
            <meta>
                <title>Security by perl-deprivation on Freenode's #perl.</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <joins who="FilipeMendes">has joined #perl</joins>
                    <saying who="FilipeMendes">any way to avoid having users running perl? I need specify who can or who can not</saying>
                    <saying who="dondelelcaro">FilipeMendes: uh… why?</saying>
                    <saying who="FilipeMendes">security purposes</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">haha</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">chmod 0 /usr/bin/perl</saying>
                    <saying who="dondelelcaro">question repeated, with more emphasis and incredulity</saying>
                    <saying who="FilipeMendes">i want specify some users</saying>
                    <saying who="Caelum">FilipeMendes: why would you not want users running perl?</saying>
                    <saying who="FilipeMendes">chmod wouldnt be useful</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">FilipeMendes: chmod 750 /usr/bin/perl; chgrp leet /usr/bin/perl; and put the leet people in that group ?</saying>
                    <saying who="FilipeMendes">hmmm</saying>
                    <saying who="dondelelcaro">you realize that any user who wants can just stick their own perl executable there?</saying>
                    <saying who="go|dfish">FilipeMendes: ACL , maybe.</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">also your system scripts might rely on it</saying>
                    <saying who="dondelelcaro">(and probably all of the users actually end up using perl?)</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">modify the perl code to have it exit based on checking a uid whitelist. :)</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">change the name to something obscure only the cool people know</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">_perl</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">realize that removing tools does not remove abilities and give up</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">the _ means it's private!</saying>
                    <saying who="dkr">mauke: :D</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Security by perl-deprivation</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-twenty-years-ago-today">
            <meta>
                <title>"It was 20 years ago today…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        It was 20 years ago today<br/>
                        Larry Wall taught some text to play<br/>
                        It's been going in &amp; out of style<br/>
                        But it's stuck around for quite a while()<br/>
                        So may I introduce to you<br/>
                        The tool you've loved for all these years<br/>
                        Larry's Practical Extract &amp; Report Laaaanguage<br/>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        It's Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang<br/>
                        5.10 still has some bugs to fix<br/>
                        Larry's Practical Extract Report Lang<br/>
                        Don't ask for a date for version 6…<br/>
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        http://perlbuzz.com/2007/12/it-was-twenty-years-ago-today.html<br />
                        on Perl's 20th Birthday
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Andy Lester</author>
                    <work href="http://perlbuzz.com/2007/12/it-was-twenty-years-ago-today.html">Perl's 20th Birthday</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-the-purpose-of-holidays">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: The Purpose of Holidays</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The regression list keeps shrinking, so we're still on track for a full
                        2.6.24 release in early January. Assuming we don't all overeat during the
                        holidays and nobody gets any work done. But we all know that the holidays
                        are really the time when we get away from the boring "real work", and can
                        spend 24/7 on kernel hacking instead, right?
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Here's to a merry christmas, doing the whole druidic festival around the
                        tree thing.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Linus Torvalds announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6<br />
                        http://lwn.net/Articles/262978/
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/262978/">Announcing Linux Kernel prepatch 2.6.24-rc6</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="reddit-counter-quoting-jamie-zawinski">
            <meta>
                <title>Counter-qouting Jamie Zawinski</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <blockquote>

                        <p>Some people, when confronted with a problem, think
                            "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they
                            have two problems.</p>

                        <p>
                            --Jamie Zawinski, in comp.lang.emacs
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        — OMouse in http://programming.reddit.com/info/1awnv/comments/c1axk7
                    </p>

                    <blockquote>
                        <p> Some people, when confronted with regular expressions,
                            always think "I know, I'll paste that Jamie Zawinski
                            quote, and people will think I'm clever!" </p>

                        <p>These people have a problem.
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        — dmd in http://programming.reddit.com/info/1awnv/comments/c1axqc
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>dmd</author>
                    <work href="http://programming.reddit.com/info/1awnv/comments/c1axqc">Reddit Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-thinking-outside-the-box">
            <meta>
                <title>Boxing on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="BinGOs">mst: doh.</saying>
                    <saying who="BinGOs">mst++ # thinking outside the box.</saying>
                    <saying who="dwu">mst++ # utterly destroying the box.</saying>
                    <saying who="Daveman">SELL THE BOX!</saying>
                    <saying who="dwu">CAPITALIST PIG!</saying>
                    <saying who="Daveman">:D</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Boxing</tagline>
                </info>

            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="djb-on-cmd-interfaces">
            <meta>
                <title>DJB on Command Interfaces</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I have discovered that there are two types of command interfaces in the world
                        of computing: good interfaces and user interfaces.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB) in http://cr.yp.to/qmail/guarantee.html
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Daniel J. Bernstein (DJB</author>
                    <work href="http://cr.yp.to/qmail/guarantee.html">"The qmail security guarantee"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-xeno-paradox">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Xeno's Paradox</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Xeno's paradox is easily disproved in three steps:
                    </p>

                    <ol>
                        <li>Get crossbow and bolt.</li>
                        <li>Aim crossbow at Xeno.</li>
                        <li>Fire.</li>
                    </ol>

                    <p>
                        If the bolt moves to Xeno, then it is proved that movement is possible. Also,
                        Xeno will be dead. Win win situation.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>HUADPE</author>
                    <work href="http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=411942&amp;cid=21968648">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-patch-fell">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: "The Patch Fell…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I bow down before you.</p>

                    <p>
                        I thought I had done some rather horrible things with gcc built-ins and
                        macros, but I hereby hand over my crown to you.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        As my daughter would say: that patch fell out of the ugly tree, and hit
                        every branch on the way down. Very impressive.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/266314/">Email</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="jerryleecooper-on-Windows-1">
            <meta>
                <title>jerryleecooper on Windows</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Are you saying that this linux can run on a computer without windows underneath
                        it, at all ? As in, without a boot disk, without any drivers, and without any
                        services ?
                    </p>


                    <p>
                        That sounds preposterous to me.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        If it were true (and I doubt it), then companies would be selling computers
                        without a windows. This clearly is not happening, so there must be some error
                        in your calculations. I hope you realise that windows is more than just Office
                        ? Its a whole system that runs the computer from start to finish, and that is a
                        very difficult thing to acheive. A lot of people dont realise this.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Microsoft just spent $9 billion and many years to create Vista, so it does not
                        sound reasonable that some new alternative could just snap into existence
                        overnight like that. It would take billions of dollars and a massive effort to
                        achieve. IBM tried, and spent a huge amount of money developing OS/2 but could
                        never keep up with Windows. Apple tried to create their own system for years,
                        but finally gave up recently and moved to Intel and Microsoft.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Its just not possible that a freeware like the Linux could be extended to the
                        point where it runs the entire computer fron start to finish, without using
                        some of the more critical parts of windows. Not possible.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I think you need to re-examine your assumptions.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>jerryleecooper</author>
                    <work href="http://talkback.zdnet.com/5208-12355-0.html?forumID=1&amp;threadID=31199&amp;messageID=579806&amp;start=43">Talkback on ZDNet</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-post-a-tired-joke">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Keep Modding up this Joke</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I mean really, after the first 6143569056076952107294386875907695350 times
                        maybe it was worthy of a chuckle, but to keep on modding up this joke suggests
                        some form of psychosis.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Wait, I'll put this in a way that you mods can understand:
                    </p>

                    <ol>
                        <li>go to slashdot</li>
                        <li>find a story</li>
                        <li>find a comment on that story</li>
                        <li>post a tired, old, lame-ass joke for the 9 billionth time</li>
                        <li>???????</li>
                        <li>GET MODDED UP! </li>
                    </ol>

                    <p>
                        Ok, I followed the silly meme, where's my +5 Funny?
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Anonymous Coward</author>
                    <work href="http://hardware.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=399904&amp;cid=21831406">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linux-genuine-advantage-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Linux Genuine Advantage #1</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Linux Genuine Advantage™ is an exciting and mandatory new way for you to place
                        your computer under the remote control of an untrusted third party!
                    </p>

                    <p>

                        According to an independent study conducted by some scientists, many users of
                        Linux are running non-Genuine versions of their operating system. This puts
                        them at the disadvantage of having their computers work normally, without
                        periodically phoning home unannounced to see if it's OK for their computer to
                        continue functioning. These users are also missing out on the Advantage of
                        paying ongoing licensing fees to ensure their computer keeps operating
                        properly.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        To remedy this, we have created a new program available as a required free
                        download: Linux Genuine Advantage™!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Finally! Linux users can experience a feature that until now remained the
                        exclusive domain of proprietary software.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Once you've installed Linux Genuine Advantage™, you'll want to register and
                        send in your licensing fees to receive these important benefits:
                    </p>

                    <ul>

                        <li>
                            Your computer, which worked just fine before, will continue functioning
                            normally!
                        </li>
                        <li>
                            Our software which you just installed will not disable logins on your
                            computer (as long as our license server keeps working properly)!
                        </li>
                        <li>
                            It's totally awesome!  We might not raise the yearly licensing fees in the
                            future!
                        </li>
                    </ul>

