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shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / fortunes / shlomif-fav

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What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.

	Leonard Peikoff
%
I/O, I/O, 
It's off to disk I go, 
a bit or byte to read or write, 
I/O, I/O, I/O, I/O

	Dave Peacock
%
Will: "Roses are red, 
       Violets are Blue.
       Jazz and I are black,
       But, Carlton, what are you?"

	Excerpt from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"
%
And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands because they
are not married to women.

	Colin Mochrie in "Whose Line is it Anyway?"
%
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.

	Ovid (43 BC - 18 AD)
%
I'm sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot. 
I'm bitchin', great hair, the boys all love to stare! 
I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not.
I'm pretty, I'm cool, I dominate this school. 
Who am I? Just guess. Guys wanna touch my chest. 
I'm rockin', I smile and many think I'm vile. 
I'm flying, I jump you can look but don't you hump.  Whoo! 
I major, I roar. I swear I'm not a whore. 
We cheer and we lead - we act like we're on speed. 
You hate us cause we're beautiful but we don't like you either. 
We're cheerleaders. We are cheerleaders!

	Excerpt from "Bring it On"
%
An algebra teacher is discussing a problem with a student. The teacher
says: "Now, suppose x is the speed at which the train is travelling...". 
And the student says "But teacher, what if x is not the speed at which
the train is travelling?
%
The Shibber Factor

Keep all the grades of the students who passed the test as is, and 
convert the grades of all the students who failed to 54.
%
"God is Dead"

    Neitzsche 

"Neitzsche is Dead"

    God

( writing on a toilet's wall )
%
A serious and good philosophical work could be written that would consist
entirely of jokes.
	
	Ludwig Wittgenstein
%
The difference between a bad student and a good student is that a bad
student forgets all the material five minutes before the exam, while a good
student five minutes after it.
%
[Isaac Newton falls off the tree]

Cho-Cho: Did the fall hurt you?

Newton: It wasn't the fall; it was the sudden stop at the end.

	Excerpt from the T.V. show "Histeria!"
%
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried
it.

	Donald Knuth
%
> > "It's not because they have suddenly converted to Stallmanism."

> Anyone else misread that as "Stalinism"? 

The word "Stalinism" is deprecated, the correct term is "GNU/Communism".

	Spotted on Slashdot
%
Personally, I'd have a far better time writing scripts if I had some more
creative shells to script in...

ASMsh: The Assembly shell. Commands include MOV, SHL, SHR, JNE, etc.

shellTM: Turing machine shell. Only four commands. Read, write, move left,
move right. Capable of producing any programming language imaginable, given
enough time and nerves of steel.

GeneSH: Four commands. G, A, T, C. Need I say more?

Qsh: Only uses one environment variable, which contains all possible values
simultaneously. Method of scripting: isolate the universe in which the
desired result is already accomplished, and intersect with it.

Of course, I never said they'd be easy to use. But then, if these shells
existed, and I knew a sysadmin who used any of them, you can believe
Sysadmin Day would be a far more celebrated holiday. 
    
	The Night Watchman on a Slashdot Comment
%
We're on a mission from God.

	The Blues Brothers
%
It may look like I'm just sitting here doing nothing, but I'm really 
actively waiting for all my problems to go away.
%
I'm going to do a routine now, the ones of you that have heard it before
may enjoy hearing it again. The ones of you that have not heard it 
before - may enjoy hearing it again next time.

	Victor Borge
%
I guess I really am an optimist. A paranoid optimist, true, but an optimist
nonetheless.

	Larry Wall, "The 3rd State of the Onion"
%
In fact, I think Linus's [= Linus Torvalds'] cleverest and most consequential 
hack was not the construction of the Linux kernel itself, but rather his
invention of the Linux development model.  When I expressed this
opinion in his presence once, he smiled and quietly repeated something
he has often said: "I'm basically a very lazy person who likes to get
credit for things other people actually do."  Lazy like a fox.  Or,
as Robert Heinlein famously wrote of one of his characters, too lazy
to fail.
	
	Eric Raymond, the "Cathedral and the Bazaar"
%
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have
for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.
                                                
	Benjamin Franklin
%
Shlomi Fish: And to think that home desktops can simulate these systems [=
PDP-10's and PDP-11's] much faster than those ancient mainframes.

William Lee Irwin III: Shlomi, and to think the net usefulness of the
home desktops is is less than what users got out of those mainframes.

	#offtopic on the oftc.net IRC network.
%
I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.

	Ashleigh Brilliant
%
I have abandoned my search for truth, and am now looking for a good fantasy.

