shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / fortunes / shlomif.xml

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<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xml" href="fortune-xml-to-html.xsl"?>
<collection>
  <head/>
  <list>
    <fortune id="believe-in-fairies">
        <meta>
            <title>I don’t Believe in Fairies</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.<br/>
                    I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.</p>

                <p>
                    Shlomi Fish
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="prefix-god-said">
        <meta>
            <title>The prefix “God Said”</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    The prefix “God Said” has the extraordinary logical property
                    of converting any statement that follows it into a true one.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="jewish-deduction">
        <meta>
            <title>A Jewish Deduction</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>A Jewish Deduction</p>

                <p> The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a
                    kid [= young goat] in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any
                    possibility of breaking that regulation, the Jewish
                    tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to
                    mature goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely
                    unrelated goats. It is also forbidden to eat the meat with
                    fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton as well
                    (including mixing the milk and meat of two different
                    beasts). Finally, chicken, which are incapable of milk
                    production, may not be eaten along with any mammal’s milk
                    either.  </p>

                <p> We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish.
                    Otherwise, it would have been forbidden to divide by all
                    numbers between -1 and 1.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="used-to-be-arrogant">
        <meta>
            <title>I Used to be Arrogant</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="murphys-law-greeks">
        <meta>
            <title>Murphy’s Law</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would
                    have been known as Aristotle’s Law.</p>

                <p> Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been
                    known as the Law of Socrates.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="microsoft-slogan">
        <meta>
            <title>Microsoft’s Slogan</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all
                    make sense.”</p>

                <p>Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make
                    sense. Ours.”</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-because-software-problems">
        <meta>
            <title>Linux - Because Software Problems...</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/art/linux_banner/">Linux Slogan and Banner</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="american-lotery">
        <meta>
            <title>The American Lottery</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream.
                    We will take the dollar, but you can keep the dream.
                </p>
                <p>	Shlomi Fish </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shit-happens-1">
        <meta>
            <title>“Shit Happens” - 1</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
                    (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)</p>
                <p>Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it,
                    but makes you take the blame for it anyway.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shit-happens-2">
        <meta>
            <title>Shit Happens - 2</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>“Shit Happens” according to the
                    religions of the world<br/>
                    (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)</p>
                <p>Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the
                    intermediate demi-shits in between. </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="interpret-the-past">
        <meta>
            <title>Interpret the Past</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
<body>
<p>Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present
                    according to the past. </p>
<p>	Shlomi Fish
                </p>
</body>
<info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
        </info>
</quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="computer-science-and-c-programming">
        <meta>
            <title>Computer Science and C Programming</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <blockquote>
                    <p>
                        Computer Science is no more about computers than
                        astronomy is about telescopes
                    </p>
                </blockquote>

                <p>— Edsger W. Dijkstra </p>

                <blockquote>
                    <p>
                        Programming Science is no more about computers than
                        astronomy is about stars.
                    </p>
                </blockquote>

                <p>— Shlomi Fish </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="smg-next-film">
        <meta>
            <title>Sarah Michelle Gellar’s Next Movie</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]</p>
                <p>Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough
                    programmers. But it is not likely that they will have more
                    and that’s because <i>Summerschool at
                        the NSA</i> may might as well be the name of Sarah
                    Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”
                </p>

                <p>Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to <i>I Know What You
                    Did Last Summer</i> it is going to be scary.”
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="objective-philosophy">
        <meta>
            <title>Objective Philosophy…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s
                    mind.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-1">
        <meta>
            <title>“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 1</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I
                    would have also liked to see the look on his face, but
                    just then I woke up from the dream.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-2">
        <meta>
            <title>"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 2</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven
                    myself mad.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-3">
        <meta>
            <title>"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 3</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that
                    forecast the two World Wars after I entered all the
                    relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”</p>

                <p>“Do you have a computer at home?”</p>

                <p>“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t
                    ask how much time it took me to fully eliminate all bugs
                    out of it. But it was great fun!”</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-4">
        <meta>
            <title>"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 4</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers
                    were also very… unusual.”</p>

                <p>“Although this description cannot testify on their quality,
                    I take it as a compliment.”</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-5">
        <meta>
            <title>“The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It” - 5</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and
                    you will be able to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to
                    inform you of the following facts: we cannot assure your
                    safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your long
                    service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal,
                    we cannot say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish
                    to protect your safety. Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we
                    would not take actions that may harm you, indirectly or in a
                    direct manner.</p>

                <p>We hope to see you here very soon.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-6">
        <meta>
            <title>"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 6</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way, how many forbidden books do you have?”</p>

                <p>“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were 4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”</p>

                <p>“You are wrong.”, I said to him.</p>

                <p>“I beg your pardon?”</p>

                <p>“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”</p>

                <p>“Why is it so important?”</p>

                <p>“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-enemy-7">
        <meta>
            <title>"The Enemy and how I Helped to Fight It" - 7</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists?
                    Communists? Liberals?… ”</p>

                <p>“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people
                    of my intellect, only that as opposed to me they
                    are sane.”</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="more-experienced-programmer">
        <meta>
            <title>A more experienced programmer…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He
                    just realizes what went wrong more quickly.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="ms-notepad">
        <meta>
            <title>Microsoft Notepad</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on
                    Windows 95), no regular-expression search and replace, no
                    indentation support, no syntax-highlighting and no macros
                    and scriptability features: MS Notepad is one hell of an
                    editor!
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/wonderous.html">Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="wysiwyt-docs-improvement">
        <meta>
            <title>WYSIWYT - Documentation Improvement</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:</p>

                <p>The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by
                    Microsoft’s tremendous desire to advance its Internet
                    Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they switched
                    the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as
                    Microsoft Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing
                    our project.</p>

                <p>As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our
                    project suggested that the Windows’ manuals themselves, as
                    well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be designed in HTML
                    and printed after being rendered by IE4. While this project
                    is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to
                    acquire a large momentum soon.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/wysiwyt.html">IRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think”</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="if-A-is-A">
        <meta>
            <title>If A is A and A is not not-A…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>If:
                    1. A is A.<br/>
                    2. A is not not-A.<br/>
                    does it also imply that:<br/>
                    1. B is B.<br/>
                    2. B is not not-B.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="know-Im-blond">
        <meta>
            <title>I know I’m blond…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so
                    people would not think I’m stupid. Because, like the title
                    of the book says: "You’ve only got Three Seconds".</p>

                <p>Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve
                    only got six seconds.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="knuth-is-not-god-1">
        <meta>
            <title>“Knuth is not God!” - 1</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman
                    Empire.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/">Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="knuth-is-not-god-2">
        <meta>
            <title>“Knuth is not God!” - 2</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version
                    4.0.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/">Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="turing-test">
        <meta>
            <title>Taking a Turing Test</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[
>
> Shlomi,
>
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>

