Source

shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / fortunes / tinic.xml

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xml" href="fortune-xml-to-html.xsl"?>
<collection>
  <head/>
  <list>
    <fortune id="tinic-shlomi-fish-patents">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: Shlomi Fish's Patents</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
                There is no IGLU Cabal. Shlomi Fish has obtained a patent on
                certain key technologies essential for existence of IGLU
                Cabals. He is available for license negotiations only on
                February 29th of odd-numbered years, between the hours
                14:15:09-18:28:18.
            </p>

            <p>
                People, who practice IGLU Cabalism without the appropriate
                patent licenses, risk teleportation into the interior of
                exploding supernovae.
            </p>

            <p>
            Omer Zak in Hackers-IL message No. 1968<br />
            (Re: A TINIC Sequel)
            </p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1968">Hackers-IL
                Message No. 1968</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-patents">
      <meta>
          <title>TINIC: Patents</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>There is no IGLU Cabal!</p>

            <p>
                Writing this sentence followed by an explanation has been
                patented by Omer Zak in US patent No. 10943307*2^66452-1.
                Commenting on Omer's comment has been patented by Shlomi Fish
                in US patent No. e^(i*pi). The sentence itself is a trademark
                of Moshe Zadka.
            </p>

            <p>
                The existence of these patents is the only explanation one
                needs for this sentence.
            </p>

            <p>Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 1515</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1515">Hackers-IL
                Message No. 1515</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-email-from-hell">
      <meta>
          <title>TINIC: Email from Hell</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
                There is no IGLU Cabal. Some Politically-Correct ISPs block
                E-mail which comes from Hell. Unfortunately, some of the
                brightest minds needed for the IGLU Cabal languish in Hell.
            </p>

            <p>
                Omer Zak in Hackers-IL message No. 2203<br />
                ("Do you want to send E-mail from hell?")
            </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2203">Hackers-IL Message No. 2203</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-rdbms-in-fp">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: an RDBM Server in a Functional Programming Language</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
                There is no IGLU Cabal! Its members spent a better time of
                their lives writing an RDBM server in a purely functional
                programming language. After having to deal with designing
                many FP-friendly algorithms, and dealing with ugly code
                that was made uglier due to FP, they found the task of
                maintaining the IGLU site too mundande and unchallenging.
            </p>

            <p>Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 1964</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1964">Hackers-IL Message No. 1964</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-mppl">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: MPPL</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
        <p>
            There is no IGLU Cabal. The former Cabalists have been swallowed by
            the black hole of MPPL (Most Powerful Programming Language) and
            find the mundane programming problems posed by Linux kernel and
            applications to be incredibly elementary, trivial and boring.
        </p>

        <p>
            Omer Zak in Hackers-IL message No. 1302<br />
            ("Most mind-expanding computer language?")
        </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1302">Hackers-IL Message No. 1302</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-permutations">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: Permutations</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
          <p>There is no IGLU Cabal! Its members can be arranged in N! orders to form
N! different Cabals. The algorithm to find which order formulates the
correct IGLU Cabal is NP-Complete.
</p>

<p>
Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2071
</p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2701">Hackers-IL Message No. 2701</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-problem-equivalent">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: The Problem Equivalence</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
                There is no IGLU Cabal. The problem of founding an IGLU Cabal has been
proven, in a surprise move, to be equivalent to the question of existence
of God, fully-tolerant religions and NP-complete oracles.
            </p>

            <p>
                Omer Zak in Hackers-IL message No. 2060
            </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2060">Hackers-IL Message No. 2060</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-home-made-cabals">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: Home-made Cabals</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
                There is no IGLU Cabal! Home-made Cabals eventually superseded the power
and influence of the original IGLU Cabal, which was considered a cutting
edge development at its time.
            </p>

            <p>
                Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2001<br />
                ("Pentium 100 == Cray 1 (?)")<br />
    </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2001">Hackers-IL Message No. 2001</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-there-is">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: There is an IGLU Cabal</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>There is an IGLU Cabal, but its only purpose is to deny the
                existence of an IGLU Cabal</p>

            <p>
                Martha Greenberg in Hackers-IL message No. 2057
            </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Martha Greenberg</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2057">Hackers-IL Message No. 2057</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-prove-correctness">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: Prove the Correctness</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>There is no IGLU cabal! The former cabalists are trying to prove the
correctness of a program that proves the correctness of proofs of other
programs.</p>

