shlomi-fish-homepage / 2009-restyling / t2 / humour.html.wml

  1
  2
  3
  4
  5
  6
  7
  8
  9
 10
 11
 12
 13
 14
 15
 16
 17
 18
 19
 20
 21
 22
 23
 24
 25
 26
 27
 28
 29
 30
 31
 32
 33
 34
 35
 36
 37
 38
 39
 40
 41
 42
 43
 44
 45
 46
 47
 48
 49
 50
 51
 52
 53
 54
 55
 56
 57
 58
 59
 60
 61
 62
 63
 64
 65
 66
 67
 68
 69
 70
 71
 72
 73
 74
 75
 76
 77
 78
 79
 80
 81
 82
 83
 84
 85
 86
 87
 88
 89
 90
 91
 92
 93
 94
 95
 96
 97
 98
 99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107
108
109
110
111
112
113
114
115
116
117
118
119
120
121
122
123
124
125
126
127
128
129
130
131
132
133
134
135
136
137
138
139
140
141
142
143
144
145
146
147
148
149
150
151
152
153
154
155
156
157
158
159
160
161
162
163
164
165
166
167
168
169
170
171
172
173
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198
199
200
201
202
203
204
205
206
207
208
209
210
211
212
213
214
215
216
217
218
219
220
221
222
223
224
225
226
227
228
229
230
231
232
233
234
235
236
237
238
239
240
241
242
243
244
245
246
247
248
249
250
251
252
253
254
255
256
257
258
259
260
261
262
263
264
265
266
267
268
269
270
271
272
273
274
275
276
277
278
279
280
281
282
283
284
285
286
287
288
289
290
291
292
293
294
295
296
297
298
299
300
301
302
303
304
305
306
307
308
309
310
311
312
313
314
315
316
317
318
319
320
321
322
323
324
325
326
327
328
329
330
331
332
333
334
335
336
337
338
339
340
341
342
343
344
345
346
347
348
349
350
351
352
353
354
355
356
357
358
359
360
361
362
363
364
365
366
367
368
369
370
371
372
373
374
375
376
377
378
379
380
381
382
383
384
385
386
387
388
389
390
391
392
393
394
395
396
397
398
399
400
401
402
403
404
405
406
407
408
409
410
411
412
413
414
415
416
417
418
419
420
421
422
423
424
425
426
427
428
429
430
431
432
433
434
435
436
437
438
439
440
441
442
443
444
445
446
447
448
449
450
451
452
453
454
455
456
457
458
459
460
461
462
463
464
465
466
467
468
469
470
471
472
473
474
475
476
477
478
479
480
481
482
483
484
485
486
487
488
489
490
491
492
493
494
495
496
497
498
499
500
501
502
503
504
505
506
507
508
509
510
511
512
513
514
515
516
517
518
519
520
521
522
523
524
525
526
527
528
529
530
531
532
533
534
535
536
537
538
539
540
541
542
543
544
545
546
547
548
549
550
551
552
553
554
555
556
557
558
559
560
561
562
563
564
565
566
567
568
569
570
571
572
573
574
575
576
577
578
579
580
581
582
583
584
585
586
587
588
589
590
591
592
593
594
595
596
597
598
599
600
601
602
603
604
605
606
607
608
609
610
611
612
613
614
615
616
617
618
619
620
621
622
623
624
625
626
627
628
629
630
631
632
633
634
635
636
637
638
639
640
641
642
643
644
645
646
647
648
649
650
651
652
653
654
655
656
657
658
659
660
661
662
663
664
665
666
667
668
669
670
671
672
673
674
675
676
677
678
679
680
681
682
683
684
685
686
687
688
689
690
691
692
693
694
695
696
697
698
699
700
701
702
703
704
705
706
707
708
709
710
711
712
713
714
715
716
717
718
719
720
721
722
723
724
725
726
727
728
729
730
731
732
733
734
735
736
737
738
739
740
741
742
743
744
745
746
747
748
749
750
751
752
753
754
755
756
757
758
759
760
761
762
763
764
765
766
767
768
769
770
771
772
773
774
775
776
777
778
779
780
781
782
783
784
785
786
787
788
789
790
791
792
793
794
795
796
797
798
799
800
801
802
803
804
805
806
807
808
809
810
811
812
813
814
815
816
817
818
819
820
821
822
823
824
825
826
827
828
829
830
831
832
833
834
835
836
837
838
839
840
841
842
843
844
845
846
847
848
849
850
851
852
853
854
855
856
857
858
859
860
861
862
863
864
865
866
867
868
869
870
871
872
873
874
875
876
877
878
879
880
881
882
883
884
885
886
887
888
889
890
891
892
893
894
895
896
897
898
899
900
901
902
903
904
905
906
907
908
909
910
911
912
913
914
915
916
917
918
919
#include '../template.wml'
#include "xhtml/1.x/std/toc.wml"