<sarcasm>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.
</sarcasm>

	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465
    ]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465">Hackers-IL message No. 2465</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="iglu-cabal-and-turing-test">
        <meta>
            <title>IGLU Cabal and the Turing Test</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But
                    strangely enough a computer program they coded, could.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465">Hackers-IL message No. 2465</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="knuth-is-not-god-3">
      <meta>
        <title>“Knuth is not God!” - 3</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <p>Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God! </p>
              <p>God himself said that was the case.</p>
          </body>
          <info>
              <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
              <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/">Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts</work>
          </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="knuth-is-not-god-4">
      <meta>
          <title>“Knuth is not God!” - 4</title>
      </meta>
      <quote>
          <body>
              <blockquote>
                  <p>
                      Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing
                      “I’m Feeling Lucky” would not lead you to his homepage.
                  </p>
              </blockquote>
              <p>
                  Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084
                  ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")
              </p>
          </body>
          <info>
              <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
              <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/">Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts</work>
          </info>
      </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="knuth-is-not-god-5">
        <meta>
            <title>“Knuth is not God!” - 5</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/">Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="patent-on-tinic">
        <meta>
            <title>Patenting the TINIC</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the
                    phrase "There is no IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept
                    secret to avoid violating the copyright of its text)</p>

                <p>	Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021 </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="cpp-and-opp">
        <meta>
            <title>C++ and Object-Oriented Programming</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as
                    COBOL supports Functional Programming.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="not-clear">
        <meta>
            <title>If it had not been clear…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less
                    clear now.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers</author>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hi-sophie">
        <meta>
            <title>Hi, Sophie!</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Jack: Hi, Sophie!</p>

                <p>Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.</p>

                <p>Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="opinions-crazy">
        <meta>
            <title>Crazy Opinions</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane
                    sense, but sense nonetheless.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#opinions_crazy">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="corollary-of-godwyn">
        <meta>
            <title>Corollary of Godwyn’s Law</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <blockquote>
                    <p>
                        Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwyn’s
                        law after you - any discussion of anything is over when
                        you mention Freecell Solver.
                    </p>
                </blockquote>
                <p>— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies
                    (irc.kernelnewbies.org)</p>
                <blockquote>
                    <p>
                        Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to
                        gain momentum when I mention Freecell Solver.
                    </p>
                </blockquote>

                <p>— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="keeping-an-idea-to-yourself">
        <meta>
            <title>Keeping an Idea to Yourself</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since
                    there’s a 10 to 1 chance that somebody already has it and
                    will share it before you.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="apple-a-day">
        <meta>
            <title>An Apple a Day</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>An apple a day keeps the doctor away.</p>

                <p>Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="you-are-banished">
        <meta>
            <title>You are banished!</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    “You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey!
                    I’m just kidding!”
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="foreign-languages">
        <meta>
            <title>Foreign Languages</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]</p>

                <p>Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language
                    doesn’t change every 100 miles.</p>

                <p>Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change
                    every 10 miles.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="what-happened-to-cmpilato">
        <meta>
            <title>What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?<br/>
                    Is he gone?<br/>
                    Is he gone for good?<br/>
                    Is he gone for better?<br/>
                    Is he gone for best?<br/>
                    Is he gone forever?<br/>
                    Will he return?<br/>
                    Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?<br/>
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work>Adapted from an IRC Monologue</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="teaching-computer-to-laugh">
        <meta>
            <title>Teaching a Computer to Laugh</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

	Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Muli Ben-Yehuda</author>
                <work href="http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3513">Hackers-IL message No. 3,153</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="in-philosophy-as-in-soft-eng">
        <meta>
            <title>In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t
                    get credit for originality. What matters is the final
                    product, not who came up with the idea for each feature
                    first. </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hurd-lacking-developers">
        <meta>
            <title>HURD is Lacking in Developers</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> Unfortunatly as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that.
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31920.html">Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="he-has-high-degree">
        <meta>
            <title>He has a high degree of…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of
                    stubbornness, and an even higher degree of inability to
                    distinguish between the two.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="patch-wont-go-easily">
        <meta>
            <title>I expected that this patch won’t go in so easily</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>&gt; Thanks, applied as change #22936.</p>

                <p> And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest,
                    I’m a little disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so
                    easily and will trigger some discussion here. But there was
                    none. No typo corrections (“you mis-spelled
                    ‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch
                    is the worst thing since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.</p>

                <p> Someone should do something about it. This direction is not
                    healthy for p5p. Seriously.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/92352">Post to perl5-porters</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sleep-fu-well">
        <meta>
            <title>sleep-fu</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Right now, I think I’ll go to sleep.</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">nite rindolf</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">sleep-fu well</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mitch: night.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Bye all!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mitch: nor do I want any.</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">haha</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">(rindolf-sleep INTERACTIVE|NONINTERACTIVE)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mitch: heh</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">:)</saying>
                <saying who="Kevin">(plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#gimp</channel>
                <network>GimpNet</network>
                <tagline>Contemplating some potential procedural database functions</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="contributing-to-gimp">
        <meta>
            <title>Contributing to #gimp</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="yacoob">a quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented in gimp?</saying>
                <saying who="nomis">yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.</saying>
                <saying who="yacoob">nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?</saying>
                <saying who="nomis">yacoob: no.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">yacoob: faster if you contribute.</saying>
                <me_is who="nomis">waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then contributes.</saying>
                <saying who="nomis">:)</saying>
                <saying who="yacoob">rindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#gimp</channel>
                <network>GimpNet</network>
                <tagline>Faster, faster!</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="girly-men">
        <meta>
            <title>Girly Men</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s
                    decision to use open-source software in the California
                    government:]</p>

                <p>&gt; This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are
                    girly-men. </p>

                <p>Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world?
                    Let’s see: </p>

                <p>1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How
                    girly is that?  (plus his wife can kick ass better than
                    him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy. How girly is that?
                    3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a mustache.
                    Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me.  4. Larry Wall -
                    a cross between Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is
                    even more girly. </p>

                <p>So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man,
                    huge facial hair, etc.) And all the others are so neglible
                    people don’t even know how they look like. </p>

                <p>Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry.
                    Don’t take it too seriously, especially if you’re one of
                    the guys I laughed about. I hold you all with the greatest
                    respect. Seriously. </p>

                <p>Sincerily yours, <br /> Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly
                    male himself).</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=117863&amp;cid=9962843">Slashdot Comment</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="if-his-programming">
        <meta>
            <title>If his programming…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he
                    would find ten imaginary bugs in the "Hello World"
                    program.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hacker-sees-bug">
        <meta>
            <title>Hacker Sees Bug</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes
                    bug.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tcl-is-lisp-on-drugs">
        <meta>
            <title>Tcl is Lisp on Drugs…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions
                    for closures is Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can
                    find at the beginning of chapters.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linus-95-percent-of-programmers">
        <meta>
            <title>95% of Programmers</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p><b>Linus Torvalds:</b> "95% of Programmers consider
                    themselves in the top 5%".
                </p>