<p>
    Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2607<br/>
    ("Proving the Correctness of a Proof")
    </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2607">Hackers-IL Message No. 2607</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-nameless-api">
      <meta>
          <title>TINIC: Nameless API</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>There is no IGLU Cabal! They had to write a web application in an API
(which chose to remain nameless) in which one has to call CreateFile with
6 or 7 arguments just to open a file. By the time they were finished,
someone wrote a 30-line perl script that did exactly the same thing.</p>

 <p>
     Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 1871<br/>
     ("Perl vs. JavaScript ASP with IIS")
    </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1871">Hackers-IL Message No. 1871</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-gsm-info-ignore">
      <meta>
        <title>Linux-IL: The information is intended to be ignored</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
          The information transmitted is intended to be ignored by the person or
entity in front of whom it appeared and may contain useless and/or
misleading material.  Any review, retransmission, dissemination or other
abuse of, or taking of any action of any kind because of this misinformation
by persons, animals,  aliens, or cosmic entities other than the unintended
recipient is bad karma.   If you received this error, please send your
paycheck to the sender and delete everything on the hard drive of your
computer.
</p>

<p>
    Geoffrey S. Mendelson in Linux-IL message /02/09/msg00066.html
    </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Geoffrey S. Mendelson</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg21541.html">Post to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-gsm-protexia">
      <meta>
        <title>Linux-IL: GSM about Protexia</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
          This sender of this e-mail is privileged and has protexia with people in
high places. Don't ask, they are in high places. You could not have
received it in error, we know what we are doing. If it has any scandal
or gossip value please notify the newspapers,  television and radio by
e-mail and then delete everything from your system.   Please copy it and
use it for any purposes, and especially  disclose its  contents to the
press:  to do so would be exactly what we really wanted. This disclaimer
is to cover our you-know-what if it ever got out that we sent it to you.
Thank you for your co-operation.  Please dial 911 if you need
assistance.
</p>

<p>
    Geoffrey S. Mendelson in Linux-IL message 02/09/msg00090.html
    </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Geoffrey S. Mendelson</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg21564.html">Message to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-omerz-ally-mcbeal">
      <meta>
        <title>Hackers-IL: Ally McBeal as a Software House</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>Ally McBeal as a Software House:</p>

            <p>
Richard Fish - the methodology gury, usually does not actually write code.
But he does stress doing things the right way (not in PHB sense, but in
hacker sense).
</p>

<p>
Ally McBeal - the brilliant female hacker.  Her code is mixture of
brilliancy - both in getting the job done, and in the quality of bugs
which go into it.
</p>

<p>
"Biscuit" - would be the type who does not think twice of embedding a
string representing a Scheme script into an assembly language device
driver, and invoking Guile from it.
</p>

<p>
    Other participants - left as homework.
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2819">Hackers-IL Message No. 2819</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-tls">
      <meta>
        <title>Linux-IL: TLS</title>
      </meta>
      <raw>
        <body>
          <text><![CDATA[On Tue, Dec 16, 2003, Shaul Karl wrote about "Re: Various performance
problems":
> On Tue, Dec 16, 2003 at 11:42:49AM +0200, Nadav Har’El wrote:
> >
> >       I'm guessing that TLS (thread local storage, NOT transport layer
> > security)
>
>
>   Is there any work to remove this name clash?

Yes, the Thread-Local-Storage people were annoyed by this clash, and
decided to change their name. The new name they came up was "Storing
Stuff Locally", or SSL for short.
]]></text>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31801.html">Post to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-question-of-existence">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: Question of Existence</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>NOTE:  the question of existence of the IGLU Cabal is not on-topic
anymore, as it was already discussed from all possible angles in Signature
lines of few regular Hackers-IL participants.  This is besides the fact
that the IGLU Cabal Does Not Exist, and Hamakor officially denies any
relationship with the IGLU Cabal.</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3954">Hackers-IL Message No. 3954</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-on-topic">
      <meta>
        <title>Hackers-IL: What is on-topic?</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>[Hackers-IL discusses what is on-topic and off-topic there]</p>