<latemp_subject "My Humour Collection" />

<define-tag joke endtag="required">
%body
<hr class="joke"/>
</define-tag>

<define-tag header_joke endtag="required">
<preserve id header />
<set-var %attributes />
<joke>
<h2 id="<get-var id />"><get-var header /></h2>

%body
</joke>
<restore id header />
</define-tag>

<h2 id="intro">Introduction</h2>

<p>
This is a growing collection of aphorisms and funny bits I came up with 
throughout the years. They are arranged in roughly chronlogical order.
</p>

<p>
You can also find them and others <a href="<rellink url="humour/fortunes/" host="t2" />">in machine-readble UNIX fortune cookies collections</a>.
</p>

<h2*>Table of Contents</h2*>

<toc />

<header_joke id="jewish_deduction" header="A Jewish Deduction"> 

<p>
The Bible dictates that "Thou shalt not seethe [=cook] a kid [= young goat] 
in his mother's milk." To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation, 
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, 
to mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated 
goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it 
applies to beef and mutten as well (including mixing the milk and meat 
of two different beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of 
milk production, may not be eaten along with any mammal's milk either. 
</p>

<p>
We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, 
it would have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>This bit used to appear on my signature for a short while, but people
got mad because it was too long, so I replaced it.</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="used_to_be_arrogant" header="I Used to be Arrogant">

<p>
I used to be arrogant. Now I'm simply perfect.
</p>

<p>
<i>This bit was once said by a relative of mine...</i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="murphys_law_greeks" header="Murphy's Law">

<p>
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy's Law would have been known
as Aristotle's Law.
</p>
<p>
Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy's Law would have been known as the
Law of Socrates.
</p>

</header_joke>


<header_joke id="microsoft_slogan" header="Microsoft's Slogan">

<p>
Microsoft's slogan used to be "Microsoft - making it all make sense." <br />
Today it should be: "Microsoft - making everything make sense. <b>Ours</b>."<br />
</p>

<p>
And another twist:<br />
"Microsoft - friendliness is our outstanding quality. No matter how much we
mess up your computer work, we will always consider you our friend."
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="american_lottery" header="The American Lottery">

<p>
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>(One of my previous E-mail signatures)</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="believe_in_fairies" header="I don't Believe in Fairies">

<p>
I don't believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.<br />
I don't believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.
</p>

<p class="indent"><i>I don't really know who said it, so it's possible that I invented
it.</i></p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="moses_the_smiley" header="Moses the Smiley">

<pre>
:)-&lt;
 +--
</pre>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="prefix_god_said" header="The prefix &quot;God Said&quot;">
<p>
The prefix "God Said" has the extraordinary logical property of converting
any statement that follows it into a true one.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="shit_happens" header="Deltas to &quot;Shit Happens&quot; according to Religions">

<p>
Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you take
the blame for it anyways.
</p>
<p>
Or alternatively:
</p>
<p>
God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate demi-shits in 
between.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="interpret_the_past" header="Interpret the Past">
<p>
Let's interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>(From an E-mail discussion with Ben Pfaff)</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="computer_science_and_c_programming" header="Computer Science and C Programming">
<p>
"Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about
telescopes"
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>Edsgar W. Dijkstra</i>
</p>