                <p><b>Shlomi Fish’s Corollary:</b>
                    "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they
                    did not write, in the bottom 5%."
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="too-girly">
        <meta>
            <title>Too Girly</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a  dramedie, but a serious one.</saying>
                <saying who="Linuxgrrl">Meh.</saying>
                <saying who="Linuxgrrl">Too girly for me.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo, right?</saying>
                <saying who="Linuxgrrl">Gentoo.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Linuxgrrl: knew it.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#linuxchics</channel>
                <network>OFTC</network>
                <tagline>Too Girly</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="cpp-is-complex">
        <meta>
            <title>C++ is…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.</p>

                <p>(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="blogging-memes">
        <meta>
            <title>Blogging Memes</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">I’m siicckk of blogging memes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You are this file type.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You are that type of cloth.</saying>
                <saying who="jkauffman">You are this member of the Friends show</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">jkauffman: LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="jkauffman">"January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns out I’m a Joey type"</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="becoming-crazy">
        <meta>
            <title>Becoming Crazy</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="tyler-">rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know</saying>
                <saying who="tyler-">and I know some crazy ass people</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">haha</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.</saying>
                <saying who="tyler-">rindolf: you should be</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">haha</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">Ahh man</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to becrazy.</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">Normal people aren’t fun.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">heh</saying>
                <saying who="tyler-">rindolf: I see</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You need to tend to your insanity.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">tyler-: do you want to be crazy?</saying>
                <saying who="tyler-">rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once aday.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Becoming Crazy</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="living-with-the-parents">
        <meta>
            <title>Discussing living with one’s parents on IRC.</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by my parents.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living withone parents after school in Israel, than there is in the States.</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">It’s not taboo</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">It’s pathetic.</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.</saying>
                <saying who="q[ender]">you know, it depends</saying>
                <saying who="q[ender]">if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t much matter if you live with your folks</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you know, make it on your own</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live with your parents.</saying>
                <saying who="q[ender]">hahaha</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">haha</saying>
                <saying who="q[ender]">awesome</saying>
                <saying who="q[ender]">rindolf++ # good burn!</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Living with your parents</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="moses-the-smiley">
        <meta>
            <title>Moses-the-Smiley</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[
:)-<
 +--

-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish
                    ]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#moses_the_smiley">Moses the Smiley</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="first-phrase">
        <meta>
            <title>The First Phrase that needs to be Taught</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new
                    language is how to say “Do you speak English?”.  </p>

                <p> The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new
                    computer tool is how to exit it.</p>


            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="reinvent-the-wheel">
        <meta>
            <title>Re-inventing the Wheel</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <blockquote>

                    <p> He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much
                        better how a wheel works.</p>


                    <p>He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much
                        better wheel. </p>

                </blockquote>

                <p>Shlomi Fish</p>

                <blockquote>

                    <p>He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square
                        wheel and spend a year trying to figure out why it
                        doesn’t work properly.</p>

                </blockquote>

                <p>Nadav Har’El</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="not-familiar-with-better">
        <meta>
            <title>Better Alternative</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better
                    alternative to know that something sucks. Take Microsoft
                    Word for example. </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish’s Friend</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="good-student-vs-bad-student">
        <meta>
            <title>Good Student vs. Bad Student</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>The difference between a good student and a bad student is
                    that a bad student forgets the material five minutes before
                    the test, while a good student five minutes afterwards.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="real-programmers-dont-write">
        <meta>
            <title>Real Programmers Don’t Write</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their
                    users to upgrade their software.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="jewish-atheists">
        <meta>
            <title>Jewish Atheists</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the
                    hell out of Goy Atheists.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="chuck-norris-perlsixifies">
        <meta>
            <title>Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the Pugs and Parrot teams.</saying>
                <saying who="ajs">rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and tie him to a keyboard ;)</saying>
                <saying who="FurnaceBoy">I thought he already had commit</saying>
                <saying who="daxim">Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN server’s head</saying>
                <me_is who="FurnaceBoy">chuckles</me_is>
                <saying who="ajs">daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then more power to you!</saying>
                <saying who="FurnaceBoy">Chuck *is* the test suite</saying>
                <saying who="Kattana">chuck norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever he wants.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kattana: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="daxim">ah, we’re easy to amuse</saying>
                <saying who="ajs">Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.</saying>
                <saying who="FurnaceBoy">you gotta pass ‘make chuck’</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perl6</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at FreeNode’s #perl6 channel.</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="the-ex-member-about-rashness">
        <meta>
            <title>The ex-Member about Rashness</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you
                    left the Organisation you acted without thinking a lot
                    before you did things. I would describe your behaviour as
                    deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness that
                    border rashness. Do you also think so?”</p>

                <p>“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness
                    is my only defect!”</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/">The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="second-best-solution">
        <meta>
            <title>Second Best Solution</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But
                    this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough. </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.petitiononline.com/nvfoss/petition.html">Nvidia Petition</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="if-it-isnt-in-my-email">
        <meta>
            <title>If it isn’t in my email…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.</p>

                <p>And if the whole world says one thing and my email says
                    something different, email will conquer.</p>