                    <p>
                        Plus, if you act now, we promise not to launch unfounded lawsuits against you,
                        slander you or our competitors in the press and the courts (possibly by using
                        other smaller companies as pawns), or require you to pay us for software you
                        won't use on every new computer you buy!
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/">Linux Genuine Advantage</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linux-genuine-advantage-2">
            <meta>
                <title>Linux Genuine Advantage #2</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Get the Linux Genuine Advantage!</p>

                    <p>
                        Did you wake up this morning and say "I wish someone would figure out a way to
                        let me do less with my computer"? You've come to the right place!
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/">Linux Genuine Advantage</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linux-genuine-advantage-news">
            <meta>
                <title>Linux Genuine Advantage - News</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        08/25/2007 - The Windows Genuine Advantage servers went down worldwide, marking
                        any Windows machines as pirated during Microsoft's server outage. Meanwhile,
                        the Linux Genuine Advantage™ activation server was up the whole time. Truly
                        another victory for Open Source software! Microsoft, contact us if you'd like
                        to license Linux Genuine Advantage™, we'd love to enter into a lucrative
                        licensing agreement. With the money you save, you could put the WGA programmers
                        onto other tasks, like improving Vista!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        02/03/2007 - The Linux Genuine Advantage™ crack is spreading! Someone uploaded
                        it to The Pirate Bay! Looks like it's time to get more involved in Swedish
                        politics from across the globe!
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        02/02/2007 - Linux Genuine Advantage™ has been cracked by computer hackers!
                        Rather than improving our software, we'll be sending our team of intimidating
                        lawyers to pay them a visit.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://www.linuxgenuineadvantage.org/">Linux Genuine Advantage</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-big-divide">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall: Manipulexity and Whipuptitude</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        If you were a Unix programmer you either programmed in C or shell. And there
                        really wasn't much in between. There were these little languages that we used
                        on top of shell, but that was the big divide. The big revelation that hatched
                        Perl, as it were, was that this opened up into a two-dimensional space. And C
                        was good at something I like to call manipulexity, that is the manipulation of
                        complex things. While shell was good at something else which I call
                        whipuptitude, the aptitude for whipping things up.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        So Perl was hatched. As a small egg. That was Perl 1. And it was designed from
                        the very beginning to evolve. The fact that we put sigils in front of the
                        variables meant that the namespaces were protected from new keywords. And that
                        was intentional, so we could evolve the language fairly rapidly without
                        impacting.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        And it evolved… And it evolved… And finally we got to Perl 5. And… So…
                        Perhaps the Perl 6 slogan should be "All Your Paradigms Are Belong To Us".
                        We'll get to that.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.org.il/presentations/larry-wall-present-continuous-future-perfect/transcript.html">Present Continuous, Future Perfect</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-own-irrationlities">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall's "My Own Irrationationalities"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        So I'd like to start off with my own irrationalities.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I don't think syntax should dangle in the wind. I'm with Aristotle. I think
                        things should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Which means I like K&amp;R
                        bracketing. I do not like the way that Python hangs stuff out there, with no
                        end.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I think that ordinary people dislike abstraction. That's because I dislike
                        abstraction and I think I'm ordinary. (laughter) I might be wrong about that,
                        but I don't know.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I simultaneously believe that languages are wonderful and awful. You have to
                        hold both of those. Ugly things can be beautiful. And beautiful can get ugly
                        very fast. You know, take Lisp. You know, it's the most beautiful language in
                        the world. At least up until Haskell came along. (laughter) But, you know,
                        every program in Lisp is just ugly. I don't figure how that works.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        I think visual metaphors are very important. How it looks. Different things
                        should look different. Similar things should look similar. A language designer
                        simultaneously has to care what other people think, and has to not care what
                        other people think. Otherwise you go crazy. Well, crazier. (laughter)
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        And finally, I think God has free will. And therefore he created programmers
                        with free will and that they ought to be given choices.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.org.il/presentations/larry-wall-present-continuous-future-perfect/transcript.html">Present Continuous, Future Perfect</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-other-langs-irrationlities">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall's "Irrationalities of Other Languages"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Now, I'm not the only language designer with irrationalities. You can think of
                        some languages to go with some of these things.
                    </p>

                    <ul>
                        <li>"We've got to start over from scratch" - Well, that's almost any academic
                            language you find.</li>
                        <li>"English phrases" - Well that's Cobol. You know, cargo cult English.  (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Text processing doesn't matter much" - Fortran.</li>
                        <li>"Simple languages produce simple solutions" - C.</li>
                        <li>"If I wanted it fast, I'd write it in C" - That's almost a direct quote from the original awk page.</li>
                        <li>"I thought of a way to do it so it must be right" - That's obviously PHP.  (laughter and applause)</li>
                        <li>"You can build anything with NAND gates" - Any language designed by an electrical engineer. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"This is a very high level language, who cares about bits?" - The entire scope of fourth generation languages fell into this… problem.</li>
                        <li>"Users care about elegance" - A lot of languages from Europe tend to fall into this. You know, Eiffel.</li>
                        <li>"The specification is good enough" - Ada.</li>
                        <li>"Abstraction equals usability" - Scheme. Things like that.</li>
                        <li>"The common kernel should be as small as possible" - Forth.</li>
                        <li>"Let's make this easy for the computer" - Lisp. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Most programs are designed top-down" - Pascal. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Everything is a vector" - APL.</li>
                        <li>"Everything is an object" - Smalltalk and its children. (whispered:) Ruby. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Everything is a hypothesis" - Prolog. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Everything is a function" - Haskell. (laughter)</li>
                        <li>"Programmers should never have been given free will" - Obviously, Python.  (laughter)</li>
                    </ul>

                    <p>
                        So my psychological conjecture is that normal people, if they perceive that a
                        computer language is forcing them to learn theory, they won't like it. In other
                        words, hide the fancy stuff. It can be there, just hide it.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.org.il/presentations/larry-wall-present-continuous-future-perfect/transcript.html">Present Continuous, Future Perfect</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-taking-a-trip">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall - Taking a Trip</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Back to dimensionality. When you are saying something linguistically, it's like
                        taking a trip. You know, when you take a trip from California to Netanya, you
                        don't go straight south and then straight west and then straight north. It's
                        not orthogonal. There are little bits at the beginning. Then you take bigger
                        hops on the planes and then you take littler hops at the end. Language works
                        the same way, it's fractal. There is little orthogonality. At least apparently;
                        you can have orthogonal views of it, there are orthogonal subsets. But there
                        are multiple orthogonal subsets. At first glance it just looks like a network,
                        and you have to navigate the geography.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.org.il/presentations/larry-wall-present-continuous-future-perfect/transcript.html">Present Continuous, Future Perfect</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-anthropology">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall - "Anthrpology"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Now in terms of the anthropology we try to welcome people into the tribe. We
                        allow people to have their own little fiefdoms, where they are the ruler and
                        can beat up on their followers.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        We try to let people share with each other. We try to capture knowledge. Both
                        of those things are why we have the CPAN, Comprehensive Perl Archive Network,
                        which is arguably one of the greatest repositories of reusable crappy software
                        in the world. (laughter).
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        And we have a culture of cooperating with other cultures too. We try to make
                        Parrot so that other languages can ran on top of that. We've always tried to
                        hook up Perl with everything. In kind of a humble sort of way. And finally it's
                        culture of fun. At least we try to make it that way. And that's why I give
                        weird talks.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.org.il/presentations/larry-wall-present-continuous-future-perfect/transcript.html">Present Continuous, Future Perfect</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="linus-hardware-for-servers">
            <meta>
                <title>Linus Torvalds: Hardware for Servers</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        So, everybody has a different idea. Everybody also has different hardware. The
                        desktop is also where all the hardware really exists. Servers have 1% of the
                        hardware that the desktop has in terms of different drivers and things like
                        that. You don’t find webcams on servers generally. You don’t find oddball IDE
                        drives on servers.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Linus Torvalds</author>
                    <work href="http://linux-foundation.org/weblogs/openvoices/linus-torvalds-part-ii/">Interview, Part II</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-high-quality-ms-products">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: High-Quality Microsoft Products</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        «had been responsible for the 'production and distribution of more
                        than 90 percent of the high-quality counterfeit Microsoft
                        software products.»
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Why doesn't MSFT sell these "high-quality" products instead of the crap they've
                        been selling us for years.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>boguslinks</author>
                    <work href="http://yro.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=442082&amp;cid=22303924">Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-timezoned">
            <meta>
                <title>Timezone'd on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="x86">can someone tell me what this epoch translates to in %Y-%m-%d format? 1202256000</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">eval: POSIX::strftime("%Y-%m-%d", gmtime(1202256000))</saying>
                    <saying who="buubot">integral: 2008-02-06</saying>
                    <saying who="x86">nice!</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">note that if you're not specifying timezone you're in for a world of hate</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">err, *pain</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">s/pain/butter/</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">I will dump butter on you unless you specify tz.</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">Also if you do specify tz.</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">Fuck it, I will dump butter on you, fullstop.</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">don't waste good butter on them, try margarine</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Timezone'd</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-cpan-is-your-friend">
            <meta>
                <title>CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy) on Frenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="x86">gah</saying>
                    <saying who="x86">DateTime::Format::Strptime is not one of the core modules</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">boo hoo cpan it</saying>
                    <saying who="apeiron">"i (can't|don't want to) use external modules"</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">(If only we had some sort of comprehensive archive network.. for perl stuff.. complete with a convenient tool you could use to easily fetch, build, and install modules!)</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">apeiron: "oh, but you're a dumbass"</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">"carry on then"</saying>
                    <saying who="simcop2387-lab">iank! i know i'll call it Ruby on Rails!</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">well, it'd be different if CPAN and CPANPLUS really were convenient.</saying>
                    <saying who="x86">POSIX::strptime is not a core module either</saying>
                    <saying who="x86">this sucks</saying>
                    <saying who="apeiron">Send patches or shut up. :)</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">CPAN IS VERY FUCKING CONVENIENT DO YOU WANT ME TO PUNCH YOU IN THE SPLEEN</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">apt-get : cpan :: brilliant : annoying</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">this : pretentious and awkward :: 1 : 1</saying>
                    <saying who="x86">iank: not so conveinent when you're writing software to be deployed on 100 servers and you dont want to have to install the same module 100 times</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">bundle it with your app.</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">x86: stop failing at sysadmining</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">Or that.</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">They're also pure-perl so this is very, very trivial.</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">We have PARs which are jsut like Java's JARs for even more deployability win</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">woohoo</saying>
                    <saying who="mst">and people have this retarded obsession with only using core</saying>
                    <saying who="mst">I mean, anybody who does perl for a living grows out of it pretty fucking fast</saying>
                    <saying who="mst">but there's always colossal whining the first time you tell someone to get something from CPAN</saying>
                    <saying who="integral">But due to my last point, PAR isn't as well known as it should be</saying>
                    <saying who="mst">x86: thanks for being today's example :)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>CPAN is your Friend (or Enemy)</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-dont-resort-to-violence">
            <meta>
                <title>As long as you don't resort to violence on Freenode's #perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="mrmccrac-">GumbyBRAIN: who is man bear pig?</saying>
                    <saying who="GumbyBRAIN">Man i need to get a modification of a fried pig and eating without my hands wouldn't be "too much bacon" for me; i don't know what @inc is?</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">mrmccrac-: he is half man, and half bearpig.</saying>
                    <me_is who="shaldannon">is half man, half asleep</me_is>
                    <saying who="iank">Half ass leap?</saying>
                    <saying who="iank">What's a leap?</saying>
                    <me_is who="shaldannon">stabs iank</me_is>
                    <saying who="iank">oof</saying>
                    <me_is who="iank">punches shaldannon</me_is>
                    <me_is who="shaldannon">kicks iank in the groin</me_is>
                    <me_is who="iank">passes out from the pain</me_is>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>As long as you don't resort to violence</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-choice-of-syntax">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic: Choice of Syntax</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>If choice of syntax were the main factor of the maintainability of existing
                        code, wouldn't the comment mantra be "Comment what you're doing, not why"?</p>