	Ashleigh Brilliant
%
I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.

	Ashleigh Brilliant
%
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than
the question of whether a submarine can swim.

	Edsger W. Dijkstra
%
Sometimes I think the surest sign, that intelligent life exists else
where in our universe is, is that none of it has tried to contact us.
                                                                    
	Calvin
%
Great. Just Great. I wanted to remain a lazy leech, just using the
selfless work others have done on subversion for my own personal
advantage. The problem is, as soon as I read HACKING and learn how to
submit a patch and begin by contributing something as tiny as a FAQ fix,
I'll be hooked, and I'll start to become a contributing member of
society. Next, I'm afraid I'll want to tackle a bite-sized task and help
fix bugs and develop the product. (You guys are so sneaky!!)  :-)

("Sorry, Honey. Can you take care of that? I have to submit another svn
patch...")

	Steve Dwire on the Subversion Development List
%
The more I think about it, the more I think I should think about it some
more.

	Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains it All"
%
Rusty Russell's signature:

Anyone who quotes me in their sig is an idiot. 
	-- Rusty Russell
%
The First Law of Thermodynamics: A system with a constant energy, volume
and pressure behaves in any way it wants.
%
I wrote them (and looking at the original ones, I'm a bit ashamed: 
the "toupper()" and "tolower()" macros are so horribly ugly that I 
wouldn't admit to writing them if it wasn't because somebody else 
claimed to have done so.)

	Linus Torvalds on the Linux Kernel Mailing List 
	in response to SCO's Linux Kernel ownership claims.
%
Baby making is owned by SCO. Linus's mother never payed royalities.

Also, having a name is a SCO trade secret. By giving Linus a name, 
they again ask for being fined.

Best regards,

    Iztok

(p.s.: Iztok is owned by SCO, and phrase "Best Regards" as well.
LWN is owned by SCO.)

    An LWN comment in regards to the SCO ownership claims of 
    Linux Kernel code.
%
The source of my intention 
really isn't crime prevention
My intention is prevention of the lie.

	Scatman John
	"Scatman's World"
%
To follow the path:
look to the master,
follow the master,
walk with the master,
see through the master,
become the master.

	Eric S. Raymond in "How To Become a Hacker"
%
  <strestout1>  Can GIMP save to svg?
     <rindolf>  strestout1: SVG is a vector graphics format.
     <rindolf>	strestout1: GIMP manipulates bitmaps.
  <strestout1>  Yes rindolf, I know.
  <strestout1>  I just thought itd be nice to have one app for everything 
                instead of having to use inkscape for svg and gimp for 
                everything else.
     <UnNamed>  It could do 3d too.
    <schumaml>  And Audio processing...
     <UnNamed>  And Audio mixing...
     <UnNamed>  And word processing...
    <schumaml>  And it gotta have a kitchen sink!
    <schumaml>  So, the real question might be: is there an image editing mode 
                for Emacs? ;)

    #gimp
%
My God, My God, 
May it never, never end. 
The sand and the sea, 
the jitter of the water, 
the shine of the sky, 
the prayer of Man.

	"A Walk to Caesarea" / Hanah Senesh
	( Translated from Hebrew by Shlomi Fish )
%
'You must know that I am not without artifice where magic is concerned,'
said Weasel. 'Only last year did I - assisted by my friend there - part
the notoriously powerful Archmage of Ymitury from his staff, his belt of
moon jewels, and his life, in that approximate order.'

	Excerpt from "The Colour of Magic" / Terry Pratchett
%
If we want to have any kind of confidence that the hash is really
unbreakable, we should make it not just longer than 160 bits, we should
make sure that it's two or more hashes, and that they are based on totally
different principles.

And we should all digitally sign every single object too, and we should
use 4096-bit PGP keys and unguessable passphrases that are at least 20
words in length. And we should then build a bunker 5 miles underground,
encased in lead, so that somebody cannot flip a few bits with a ray-gun, 
and make us believe that the sha1's match when they don't. Oh, and we need 
to all wear aluminum propeller beanies to make sure that they don't use 
that ray-gun to make us do the modification _ourselves_.

	Linus Torvalds in http://lwn.net/Articles/132513/
%
The dictionary definition of capitalism is: An economic system characterized
by private ownership of capital goods and by investments that are determined
by private decision rather than by state control. Prices, production and
distribution of goods are determined by a free market. 

...

But most writers and commentators put dishonest altruistic-platonistic
connotations on the meaning of capitalism: A system of exploitation of the
weak by the strong -- devoid of love and good will. A system in which
unwanted goods and services are pushed onto consumers through clever,
deceptive advertising for the sole purpose of profits and greed. Capitalism
dominates most Western governments. Capitalism, big business, and fascism
are synonymous.