            <p>Hey Omer,</p>

            <p>Pretty thorough list, but you forgot:</p>

            <p>More typical subjects for Hackers-IL:</p>

            <ul>
<li>Shlomi Fish</li>
<li>Meta-discussions about Shlomi Fish</li>
<li>Discussions about what is off-topic or not</li>
<li>Meta-discussions about whether discussion about what is off-topic or
not, is off-topic or not</li>
<li>List of typical subjects for Hackers-IL</li>
<li>Literal ways to make any discussion infinitely recursive</li>
</ul>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Tal Rotbart</author>
            <work href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3965">Hackers-IL Message No. 3965</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hamakor-discs-mozilla-1.1-1">
      <meta>
        <title>Hamakor Discussions: Mozilla 1.1</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>You can easily install the binary distribution of Mozilla (from mozilla.org)
on a different prefix, possibly under your home directory. Please install it
and use it instead of Mozilla 1.1, at least when verifying if problems
indeed exist. I do not wish to tolerate any more reports of problems when
using Mozilla 1.1, because I can't tell if it's a bug that was fixed by
then, or if it's an actual issue with Mozilla.</p>

<p>
On a slightly different note: my machine crashed the other day when using it
with kernel 2.6.0. Can anyone help?</p>

    <p>Shlomi Fish on discussions@hamakor.org.il</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://mirror.hamakor.org.il/archives/discussions/05-2005/1495.html">Post to discussions@hamakor.org.il</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hamakor-discs-commodore-64--1">
      <meta>
          <title>Hamakor Discussions: Commodore 64 - #1</title>
      </meta>
      <raw>
        <body>
          <text><![CDATA[> > On a slightly different note: my machine crashed the other day when
> > using it with kernel 2.6.0. Can anyone help?
>
> I do not wish to tolerate any reports of problems when using  kernel
> 2.6.0, because I can't tell if it's a bug that was fixed by then, or
> if it's an actual issue with the kernel.

My Commodore 64 is suffering from slowness and insufficiency of memory;
and its display device is grievously short of pixels.  Can anyone help?

	Shlomi Fish, Muli Ben Yehuda and Omer Zak on
	discussions@hamakor.org.il.
]]></text>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://mirror.hamakor.org.il/archives/discussions/05-2005/1497.html">Post to the Hamakor Discussions Mailing List</work>
        </info>
      </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hamakor-discs-commodore-64--2">
        <meta>
            <title>Hamakor Discussions: Commodore 64 - #2</title>
      </meta>
      <raw>
        <body>
          <text><![CDATA[> > My Commodore 64 is suffering from slowness and insufficiency of memory;
> > and its display device is grievously short of pixels.  Can anyone help?
>
> I can give you 64K of memory to make it a Commodore 128, it will be just
> like brand new. I'll throw in a disk drive so you can dump the
> cassettes, they are obsolete these days.

Leave your Commodore alone, this platform does not allow good scaling, even
doubling RAM amount... I think it's good time to upgrade to XT. You can even
install another 8088 instead of 8087 co-processor. Dual-CPU system would
allow greater throughput in multiuser enviroment. Yes, I know it demands
bigger initial investment, but the ROI is guaranteed in no more than 2
years.

	Omer Zak, Baruch Even and Alexey Maslennikov on
	discussions@hamakor.org.il
]]></text>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Alexey Maslennikov</author>
            <work href="http://mirror.hamakor.org.il/archives/discussions/05-2005/1500.html">Post to the Hamakor Discussions Mailing List</work>
        </info>

      </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-mav-chickens">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL - Marc A. Volovic about Chicken</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>Dear Mz. Agmon,</p>

            <p>What a horrid and nasty post you made. You absolutely lack ANY sense of
humour, human and human feelings as well as even an inkling of the
rediculous.</p>

<p>
Can you not get it in your head that Shlomi, is promoting the cause of
free-range chickens, defending their poor brethren rights, protesting
their distreatment with the heANDS OF NASTI AND HORRIBLE PEOPL WHO RAIZE
CHIKINS IN REAL SMALL CAGES WHERE MY FATHER WHO WAS THE MINISTER OF OIL
PRODUCTION IN OUR GLORIOUS CUNTRY WAS MURDERED BY THE DEPRAVED
MERCERNAIES IMPORETED FROM IZREAL BY THE FASCUITIC PRES. SESESCLUCK. HOW
EVER MY FATHER HAS SEKVESTRED $16,750,962.23 (SIXTEEN MILLION, SEVEN
HUNDRT, NEIN HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO US DOLARS AND TWENTY-THREE CENTS) IN
AN UNNUMBERED ACCOUNT IN THE BANK OF OUR CUNTRY.
</p>