                <p>-- an Israeli Linuxer.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>An Israeli Linuxer</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="CSWookie-on-Willow">
        <meta>
            <title>Buffy and Willow</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi CSWookie</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">CSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?</saying>
                <saying who="CSWookie">rindolf: What’s up.</saying>
                <saying who="CSWookie">rindolf: I am.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">CSWookie: I’m fine.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?</saying>
                <saying who="CSWookie">rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys. </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#gimp</channel>
                <network>GimpNet</network>
                <tagline>CSWookie on Willow</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="when-closed-source-bites">
        <meta>
            <title>When Closed-source Bites</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">the REAL question is, wtf is taking adobe so long with flash 9 :@</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">or, do what good people do and use opera.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">:P</saying>
                <me_is who="rindolf">slaps vexati0n</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">god, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look at it’s code or something.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">like YUO are going to tinker with your browser’s source code anyway</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: I have a bug pending on bugzilla.mozilla.org.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah  </saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">well, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it already works :P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">opera resizes images? o.O</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">do you have a page it screws up so i can look?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-</saying>
                <saying who="vexati0n">oh. you mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: take http://www.shlomifish.org/art/ for example.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vexati0n: yes.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>##linux</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>When Closed-source bites</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="bad-thing-about-hardware">
        <meta>
            <title>The Bad Thing about Hardware</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and
                    sometimes doesn’t.  The good thing about software is that
                    it’s consistent: it always does not work, and it always
                    does not work in exactly the same way.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="welcome-to-web20">
        <meta>
            <title>Welcome to Web 2.0</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kev: thanks.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kev: did you post it on the French page?</saying>
                <saying who="Kev">not yet</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">It’s a MediaWiki based wiki.</saying>
                <saying who="Kev">arghhhhhhhhhhhh</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kev: what’s wrong?</saying>
                <saying who="jagerman">Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!</saying>
                <saying who="Kev">wiki</saying>
                <saying who="jagerman">Just be thankful it isn’t a blog!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Kev: what’s wrong with wikis?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">And be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.</saying>
                <saying who="jagerman">Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain a "life as a Mt. A student" blog</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Welcome to Web 2.0</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="unflattering-nicknames">
        <meta>
            <title>Unflattering Nicknames</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="mofino">Well I’m confused and I’m going home</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">Later guys</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">And girl.</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">Young tender girl ...</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">sweet 16 year old girl ....</saying>
                <saying who="avar">haha</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">mofino: heh.</saying>
                <me_is who="mofino">puts away his lynching pedo personality</me_is>
                <saying who="mofino">;)</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">lates </saying>
                <me_is who="ChanServ">gives channel operator status to jagerman</me_is>
                <leaves who="jagerman">has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)</leaves>
                <me_is who="jagerman">removes channel operator status from jagerman</me_is>
                <saying who="avar">We have found pedobear and he is mofino</saying>
                <joins who="mofino">has joined #perlcafe</joins>
                <saying who="mofino">can you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?</saying>
                <saying who="mofino">you fagerman</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">fagerman, homofino, what’s next?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I know - q[tyler-]</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">OTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.</saying>
                <saying who="avar">rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched Slimy Fish&lt;tm&gt;!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please stand up, please stand up...</saying>
                <me_is who="jagerman">is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics</me_is>
                <saying who="avar">sing it jew boy:) </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Unflattering Nicknames</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="linux-for-christians">
        <meta>
            <title>Linux for Christians</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">lol.</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">Oh dear, you weren’t joking.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">goldfish: no, I was.</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">hah</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">"Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating system, freely available with both community and professional support."</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">i might try it soon</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">right now we are using plain dapper at my church</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">moldy: hah</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">is this that funny? :p</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">:)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">http://christianubuntu.blogspot.com/</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">hehe</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in text mode only.</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">haha</saying>
                <saying who="goldfish">That’s brilliant :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">There’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this Christian Ubuntu blog.</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">true</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of Ubuntu. :-P</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">hehehe</saying>
                <saying who="tpope">why has ubuntu become the distro of puns?</saying>
                <saying who="moldy">has it? there are puns for other distros, too</saying>
                <saying who="Strogg">Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs debian stable. :)</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#vim</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Ubuntu for Christians</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="more-advanced-than-CVS">
        <meta>
            <title>More Advanced than CVS</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
>
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
> advanced version control system: CVS?
>

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and
robustness.

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007
    ]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2007/03/msg8491.html">"Re: New CPANTS metrics"</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="larry-wall-facts">
        <meta>
            <title>Larry Wall Facts</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <ul>
                    <li>Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last
                        year.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall gets the colon.</li>
                    <li>There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only
                        one that matters.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall applies a patch
                        manually quicker than GNU patch.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall
                        dreams in Perl.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall can program in his
                        sleep.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full
                        of hubris.</li>
                    <li>Larry Wall has more dollars in the
                        bank than in his Perl code.</li>
                </ul>

                <p>-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/">Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts"</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="ee-studies-in-technion">
        <meta>
            <title>Electrical Engineering Studies in the Technion</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there.
                    Done that. Forgot a lot. Remember too much.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="without-faults">
        <meta>
            <title>"I am Without Faults"</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but i’ll
                    mention them here anyways: </p>


                <ol>
                    <li>i really hate scriptaculous</li>
                    <li>i kicked a dog the other day</li>
                    <li>i pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of
                        free coffee</li>
                    <li>i secretly program in Python</li>
                    <li>i like to interject and make lists</li>
                </ol>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Jeff Anderson</author>
                <work href="http://london.pm.org/pipermail/london.pm/Week-of-Mon-20070402/007215.html">Post to London Perl Mongers</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="not-an-actor">
        <meta>
            <title>“I’m not an actor”</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="vapourware-on-freebsd">
        <meta>
            <title>Discussing vapourware on Freenode’s ##freebsd</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="anonuser">You know for when they finally decide to release that programatic abortion they call perl 6</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: on Christmas.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: don’t know which one.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.</saying>
                <saying who="anonuser">rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: it’s an old joke.</saying>
                <saying who="anonuser">rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: yeah.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">anonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will be written in.”</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Well, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.</saying>
                <saying who="Aji-Dahaka">rindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd to FreeBSD</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>##freebsd</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Discussing Vapourware</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="trying-to-block-porn">
        <meta>
            <title>Trying to Block Pornography…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a
                    waterfall and trying to stay dry.</p>

                <p>— Drew Dexter</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Drew Dexter</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="Im-not-straight">
        <meta>
            <title>I’m not Straight</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="almost-worthy">
        <meta>
            <title>Almost Worthy</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me
                    of a quote from Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre:</p>


                <p>"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a
                    clergyman, an excellent man, <b>almost worthy of such a
                        wife</b>) to a distant county, and consequently was
                    lost to me."</p>

                <p>Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost
                    worthy of each other.  Congrats again!</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://omerm.livejournal.com/36505.html?thread=43673#t43673">Comment on Omer Shapira’s Blog</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="means-what-you-think">
        <meta>
            <title>It doesn’t Mean What You Think it Means</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.

<evil-laugh>Muahahahah…</evil-laugh>
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html">Post to Linux-elitists</work>
            </info>
      </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tower-of-babel-and-god-the-dwarf">
        <meta>
            <title>Tower of Babel and God the Dwarf</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to
                    merlyn and other guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical
                    "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned out, the commonly
                    perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find
                    as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught
                    at Junior High School. </p>


                <p>What most people think is something like that: </p>


                <blockquote>
                    <p> The people spoke to each other in the same
                        language, concentrated in one place, and decided to
                        build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a
                        small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the
                        efforts of these people, because he feared they’ll
                        reach him. So he casted an 8th level Spell of Language
                        Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in
                        different tongues, and without being able to understand
                        each other, they ended up spreading across the Earth.
                        God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as
                        dwarfs do.  </p>
                </blockquote>

                <p>    Shlomi Fish in
                    (Based on what his Bible teacher said) </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://shlomif.livejournal.com/11889.html">Shlomi Fish’s Blog Post</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="one-gegl-per-child">
        <meta>
            <title>One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="CIA-1">shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/index-static.html.in):</saying>
                <saying who="CIA-1">* docs/index-static.html.in: fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and "GIMPs"</saying>
                <saying who="CIA-1">into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">why is breaking the correct writing a fix?</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">rindolf: ?</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">rindolf: oh i misread :)</saying>
                <me_is who="rindolf">gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.</me_is>
                <saying who="mitch">haha :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">One GEGL each!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">There’s not enough for everybody.</saying>
                <saying who="mitch">GEGLS FOR THE MASSES</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#gimp</channel>
                <network>GimpNet</network>
                <tagline>One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="dream-lang-in-lisp">
        <meta>
            <title>Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="adeht">rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can get a hold of PAIP</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">s/had/has/;</saying>
                <me_is who="adeht">yays for perl</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">adeht: what did perl do?</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">&lt;adeht&gt; s/had/has/;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">adeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">I know, but I’m using perl syntax :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">adeht: now write it in Lisp.</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">heh.</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">in Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb substitution.. though you could</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your dream language for expressing that particular problem, and then realizing it :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">adeht: I see.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">adeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D</saying>
                <saying who="adeht">heh</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#lisp-il</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="why-shlomif-dislikes-lisp">
        <meta>
            <title>Why Shlomi Fish Dislikes Lisp</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you
started.