                    <p>
                        You can look up syntax in the language's documentation.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~chromatic/journal/35625">Choice of Syntax</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="mjd-how-to-ask-a-good-question-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Mark Jason Dominus - "More about How to Ask a Good Question"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I don't have many examples where the author really blew it, because I try not
                        to answer those questions. I figure that even if I don't, someone else will
                        come along and say ``Because you can't just make shit up and expect the
                        computer to magically know what you mean, Retardo!''. And even if nobody does
                        come along and say this, that's not a bad thing.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Mark Jason Dominus</author>
                    <work href="http://perl.plover.com/Questions4.html">"More about How to Ask a Good Question"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="light-bulb-hardware-engineers">
            <meta>
                <title>Light Bulb Joke</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Q: How many hardware engineers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        A: None! We'll fix it in software.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown Author</author>
                    <work href="http://www.cs.bgu.ac.il/~omri/Humor/lightbulb.html">Lightbulb Jokes - Computers</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="lkmpg-beginning-programmers">
            <meta>
                <title>Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide: Beginning Programmers</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>When the first caveman programmer chiseled the first program on the walls of
                        the first cave computer, it was a program to paint the string `Hello, world' in
                        Antelope pictures. Roman programming textbooks began with the `Salut, Mundi'
                        program. I don't know what happens to people who break with this tradition, but
                        I think it's safer not to find out. We'll start with a series of hello world
                        programs that demonstrate the different aspects of the basics of writing a
                        kernel module.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Ori Pomerantz</author>
                    <work href="http://tldp.org/LDP/lkmpg/2.4/html/x149.html">Linux Kernel Module's Programmer Guide</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-program-vs-script-1">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #1</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        The difference between a program and a script isn't as subtle as most people
                        think. A script is interpreted, and a program is compiled.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Of course, there's no reason you can't write a compiler that immediately
                        executes the compiled form of a program without writing compilation artifacts
                        to disk, but that's an implementation detail, and precision in technical
                        matters is important.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Though Perl 5, for example, doesn't write out the artifacts of compilation to
                        disk and Java and .Net do, Perl 5 is clearly an interpreter even though it
                        evaluates the compiled form of code in the same way that the JVM and the CLR
                        do. Why? Because it's a scripting language.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Okay, that's a facetious explanation.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        The difference between a program and a script is if there's native compilation
                        available in at least one widely-used implementation. Thus Java before the
                        prevalence of even the HotSpot JVM and its JIT was a scripting language and now
                        it's a programming language, except that you can write a C interpreter that
                        doesn't have a JIT and C programs become scripts.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~chromatic/journal/35804">"Program vs. Script"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-program-vs-script-2">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #2</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Of course, if someone were to write an extra optimizer step for Perl 5 to
                        evaluate certain parts of the optree and generate native code in memory on
                        certain platforms without writing it out to disk (uh oh…) and then execute
                        that code under certain conditions, all Perl 5 scripts would automatically turn
                        into programs.  You know, like .pmc files, or Python's .pyc files. Uh.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        As well, if more people use Punie (Perl 1 on Parrot) this year than native Perl
                        1 -- a possibility -- then Perl 1 scripts automatically become Perl 1 programs
                        because Punie can use Parrot's JIT. I don't know if this powerful upgrade from
                        script to program is retroactive, but I see no reason why not.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Perl 5 scripts were briefly programs while Ponie was viable, but the removal of
                        the code from the Parrot tree has now downgraded them back to scripts. We
                        apologize for the inconvenience.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~chromatic/journal/35804">"Program vs. Script"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-program-vs-script-3">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic - "Program vs. Script" - #3</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>To summarize, if you have a separate compilation step visible to developers,
                        you have programs. If not, you have scripts. An exception is that if you have a
                        separate, partial compilation step at runtime and not visible to users, then
                        you may have programs. The presence of one implementation that performs
                        additional compilationy thingies at runtime instantly upgrades all scripts to
                        programs, while the presence of an interpreter for a language in which people
                        normally write programs, not scripts, does not downgrade programs to scripts.
                        Program-ness is sticky.</p>

                    <p>
                        I hope this is now clear.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Ironically some JavaScript implementations have JITs, so the colloquial name of
                        the language should change from JavaScript to JavaProgram.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Script bad, four-legs good.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~chromatic/journal/35804">"Program vs. Script"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="stroustrup-easy-to-use-computer">
            <meta>
                <title>Stroustrup on Ease of Use</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone.
                        My wish has come true - I no longer know how to use my telephone.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Bjarne Stroustrup</author>
                    <work href="http://dangillmor.typepad.com/dan_gillmor_on_grassroots/2005/04/my_other_new_co.html">My Other New Computer (Replacement Model)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="moving-pianos">
            <meta>
                <title>Moving Pianos</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Moving pianos is dangerous.<br />
                        Moving pianos are dangerous.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Language Log</author>
                    <work href="http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/001816.html">"Nearly All Strings of Words are Ungrammatical"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="whatsup-real-men-dont">
            <meta>
                <title>"Real men don't"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        &gt; Someone here said "Real Men use LaTeX". So I'll add:<br/>
                        &gt;  * "Real men don't install Wine"<br/>
                        &gt; * "Real men don't watch T.V."
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Real men don't listen to sentences that start with "Real men don't".
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <work href="http://whatsup.org.il/article/6023">Whatsup.org.il Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-petdance-thousand-flowers">
            <meta>
                <title>"Let a Thousand Flowers Bloom"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        I have to say I cringed a little when I read it, because it helps
                        reinforce the idea that there's a sort of Perl Hierarchy, or that
                        there are Perl Gods, or that "you must be this tall to ride".
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Randal and I are just normal ol' Perl hackers.  We just spend a lot of
                        time on Perl, and writing about it, and talking about it.  The only
                        reason we are Perl luminaries is that we are Perl luminaries.  I'm not
                        necessarily a better programmer, or have better ideas, or I'm a better
                        debugger than anyone else.  I just do it and make noise about it.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Even though Joey's response was out of line, I admire his spirit of
                        "I'm just going to go do it."  TMTOWTDI is one of the cardinal rules
                        of Perl.  Similarly, over on the module-authors list, the perennial
                        argument of "Maybe CPAN should have minimum requirements for posting
                        modules" has raised its ugly head.  Instead, I said what I always say
                        during these arguments: "CPAN thrives BECAUSE of the unfettered
                        uploading of shit, not in spite of it."
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        So to it will be with Joey's website.  Maybe it will be a dismal
                        failure.  Maybe it will become the Next Great Perl resource.  However,
                        I know that there is zero chance of Next Great Perl resource if he
                        doesn't try.  The only way you get home runs is by stepping up to the
                        plate, and if you strike out, you're doing pretty good.  Batting 3/10
                        is a great batting average, but in real life we find those odds
                        terrifying.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Personally, as much as I like the community around Perlmonks, I think
                        it's a terrible site for new people, and is practically unsearchable.
                        I'd love to see something leapfrog Perlmonks and become the Next Great
                        Thing.  That's why I stopped writing to use.perl.org, because I think
                        it's a terrible news source.  Instead, I started perlbuzz.com, and
                        went with that.  Yes, it's different, but that's OK.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Let a thousand flowers bloom!
                    </p>