<p>
"C programming is no more about computers than astronomy is about 
stars."
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>Shlomi Fish</i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="more_experienced_programmer" header="A more experienced programmer...">
<p>
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes 
what went wrong more quickly.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="I_promised" header="I promised, I forgot, I broke my promise...">
<p>
I promised, I forgot, I broke my promise - just shoot me and get on 
with it!
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>
Potentially some famous last words, I also came up with this bit, and I'm
not sure if I heard it before.
</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="first_phrase" 
header="The First Phrase that needs to be Taught">
<p>
The first phrase that needs to be taught when teaching a new language is how to 
say "Do you speak English?".
</p>

<p>
The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool 
is how to exit it.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="if_A_is_A" header="If A is A and A is not not-A...">
<p>
If:<br />
1. A is A.<br />
2. A is not not-A.<br />
does it also imply that:<br />
1. B is B.<br />
2. B is not not-B.<br />
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>If you don't understand it, either forget it or consult the following
threads: 
<a href="http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&amp;threadm=deca99a9.0110250144.654613e9%40posting.google.com&amp;prev=/groups%3Fnum%3D25%26hl%3Den%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism%26start%3D25%26group%3Dhumanities.philosophy.objectivism">Usenet</a>,
<a href="http://www.mail-archive.com/lin-club@vipe.technion.ac.il/msg00750.html">Haifa 
Linux Club</a></i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="know_im_blond" header="I know I'm blond...">
<p>
I know I'm blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would
not think I'm stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You've only
got Three Seconds".
</p>

<p>
Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you've only got six seconds.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="reinvent_the_wheel" header="Re-inventing the Wheel">

<p>
He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a 
wheel works.
</p>

<p>
<i>Or:</i>
</p>

<p>
He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.
</p>

<p>
<i><a href="http://nadav.harel.org.il/">Nadav Har'El</a>'s response was:</i>
</p>

<p>
He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend
a year trying to figure out why it doesn't work properly.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="cpp_and_oop" header="C++ and Object-Oriented Programming">
<p>
IMO, C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>You have to be a relatively experienced hacker to get this joke. So don't 
worry if you don't understand it.</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="better_alternative" header="A Better Alternative">
<p>
Sometimes you don't need to be familiar with a better alternative to know
that something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>This was said by my friend</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="good_student_vs_bad_student" header="Good Student vs. Bad Student">

<p>
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>This was said by a lecturer of mine</i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="not_clear" header="If it was not Clear">
<p>
I hope that if it was not clear before, it is not less clear now.
</p>

<p class="indent">
<i>Also by a lecturer</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="apple_a_day" header="An Apple a Day">
<p>
An apple a day keeps a doctor away. Two apples a day will keep two doctors
away.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="smg_next_film" header="Sarah Michelle Gellar's Next Movie">
<p>
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]
</p>

<p>
Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn't have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that's because 'Summerschool at
the NSA' may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar's next
movie."
</p>

<p>
Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to 'I Know What You Did Last
Summer' it is going to be scary."
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="objective_philosophy" Header="Objective Philosophy...">
<p>
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one's mind.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="turing_test" header="Taking a Turing Test">
<p>
From <a href="http://groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465">
Hackers-IL message No. 2465</a>:

</p>

<p>
&gt;<br />
&gt; Shlomi,<br />
&gt;<br />
&gt; Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)<br />
&gt;<br />
</p>

<p>
&lt;sarcasm&gt;<br />
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.<br />
&lt;/sarcasm&gt;<br />
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="hi_sophie" header="Hi, Sophie!">
<p>
<b>Jack</b>: Hi, Sophie!
</p>

<p>
<b>Sophie</b>: Don't "Hi, Sophie!" me.
</p>

<p>
<b>Jack</b>: Don't "Don't 'Hi, Sophie!' me" me!
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="corollary_of_godwyn" header="Corollary of Godwyn's Law">
<p>
Shlomi, I'm considering naming a corollary of Godwyn's law after you -
any discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.
</p>

