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shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / Selena-Mandrake / ideas.txt

* The Master
    - "Call me 'Karl'".
    - "I always thought the Master would be Karl the Great"
    - "You're Charlemagne, admit it."
    - "Idiot, you've discovered my identity and I shall now parish. Selena
    Mandrake - I have been slain by you."
    - his soul leaves his body and gives his body.
    - Selena touches his corpse with her foot and the body evaporates into
    dust.
        - The crowd cheers.

* "You now must slay The Rider, the Vampirella with the oldest body ; the
Integrator, the Vampire with the same body and same soul ; and The Slayer,
the first vampire to have slain."

* "Only a Vampire can slay a vampire, and vampirellas are the most formidable
slayers."

* "Tell you what - I'm no longer The Slayer. I quit"
    - The Guide: "As you wish."
    - A crazy looking woman heads into their direction with a knife in her
    hands.
        - Selena freaks out and hides behind the Guide.
        - The Guide pulls out a cross bow and shoots the woman in her heart
        and she evaporates into dust.
    - "That was the Slayer"
    - "Selena: so you slew her?"
    - "The Guide: no, you did."

* The Guide gives Selena a gift in a fancy chest. The first compartment contains
a very stylised 1d10 die, and after opening the other compartment, she sees
a plastic card saying "Vampire" on the side, with her ID photo, and saying:
«Selena Mandrake ; "buffy" ; The Dispeller» on the other side.

* The two British vampires.
    - Selena is doing her maths homework at the library.
    - "I'm Alan. I'm John. We're Mighty Vampires."
        - "Selena Mandrake. Mighty Pirate.".
    - The start talking about various pop culture stuff and funny things.
    - end up emulating the suicide squad from "Life of Brian".
        - with unsharpened pencils.
        - "Selena Mandrake - we have been slain by you.".

* The vampires in the hall:
    - Selena tells them that they are likely the good guys and should stand
    for themselves.
        - "Vampires of the World, Unite!"
    - They agree that she is right.
    - Someone suggests they do a group exercise.
        - "Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah"
            (like Steve Ballmer's "Developers, developers, developers").
        - Selena says that the religious students in her school will not
        appreciate that and tries to turn it off.
        - Meanwhile, the vampires take a stake, and stab themselves in their
        heart, causing all of them to evaporate into dust.
    - Selena turns off the music and goes to clean up the dust.

* Milady Kate Canterson
Apr 28 20:03:40 <rindolf>	Only in the real world of the story Lord Buckingham was actually slayed by someone else who was a Brunette English/French combo.
Apr 28 20:03:54 <rindolf>	Like she was born in France to English parents, and moved to England at the age of 6.
Apr 28 20:04:06 <rindolf>	There she forgot her French and learned English.
Apr 28 20:04:14 <cl0ud>	rindolf: sounds like a cool story
Apr 28 20:04:53 <rindolf>	And later on she married a noble and studied French, but then he died from a disease.
Apr 28 20:05:19 <rindolf>	However, she was miserable at first and then became happy again and decided to move to Paris.
Apr 28 20:05:24 <rindolf>	So she became a socialite there and also taught English, learned French, and instructed people with the Bible.
Apr 28 20:05:35 <rindolf>	Only many people envied her because she was so compotent.
Apr 28 20:05:40 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: no.
Apr 28 20:05:47 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: she did.
Apr 28 20:05:53 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: Milady Kate .
Apr 28 20:06:20 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: BTW, I've thought that Captain Picard is more similar to Cardinal Richelieu.
Apr 28 20:06:32 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: and I don't know who Thes is.
Apr 28 20:06:53 <rindolf>	Anyway, she became a little miserable from all the intolerance of these French female jerks.
Apr 28 20:06:58 <Diablo-D3>	rindolf: thes, plural of the.
Apr 28 20:07:01 <rindolf>	Not all the socialites were jerks.
Apr 28 20:07:09 <Diablo-D3>	ALL SOCIALITES ARE JERKS
Apr 28 20:07:11 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: oh, not all vampires got slain.
Apr 28 20:07:11 <loudbot>	NO APPARENTLY YOU HAVE TO SET THE GROUND ON FIRE TOO
Apr 28 20:07:21 <Diablo-D3>	except for the google founders
Apr 28 20:07:26 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: HYPERBOLE FTW.
Apr 28 20:07:40 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: anyway, eventually she had a long affair with D'Artagnan.
Apr 28 20:07:57 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: which was kept secret , but most people realised that.
Apr 28 20:08:03 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: she was an Anglican.
Apr 28 20:08:10 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: Milady Kate I mean.
Apr 28 20:09:07 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: and then Richelieu ordered the king to order D'Artagnan and Athos and her to escort her in order to plan the slaying of Lord Buckingham.
Apr 28 20:09:19 <rindolf>	Now slaying is not the traditional killing.
Apr 28 20:10:04 <Diablo-D3>	who the fuck are these people
Apr 28 20:11:41 <rindolf>	What happened is that her British friend shot one bullet at Buckingham , said he missed on purpose , and recharged his gun. So she told him she just slain him, brought a body that looked like Lord Buckingham and said he and she are going to America to start a new life.
Apr 28 20:11:49 <rindolf>	And they were leaving from Plymouth.
Apr 28 20:11:57 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: read "The Three Musketeers"
Apr 28 20:12:09 <rindolf>	I'm surprised you have not read it.
Apr 28 20:12:20 <rindolf>	Diablo-D3: Milady de Winter is an awesome character.
Apr 28 20:12:31 <rindolf>	So is his portrayal of Cardinal Richelieu.
Apr 28 20:12:39 <rindolf>	Dumas Pere was great.