                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Andy Lester</author>
                    <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001640.html">"Let a thousand flowers bloom"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="jrockway-rails-idea-perl-idea">
            <meta>
                <title>What do you do with ideas?</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="jrockway">"omg i have web 2.0 photoship skillz AND LOVE TEH GIT LETS MAKE A STARTUP!!!11!!"</saying>
                    <saying who="awwaiid">it drops my cool-concept impressedness of github like 100 points</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">that's the rails mentailty</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">"i have an idea, so i'm going to make a company"</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">compared to the perl version, "i have an idea, so I'm going to write a module"</saying>
                    <saying who="awwaiid">is that why we're all poor?</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">awwaiid: no, starting companies is not how you get rich :)</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#moose</channel>
                    <network>irc.perl.org</network>
                    <tagline>What do you do with an idea?</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-manipulating-people-using-perl">
            <meta>
                <title>Manipulating People Using Perl</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="Khisanth">&lt;insert obligatory disclaimer about parsing HTML with regex&gt;</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">Khisanth =~ s/disclaimer/death threat/</saying>
                    <saying who="Khisanth">I can live with that</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">ooh, i got write access on Khisanth</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">Khisanth =~ s/must sleep/must give Botje all my money/</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">and now we play the waiting game … &gt;:)</saying>
                    <saying who="afallenhope">Botje, write&amp;</saying>
                    <saying who="Botje">yeah</saying>
                    <me_is who="Khisanth">gives all of Botje&#39;s money to himself</me_is>
                    <saying who="Botje">Khisanth: that&#39;s not supposed to happen!</saying>
                    <me_is who="Botje">resets the universe</me_is>
                    <saying who="Khisanth">buggy code</saying>
                    <saying who="snegtul">no such thing Khisanth! =)</saying>
                    <saying who="snegtul">the bugs are a lie!</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Manipulating People with Perl</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="osnews-fretinator-mono-syllabic-review">
            <meta>
                <title>OSNews.com: Mono Syllabic Review</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Win95 - Wow!<br/>
                        Win98 - Oh<br/>
                        WinMe - Ow!<br/>
                        Win2k - Oooh<br/>
                        WinXp - Meh<br/>
                        Vista - Doh!<br/>
                    </p>
                    <p>
                        This mono-syllabic review brought to you by the letter 'W'
                        and the number '7'
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>fretinator</author>
                    <work href="http://osnews.com/thread?324615">I can't imagine saying "oh, wow!" about</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-cats-and-computer-trees">
            <meta>
                <title>Cats and Computer Trees</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="pkrumins">Prim&#39;s algorithm, om nom nom</saying>
                    <saying who="f00li5h">cats don&#39;t like being trapped in trees, is handy to know how to traverse one quickly!</saying>
                    <saying who="pkrumins">true</saying>
                    <saying who="pkrumins">the more tree traversal algorithms a kit knows, the sneakier the kit is</saying>
                    <me_is who="f00li5h">visits every node, traveling on the minium weighted edges</me_is>
                    <saying who="pkrumins">sneaky kit</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Cats and Computer Trees</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="perl-pagaltzis-stumble-on-a-wiki-page">
            <meta>
                <title>"Stumble on a Wiki Page"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            Surely there's a better way, no?
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                    <p>
                        Ask the maintainers of M::B, EU::MM and M::I to all export a
                        `halt` function that does just this? That would also provide
                        a convenient spot in the respective modules’ docs for related
                        CPAN Testers arcana, so people wouldn’t have to stumble onto
                        a wiki page in the bottom of a locked cabinet stuck in a
                        disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying “beware the
                        leopard” in order to learn these trivia.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Aristotle Pagaltzis</author>
                    <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2008/09/msg11255.html">Re: cpantesters - why exit(0)?</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="samuel-beckett-ever-tried">
            <meta>
                <title>Samuel Beckett - Ever Tried</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter.</p>

                    <p>Try again. Fail again. Fail better.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Samuel Beckett</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Samuel_Beckett#Worstward_Ho_.281983.29">Worstward Ho</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-lets-go-scripting-ada-lovelace">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall on Ada Lovelace</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Suppose you went back to Ada Lovelace and asked her the
                        difference between a script and a program. She'd probably
                        look at you funny, then say something like: Well, a script is
                        what you give the actors, but a program is what you give the
                        audience. That Ada was one sharp lady…
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html">"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-lets-go-scripting-basic">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall on BASIC</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Now, however it was initially intended, I think BASIC turned
                        out to be one of the first major scripting languages,
                        especially the extended version that DEC put onto its
                        minicomputers called BASIC/PLUS, which happily included
                        recursive functions with arguments. I started out as a BASIC
                        programmer. Some people would say that I'm permanently
                        damaged. Some people are undoubtedly right.  </p>

                    <p> But I'm not going to apologize for that. All language
                        designers have their occasional idiosyncrasies. I'm just
                        better at it than most. :-) </p>

                    <p> Anyway, when I was a RSTS programmer on a PDP-11, I certainly
                        treated BASIC as a scripting language, at least in terms of
                        rapid prototyping and process control. I'm sure it warped my
                        brain forever. Perl's statement modifiers are straight out of
                        BASIC/PLUS. It even had some cute sigils on the ends of its
                        variables to distinguish string and integer from floating
                        point.  </p>

                    <p> But you could do extreme programming. In fact, I had a
                        college buddy I did pair programming with. We took a compiler
                        writing class together and studied all that fancy stuff from
                        the dragon book. Then of course the professor announced we
                        would be implementing our own language, called PL/0. After
                        thinking about it a while, we announced that we were going to
                        do our project in BASIC. The professor looked at us like were
                        insane. Nobody else in the class was using BASIC. And you
                        know what? Nobody else in the class finished their compiler
                        either. We not only finished but added I/O extensions, and
                        called it PL 0.5. That's rapid prototyping.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html">"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-lets-go-scripting-jam">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall - JAM (no not that one)</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> My first scripting language was written in BASIC. For my job
                        in the computer center I wrote a language that I called JAM,
                        short for Jury-rigged All-purpose Meta-language. Story of my
                        life…  </p>

                    <p> JAM was an inside-out text-processing language much like PHP,
                        except that HTML hadn't been invented yet. We mostly used it
                        as a fancy macro processor for BASIC. Unlike PHP, it did not
                        have 3,000 functions in one namespace. We wouldn't have had
                        the memory, for one thing.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html">"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-lets-go-scripting-lisp">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall - LISP</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> For good or ill, when I went off to grad school, I studied
                        linguistics, so the only computer language I used there was
                        LISP. It was my own personal McCarthy era.  </p>

                    <p> Is LISP a candidate for a scripting language? While you can
                        certainly write things rapidly in it, I cannot in good
                        conscience call LISP a scripting language. By policy, LISP
                        has never really catered to mere mortals.  </p>

                    <p> And, of course, mere mortals have never really forgiven LISP
                        for not catering to them.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html">"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-lets-go-scripting-common-memes-floating-around">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall - Common Memes Floating Around</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>
                        I think, to most people, scripting is a lot like obscenity. I
                        can't define it, but I'll know it when I see it. Here are
                        some common memes floating around:
                    </p>

                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            Simple language<br/>
                            "Everything is a string"<br/>
                            Rapid prototyping<br/>
                            Glue language<br/>
                            Process control<br/>
                            Compact/concise<br/>
                            Worse-is-better<br/>
                            Domain specific<br/>
                            "Batteries included"<br/>
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        …I don't see any real center here, at least in terms of
                        technology. If I had to pick one metaphor, it'd be easy
                        onramps. And a slow lane. Maybe even with some optional fast
                        lanes.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.perl.com/pub/a/2007/12/06/soto-11.html">"Programming is Hard, Let's Go Scripting"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="chromatic-perl-reliable-state-of-the-art">
            <meta>
                <title>chromatic - Perl's reliable state of the art</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>
                        That's not helpful.  When a project doesn't release a new version, some people
                        say "Oh, don't use it!  They don't release new versions!"  When a project
                        does release a new version, some people say "Oh, don't use it!  It's not
                        perfect yet!"
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Meanwhile, the so-called reliable state of the art is a jumble of Perl which
                        writes cross platform shell scripts to install Perl code, and you customize
                        that by writing a superclass from which platform-specific modules inherit
                        pseudo-methods which use regular expressions to search and replace
                        cross-platform cross-shell code, with all of the cross-platform and
                        cross-shell quoting issues that entails.  I wish I were making any of this
                        up.  (I wrote tests for part of it.)
                    </p>