	Neo-Tech IV / The Neo-Tech Discovery.
%
Which mindset is right? Mine, of course. People who disagree with me are by
definition crazy. (Until I change my mind, when they can suddenly become
upstanding citizens. I'm flexible, and not black-and-white.)

	Linus Torvalds in 
	http://os.newsforge.com/article.pl?sid=05/06/09/2128249
%
One bug, two bugs, tar bugs, su bugs,
   grep bugs, mew bugs, old bugs, new bugs.
This bug has a little hack,
 This bug has a broken stack.
   Say! What a lot of bugs to track. 
Yes, some are in tar, and some in su.
   Some are old. And some are new. 
Some in sed, and some in jed.
   And some are even in parted.
 Why are they in parted, jed and sed?
   I do not know. Bugs should be dead! 
Some in jpeg, and some in TIFF
   This TIFF one has an attached diff. 
From there to here, from here to there   
Test release bugs are everywhere.

	From the Fedora Core 2 Release Notes.
%
"I took the sweet life 
but I never knew 
I'd be bitter from the sweet"

	-- Never Been to Me / Charlene
%
Yet, acting on fully integrated honesty (Neo-Tech), not reason itself, is
the basic moral act. When Genghis Khan, for example, chose to use reasoning
for a specific military move, then in an out-of-context sense, he chose to
act morally by protecting himself and his troops (thus filling human
biological needs). But in the larger sense of fully integrated honesty,
Khan's total actions were grossly immoral in choosing to use aggressive
force in becoming a mass murderer (thus negating human biological needs).
The highly destructive, irrational immorality of Genghis Khan's overall
dictatorial military actions far outweighed any narrow, out-of-context
"moral" actions. ...Genghis Khan was enormously evil as were Stalin, Hitler,
Mao, Castro, Pol Pot.

	Neo-Tech Orientation and Definitions
	http://www.neo-tech.com/orientation/
%
Why are there so many unmaintainable applications written in PHP and Perl?
Because PHP and Perl let undisciplined, inexperienced programmers write
useful code. So does Ruby -- but give it the popularity and longevity of PHP
and Perl (at least in English-speaking circles) and I bet you'll see plenty
of bad code written in Ruby too.

This seems like a variant of the Hackers and Painters fallacy. (Paul Graham
is rich. Paul Graham writes Lisp. Therefore everyone who writes Lisp will
get rich.) "All of the good, smart programmers I know are using Ruby. They
write good code. Therefore you can't write bad code in Ruby!"

It feels like there's another fallacy in there somewhere. I want to call it
the Pre-Post-Java Blindspot, where Java was the beginning of Serious
Programming Languages and only its successor will unseat it. (Like any good
fallacy, you have to ignore history, such as the fact that Ruby's between 10
and 12 years old.)

(I mean, if you really just can't read regular expressions, why not admit
it? You could start a twelve-step program or something.)

	chromatic in http://xrl.us/iyzb
%
I have upgraded the plot device's hard-drive, soft-drive and squishy drive,
and it is now being the world's most powerful super-computer!

	The Angry Scientist in "Sheep in the Big City"
%
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good
with ketchup.

	Source unknown.
%
Much of the relative simplicity of Java is - like for most new languages -
partly an illusion and partly a function of its incompleteness. As time
passes, Java will grow significantly in size and complexity. It will double
or triple in size and grow implementation-dependent extensions or libraries.
That is the way every commercially successful language has developed. Just
look at any language you consider successful on a large scale. I know of no
exceptions, and there are good reasons for this phenomenon. [I wrote this
before 2000; now see a preview of Java 1.5 - http://xrl.us/kb3a ] 

	Bjarne Stroustrup in 
	http://public.research.att.com/~bs/bs_faq.html#Java
%
"I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy."

An Oscar Wilde quote, that quotes Oscar Wilde on his views on Redundancy
in a quote.

	http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Redundancy
%
In yesterday's post (Bitten by the Enterprise Bug), we learned how vital
enterprise application are for proactive organizations leveraging collective
synergy to think outside the box and formulate their key objectives into a
win-win game plan with a quality-driven approach that focuses on empowering key
players to drive-up their core competencies and increase expectations with an
all-around initiative to drive up the bottom-line.

    http://thedailywtf.com/forums/64833/ShowPost.aspx
%
He says "One and one and one is three".
Got to be good-looking 'cause he's so hard to see.