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
Python).
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39629.html">Post to Linux-IL</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="we-dont-know-his-cellphone">
        <meta>
            <title>We don’t Know His Cellphone</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we
                    would tell you that we didn’t know it.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="engrew-sentence-1">
        <meta>
            <title>Engrew Sentence #1</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.</p>

                <p>-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Anonymous Israeli</author>
                <work>Message sent to Shlomi Fish</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="what-do-you-mean">
        <meta>
            <title>What do you mean?</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>What do you mean by "WDYM"?</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="windows-minus-minus">
        <meta>
            <title>Windows-minus-minus</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Chen Shapira:  spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows
                    to print on my new wireless printer. It still doesn’t work.
                    On Ubuntu it worked after few minutes.</p>


                <p>Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .</p>


                <p>Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an
                    integer underflow.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="use-qmail-instead-excerpt-1">
        <meta>
            <title>"Use qmail Instead" Excerpt #1</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get
                    to the bottom of a problem I have with KMail at work, where
                    I cannot start KAddressBook from inside it. I asked my
                    question and soon afterwards received:</p>

                <ul>
                    <li>One Thunderbird recommendation.</li>
                    <li>Two Evolution recommendations.</li>
                    <li>One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.</li>
                    <li>One GMail recommendation.</li>
                </ul>


                <p>The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about
                    alternative E-mail clients, and just wanted to get my
                    problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was completely out
                    of the question due to my work’s constraints. </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/">The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="rtfm-vs-jatfm">
        <meta>
            <title>RTFM vs. JATFM</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget:
                    get everything below a directory on the web-server, without
                    following links to outside it. So I logged in to FreeNode’s
                    #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable people
                    to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read
                    the wget man page, but could not find it there. Eventually,
                    after telling people that it would be faster to give an
                    answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But this has
                    been the last straw. </p>


                <p>I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the
                    Fabulous Manual" and STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web",
                    then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous Man". It means that
                    it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to
                    ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think
                    the RTFM mantra has done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux
                    world, and I hope JATFMing would prove to be a more healthy
                    ideology. </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.advogato.org/person/shlomif/diary.html?start=215">Advogato.org Journal Post</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="have-to-do-twain">
        <meta>
            <title>I have to do TWAIN…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p><b>A:</b> I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.</p>

                <p><b>B:</b> Do Shania Twain?</p>

                <p><b>C:</b> Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.</p>

                <p>—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Freenode #perl Participants</author>
                <work>Adaptation of an IRC conversation</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="fight-for-perl">
        <meta>
            <title>Fight for Perl</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <joins who="spx2">has joined #soc-help</joins>
                <saying who="spx2">I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">I feel the power of metal in my veins</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">perl is flowing in my blood !</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?</saying>
                <saying who="ambs">spx2: a lot :)</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">ambs: Hail BRETHREN !</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">where are the armies ???</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">ambs: what projects are this year ?</saying>
                <saying who="ambs">spx2: ideas at http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">I will fight this year in the PERL battle !</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!</saying>
                <saying who="spx2">rindolf: TOTALLY !</saying>
                <me_is who="spx2">examines the war grounds</me_is>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#soc-help</channel>
                <network>MAGNet</network>
                <tagline>Fight for Perl</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sf-pm-perl-saints-instead-of-heroes">
        <meta>
            <title>Perl Saints as an Alternative to Perl Heroes</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.
>

I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there
should at least be Perl Saints:

http://www.stallman.org/saint.html

Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.

Regards,

        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely
        not a Perl God)
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001644.html">Post to to San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Mailing List</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sf-pm-perl-sainthood-2">
        <meta>
            <title>What being a Perl Saint Implies</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
        <body>
          <text><![CDATA[> > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in:
    --http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter</author>
                <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html">San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sf-pm-perl-sainthood-3">
        <meta>
            <title>San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Noise Band</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[>  > > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>
>  No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html
]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Duane Obrien</author>
                <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html">San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sf-pm-randal-schwartz-condition">
      <meta>
        <title>San-Fransisco Perl Mongers: Randal Schwartz Condition</title>
      </meta>
      <raw>
        <body>
          <text><![CDATA[>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at gmail.com> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I’m The Real Tim Toady"

I’m already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I’m the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html
]]></text>
        </body>
        <info>
            <author>Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz</author>
            <work href="http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html">San-Fransisco Perl Mongers Thread</work>
        </info>
      </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="module-authors-godwin-law">
        <meta>
            <title>Godwin’s Law</title>
        </meta>
        <raw>
            <body>
                <text><![CDATA[> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> >
> > I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!"
> > ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin’s_law ) - oops!
>
> Please.  The Nazi’s were socialists.  I’m a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.
>

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
    -- http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html
    ]]></text>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert</author>
                <work href="http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html">Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list</work>
            </info>
        </raw>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="pedantic-people">
        <meta>
            <title>Pedantic People</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are
                    so pedantic. And then I remember - because they are
                    so pedantic.</p>

                <p>— an Israeli Perl Monger</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Israeli Perl Monger</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="variable-naming-on-not-freebsd">
        <meta>
            <title>Variable Naming on #not-##freebsd</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">p13: do you write scripts?</saying>
                <saying who="p13">rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh and bash</saying>
                <saying who="p13">but i suck</saying>
                <saying who="p13">haha</saying>
                <saying who="p13">i made them SO unreadable on purpose too</saying>
                <saying who="p13">my var names for example</saying>
                <saying who="p13">i would use random quotes from coworkers</saying>
                <saying who="p13">like &quot;wereoutofcoffee&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="p13">or &quot;ihatemyjob&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="p13">etc etc</saying>
                <saying who="trashguy">i hate people lik eyou p13</saying>
                <saying who="p13">trashguy, hahaha</saying>
                <saying who="trashguy">atleast the variabls are obvious and not mistaken for functions and shit</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1, varB2,...</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">elgrande: &lt;elgrande&gt; i stringly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">elgrande: LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">so if var3 &gt; var2 then var1 = cls3-&gt;meth2 endif</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">elgrande: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">obj997</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">everyone is understand this!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">elgrande: I&#39;ll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">obj997 bevahes like this, because it implements if371</saying>
                <saying who="elgrande">^^</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">elgrande: you&#39;re still going.</saying>
            </body>

            <info>
                <channel>#not-##freebsd</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Variable Naming</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="monty-python-on-computer-interfaces">
        <meta>
            <title>Monty Python on Computer Interfaces</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> &lt;monty-python&gt; </p>



                <p> A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows
                    95 and Windows 3.11 it kept getting stuck and we lost all
                    our data. We had to reboot it.  </p>



                <p> B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age,
                    we used DOS on CGA screens, and we were lucky if we had 4
                    colors, much less a true windowing environment.  </p>