                    <p>

                        This is why we can't have nice things.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>chromatic</author>
                    <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/2008/09/msg140206.html">"Re: Module::Build 0.30 is released"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="ask-not-what-your-country-can-do-for-you">
            <meta>
                <title>"Ask Not What Your Country Can Do For You" and more</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can
                            do for your country
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                    <p>
                        -- John F. Kennedy (from his Inaugural Address).
                    </p>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            The common good before the private good.
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                    <p>
                        -- One of the slogans of Nazism in Nazi Germany.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Based on a page on an Objectivism Site</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_Nazi_Germany">Glossary of Nazi Germany in the Wikipedia</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-perl-what-are-you-trying-to-achieve">
            <meta>
                <title>What are You Trying to Achieve?</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">eval: [qr/^(\d)(?{ &quot;x{$1}&quot; })$/]</saying>
                    <saying who="buubot">sQuEE:  [qr/(?-xism:^(\d)(?{ &quot;x{$1}&quot; })$)/]</saying>
                    <me_is who="mauke">looks at sQuEE </me_is>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">:$</saying>
                    <saying who="fizztpok_">Man, I always feel like I&#39;m getting the hang of Perl until I see nonsense like that.</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">what are you trying to do?</saying>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">im trying to eval qr/$regex/ which contains ^(\d)(??{ &quot;x{$1}&quot; })$ , but $@ returns null</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">no, what are you actually trying to do?</saying>
                    <saying who="ik">sQuEE: what is the point of doing the thing that you are doing?</saying>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">no, thats just a testing example</saying>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">im trying to assign $regex what i captured from a previous match using qr// , eval { $regex = qr/$2/ };</saying>
                    <saying who="sQuEE">im not sure what im doing wrong</saying>
                    <saying who="mauke">I&#39;m not interested in what you&#39;re doing; what are you trying to achieve?</saying>
                    <saying who="ik">You&#39;re capturing a regex with a regex and attempting to use said regex?</saying>
                    <saying who="ik">I hope the data you&#39;re matching isn&#39;t input :(</saying>
                    <saying who="PerlJam">mauke: I&#39;m trying to achieve world peace and this regex is the last thing standing in my way!  ;)</saying>
                    <saying who="Khisanth">there will be no world peace!</saying>
                    <me_is who="Khisanth">stabs PerlJam</me_is>
                    <saying who="DrForr">Can I at least have whirled peas?</saying>
                    <me_is who="PerlJam"> fires up the whirly gig for DrForr and inserts some peas</me_is>
                    <me_is who="Khisanth">dumps a bowl of whirled peas on DrForr&#39;s head</me_is>
                    <saying who="DrForr">Mmm, whirled peas.</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#perl</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>"What are you trying to achieve?"</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="difference-between-javascript-and-java">
            <meta>
                <title>What's the Difference Between JavaScript and Java?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            What's the difference between JavaScript and Java?
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                    <p>
                        One is essentially a toy, designed for writing small pieces
                        of code, and traditionally used and abused by inexperienced
                        programmers.
                    </p>
                    <p>
                        The other is a scripting language for web browsers.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Shog9</author>
                    <work href="http://stackoverflow.com/questions/245062?sort=votes">Stackoverflow.com Question</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="R-is-similar">
            <meta>
                <title>"R is similar…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            R is similar to other programming languages, like C, Java
                            and Perl, in that it helps people perform a wide variety
                            of computing tasks by giving them access to various
                            commands.
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                    <p>
                        New York Times article about R, quoted in jest's use.perl.org
                        journal - http://use.perl.org/~jest/journal/38229
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>jest</author>
                    <work href="http://use.perl.org/~jest/journal/38229">"Worst sentence ever written about programming in the MSM"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="a-discussion-is-not-a-war">
            <meta>
                <title>"A discussion is not a war"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>
                        <p>
                            tk: A discussion is not a war, to be won or lost. It is a
                            communal quest for truth. And you are inhibiting it by
                            responding at only the most superficial level. Look
                            beyond the presence of a word to its context. Respond to
                            the thoughts expressed there. Or simply leave.
                        </p>
                    </blockquote>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>slamb</author>
                    <work href="http://www.advogato.org/article/793.html#12">"What does 'lose' mean?" (Comment on an Advogato Article)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-moose-someone-is-wrong">
            <meta>
                <title>"Someone is Wrong"</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="mst">but jrockway will bitch about them all anyway</saying>
                    <saying who="stevan">rhesa: 100% of those with the last name &quot;Rockway&quot; will do that</saying>
                    <saying who="rhesa">hehehe</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">Subject: catalyst framework not compatible with PERL</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">stevan: i am going to name my kid &quot;Someone is WRONG&quot;</saying>
                    <saying who="stevan">jrockway: I think that will be implied, no need to actually name him that </saying>
                    <saying who="perigrin">Someone is WRONG rockway</saying>
                    <saying who="perigrin">has a nice ring to it</saying>
                    <saying who="Penfold">aka &#39;little Bobby wrong&#39;?</saying>
                    <saying who="rhesa">would make a great children&#39;s book series: SiW in the zoo etc</saying>
                    <saying who="stevan">:D</saying>
                    <saying who="stevan">the first one in the series should be Someone is Wrong on the internet</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">rhesa: that is a great idea!</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">rhesa: i have a friend who is writing a children&#39;s book</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">i will tell her to change the title and content immediately!</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">someone is wrong in the children&#39;s book industry!</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">&quot;No, zookeeper.  That animal doesn&#39;t have a tail; it&#39;s *not* a monkey!&quot;</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#moose</channel>
                    <network>irc.perl.org</network>
                    <tagline>"Someone is Wrong"</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-moose-lightning-fast-objects">
            <meta>
                <title>Lightning Fast Objects</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <saying who="jrockway">btw, feel free to LOL: http://stackoverflow.com/questions/605641/how-to-use-classarrayobjects</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">wow, such concise code</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">and i can FEEL THE SPEED from using arrays</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">bowl full of mush</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">jrockway: there was a discussion about using arrays as objects in module-authors.</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">i read it and laughed</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">(yeah, someone is wrong on the internet, but i don&#39;t really care)</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">I use JSON strings as my objects, and define my classes in terms of regexps that pull out the right attributes.</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">It makes the code portable to JavaScript, except the methods.</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">great plan!</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">regexps are fast in perl, because perl is designed for parsing text</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">tx, can I add &quot;endorsed by jon rockway&quot; to my precis?</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">oh yeah</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">i recommend you reverse the JSON first, though, to provide better encapsulation</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">otherwise people could read the objects… and that breaks encapsulation, dontchaknow</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">I use UTF-16 and rot4096.</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">UTF-16 IS TOO SLOW!</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">Heh.</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">i can&#39;t believe we are even having this conversation… utf-16…</saying>
                    <saying who="jrockway">i am never speaking to you again!</saying>
                    <me_is who="rindolf">wonders how one can combine JSON with inside-out objects.</me_is>
                    <saying who="rjbs">jrockway: no, no, WITHOUT the bom</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">BOM is what makes it slow.</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">rindolf: sub id { my $self = shift; $json_parser_for{ $self }-&gt;decode($json_for{ $self })-&gt;{id} }</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">rjbs: LOL.</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">rjbs++</saying>
                    <saying who="Dylan">unicode: somebody set us up the BOM</saying>
                    <saying who="ilmari">BOM-de-ada</saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">Where&#39;s the BOM? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Ka-BOM!</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">I think Iran has it.</saying>
                    <saying who="perigrin">if it doesn&#39;t … Sen. McCain will introduce a bill to provide them with one</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">give the bom bom bom, bom to Iran</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">funnier if you pronounce Iran properly</saying>
                    <saying who="perigrin">iran … iran so far away … </saying>
                    <saying who="rindolf">iRack - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rw2nkoGLhrE</saying>
                    <saying who="autarch">someone set us up the BOM</saying>
                    <saying who="jnapiorkowski">I thought all our base waz ownzed or something like that</saying>
                    <me_is who="confound">is the king of BOM</me_is>
                    <saying who="rjbs">who&#39;s the BOM king?</saying>
                    <saying who="confound">I&#39;m the BOM king!</saying>
                    <saying who="ubu">&quot;once i was the King of BOM&quot;</saying>
                    <saying who="rjbs">hear me now</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#moose</channel>
                    <network>irc.perl.org</network>
                    <tagline>Lightning Fast Objects</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="pgtap-0.20-announcement">
            <meta>
                <title>"pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> I did all I could to stop it, but it just wasn't
                        possible.  pgTAP 0.20  has somehow made its way from my
                        Subversion server and infiltrated the  PostgreSQL
                        community. Can nothing be done to stop this menace? Its
                        use  leads to cleaner, more stable, and more-safely
                        refctored code. This  insanity must be stopped! Please
                        review the following list of its  added vileness since
                        0.19 to determine how you can stop the terrible,
                        terrible influence on your PostgreSQL unit-testing
                        practices that is  pgTAP: … </p>