<p>
I LIKE TO SHARE THA STASH WITH YOU IF YOU ONLY SEND ME A BIG BOX MADE OF
EGG CONTAINERS AND A SMALL TICKET TO BORA-BORA, BUISNES CLASS, PLEZ.
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Marc A. Volovic</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg42358.html">Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-mav-clients-demands">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL: Marc A. Volovic about Clients' Demands</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>Hello, mein kinder.</p>

            <p>While both Gilad and yours truly are indubitably and inalienably right, it
is often that clients in their infinite (the hands - they have a life of
their own and will not type "wisdom") perversity will ask for such
wonderful contraptions as RTAI kernel running in RedHat 7.2 distribution
with Mozilla 1.5 backported into it, the whole thing shouldred a-la the
Tokya Underground at 7am into a 16MB NAND flash running with a proprietary
driver (Gilad - we know the culprits, do we not?)…</p>

<p>
What should the indie, the consultant, the Gitche Manitou of the right
solution, do in such a case? Shove the right thing down the client's gullet
(I did that, it is very trying to shove a 48-node cluster down ANYONE's
gullet and, truth be told, not very hygienic)? Let the client blithfully
trundle towards his/her/its doom? Lie outright, say you do this, do the
other? What?</p>

<p>
    Jonathan? Gilad? Gil? Shahar? Oron? Danny? Lior?
    </p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Marc A. Volovic</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg44324.html">Post to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="python-il-python-trainer">
      <meta>
        <title>Python-IL: Python Trainer</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  &gt; I am looking for a Python trainer so we can start offering<br/>
          &gt; Python training to our customers.
          </p>

          <p>
              Must… Resist… Oh what the heck.
          </p>

              <p>
(read with a heavy southern India accent)
</p>

<p>
Hello, my name is Ashish Khare, I've been a python trainer for
fourteen years under the great Ranjan of Pushkar, I would love to
train any python that you have, I also do cobra and rattle snakes. I
am highly experienced and my pythons have only bitten 3 people so far,
one of them tried to actually grab it by the teeth, imagine that. No
fatalities so far. I have my own basket and flute and willing to
relocate.
</p>

<p>
Please call Ashish +91 (98) 1137-7803 for more details.
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Arik Baratz</author>
            <work href="http://permalink.gmane.org/gmane.comp.python.israel/427">Post to Python-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-hacky-new-year">
      <meta>
          <title>Hacky New Year</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  Let the next version be good and full of eye-candy.<br/>
                  Let the FUD spreaders begone and vanish.<br/>
                  Let us be CAR and not CDR.<br/>
                  Let our features outweigh our bugs.<br/>
                  Let our patches be approved and committed.<br/>
                  Let our code spread in torrents.<br/>
</p>

<p>
    Hacky New Year :-)
    </p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Beni Cherniavsky</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/4725">Blessing for the New Hebrew Year</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-sun-and-weblogic">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL: Sun and Weblogic</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  Since you are running a proprietary closed source system like Weblogics
                  and Solaris, I suggest you call their customer support.
              </p>

              <p>
Sun and Weblogics both told me that their customer support is their key
differentiator and competitive advantage over Open Source in the telecom
service provider market in order to ensure
high availability of mission critical systems.
              </p>

              <p>
God - I love the way those buzz-words just roll off my keyboard…
              </p>

              <p>
Best regards and good luck - this is a Linux/FOSS forum…sorry if you
think I'm a snob but I had a similar problem with the Sun Java
application server a few years ago and it took Sun 3 months to admit
they didn't know the answer…
              </p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Danny L</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg45715.html">Post to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-linux-for-the-mother">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL: Linux for One's Mother</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
          I installed Linux (first Red Hat, then Mandrake) for my mom a few years ago.
The reason: her TV card refused to work properly in Windows no matter what we
tried. So she was extremely happy with Linux and hardly bugged me at all. And
believe me, she's rather clueless on the computer (she does stuff like opening
a doc file in word and choosing "save as.." in order to rename a file :).
</p>

<p>
Anyways, she was using linux happily, w/ a dual boot to Windows which she
hardly used, and then my brother convinced her to let him install Windows
instead.
</p>

