shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / fortunes / shlomif-factoids.xml

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xml" href="fortune-xml-to-html.xsl"?>
<collection>
  <head/>
  <list>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-1">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #1</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p> 
                      Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day,
                      but then destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so
                      no-one will know his secrets.  
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-2">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #2</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p> 
                    Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code 
                    before lunch.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-3">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #3</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p> 
                      Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, he'll 
                      tell your boss what to do.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-4">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #4</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p> 
                    Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 
                    hours. Twice.
                  </p>
                  <p>
                      ( Actually, he wrote it in 24 hours. Twice. (The first 
                      time longhand in blood. The second time he typed it in 
                      from memory (by <b>Drew Roberts</b>). )
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-5">
          <meta>
              <title>Kattana's Chuck Norris Fact #5</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, 
                      it just does whatever he wants. (By: <b>Kattana</b>.) 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Kattana</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-6">
          <meta>
              <title>Daxim's Chuck Norris Fact #6</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the 
                      SVN server's head.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Daxim</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-7">
          <meta>
              <title>Su-Shee's Chuck Norris Fact #7</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes. (Su-Shee)
                  </p>
                  <p>
                      He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Su-Shee and Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-8">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #8</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian 
                      GNU/Linux distribution. And he wrote it in 24 hours, 
                      while taking snack breaks. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-9">
          <meta>
              <title>Araujo's Chuck Norris Fact #9</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                        Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes 
                        commit for him.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Araujo</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-10">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #10</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' 
                      computer. As a result, when he uses Microsoft Windows, 
                      it behaves just like a Linux system. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-11">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #11</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by
                      implementing the most optimised machines for them using
                      real atoms. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-12">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #12</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider
                      lame.
                  </p>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-13">
          <meta>
              <title>joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #13</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles Chuck 
                      Norris allows to live. (By: <b>joeyadams</b>) 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>joeyadams</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-14">
          <meta>
              <title>joeyadams's Chuck Norris Fact #14</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Wikipedia deletionists don't delete lame Wikipedia 
                      articles. Chuck Norris deletes lame Wikipedia articles.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-15">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #15</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      No one knows all of Perl - not even Larry Wall. Except 
                      Chuck Norris, who knows all of Perl 5, Perl 6 and can 
                      answer questions about the design of Perl 7. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-16">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #16</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                    Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the 
                    Linux Kernel Mailing List), understands them all, and he 
                    kills all gnomes he sees in sight. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-17">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #17</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, "emerge kde" finishes in
                      under a minute. A computer cannot afford to keep Chuck
                      waiting for too long. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-18">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #18</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                    Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all 
                    the great men who could ever pose a competition. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-19">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #19</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      "My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his 
                      boss." 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-20">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #20</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris can make the statement "This statement is
                      false." a true one.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-21">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #21</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that
                      hungry people make humanity a more challenging adversary.
                      If everyone had enough to eat, it would be too easy for
                      him.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-22">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #22</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-chuck-23">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's Chuck Norris Fact #23</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in
                      Microsoft Notepad without having to use the backspace
                      key. And it compiled without errors or warnings, and was
                      100% bug-free.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/">Chuck 
                      Norris Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-1">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #1</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      XSLT is the worst thing since non-sliced bread.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-2">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #2</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT
                      to scare them.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-3">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #3</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      XSLT is the number one cause of programmers' suicides
                      since Visual Basic 1.0.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-4">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #4</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-5">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #5</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and Sugar-Less
                      Tea (XSLT).
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-6">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #6</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-7">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #7</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Confucius says: "XSLT made me realise humanity was
                      hopeless.".
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-8">
          <meta>
              <title>Zuu's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #8</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Even APL won't make friends with XSLT. 
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Zuu</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-9">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #9</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      God considered using XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt,
                      but then thought it was too evil.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-10">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #10</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-11">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #11</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing
                      XSLT.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-12">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #12</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      The KGB used to torture their victims by having them
                      look at scrolling XSLT code.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-13">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #13</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      "My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write
                      XSLT. Prepare to die!  And be thankful I don't force you
                      to write XSLT."
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-14">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #14</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-xslt-15">
          <meta>
              <title>Shlomi Fish's "How XSLT is Evil" Facts #15</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <p>
                      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.
                  </p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/">XSLT Facts by Shlomi Fish and Friends</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-larry-wall-facts">
          <meta>
              <title>Larry Wall Facts</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <ul>
                      <li>Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last
                          year.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall gets the colon.</li>
                      <li>There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only
                          one that matters.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall applies a patch
                          manually quicker than GNU patch.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall
                          dreams in Perl.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall can program in his
                          sleep.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full
                          of hubris.</li>
                      <li>Larry Wall has more dollars in the
                          bank than in his Perl code.</li>
                  </ul>
                  <p>-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish</p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/">Shlomi Fish's "Larry Wall Facts"</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
      <fortune id="shlomif-fact-larry-wall-facts-2">
          <meta>
              <title>Larry Wall Facts No. 2</title>
          </meta>
          <quote>
              <body>
                  <ul>
                      <li>
Larry Wall <b>does</b> know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong
or misinformed, so people will think he's not as awesome as he really is.
</li>
<li>
Larry Wall's pure-Perl code is faster than Assembly.
</li>
<li>
Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.
</li>
                  </ul>
                  <p>-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish</p>
              </body>
              <info>
                  <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                  <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/">Shlomi Fish's "Larry Wall Facts"</work>
              </info>
          </quote>
      </fortune>
  </list>
</collection>
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