                <p> C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was
                    your age, I used VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128
                    characters should be enough for everybody?  </p>



                <p> D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes
                    on a PDP-11: the computer printed on paper - very slowly.
                    Can you imagine cat’ing a really long document?  </p>



                <p> E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I
                    was using. Imagine going over to the computer with a large
                    amount of punch cards and then dropping them all.  </p>

                <p> F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We
                    input machine code directly using buttons and LEDs.
                </p>

                <p> G: And all <b>we</b> had were NAND gates!  </p>

                <p> &lt;/monty-python&gt; </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work>Email Message</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-python-on-incrementing">
        <meta>
            <title>#python on Incrementing</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi all.</saying>
                <saying who="scorchsaber">&lt;all&gt; Hi rindolf</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">scorchsaber: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">scorchsaber++</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Or in Python:</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">scorchsaber+=1</saying>
                <saying who="rillo">??</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.</saying>
                <saying who="scorchsaber">rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.</saying>
                <saying who="rillo">ah. i&#39;m new to python so i diddnt know</saying>
                <saying who="scorchsaber">A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using the + operator.</saying>
                <saying who="scorchsaber">And I did so. :)</saying>
                <saying who="scorchsaber">So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if a was mutable.</saying>
                <saying who="rillo">shall i move back to perl to get the ++</saying>
                <saying who="rillo">?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">rillo: no, use COBOL instead.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL</saying>
                <saying who="verte">:(</saying>
                <saying who="verte">eww, magic numbers!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;COBOL is the old Java&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="verte">ADD ONE TO COBOL GIVING COBOL</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">verte: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">verte: 1 is not a magic number.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ASSIGN 1 to ONE</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">0, 1, infinity.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">verte: LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">verte++</saying>
                <saying who="\amethyst">COMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#python</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>On Incrementing</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="met-a-guy-in-the-bar">
        <meta>
            <title>I Met a Guy in the Bar</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me
                    her phone number.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#met_a_guy_in_the_bar">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="basic-pugs-and-after-death">
        <meta>
            <title>BASIC, Pugs and After Death</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: so BASIC was your first language?</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">no, English was my first language.  :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">BASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: ah.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: not Chomsky&#39;s Universal language?</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">feh</saying>
                <saying who="diakopter">rindolf: what&#39;s the name of the Parrot implementation of Intercal?</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">21:04 &lt;@TimToady&gt; we have a test suite right now because of pugs</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">Very, very important.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">diakopter: I don&#39;t know.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Juerd: yes, very.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Juerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests will pass.</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">Well, there are probably bad tests too :)</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">Given the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been able to even parse everything :0</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">:)</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">testrot accounts for many of those :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: testrot...</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady++</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">How long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test suite?</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">but a number of them were misunderstandings at the time</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Because Pugs is kinda slow.</saying>
                <saying who="diakopter">defudge should be renamed Passover...</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">used to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: or cute bugs.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I mean implementation details.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: kinda long.</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">audreyt&#39;s dual core used to run them in 10 minutes</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">I haven&#39;t tried on my new laptop, since I haven&#39;t installed the lates ghc yet</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">first make it run, then make it run right, then make it run fast</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept requiring the latest ghc.</saying>
                <saying who="Juerd">Did pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">shrug, you shouldn&#39;t pick on a software project when it&#39;s down</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">Juerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: &quot;After Death - say holy.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: it&#39;s a Hebrew phrase.</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">Actually, I&#39;m just about out of After Death--I&#39;ve got a bottle of Mega Death now too.</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">just had some on my potatoes, yum.</saying>
                <saying who="spinclad">sounds hot</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">of the first six ingredients, five of them are hot.  Red habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses, guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">&#39;bout 550,000 scovilles</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">After Death is only about 500k</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">Tabasco is only about 35k</saying>
                <saying who="spinclad">tabasco i&#39;m calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">so roughly 15 times hotter</saying>
                <saying who="spinclad">&#39;add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes&#39;</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">I generally only use it about one &quot;plop&quot; at a time</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">unless I really want a large endorphin kick</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="spinclad">enjoy yr clear sinuses</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady+=5</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;After Death&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Reminds me of that screensaver.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;After Hours&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">After Dark</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">with the flying toasters?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: yes, that&#39;s the one.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Also had a nice Looney Tunes one.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">(Marvin the Martian)++</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">they were cool</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I recall something about wine being able to run Windows screensavers.</saying>
                <saying who="spinclad">&quot;where&#39;s the kaboom?  there was meant to be a case-shattering kaboom.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">XScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perl6</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>BASIC, Pugs and "After Death"</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="dogs-on-the-Internet">
        <meta>
            <title>On the Internet</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    Two female dogs talking about modern-life:
                </p>

                <p>
                    <b>Jasmine:</b> It’s so cool! On the Internet, no one knows
                    you’re a dog!
                </p>

                <p> <b>Daisy:</b> Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that
                    you’re a bitch!  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#on_the_Internet">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="perl6-about-lisp-mentality-and-usability">
        <meta>
            <title>#perl6 about Lisp Mentality and Usability</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="pmurias">rindolf: what is Park/Spark?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: http://www.shlomifish.org/open-source/projects/Park-Lisp/</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: it&#39;s still incomplete.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">And I haven&#39;t updated it.</saying>
                <saying who="pmurias">rindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider helping with a common lisp elf backend</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: Common Lisp.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I like Lisp as a concept.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Arc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">And missing features.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">Arc is not nice</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about &quot;Foreign Languages: Lisp&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: I like it.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Though I hate that &quot;(not)&quot; has become &quot;(no)&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">it&#39;s so non-English.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">it&#39;s just TCL with horrible syntax</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: but it&#39;s missing  a lot of exciting features.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Which PG deemed as unnecessary.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Doesn&#39;t look like the 100-years language to me.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Which is why - Spark!</saying>
                <saying who="pmurias">why not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: could be.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pmurias: it&#39;s another approach.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">But some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">For example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list concat.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">While Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">And in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).</saying>
                <saying who="pbuetow">(((hehe)))</saying>
                <saying who="pmurias">+ for strings sucks</saying>
                <saying who="Auzon">seconded.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">rindolf: If you don&#39;t like CONCATENATE you can just rename it</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: yeah.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: but I&#39;d rather not rename concatenate because then people won&#39;t understand my code.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">yes they will rindolf</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">They want things to work out of the box.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">A program is many many totally newly defined procedures</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">just renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big program</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: &quot;let&#39;s spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day implementing the solution with it.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">if it would take 10 days without the new language, it&#39;s worth it</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: yeah.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">TimToady: but this is the CL mentality.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">no it&#39;s not</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Sometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">CL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: I meant a common idiom there.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I think I&#39;ll /quit and do something productive.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Like work on Spark.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">another quote:</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">how to write any computer program in two easy stages:</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">Design and implement the programming language which would be best for solving the problem.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">Write the program in the language you’ve just implemented.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">vixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.</saying>
                <saying who="vixey">heh</saying>
                <saying who="TimToady">the second step is obvious--the best language for the job is one that does the job on a null input</saying>
                <me_is who="pmichaud">notes that vixey&#39;s algorithm is somewhat recursive</me_is>
                <saying who="TimToady">&quot;All rules of thumb are false, including this one.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="pmurias">rindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends, contact me or mncharity ;)</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perl6</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Lisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="kilmo-about-the-NSA">
        <meta>
            <title>kilmo about the NSA</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <blockquote>