                    <p> Don't make the same mistake I did, where I wrote a lot
                        of pgTAP tests  for a client, and now testing database
                        upgrades from 8.2 to 8.3 is  just too reliable! And by
                        all means, DO NOT read the documentation or  download
                        and install this monstrosity, since it could easily
                        lead to  cleaner, more stable code, and therefore
                        losing your job!  </p>

                    <p>
                        http://pgtap.projects.postgresql.org/
                        http://pgfoundry.org/frs/?group_id=1000389
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
                    </p>

                    <p>
                        Good luck with your mission.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>David E. Wheeler</author>
                    <work href="http://testanything.org/pipermail/tap-l/2009-March/000314.html">pgTAP 0.20 Infiltrates Community</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="lesbian-born">
            <meta>
                <title>"I'm a Lesbian…"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>I'm a Lesbian born in a man's body.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unclear (origin needed)</author>
                    <work>Unknown</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="same-ideas-as-everybody-else">
            <meta>
                <title>If you have the same ideas as everybody else…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>

                        <p> If you have the same ideas as everybody else, but
                            have them one week earlier than everyone else -
                            then you will be hailed as a visionary. But if you
                            have them five years earlier, you will be named a
                            lunatic.  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>— Barry Jones</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Barry Jones</author>
                    <work href="http://www.answers.com/topic/jones-barry-1">Barry Jones Quotes</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="great-mediocre-and-small-minds">
            <meta>
                <title>Great, mediocre and small minds</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>

                        <p>Great minds discuss ideas,
                            average minds discuss events,
                            small minds discuss people.
                        </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>Unknown, quoted by <a
                            href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Hyman_G._Rickover">Admiral
                            Hyman G. Rickover</a></p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Hyman G. Rickover</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Hyman_G._Rickover">Hyman G. Rickover Quotes</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="tail-for-the-lions">
            <meta>
                <title>Tail for the lions…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>

                        <p> Better be a tail for the lions, rather than the
                            head of the jackals.  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash in <a href="http://lib.cet.ac.il/Pages/item.asp?item=11025">Pirkei Avot 4, 15</a></p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Rabbi Mathiah Ben Charash</author>
                    <work href="http://lib.cet.ac.il/Pages/item.asp?item=11025">Pirkei Avot 4, 15</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="learned-a-lot-from-my-teachers">
            <meta>
                <title>Learned a lot from my teachers</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <blockquote>

                        <p> I learned a lot from my teachers, and from my
                            friends more than my teachers, and from my pupils
                            the most.  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>— Rabbi Hanina, the Talmud</p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Rabi Hanina, The Jewish Talmud</author>
                    <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/education/introductory-language/#three_levels_of_learning">"Three Levels of Learnings" (from "Thoughts about the Best Introductory (Programming) Language")</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-internet-explorer-is-perfectly-safe">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Internet Explorer is Perfectly Safe</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> I must dispute your view in the strongest terms
                        possible.  Internet Explorer is perfectly safe for
                        everyday use.  However, as there is no such thing as
                        perfect security, you must take additional precautions
                        to keep evil hackers away from your data. Apply these
                        rules according to the sensitivity of your data, from
                        least important to most: </p>

                    <ul>

                        <li> Disconnect your computer from your local network.
                            Download files on another computer, scan them for
                            viruses, print them out, scan them into your
                            Windows PC using ORC software, and then view the
                            pages in IE.  </li>

                        <li> Do the above, but have a priest onsite to bless
                            each page individually before scanning it. This is
                            an excellent deterrent against viruses with the
                            word "demon" in the name.  </li>

                        <li> Do the above, but encase your PC in acrylic and
                            immerse it in a 10,000 gallon tank of holy water.
                            Interact with it while wearing scuba gear.  </li>

                        <li> Do the above, but put a lid on the tank and
                            immerse it in the ocean. Interact with your PC via
                            a submersible robot in the tank from from outside
                            while wearing scuba gear.  </li>

                    </ul>
                    <p>
                        If you fail to follow these simple security guidelines,
                        you can't blame Microsoft for the results.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>palegray.net</author>
                    <work href="http://tech.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1456036&amp;cid=30220056">"Re: Breaking News" Slashdot Comment</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="alisonclement-what-is-an-enclycopedia">
            <meta>
                <title>What is an encyclopedia?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Yesterday I asked one of my students if she knew what an
                        encyclopedia is, and she said: "Is it something like
                        Wikipedia?".
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>alisonclement</author>
                    <work href="http://twitter.com/alisonclement/status/8421314259">Twitter Twit</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="mit-writers-j-hall-sentence-composition">
            <meta>
                <title>J. Hall in response to Dr. Judith Bauer</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote>

                        <p> The move from a structuralist account in which
                            capital is understood to structure social relations
                            in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony
                            in which power relations are subject to repetition,
                            convergence, and rearticulation brought the
                            question of temporality into the thinking of
                            structure, and marked a shift from a form of
                            Althusserian theory that takes structural
                            totalities as theoretical objects to one in which
                            the insights into the contingent possibility of
                            structure inaugurate a renewed conception of
                            hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and
                            strategies of the rearticulation of power.  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p> By the eight brazen balls of Azuza the Bibulous
                        Bandicoot, I'd rather be cast naked and chained into a
                        lake of bubbling white hot fondue cheese than be one of
                        her students.   </p>

                    <p> That is, if she actually teaches anything at Berkeley
                        [which can be, really, a lovely place full of very
                        smart science people, theologians and historians,
                        though you'd never know it by this whale's spout of
                        academic doublespeak].  </p>

                    <p> I suspect she sits on a lot of committees and inserts
                        the word 'hegemony' into conversations as often as
                        possible and is avoided at all costs during the
                        holidays lest one become becalmed in the horse
                        latitudes of her spleen regarding Christmas trees, "The
                        Ref" and the hegemony of Zionist post-piety in a
                        restructured universe of gender in-articulation.  </p>

                    <p> For a full PhD at UCB in a language art, she cannot,
                        and will not, though, write a simple, clear,
                        understandable sentence.  Think about that for a
                        minute.  </p>

                    <p> And to think my Cal state taxes pay for her office desk
                        chair.  Man.  </p>

                    <p> Hegemoniously yours, etc.  </p>

                    <p> J </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>J. Hall</author>
                    <work href="http://mailman.mit.edu/mailman/listinfo/writers">Post
                        to writers@mit.edu .</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="valerie-aurora-sleeping-with-the-enemy">
            <meta>
                <title>Valerie Aurora: Sleeping with the Enemy</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Jonathan Schwartz&#8217;s resignation via Twitter
                        reminded me of a strange facet of Sun company culture:
                        I&#8217;ve never known so many married couples working
                        for the same company. Some of them even worked on the
                        same project together.  For the same boss.  From
                        home.</p>

                    <p>Now, the exact percentage of married couples in a
                        company can&#8217;t be used to compare companies
                        directly &#8211; after all, it depends heavily on
                        things like industry, age, and local marriage laws
                        &#8211; but it seems linked to another facet of Sun
                        company culture: Complete, almost embarrassing
                        disconnect from public opinion.</p> <p>The post-Google
                        standard company perks &#8211; free food, on-site
                        exercise classes, company shuttles &#8211; make it
                        trivial to speak only to fellow employees in daily
                        life.  If you spend all day with your co-workers,
                        socialize only with your co-workers, and then come home
                        and eat dinner with &#8211; you guessed it &#8211; your
                        co-worker, you might go several years without hearing
                        the words, &#8220;<strong>Run Solaris on my desktop?
                            Are you f&#8212;ing kidding me?</strong>&#8220;</p>

                    <p>Schwartz&#8217;s &#8220;the financial crisis did
                        it&#8221; explanation for Sun&#8217;s demise is a
                        symptom of an inbred company culture in which employees
                        at all levels voluntarily isolated themselves from the
                        larger Silicon Valley culture.  Tech journalists write
                        incessantly about the exchange of expertise and best
                        practice between companies as a major driver of the Bay
                        area&#8217;s success.  But you have to actually talk to
                        your competition to do that &#8211; over a beer, or
                        maybe a pillow.</p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Valerie Aurora</author>
                    <work href="http://valerieaurora.wordpress.com/2010/02/13/sleeping-with-the-enemy/">"Sleeping with the enemy"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="all-american-rejects-gives-you-hell-1">
            <meta>
                <title>All American Rejects - "Gives You Hell" Quote</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>And truth be told I miss you.</p>

                    <p>And truth be told I'm lying.</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>The All American Rejects</author>
                    <work href="http://www.plyrics.com/lyrics/allamericanrejects/givesyouhell.html">"Gives You Hell" Lyrics</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="rob-pike-about-one-tool-for-one-job">
            <meta>
                <title>Rob Pike's Answer to "One Tool for One Job"</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p><b>One tool for one job?</b></p>

                    <blockquote>

                        <p> Given the nature of current operating systems and
                            applications, do you think the idea of "one tool
                            doing one job well" has been abandoned? If so, do
                            you think a return to this model would help bring
                            some innovation back to software development?  </p>

                        <p> (It's easier to toss a small, single-purpose app
                            and start over than it is to toss a large,
                            feature-laden app and start over.) </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        <b>Rob Pike:</b> Those days are dead and gone and the
                        eulogy was delivered by Perl.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Rob Pike</author>
                    <work href="http://interviews.slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=04/10/18/1153211&amp;tid=189">Slashdot Interview</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-about-do-one-thing-and-do-it-well">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall about Do One Thing and Do it Well</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Or think about shell programming, and reductionism. How
                        many times have we heard the mantra that a program
                        should do one thing and do it well?  </p>