<p>
Now, she keeps calling everyone every week or two with problems in her Windows
and she really misses her Linux… (she misses the uptime, the multiple
desktops, the fact that things didn't suddenly break and stop working for no
reason, her games - Aisleriot, PySol, LBreakOut 2, and other things I can't
think of right now.)
</p>

<p>
Oh, and about the command line, back then when she tried to shut down her
linux, sometimes some process needed manual killing, so I gave her the set of
commands she needed to type in the command line and she had no problem doing
that. In fact, she preferred doing that than, say, dragging some file in
Windows, because for her it's easier to give the computer some commands she
doesn't really understand than to start trying to figure out "intuitive"
GUI…
</p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Netta El-Al </author>
            <work href="http://mirror.hamakor.org.il/archives/linux-il/05-2005/15319.html">Linux for One's Mother</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-asterisk-weekend-of-code">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL: Asterisk Weekend of Code</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  Quoting Nir Simionovich, from the post of Mon, 02 Apr:<br/>
                  &gt; Hi All,<br/>
                  &gt;  <br/>
                  &gt;   I'm trying to arrange an Asterisk weekend of code, with the purpose of<br/>
</p>

<p>
I see this as a direct attack on datyim, people with children, people
who work during the week and want to rest on the weekend but don't have
children, people who like to go diving on weekends in Eilat, soldiers on
weekend duty (without children), people who don't know Hebrew, and worst
of all: the vast majority of people who don't want Hebrew in the
Asterisk tools and DO have children but are not datiyim!
</p>

<p>
    When will the biggotry end?
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Ira Abramov</author>
            <work href="http://article.gmane.org/gmane.linux.region.israel/29847">Post to Linux-IL</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-russians-use-for-drinks">
      <meta>
          <title>Linux-IL: Which Substances Russians Use for Drinks</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>
            Well, no. Russians do not use everything for drinks. It has been
empirically proved that some substances - e.g. slag - cannot be
used to make drinks.
</p>

            <p>
Worse, some substances - e.g. slag - cannot be even used for the
after-drink zakuska.
</p>
            <p>
Yet even worse than that, some substances - e.g. slag - are not
even useful for bottling drinks.
</p>
            <p>
The silver lining on the rain cloud, however, is that there are precious
few such substances. Namely, one - slag.
</p>
            <p>
                Slainte!
                </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Marc A. Volovic</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39712.html">Linux-IL Post</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-shelf-vs-skycraper">
      <meta>
          <title>Hackers-IL: Shelf vs. Skycraper</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>


<p>
    &gt; My personal advice and preferences:<br/>
    &gt; Don't bother with advice about understanding 50-line code blocks.<br/>
    &gt; Advise how to make 10,000,000 line code base easier to understand.<br/>
</p>

<p>
Your advice is similar to going to a guy explaining home-improvement on TV
and showing how to build a shelf (or whatever) well, and telling him: "don't
bother with advice about building a shelf - advise how to build a 150 story
sky-scraper!". True, if a someone is about to build a sky-scraper, they should
not bother with the details on how to make a shelf (they'll hire someone to
do that), but most people will never need to build a sky-scraper in their
lives, while building shelves is a useful skill.
</p>

<p>
Similarly, most hobbyist (or even most professional) programmers will benefit
more from advice on writing 10,000 line programs than from advice on how to
write 10,000,000 lines.
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1222">Hackers-IL Message No 1,222</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-cs-in-real-life-1">
      <meta>
          <title>Hackers-IL: CS in Real Life - #1</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>

<p>
I have much more books than I can put on my night-stand. Books that are
on my night-stand are quickly accessible (when I'm in bed, that is), and
books on the shelf are not (I hate getting up from the cozy, warm, bed).
So, when I suddenly feel like reading a book that is not on the night-
stand, I have no choice but to go to sleep. In the morning, I wake up and
always find the book I wanted next to the bed! As it turns out, when I was
asleep, another process, known as "sleepwalkd" got me the book I wanted.
Also, when my nightstand already has too many books on it, The sleepwalk
process moves one of the books - the one I'm least likely to want to read
next - back to the shelf.
</p>