<p class="indent">
	Muli Ben-Yeuhuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbiews.org)
</p>

<p>
Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum
when I mention Freecell Solver.
</p>

<p class="indent">
	Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="keeping_an_idea_to_yourself" header="Keeping an Idea to Yourself">
<p>
There's no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there's a 10 to 1
chance that somebody already has it and will share it before you.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="you_are_banished" header="You are banished!">
<p>
You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! - Hey! I'm just
kidding!
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="opinions_crazy" header="Crazy Opinions">
My opinions may seem crazy but they all make sense. Insane sense, but
sense nonetheless.
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="foreign_languages" header="Foreign Languages"> 

<p>
<i>[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]</i>
</p>

<p>
<b>Ben Collins-Sussman</b>: Tis' true, unlike Europe, the language doesn't
change every 100 miles.
</p>

<p>
<b>Shlomi Fish</b>: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10
miles.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="happened_to_cmpilato" header="What Happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?">
<p>
What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?<br />
Is he gone?<br />
Is he gone for good?<br />
Is he gone for better?<br />
Is he gone for best?<br />
Is he gone forever?<br />
Will he return?<br />
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng" header="In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering,">
<p>
In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don't get credit for
originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with
the idea for each feature first.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="he_has_high_degree" header="He has a high degree of...">
<p>
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distiniguish between the two.
</p>
<div class="indent">
<p>
<i>
I originally thought of something similar to that about 
<a href="http://www.stallman.org/">Richard M. Stallman</a> who has headed the
<a href="http://www.fsf.org/">Free Software Foundation</a> and its GNU 
project since it's inception. He is known for his radical and uncomprising 
views that combine both idealism and just plain stubburness. Otherwise, he's
a great and noble guy, and I had the opportunity of meeting and talking 
him during his visit to Israel. (He is much more pleasant in real life than
online.)
</i>
</p>
</div>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="hacker_sees_bug" header="Hacker Sees Bug">
<p>
Hacker sees bug. Hacker fixes bug.
</p>
<div class="indent">
<p>
<i>I was told that the natural continuation to this should be "Hack, hacker,
hack!"</i>
</p>
</div>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="linus_95_percent_of_programmers" header="95% of Programmers">
<p>
Linus Torvalds: "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".
</p>
<p>
Shlomi Fish's Corollary: "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they did not write, in the bottom 5%." 
</p>
<div class="indent">
<p>
<i>Also see <a href="http://discuss.joelonsoftware.com/default.asp?joel.3.125980.14">a discussion of it on the Joel on Software forum</a></i>
</p>
</div>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="too_girly" header="Too Girly">
<pre>  
  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort 
               of a dramedie, but a serious one.
&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Meh.
&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Too girly for me.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you're using Debian or Gentoo, 
               right?
&lt;Linuxgrrl&gt;    Gentoo.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: knew it.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;    Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.
</pre>
<p><i>rindolf here is Shlomi Fish</i >
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="cpp_is_complex" header="C++ is...">
<p>
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.
</p>
<p>
(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary). 
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="linux_because_software_problems" header="Linux - Because Software Problems...">
<p>
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money
</p>
<p>
<i>Refer to <a href="$(ROOT)/art/linux_banner/">this page about that Slogan
and a resultant graphics made from it.</a>
</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="real_programmers_dont_write" header="Real Programmers Don't Write">
<p>
Real programmers don't write workarounds. They tell their users to
upgrade their software.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="if_his_programming" header="If his Programming...">
<p>If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find 10
imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="blogging_memes" header="Blogging Memes">
<pre>
  &lt;rindolf&gt;  I'm siicckk of blogging memes.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;  You are this file type.
  &lt;rindolf&gt;  You are that type of cloth.
&lt;jkauffman&gt;  You are this member of the Friends show
  &lt;rindolf&gt;  jkauffman: LOL.
&lt;jkauffman&gt;  "January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it
             turns out I'm a Joey type"
</pre>
<p>
<i>rindolf here is Shlomi Fish</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="tcl_is_lisp_on_drugs" header="Tcl is Lisp on Drugs...">
<p>
Tcl is LISP on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is 
Evil with one of those gigantic E's you can find at the beginning of 
book chapters.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="jewish_atheists" header="Jewish Atheists">
<p>
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.
</p>
<p>
<i>Yet more Jew-over-Gentile superiority, this time by me. In case you're
wondering, Judaism is primarily a peopleship and the Jewish religion is only
part of it.</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="original_philosopher" header="An Original Philosopher...">
<p>
An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="to_err_is_human_corrolaries" header="Corrolaries to &quot;To err is human&hellip;&quot;">