    - after arriving to New York, Kate and George (formerly Lord Buckingham)
    part ways.
    - Kate leads several incarnations as a Bible, languages and liberal arts
    scholar - until Dumas publishes the book "The Three Musketeers".
    - The book's popularity makes "Milady de-Winter" and Kate as "*The* Slayer",
    which causes both France and England to claim Milady Canterson as their own
    and (what's worse) makes Kate a popular target for people who want
    her to slay them.
    - Annoyed, she travels to Paris to meet Dumas.
    - After telling him she has become the Real Slayer, he says it is a
    great honour for him, and offers her his finest food and drinks.
        - Kate accepts despite the fact that she is still irritated.

* The plot plan:
    - The Two British Vampires
    - The demon walking in the park with the long neck.
        - "You are past redemption"
        - "And you have ruined my newspaper."
    - The Three.
        - fighting one another in various ways until they throw toothpicks
        at one another.
    - Selena's birthday party.
        - She was born in 20 February.
        - Meleyum
            - A small, non-human demon with "powerful mystical powers".
            - Selena asks him what to put on his name tag, and he tells her
            “Mephiqoleth”. She asks him how he spells it and he says: "my
            name is written in Leshon Haqodesh (לשון הקודש).
                - “You mean Hebrew?”
                - Yes. <non-dramatically>I'm Jewish</non-dramatically>
                - But you're not human.
                - "There are Jews of many species".
                - Selena: oh good, can I have a Jewish lady cat? I want one
                so she can mother cute Jewish kittens.
                - Mephiqoleth is not amused.
            - "Selena, you are now eight and ten years old - you are now a
            woman."
            - She asks him to wait for spring break so she'll have enough
            time to prepare
            - Teleports her to The Amber, the mystical centre of the
            universe.
            - The Amber being a villa in Northern Tel Aviv.
                - The Mendelssohn household.
            - Selena goes on more trip to Israel.
            - She ends up showing a photo shootout of her trip to her friend.
            - Selena says she isn't convinced this is the Amber.
                - "My slayer went to Israel and all I got was this lousy
                T-shirt" souvenir T-shirt.
                - Meleyum is slain by her.
    - The congregation of vampires in the hall.
    - The Master.
        - Turns out to be http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charlemagne
            - Karl the Great
        - After Selena discovers it, he promptly gets slain, his soul
        leaves his body.
            - Selena touches the body with her foot and it evaporates into
            dust.
    - The scene with the guide who tells her she must now slay the Rider,
    the Integrator and the Slayer.
        - Selena quits as the Slayer.
        - Gift
    - Summer vacation + start of university studies.
        - cuniform.
    - The scene with Moses and Aharon
    - Meeting Milady Kate Canterson
    - Epilogue: Selena gets tutored by Kate in French, languages, etc.
    - End
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