<p>
Last month, four Europeans with weird names decided to mess around with my
book-reading system. One called Alan decided that in some cases I should
move *all* my books to the shelf, go to bed without any books the same
night, and instead fill the nightstand with crap. And if somehow all my
shelves are full I should just burn one at random (if it burns the whole
shelf, or the wrong shelf, who cares).<br/>
Another one, called Andrea, decided that I should redesign my whole
sleepwalking routine according to his master-plan. However, this made my
sleepwalking become so strange, that people were hesitant to call me
"stable" any more. Alan thought my new sleepwalking was a sure sign of
be not being stable.<br/>
But then a third European, Linus, finally made a judgment-call, and decided
that I was stable, even with Andrea's new sleepwalking routine. He then
told yet another European, Marcello, that from now he's resposible for
keeping me stable. I thought it was my shrink's resposibility, but
Marcello said no, that now that he finally has some responsibility he's not
going to just give it up.
</p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1408">Hackers-IL Message No. 1,408</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-cs-in-real-life-2">
      <meta>
         <title>Hackers-IL: CS in Real Life - #2</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>

<p>
2. Journaling filesystems:
</p>

<p>
Imagine writing stuff on a lot of different notes and pieces of papers,
etc., and then suddenly getting hit in the head and forgetting everything
(call this rebooting). You suddenly don't know which was the note you
were in the middle of writing, and you may end up finding a note saying
"kill &lt;name&gt;" not knowing you really meant to write "kill &lt;name&gt;'s jobs on
the department's workstation, because they are hogging all resources" before
you got hit on the head. That's why you should have a journal. Write
everything that you do in there, one entry after another, and only when
you complete a whole note, cut it out of the journal and keep it.
</p>

<p>
Also, when you go to the bathroom, don't forget to write down in the
journal about whether you're already done with #1, #2, or #3 (don't ask
what #3 is…). That way, if you suddenly get hit on the head (say, the
nice fake plant over the toilet falls on you) you won't get embaraced,
asking yourself questions like "Oops, I don't remember if I did #2 or not,
so should I reach for some toilet paper or not?" If you had a journal,
everything would have been much simpler. Just look in there, and see what
you've been up to.
</p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1408">Hackers-IL Message No. 1,408</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-cs-in-real-life-3">
      <meta>
         <title>Hackers-IL: CS in Real Life - #3</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>

<p>
3. Blue Screen of Death:
</p>

<p>
Some people, after a bit of strenuous activity, or simply a couple of
days of normal life, suddenly go blue and freeze up. Some people call it
the blues, others just call it death, but in OS lingo it's simply the
Blue Screen of Death. When that happens to a you, somebody passing by then
needs to hit you on the head (this is called a "reboot", after the footwear
usually worn while kicking someone's head). After a minute, you wake up,
forgetting everything you didn't write down before the event, but
functioning much better than you did before (at least for the first hour).
</p>

        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1408">Hackers-IL Message No. 1,408</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-cs-in-real-life-4">
      <meta>
         <title>Hackers-IL: CS in Real Life - #4</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>


                <p>4. User Friendliness and Graphical User Interface:</p>

<p>
Most people are not very user-friendly. Try talking to a person (especially
of the opposite sex) and trying to guess what you're supposed to do now,
what the other person wants from you, what would happen if you did this,
and what would happen if you did that, and how the heck to you get the
other person to do what you really want. No more of that! People should
get a graphical user interface. Why talk to the other person in that
complex command line language we call "Hebrew", when you can just look at
the menu, see the options "Leave me alone" and "Let's have sex" and just
chose the one you want! Better yet, why not have a toolbar, with nice little
icons?
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1408">Hackers-IL Message No. 1,408</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hackers-il-cs-in-real-life-5">
      <meta>
         <title>Hackers-IL: CS in Real Life - #5</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
        <body>
            <p>5. Authentication:</p>