                    <p> Well…Perl does one thing, and does it well. What it
                        does well is to integrate all its features into one
                        language. More importantly, it does this without making
                        them all look like each other. Ducts shouldn't look
                        like girders, and girders shouldn't look like ducts.
                        Neither of those should look like water pipes, and it's
                        really important that water pipes not look like sewer
                        pipes. Or smell like sewer pipes. Modernism says that
                        we should make all these things look the same (and
                        preferably invisible). Postmodernism says it's okay for
                        them to stick out, and to look different, because a
                        duct ought to look like a duct, and a sewer pipe ought
                        to look like a sewer pipe, and hammer ought to look
                        like a hammer, and a telephone ought to look like
                        either a telephone, or a Star Trek communicator. Things
                        that are different should look different.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://www.wall.org/~larry/pm.html">"Perl, the first postmodern computer language"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-jokes-on-slashdot">
            <meta>
                <title>Slashdot: Jokes on Slashdot</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Which is why I didn't belabor it, or introduce it out
                        of context. I was pointing out that Firefox's scheme is
                        only as secure as the master password you choose. The
                        particular bad password I chose for the Spaceballs
                        reference on the hope that it might get a chuckle or
                        trigger a brief moment of pleasant nostalgia,
                        forgetting that on /., every joke must be beaten to
                        death and explained, rehashed, insulted, re-explained
                        by someone who thinks the insult came due to
                        unfamiliarity, etc., until all traces of humor vanish.
                        Oh well… </p>

                    <p> Hmm… This is an old story, so this probably won't
                        receive any mods, but I have no idea what I'd mod it if
                        I were moderating.
                        Flamebait/Insightful/Funny/Interesting/Off-topic maybe?
                        Mods, if you can coordinate to apply each of those
                        once, it would be awesome (and I'd end up with overall
                        neutral Karma!). :-) </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>ShadowRangerRIT</author>
                    <work href="http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=1704998&amp;cid=32757810">"Re: Prettier Tool, Old Exploit"</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="larry-wall-linear-scans-over-an-associative-array">
            <meta>
                <title>Larry Wall Quote</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Doing linear scans over an associative array is like
                        trying to club someone to death with a loaded Uzi.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Larry Wall</author>
                    <work href="http://groups.google.com/group/comp.lang.perl/msg/3f6752f53590c106?pli=1">"Re: grep on keys of associative array s-l-o-w. Why?" (comp.lang.perl Usenet post)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="szabgab-on-if-it-aint-broke-dont-fix-it">
            <meta>
                <title>What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> I keep hearing and reading this nice proverb <b>if it
                            ain't broke, don't fix it</b>. The latest apperance
                        was in response to <a
                            href="http://community.livejournal.com/shlomif_tech/37969.html">Shlomi
                            Fish</a> suggesting that some Ancient Perl code
                        should be replaced by Modern Perl code.  </p>

                    <p> I am not saying that every pices of code should be
                        rewritten every 6 months, but in my understanding that
                        sentence actually translates to <b>let's wait till it
                            breaks and then panic</b>.  </p>

                    <p> I think people who say that sentence are afraid that
                        the new version will break something. Sure, there is
                        always a chance that a change introduces an error, but,
                        if we are afraid to touch the code, what will happen
                        when later on we encounter a case where it does not
                        work? For example, if we need to use it in a new
                        environment. Will we have the courage to change the
                        code then? How much will it cost in money, time, and
                        lost sleep?  </p>

                    <p> I think we have been trying to teach ourselves that we
                        should have really good test coverage of our code and
                        then we can easily refactor it and get rid of technical
                        debt. So why do we keep hearing that sentence?  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Gabor Szabo</author>
                    <work href="http://szabgab.com/blog/2009/11/1259431123.html">What does "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." really mean?</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="szabgab-on-I-dont-know-Perl">
            <meta>
                <title>Gabor Szabo on "I don't know Perl."</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> Often, when I ask the people I train if they know Perl,
                        they tell me “I don't know Perl. I can only read it”.
                        I wonder whether it indicates that Perl is not a
                        write-only language as some people like to claim.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Gabor Szabo</author>
                    <work href="http://szabgab.com/">Gabor Szabo (Perl programmer and trainer)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="slashdot-on-reality-tv-patents">
            <meta>
                <title>Slasdhot on Patents on Reality T.V.</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        (Discussing patents on storylines.)
                    </p>

                    <p> Hopefully someone will patent reality TV shows. I am
                        rather sick of those.  </p>

                    <p> Wait no, this wont work. You need to have a story to be
                        able to patent it. Soon all that will be on the air is
                        reality TV.  Noooo!  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>nitehawk214</author>
                    <work href="http://yro.slashdot.org/story/05/11/04/0239221/">USPTO Issues Provisional Storyline Patent</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="vanguard-about-real-programmers">
            <meta>
                <title>Vanguard about Real Programmers</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <blockquote>

                        <p> Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice
                            programming language and get it done in less than
                            O(N!).  </p>

                    </blockquote>

                    <p>
                        -- vanguard on Freenode's ##programming
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>vanguard</author>
                    <work>FreeNode's ##programming</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-stackoverflow-modern-fairy-tale">
            <meta>
                <title>Modern Fairy Tale about Short Stories</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
                    <me_is who="Juliet|Awesome">should publish her short stories</me_is>
                    <saying who="cmptrgeekken">can #so get a discount, juju?</saying>
                    <saying who="Juliet|Awesome">only if you say nice things about them</saying>
                    <saying who="cmptrgeekken">&quot;This book is teh s3x&quot;</saying>
                    <saying who="Juliet|Awesome">I&#39;m like one of those people who is so overly critical about her writing and has such an intense fear of failure that I never… ummmm…. get around to it</saying>
                    <saying who="madsy">Juliet|Awesome: Your title can be &quot;Kawaii&quot;. Now get to it ;-)</saying>
                    <saying who="Juliet|Awesome">Once upon a time there was midwestern computer programmer who couldn&#39;t bring herself to write the warped and tortured stories spinning round and round her sordid imagination</saying>
                    <saying who="jessicah">and then a kiwi married her and made all things right in her world</saying>
                    <saying who="jessicah">;)</saying>
                    <saying who="Juliet|Awesome">Then she did, and it was awesome, for she was awesome. She absolutely radiated with awesomeness, so much so it gave all the kids at the nearby elementary school a rare form of leukemia and radiation sickness</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#stackoverflow</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>The Awesome princess, rescued by the awesome prince on his awesome white horse</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="gandhi-eye-for-an-eye">
            <meta>
                <title>Gandhi - “An Eye for an Eye…“</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        An eye for an eye will make the whole world blind.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (Attributed)</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi">Mohandas Gandhi's Quotes</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="spaceballs-druish-princess">
            <meta>
                <title>Spaceballs - Druish Princess</title>
            </meta>
            <screenplay>
                <body>
                    <saying character="Princess Vespa">
                        <para>I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King
                        of the Druids.</para>
                    </saying>

                    <saying character="Lone Starr">
                        <para>
                            Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
                        </para>
                    </saying>

                    <saying character="Barf">
                        <para>
                            Funny, she doesn't look Druish.
                        </para>
                    </saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Mel Brooks</author>
                    <work href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094012/">Spaceballs</work>
                </info>
            </screenplay>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="userfriendly-greg-at-the-veterans-club">
            <meta>
                <title>UserFriendly.org: Greg at the Veterans Club</title>
            </meta>
            <screenplay>
                <body>

                    <description>
                        <para>
                            Greg the tech support guy is sitting in a Veterans
                            club along with a veteran.
                        </para>
                    </description>

                    <saying character="Veteran">
                        <para>
                            Tech support? What the hell kind of wussy
                            veteran experience is <bold>that</bold>?!
                        </para>
                    </saying>

                    <saying character="Greg">
                        <para>
                            Look, pal, <bold>you</bold> try to deal rationally
                            with a horde
                            of puerile, clueless,
                            I-make-more-money-than-you-so-fix-this-now dorks on
                            a daily basis and then tell me who should get a
                            medal.
                        </para>
                    </saying>

                    <description>
                        <para>
                            Pause.
                        </para>
                    </description>

                    <saying character="Veteran">
                        <para>
                            I…I'm sorry. I didn't know...
                        </para>
                    </saying>