<p>
Here are some corrolaries to <q>To err is human - to forgive divine</q>. 
</p>

<ul>
<li>
To err is human - to apologise - divine.
</li>
<li>
To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.
</li>
<li>
To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.
</li>
</ul>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="might_be_mad" header="Might be mad...">

<p>
I might be mad. But I'm a mad genius.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="if_god_exists" header="If God exists...">

<p>
If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that
is described in the Old Testament, then we're in deep trouble.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="bad_thing_about_hardware" header="The bad thing about hardware">

<p>
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes work and sometimes doesn't.
The good thing about software is that it's consistent: it always does not work,
and it always does not work in exactly the same way.
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="table_with_cups" header="Let's suppose you have a table">

<p>
<b>Sophie:</b> Let's suppose you have a table with 2<sup>n</sup> cups...<br />
<b>Jack:</b> Wait a second - is 'n' a natural number?
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="chuck_norris_and_perl6" header="Chuck Norris and Perl 6">

<p>
Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then
destroyed all evidence with his bare hands so no one will know his secrets.
</p>

<div class="indent">
<p>
<i>There's more about Chuck Norris and Perl 6 
<a href="$(ROOT)/humour/fortunes/shlomif">in this Unix fortune file</a> and 
more about Norris on <a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/">the 
Chuck Norris Facts web-site.</a>.</i>
</p>
</div>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="ee_in_the_technion" header="Electrical Engineering studies.">
<p>
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that.
Forgot a lot. Remember too much.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="not_an_actor" header="I'm not an Actor">
<p>
I'm not an actor - I just play one on T.V.
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="internet_porn" header="Blocking Internet Pornography">
<p>
Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying 
to stay dry.
</p>
<p>
<i>Drew Dexter</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="Im_not_straight" header="I'm not straight...">
<p>
I'm not straight - I'm Israeli!
</p>
<p>
<i>Just for the record, I am straight, and I hate being a macho.</i>
</p>
</header_joke>

<header_joke id="i_do_not_think_it_means" header="I do not think it means...">
<pre>
&gt; You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
&gt; means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.

&lt;evil-laugh&gt;Muahahahah...&lt;/evil-laugh&gt;
</pre>

<p>
<i>Taken from <a href="http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html">this E-mail to the Linux-Elitists mailing list</a></i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="chuck_norris_2" header="Chuck Norris Fact #2">

<p>
If Chuck Norris had been born before World War II, there would have been only
one world war.
</p>

<p>
<i>I feel a bit uneasy about saying it, but it is still kind of funny, for
those who like <a href="http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/">Chuck 
Norris facts</a></i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="we_dont_know_his_cellphone_numer" header="We don't know his cellphone number">

<p>
We don't know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didn't know it.
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="sometimes_two_bugs" header="Sometimes two bugs...">

<pre>
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: you go to OGI?
 &lt;sarnold&gt;  rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there,
            and other co-workers earned degrees there..
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: OK.
    &lt;muli&gt;  sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
 &lt;sarnold&gt;  muli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
    &lt;muli&gt;  rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A. 
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: I know. But I was just checking.
 &lt;sarnold&gt;  rindolf: ah, you&#39;re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the language 
            requirements :)
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: see?? LOL.
    &lt;muli&gt;  rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.  
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  muli: wisely spoken.
 &lt;rindolf&gt;  But mine wasn&#39;t a bug - it was a sanity check.