                    <p> [Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on
                        E-mail] </p>



                    <p> Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn’t have
                        enough programmers. But it is not likely that they will
                        have more and that’s because ‘Summerschool at the NSA’
                        may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle
                        Gellar’s next movie." </p>


                    <p> Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to ‘I Know
                        What You Did Last Summer’ it is going to be scary."
                    </p>

                </blockquote>

                <p> <b>Kilmo:</b> why would you like to make fun about the
                    crypto world ? ;) The NSA does know what you did last
                    summer.  And by putting this on the web, they know that you
                    know.  </p>


                <p> Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in
                    a conference I was attending we were given a sticker
                    saying: "NSA - free email backup".  </p>


                <p> They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures,
                    but besides of that  - they are quite a trusted service.
                </p>


                <p> <b>Shlomi Fish:</b> In my case, I think every random joe
                    can learn a lot about me. Even if he’s not in Google or the
                    NSA or whatever.  </p>


                <p> <b>Kilmo:</b> Yep. but this is a world-wide service that
                    they offer. (Along with several cooperations, like MI5/6).
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish and Kilmo</author>
                <work>Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="ran-what-are-you-working-on">
        <meta>
            <title>What are you Working on?</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> <b>Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish:</b> so what are you working
                    on?  Working on a new wiki about unit testing fortunes in
                    freecell?  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Ran Eilam</author>
                <work>Jabber Conversation</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="my-blog-post-got-chromaticd">
        <meta>
            <title>My blog post got chromatic’d</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last
                    essay about the "Closed Books", it has been chromatic’d.
                    Rumours are that all the bloggers whose blog posts/essays
                    were deprecated on chromatic’s blog are now rich, famous
                    and the object of the affection of many attractive members
                    of the appropriate sex.  <b>Memo to self:</b> prepare a
                    limited edition T-shirt: "My blog post was chromatic’d. I
                    pwn you as a blogger." </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/36812">"Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods)</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-functional-specs--birth-of-an-editor">
        <meta>
            <title>Birth of an Editor</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>


                <p> Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new
                    editor, "Emacs" on the CPAN with its first version
                    29.999.99.  In order to package it, he invokes the trusty
                    ol’ module-starter (see
                    http://search.cpan.org/dist/Module-Starter/) which creates
                    a skeleton of a CPAN distribution for him.  </p>



                <p> He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs,
                    types "perl Build.PL", and "./Build test" and makes sure
                    all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build config --gui"
                    and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of
                    the Module meta-data.[M-B-Data] </p>



                <p> In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab,
                    and selects categories. This is done in a similar way to
                    Freshmeat’s project categorisation dialog (a list of
                    options to the left, with selected options to the right and
                    arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple
                    select options.).  He chooses such categories as
                    "Programming Language :: Lisp", and "Intended Audience ::
                    Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and "Topic ::
                    Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be
                    fetched using a public web-service to keep them
                    up-to-date.) </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt">Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-functional-specs--second-birth-of-an-editor">
        <meta>
            <title>Second Birth of an Editor</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>


                <p> After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard
                    has received many patches, and wrote a lot of code on his
                    own. Now Emacs is not only an editor but a calendar tool,
                    an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and many
                    other things.  </p>

                <p> So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update
                    the categorisation.  He runs ./Build config --gui again,
                    and adds more categories. However, he enters too many
                    categories (because Emacs now does them all), and the GUI
                    refuses  to save the file because it will overflow the
                    limit that the web-service specified the CPAN
                    classification services allow to handle. So Richard keeps
                    only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves
                    it.  </p>

                <p> He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new
                    distribution to the CPAN.  </p>


            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt">Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-functional-specs--ms-editing-macros">
        <meta>
            <title>Microsoft Editing Macros</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>


                <p> Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard
                    Stallman’s Emacs as the basis of his company’s
                    state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™
                    Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS
                    Editing Macros™ is a commercial, proprietary program which
                    he intends to sell at computer stores, Bill is not going to
                    upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends patches
                    to  Richard and learns a lot about it.  </p>



                <p> When he’s finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he
                    surfs to the Emacs homepage on CPAN, and adds some
                    categories and tags of his own.  </p>



                <p> Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise
                    Emacs, and it gains more classification.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="https://bitbucket.org/shlomif/cpan-module-classification/src/534271da741d/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt">Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perlcafe-looking-back-at-your-old-habits">
        <meta>
            <title>Looking Back at Your Old Habits</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;Who&#39;s the idiot that wrote this code?&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">That&#39;s what many people say when looking at their old code.</saying>
                <saying who="jkauffman">&quot;I can&#39;t believe I used to listen to this crap&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="jkauffman">that&#39;s what people say when they look back at their old music collection</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">jkauffman: I don&#39;t usually.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">jkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows I liked when I was younger.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">jkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.</saying>
                <saying who="jkauffman">yes, you&#39;re onto such better things now that you can fully appreciate the gilmore girls</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">jkauffman: you can never really appreciate The Gilmore Girls until you&#39;ve watched it in the original Klingon.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Looking Back at Your Old Habits</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perlcafe-really-extreme-programming">
        <meta>
            <title>Really Extreme Programming</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">cl0ud: what&#39;s up?</saying>
                <saying who="cl0ud">rindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day</saying>
                <saying who="cl0ud">rindolf: and feeling great</saying>
                <saying who="cl0ud">rindolf: you?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">cl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing list.</saying>
                <saying who="ik">xtreme</saying>
                <saying who="ik">rindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ik: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Extremist Programming</saying>
                <saying who="ik">haha</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Ik-stremist Programming.</saying>
                <saying who="ik">:o</saying>
                <saying who="ispy_">What about Psycho Coding?</saying>
                <saying who="ispy_">:)</saying>
                <saying who="ispy_">PSYCoder &lt;--- cool name for an editor :)</saying>
                <saying who="cl0ud">Psychaudit &lt;- memory tester</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Neuraudit</saying>
                <saying who="ispy_">Hahah</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Really Extreme Programming</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shoot-me-if-I-do">
        <meta>
            <title>"You should shoot me"</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p><b>Larry:</b> final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday,
                    so you won’t see me for a while, or if you do - then you
                    should shoot me.</p>


                <p><b>Shlomi:</b> I Will shoot you with my
                    cross-intertubes-laser-gun.</p>


                <p><b>Larry:</b> HAHAHA.</p>


                <p><b>Shlomi:</b> Which I don’t have.</p>


                <p><b>Larry:</b> Which network topology will you implement, for
                    better accuracy ?</p>