                    <saying character="Greg">
                        <para>
                            Buddy, you have just <bold>no idea</bold> what
                            <bold>real</bold> pain is about.
                        </para>
                    </saying>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Illiad</author>
                    <work href="http://ars.userfriendly.org/cartoons/?id=20011010">UserFriendly Comic Strip for 10 October, 2001</work>
                </info>
            </screenplay>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="sharp-wikipedia-yo-dawg">
            <meta>
                <title>“Yo Dawg,”</title>
            </meta>
            <irc>
                <body>
<saying who="Lubaf">“yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion, so we put a yo dawg, we heard you like recursion…”</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">Lubaf: :-)</saying>
<saying who="Lubaf">Further variation: “yo dawg, we heard you don’t like fractals.”</saying>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <channel>#wikipedia</channel>
                    <network>Freenode</network>
                    <tagline>Yo Dawg</tagline>
                </info>
            </irc>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="dick-tracy-film-one-napoleon">
            <meta>
                <title>There was one Napoleon…</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>
                        There was one Napoleon, one George Washington,
                        and one me!
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Jim Cash and Joe Epps Jr.</author>
                    <work href="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dick_Tracy_%281990_film%29">Dick Tracy (1990 film)</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="if-at-first-1">
            <meta>
                <title>“If at first…”</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
                        that you tried.
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Unknown</author>
                    <work>Unknown</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="daniel-browning-about-correct-spelling-and-grammar">
            <meta>
                <title>Daniel Browning about Correct Spelling and Grammar</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        In this doggy-dog world, does grammer; spelling; “or
                        correct” quotation usage really matter anymore? I
                        beleive not. Case and point: mitsakes is literally a
                        diamond dozen, but they TOTALLY don’t make me want to
                        claw my eyes out with a dull spoon. Irregardless, it
                        begs the question: is it a mute point? For all
                        intensive purposes, if bad enlgish would of been the
                        downfall of society, then we’d of seen it bye now. some
                        say teh worst problem is loosing capitalization
                        punctuation is also an issue i think some thoughts need
                        to be seperated or maybe its the run on sentences? Does
                        it try your patients when I’LOL OMG Y U BFF said IDK
                        BRB?!! OIC, the BBQ is W/E GF IKR!!  1 How bad does it
                        get before i.e. its something up with which you will
                        not put?
                    </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Daniel Browning</author>
                    <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/pdx-pm-list/2011-September/006227.html">Post to the Portland Perl Mongers Mailing List</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="udp-packet-walks-into-a-bar">
            <meta>
                <title>“A UDP packet walks into a bar”</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p> A UDP packet walks into a bar, no one acknowledges him.
                    </p>

                    <p> A TCP packet walks into a bar twice because no one
                        acknowledged him the first time.  </p>

                    <p> An ICMP packet walks into a bar, says “Hello!” to the
                        bartender, who then in turn runs out to tell the ICMP
                        packet’s wife.

                    </p>

                    <p> A BGP peer walks into a bar, exchanges contact details
                        with every one, then leaves and… yeah I’ve probably
                        gone over my quota for terrible jokes today.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Omega-00</author>
                    <work href="http://gregsowell.com/?p=2742">You Down with UDP?</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="udp-joke">
            <meta>
                <title>UDP Joke</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>

                    <p>The best thing about a UDP joke is that I don’t
                    care if you get it or not.</p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Brandon</author>
                    <work href="http://gregsowell.com/?p=2742">You Down with UDP?</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="steven-rostedt-about-comments-and-code">
            <meta>
                <title>Steven Rostedt about comments and code</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>Golden rule #12: When the comments do not match the
                        code, they probably are both wrong ;)</p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Steven Rostedt</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/433900/">Post to the Linux kernel mailing list</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="tim-flink-about-utilising-facebook-and-twitter">
            <meta>
                <title>Utilising Facebook and Twitter for Fedora Packages</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <blockquote> <p>Way too boring, what you really want is for
                        every package to have its own twitter account so you
                        can tweet karma :-). </p> </blockquote>
                    <p> You might be on
                        to something here! But the 140 char limit would really
                        stifle my creativity when it comes to comments. I'd
                        rather create facebook pages for every package - that
                        way we could add karma by “liking” a package.  </p>

                    <p> We could even take it a step farther and use this for
                        marketing. Just imagine - “Play farmville with glibc
                        next wednesday and learn about the great new
                        features!”, “gdb has shared a picture with you”,
                        “NetworkManager wants to be your friend”. Oh the
                        possibilities …</p>

                    <p> Then again, the thought of getting an email saying
                        “Anaconda is now following you on Twitter” also amuses
                        me.  </p>

                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Tim Flink</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/490476/">Re: Fedora QA and Google Summer of Code 2012</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="children-warned-name-of-first-pet">
            <meta>
                <title>Children warned name of first pet should contain 8 characters and a digit</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p> Popular pet names Rover, Cheryl and Kate could be a
                        thing of the past. Banks are now advising parents to
                        think carefully before naming their child’s first pet.
                        For security reasons, the chosen name should have at
                        least eight characters, a capital letter and a digit.
                        It should not be the same as the name of any previous
                        pet, and must never be written down, especially on a
                        collar as that is the first place anyone would look.
                        Ideally, children should consider changing the name of
                        their pet every 12 weeks.  </p>

                    <p>

                        Expectant mothers have also been advised to choose
                        carefully where they give birth. Anywhere that has a
                        place name is best avoided. These are listed on maps,
                        which are freely available on the Internet.  </p>

                    <p> It’s a good idea too, security experts have warned, for
                        children not to get friendly with certain teachers. For
                        instance, Miss Smith may be enriching your son’s
                        education but he should try and see if he can’t make a
                        favourite of Father O’Grinnighan-Scythe II, even though
                        it may mean a lot of staying late.  </p>

                    <p> We tried to call Barclays’ security expert R0b Ste!nway
                        for a comment, but he was not available for 24 hours,
                        having answered his phone incorrectly three times in
                        succession.  </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Boutros</author>
                    <work href="http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2012/06/08/children-warned-name-of-first-pet-should-contain-8-characters-and-a-digit/">NewsBiscuit Post</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="why-Debian-may-have-an-older-version-of-a-package">
            <meta>
                <title>Why Debian May Have an Older Version of a Package</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p> There are a ton of reasons why Debian may have an
                        older version of an upstream release. For example, and
                        I hasten to point out that the following list is by no
                        means exhaustive, and not all of the possibilities are
                        common: </p>

                    <ul>

                        <li> The Debian package maintainer is dead, but nobody
                            noticed it yet, and nobody has wanted an update
                            badly enough to do an NMU or to adopt the package.
                        </li>

                        <li> The upstream release is actually a fake. It's a
                            trojan, which was put there by the NSA in order to
                            infiltrate the CIA mainframe. The Debian package
                            maintainer noticed this and uploaded that version
                            of the package to non-free instead of main, since
                            the trojan code does not come with proper source.
                        </li>

                        <li> Upstream has moved the RSS feed for new releases
                            without notifying the old feed of the move, so the
                            Debian package maintainer missed that, and doesn't
                            actually know about the new release. Due to a
                            complicated series of happenstance involving
                            rainbows, midget unicorns, and the ongoing rewrite
                            of the Netsurf web browser, the Debian package
                            maintainer is not able to find the new feed because
                            it would require doing a web search and their
                            browser doesn't have working form support now. No
                            other browser is available on the Amiga they're
                            using as their only computer, either.  </li>

                        <li> The new release is requested by insistent Hurd
                            porters, and the Debian package maintainer
                            absolutely loathes the Hurd, and will refuse to
                            upload any packages that work on the Hurd.  </li>

                        <li> The Debian package maintainer suffers from mental
                            problems cause by reading debian-devel too much,
                            and now has a nervous breakdown every time they
                            recognize a name as someone whom they've seen on
                            the list.  </li>

                        <li> The Debian development process is being sabotaged
                            by Microsoft sending people to the developers'
                            houses pretending to be TV license checkers or
                            Jehova's witnesses every time they detect, using
                            the hardware wireless keylogger embedded in every
                            PC, that the developer is trying to run any Debian
                            packaging command.  </li>

                        <li> Apple is also sabotaging Debian by paying me to
                            write snarky e-mails on Debian mailing lists to
                            distract everyone from working on the actual
                            release, so that we can get past the freeze and
                            start uploading things again without having to
                            worry that it breaks things in ways that makes the
                            freeze longer.  </li>

                    </ul>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Lars Wirzenius</author>
                    <work href="http://lwn.net/Articles/509254/">Post to debian-devel</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="esr-catb--writing-for-the-world">
            <meta>
                <title>Writing for the World</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Some European users bugged me into adding an option to
                        limit the number of messages retrieved per session (so
                        they can control costs from their expensive phone
                        networks). I resisted this for a long time, and I'm
                        still not entirely happy about it. But if you're
                        writing for the world, you have to listen to your
                        customers—this doesn't change just because they're not
                        paying you in money.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Eric Raymond</author>
                    <work href="http://www.catb.org/~esr/writings/cathedral-bazaar/cathedral-bazaar/">The Cathedral and the Bazaar</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="beyonce-best-thing-i-never-had-excerpt">
            <meta>
                <title>Excerpt from “Best Thing I Never Had”</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Thank God I found the good in goodbye!
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Beyoncé</author>
                    <work>“Best Thing I Never Had”</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
        <fortune id="eleanor-roosevelt-quote-1">
            <meta>
                <title>Eleanor Roosevelt Quote</title>
            </meta>
            <quote>
                <body>
                    <p>
                        Do one thing every day that scares you.
                    </p>
                </body>
                <info>
                    <author>Eleanor Roosevelt</author>
                    <work href="http://www.quotationspage.com/quote/35592.html">Quote</work>
                </info>
            </quote>
        </fortune>
    </list>
</collection>
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