<p>
In the simple old days, to recognize someone you'd just look at his face
and try to remember who it is (if you didn't forget it in one of the Blue
Screen of Death episodes). But there's a much better way, which is more
mathematically-sound: RSA! Why try to remember a (many times ugly) face,
when instead you can remember a person's 1024 bit RSA key? (remembering
1024 ones and zeros is a lot of fun! try it!) Then, when you meet the
other person, and you want to be sure it is *really* that guy, not some
Hannibal Lektor who pealed his face off and wore it, all you need to do is
to make up a random number (try not to choose 7, because that is too easily
guessable!), do some fun arithmetic with 1024 digit numbers, and then tell
the other person the result (hoping that the other guy doesn't get bored
by you reading out aloud the digits "one" and "zero" a thousand times) and
ask him to try to guess the random number from it. If he succeeds, he's
not Hannibal Lektor - but he's probably mad anyway.
</p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1408">Hackers-IL Message No. 1,408</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-il-real-windows-sysadmins">
      <meta>
         <title>Linux-IL - Real Windows Sysadmins</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <blockquote>
                  <blockquote>
                      <p>
4. One of my friends works in a software development house who has an NT
server farm that needs to have close to 100% uptime and operationality.
Needless to say, they have top-of-the-class admins, and also make use of
scripting, the command line, command automation, etc. a lot. Most NT sys
admins don't know anything about the NT command line, much less about
scripting and automation.
</p>
</blockquote>
<p>
Welcome to the real world with *real* MS sysadmins. Those who script,
automate, write code, know a thing or two about security and the
underlying technology. You know… professionals.
</p>
<p>
Please, please, do not tag those other "MCSE wannabes" with "Systems
Administrator" title. People that hardly know how to administer couple
servers and dozen workstations in my world are hardly called
"operators" (and the same stands in Linux world)
</p>
</blockquote>
<p>
"operators". It's been a long time since I saw this word used anywhere. In
fact, I think the first and only time I saw it so far was in the story "The
Bastard Operator from Hell". (which is a highly recommended read).
</p>

<p>
    But we need a common word for both sys-admins and "operators".
</p>
          </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish and Guy Teverovsky</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg41179.html">Linux-IL: "Re: Cost-Efficiency of Unix and Windows Admins"</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-iglu-cabal-paradigm">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: IGLU Cabal Paradigm</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  There is no IGLU Cabal! They set out to write the "IGLU
                  Cabal Paradigm", which aimed to be the ultimate programming
                  paradigm ever created or ever to be created. Then they
                  became frustrated that some programming newbies who fully
                  read "The IGLU Cabal Paradigm Bible" still produced very bad
                  code.
              </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1971">Hackers-IL
                Message No. 1968 - "Programming Paradigms Cont."</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="if-a-website-crashes-in-the-middle-of-the-night">
      <meta>
        <title>"If a Website crashes…"</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  Question: if a website crashes in the middle of the night and
                  there are no support people to roll in the crash cart, will
                  anyone hear it play
                  C:\WINNT\Media\Windows 2003 Critical Stop.wav
                  to call the nurse, or does it wait till morning for the
                  doctors' rounds?
              </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Ira Abramov</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg54167.html">Linux-IL Message: "Re: Bank Leumi site finalls works from Linux"</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="eclipse-is-emacs-for-the-21st-century">
      <meta>
        <title>Eclipse is Emacs for the 21st Century</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      Why Eclipse doesn't belong to the "right" tools ? My
                      naïve understanding is that Eclipse is Emacs of the 21-st
                      century – it is open source, customizable etc., similar
                      to Emacs; in addition to being graphical.
                  </p>
              </blockquote>
              <p>
                  Thank you! I was wondering why I hated Eclipse so much, and
                  you have put your finger on it. It's exactly like a 21-st
                  century Emacs.
              </p>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Shachar Shemesh</author>
            <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/haifux@haifux.org/msg03885.html">Re: [Haifux] [W2L] Call for lecturer + "Linux guru"</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tinic-main-organizer-got-99-percent-in-a-course">
      <meta>
        <title>TINIC: The Main Organizer and His Test Grade</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>

              <p>
                  There is no IGLU Cabal. The main organizer got 99% in the
                  course about starting and managing Linux Cabals, which he
                  took in the Industrial Engineering Faculty. However this
                  grade did not reflect his organizational abilities in the
                  real world, and this was the understatement of the century.
              </p>

          </body>
        <info>
            <author>Omer Zak</author>
            <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/1464">Hackers-IL
                Message No. 1464 - "Grades and the Real World"</work>
        </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="dont-send-me-perl">
      <meta>
        <title>Don't Send Me Perl</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      I agree with your assessment about hand-editing, but I
                      wanted to be sure before I get in too deep. Send to me
                      the code, I will try to get something useful out of it.
                      Unless it's Perl. Don't send me Perl!
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p> I have some 16-bit Turbo C++ C source code to convert the
                  Gregorian Calendar to the Jewish calendar here: </p>

              <p> http://www.shlomifish.org/open-source/nostalgia/ </p>

              <p> It's MIT/X11, but will take some effort to adapt and I've
                  found much more elegant code in C in the past on the Net
                  (which during my work for Cortext Web Design, I translated
                  into Perl 5, back in 1996ish. It was since lost.).  I think
                  it was GPLed.  </p>