    -- #offtopic on OFTC
</pre>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="what_do_you_mean" header="What do you mean...">

<p>
What do you mean by "WDYM"?
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="windows_vs_linux" header="Windows vs. Linux">

<p>
<b>Chen Shapira:</b>  spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print
on my new wireless printer. It still doesn't work. On Ubuntu it worked after
few minutes.
</p>

<p>
<b>Shlomi Fish:</b> Heh. Linux++ .
</p>

<p>
<b>Chen Shapira:</b> I'd do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer
underflow.
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="pedantic_people" header="Pedantic People">

<p>
"I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
then I remember - because they are so pedantic."
</p>

<p>
<i>An Israeli Perl Monger</i>
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="met_a_guy_in_the_bar" header="I Met a Guy in the Bar">

<p>
I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.
</p>

<div class="indent">

<p>
This is an anti-thesis to the fact that many <a 
href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminazi">Feminazis</a> claim that using
"girl" for "a female guy", is derogatory, despite the fact that it is very
common, and quite harmless. In Hebrew, there's a perfectly good word for
a girl, which is not a female child, and since I think in Hebrew about 50%
of the time, I tend to import such things into my English speech. There are
much worse derogatory etymologies in Hebrew of course, but "guy"/"girl" is
not one of them.
</p>

<p>
While as a general rule I support the woman liberation movement, and believe
in equality of opportunities among the genders, I still don't believe that
a Politically-Correct re-engineering of the English language to be
100% gender-neutral (and mostly only the English language, because most
other European and Semitic languages are not gender-neutral, and even have
genders for objects) is a good idea. I also don't believe in applying
government control in order to "promote" women, and think that members of
both genders, and all other divisions should learn to cope with
discrimination and other abuse as they encounter it, instead of just bitching
about how they were discriminated against, or accusing the other party of
being "sexist" or "racist" or whatever.
</p>

<p>
So I'm going to continue using "girl" for a "female guy", regardless of what
other people think. I also don't mind using the term 
<a href="http://shlomif.livejournal.com/53966.html">nazi for someone 
who's unnecessarily strict</a> or calling Black people "Negros", which is
just the Spanish word for the colour "Black".
</p>

</div>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="on_the_Internet" header="On the Internet">

<p>
Two female dogs talking about modern-life:
</p>

<p>
<b>Jasmine:</b> It's so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog!
</p>

<p>
<b>Daisy:</b> Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you're a bitch!
</p>

<div class="indent">

<p>
<a href="http://www.unc.edu/depts/jomc/academics/dri/idog.html">See this page
about "On the Internet"</a> for context.
</p>

</div>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="God_gave_us_two_eyes" header="God gave us…">

<p>
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as
we read.
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code" header="Only wimps complain about bad code">

<p>
Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="wikipedia_has" header="Wikipedia has…">

<p>
Wikipedia has a page about everything including the 
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink</a> .
</p>

</header_joke>

<header_joke id="what_does_IDK_stand_for" header="What does IDK stand for?">

<p>
What does "IDK" stand for? I don't know.
</p>

</header_joke>
Tip: Filter by directory path e.g. /media app.js to search for public/media/app.js.
Tip: Use camelCasing e.g. ProjME to search for ProjectModifiedEvent.java.
Tip: Filter by extension type e.g. /repo .js to search for all .js files in the /repo directory.
Tip: Separate your search with spaces e.g. /ssh pom.xml to search for src/ssh/pom.xml.
Tip: Use ↑ and ↓ arrow keys to navigate and return to view the file.
Tip: You can also navigate files with Ctrl+j (next) and Ctrl+k (previous) and view the file with Ctrl+o.
Tip: You can also navigate files with Alt+j (next) and Alt+k (previous) and view the file with Alt+o.