    Excerpt from "Come Together" by the Beatles.
%
Isolde: Any museum has a certain Americana factor. But the Smithosnian...
This is the one place you can find the very essence of America, distilled.

Millie: Ooh.. do they let you drink it, and then take on mutant American
superpowers, and then go around unilaterlly dispensing frontier-style
justice in the name of "Freedom"?

Isolde: No, not usually.

Millie: Museums would be a lot more fun if they'd actually *read* what
I put in their suggestion boxes.

    Ozy and Millie, "The essence of America"
    http://www.ozyandmillie.org/2006/om20060417.html
    By D.C. Simpson.
%
Version 7? [of Vim]

GNU Emacs is at version 21.4. Can we really trust such an immature 
editor?

    "yet another coward" in a Slashdot comment for the announcement 
    of the release of Vim version 7.
    http://it.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=185216&cid=15286781
%
 <deadchip>  Computer: Remove characters 'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
 <deadchip>  *beeepbeepbeebeeep*
 <deadchip>  Computer: Resume program.
   <sxpert>  "Program cannot run without characters 'nenolod' and
             'sxpert'. restoring instances.
 <deadchip>  Computer: Command override, command code Lt. Cmdr. Milosz
             Derezynski omega-3-3-9-alpha zero. Remove instances
             'nenolod' and 'sxpert'.
 <deadchip>  "Unable to comply."
 <deadchip>  "Computer: Is it possible to at least, _alter_ the
             subprograms nenolod and sxpert?"
 <deadchip>  "Specify parameters."
 <deadchip>  hmm i take that as a "yes"
   <sxpert>  lol
 <deadchip>  "Computer: Please remove 'nonsense' component from 'sxpert'
             character."
 <deadchip>  "Affirmative."
   <sxpert>  "unable to comply. "
 <deadchip>  bah
 <deadchip>  yeah
  <nenolod>  grr
 <deadchip>  you're truly un-nonsensifiable
 <deadchip>  hahaha
   <sxpert>  "the intellectual subroutines are not alterable"
 <deadchip>  "Computer: Is it possible to alter the _look_ of the
             character 'sxpert'?"
 <deadchip>  "Affirmative."
 <deadchip>  "Computer: Please dress character 'sxpert' in a clown's
             costume."
 <deadchip>  "Specify paramters."
 <deadchip>  "Mid-20th-century Earth, Balkan area."
 <deadchip>  "Processing. Character alteration complete."
 <deadchip>  sxpert: bah
 <deadchip>  yeah i knew you would delete the whole databank first
   <sxpert>  lol
   <geekoe>  "Computer, can we .... finally... simply remover the
             characters 'sxpert'?"
   <sxpert>  "computer, here's arlequin costume. apply to character
             deadchip"
   <sxpert>  "character parameters changed"
   <sxpert>  "woop"
   <geekoe>  :D
 <deadchip>  o_O

     -- FreeNode's #bmp - The Beep Media Player channel.
%
I'd love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code.

    -- Unknown
%
Pumbaa: Timon, ever wonder what those sparkly dots are up there?

Timon: Pumbaa, I don't wonder; I know.

Pumbaa: Oh. What are they?

Timon: They're fireflies. Fireflies that, uh... got stuck up on that big
bluish-black thing.

Pumbaa: Oh, gee. I always thought they were gigantic balls of gas burning 
billions of miles away.

Timon: Pumbaa, with you, everything's gas. 

    Quote from the animated movie "The Lion King".
%
>That's the nice thing about UNIX, it gives you so many 
>ways to shoot yourself in the foot.  :)

At least it does allow you to shoot yourself in the foot.
It doesn't say "shooting feet isn't supported"
Or you can shoot yourself in the foot by writing a management console plugin
that will pass the data to Word using VBA and then call Excel via com to split
it into columns and then write an activeX control to get the columns back as
..........

    Martin in http://discuss.joelonsoftware.com/default.asp?joel.3.351421.
%
[21:10] *** dazjorz changed nick to We
[21:10] * We are the Borg.
[21:10] *** We changed nick to Lower
[21:10] * Lower your shields and power down your weapons.
[21:11] *** Lower changed nick to We
[21:11] * We will add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own.
[21:11] *** We changed nick to Resistance
[21:11] * Resistance is futile.
[21:11] *** Resistance changed nick to __You
[21:11] * __You will be assimilated.
[21:11] *** __You changed nick to dazjorz
%
"(God) is my favourite fictional character." - Homer Simpson
%
You should learn several new words everyday--eventually you will forget how to 
speak so others can understand you.

    Yaakov on Freenode's #perl