              <p> I also have versions of this code in COBOL.NET, Intercal,
                  PDP-10 Assembly, J, APL, Windows NT 4.0 Batch script and
                  Autocad Lisp - I'm sure you can handle all of them because
                  none of them is Perl. ;-).  </p>

              <p> Perlfully and Painfully yours, </p>

              <p> -- Shlomi Fish </p>

          </body>
          <info>
              <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
              <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg58163.html">Linux-IL: "Re: Hebrew calendar software creators: can you notify this list when
                  updating the calendar?"</work>
          </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hebrew-politically-correct-dates">
      <meta>
        <title>Hebrew Politically Correct Dates</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>
                  Shlomi Fish wrote:
              </p>

              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      First of all, I should note that "April 21" is an
                      Americanism which makes little sense and one should use
                      "21 April" or "21st of April" in Commonwealth English or
                      Israeli English.
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p>
                  Erez Schatz replied:
              </p>

              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      "April" and the entire Gregorian calendar are not-Hebrew
                      and make little sense. One should use "Zain in I'yar".
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p>
                  To which Sawyer X replied:
              </p>

              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      Actually, if we're gonna nitpick… "Zain" and "I'yar" are
                      hebrew words, but "in" is not. It's an Englishification of
                      the sentence.  You should write "Zain be'I'yar". :)
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p>
                  To which Shlomi Fish replied:
              </p>

              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanization">Romanisation</a>
                      is an imperialistic practice and we must not succumb to it.
                      We should write the date as "ז' באייר" using the Hebrew
                      alphabet exclusively. ;-)
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p>
                  To which Sawyer X replied:
              </p>

              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      You win best reply!
                  </p>
              </blockquote>

              <p>
                  To which Shlomi Fish replied:
              </p>

              <blockquote>

                  <p>
                      Yes, but I haven't finished yet. The contemporary names
                      for the Hebrew months are Pagan, for example
                      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iyar is:
                  </p>

                  <p>
                      «(Hebrew: אִייָר‎ or אִיָּר, Standard Iyyar Tiberian ʾIyyār ; from Akkadian
                      ayyaru,
                      meaning "Rosette; blossom"…The name is Babylonian in origin.»
                  </p>

                  <p>
                      (And Tamuz is the name of a Phoenician god who is akin to
                      the Egyptian Ossiris.)
                  </p>

                  <p>
                      As a result, we should use the old Biblican numerical
                      names of the months and call "Iyar" "The Eighth month" if
                      we start from Tishrey or "The Second Month" if we start
                      from Nissan and say that "Zayin in Iyar" is "Hayom
                      hashvi3i bahodesh hasheni" or "Hayom hashvi3i bahodesh
                      hashmini.". ;-) (I'm using the evil transliteration to
                      Latin out of laziness but I'm consistently inconsistent.)
                  </p>

                  <p>
                      And we should also revert to the old Phoenician /
                      Kna'anite alphabet which was originally used for writing
                      Hebrew instead of the contemporary Hebrew alphabet that
                      is derived from the Aramaic transformation of it… (There
                      are actually characters for it in Unicode).
                  </p>
              </blockquote>
          </body>
          <info>
              <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
              <work href="http://mail.perl.org.il/pipermail/perl/2010-April/thread.html">Perl-Israel April 2010 Archive</work>
          </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="kernel-compilation-speedups">
      <meta>
          <title>Kernel Compilation Speedups</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>Shlomi Fish Wrote:</p>
              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                  Well, I've also built some kernels for ocassions. The vanilla
                  2.6.37 kernel I built seemed snappier than the shipped-in
                  Mandriva kernel, and Freecell Solver executed there at
                  72.7685720920563s instead of 73.6936609745026s (the fractions
                  are what was reported by my script and copy pasted here -
                  they are not very accurate.).
                  </p>
              </blockquote>
              <p>
                  I hope that you agree with me that 99.9218485921% of the
                  users wouldn't bother themselves with recompilation (or any
                  other manual step for that matter) to make their games run
                  1.27127529900685765% faster ;-)
              </p>
          </body>
          <info>
              <author>Nadav Har’El</author>
              <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/haifux@haifux.org/msg04429.html">Haifux Post - “No! No! Don't compile your kernel!”</work>
          </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
  </list>
</collection>