                <p><b>Shlomi:</b> I’ll just depend on the standard TCP/IP
                    routing. Overlay the laser on top of the TCP packets.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work>IM Chat with Larry</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="God_gave_us_two_eyes">
        <meta>
            <title>God gave us…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five
                    times as much as we read.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#God_gave_us_two_eyes">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code">
        <meta>
            <title>Only wimps complain about bad code</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.</p>

                <p>Shlomi Fish</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-wikipedia-has">
        <meta>
            <title>Wikipedia has…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
                    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink .
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#wikipedia_has">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="hack-hack-save-make-make-test">
        <meta>
            <title>Hack, hack, hack…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p><b>shlomif:</b> hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test;
                    commit. And start over.</p>


                <p><b>mrjink:</b>hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix
                    typos; save; make; make test; swear some more; hack some
                    more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.</p>


                <p><b>meep:</b> hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to
                    previous revision</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish and Others</author>
                <work href="http://www.plurk.com/p/r9fq1">On Plurk.</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="threat-vs-warning">
        <meta>
            <title>Threat vs. Warning</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> Well, it’s not a threat - it’s a warning, and he won’t be
                    harmed much by acting against my advice. A threat is
                    something like "Stop posting political posts or I will burn
                    your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to the
                    middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and
                    then post it on thedailywtf.com."
                </p>



                <p> Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you
                    unsubscribe", then this reminds me of what Fred Brooks says
                    in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a project becomes
                    late? One day at a time.". If you’re not careful, you might
                    lose a large percent of your blog’s readership, one
                    subscriber at a time.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://use.perl.org/comments.pl?sid=42958&amp;cid=68560">use.perl.org comment</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-moose-take-that-to-a-diff-channel">
        <meta>
            <title>Take that to a different channel</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">thank you</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">nothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi metaperl_work </saying>
                <saying who="confound">you should chat with him on #kiokudb then</saying>
                <saying who="mst">metaperl_work: you mean &quot;about kiokudb&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">rindolf, hi! long time no see</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">metaperl_work: yes.</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">we are talking in #kiokudb confound</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">metaperl_work: what have you been up to?</saying>
                <saying who="confound">no, this is #moose!</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">confound, &quot;we&quot; = me and yuval</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">rindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">metaperl_work: yuval and I.</saying>
                <saying who="jhannah">In related news: i&#39;m chatting on my mobile phone</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">Moose is saving my life... SUPER handy</saying>
                <saying who="metaperl_work">jhannah, what type of mobile phone?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">metaperl_work: what is Seamstress?</saying>
                <saying who="purl">Seamstress is really nothing anyway</saying>
                <saying who="confound">it&#39;s on cpan</saying>
                <saying who="jhannah">metaperl_work: please take that question to #jhannah_phones</saying>
                <saying who="mst">jhannah++</saying>
                <saying who="stevan">jhannah: which network, there doesnt seem to be anyone there</saying>
                <saying who="nothingmuch">i think buffy might be a closet lesbian</saying>
                <me_is who="stevan">HAS TO KNOW!!!!</me_is>
                <saying who="stevan">nothingmuch: duh</saying>
                <saying who="nothingmuch">stevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P</saying>
                <saying who="stevan">take that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers</saying>
                <saying who="jhannah">i get jokes</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">stevan: LOL. stevan++</saying>
                <saying who="dhoss">jhannah++</saying>
                <saying who="jhannah">stevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be quiet when interlopers lope in</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#moose</channel>
                <network>MAGNet</network>
                <tagline>Take that to a different channel</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perl-cats-do-you-speak-French">
        <meta>
            <title>Do you speak French?</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">uwd: what&#39;s up?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">BTW, how has English become the official language of Singapore?</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">Viral marketing</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">singapore has four official languages.</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">one national one.</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">also, politics.</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">also, see wikipedia.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">it knows all</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">[citation needed]</saying>
                <saying who="ik">rindolf: it&#39;s a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford&#39;s campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Singapore</saying>
                <saying who="ik">(a coveted position)</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">taxonomist!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Wikpedia has an article about everything including the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">They are in charge of taxis!</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">disambiguation pages make me sad :(</saying>
                <saying who="ik">I like the disambiguity!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ik: heh</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">i like disambiguation pages. they say &quot;this thing you seek... it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">:D you talk like dee</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">what.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">wat</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">That message you said in French could have been typed by dee!</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">except it was you.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">you doubleyou dee</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">it was in English, actually.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">okay</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">But it had some French in it</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">!</saying>
                <saying who="ik">Two words!  Four, if you count &quot;no&quot;.  Twice.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes, it sounded French to me too.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">no is not french</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">non is.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">oui!</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">elle n&#39;a pas dit non</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">In any case saying &quot;She&quot; of the world is also a Frenchism.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Je ne sais pas.</saying>
                <saying who="ik">But it&#39;s not french</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Parlez vous anglais?</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">it is also a generic Euroism.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">oui</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">England is Europe too :(</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">so not that French.</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je m&#39;appelle Pierre</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pkrumins: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je suis 24 ans!</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">Gods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for knowing that England was in Europe</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je h&#39;abite Riga</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">Altreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don&#39;t see why the sadface.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Tu s&#39;appelle Peteris</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">it&#39;s no wonder stupid people make me violent</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je&#39;abite</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pkrumins: not en Riga?</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">maybe</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">or de Riga?</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">uwd: hmm</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">J&#39;abite, non?</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">I seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I&#39;m never actually sad</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Oui.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">rindolf: habite</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je monger a macdo.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">il y a un h</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Je travailler on ordinator</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">a programmator.</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">Oui.</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">en!</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">probably au tbh</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">but a l&#39; because vowel</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">l&#39;ordinator?</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">And travaille is the first-person present participle</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">And -eur</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">But mostly right!</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">why -eur?</saying>
                <me_is who="Altreus">pats pkrumins on the back</me_is>
                <saying who="Altreus">ordinateur</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">tehe.</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">jadone chats</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">I wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">(or was it chiens)</saying>
                <saying who="uwd">it&#39;s so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people think it&#39;s french than actually speak french...</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">i think chats</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">j&#39;adore chats</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">jaim a perl chat</saying>
                <saying who="Shiyiya">jain n&#39;est pas un mot</saying>
                <saying who="Shiyiya">*jaim</saying>
                <saying who="Altreus">j&#39;aime</saying>
                <saying who="Shiyiya">aussi jadone n&#39;est pas un mot</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">hmm</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">pawings</saying>
                <saying who="pkrumins">all i can say</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">pkrumins: chien is a dog.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I think.</saying>
                <saying who="Shiyiya">Ues, chien is dog</saying>
                <saying who="Shiyiya">*Yes</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">chat</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">chatte for feminine</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cat</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perl-cats</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>How good is your French?</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="what-does-idk-stand-for">
        <meta>
            <title>What does IDK stand for?</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    What does "IDK" stand for? I don’t know.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#what_does_IDK_stand_for">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="dazjorz-php-error-debug-list">
        <meta>
            <title>PHP Error Debug List</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>


                <p>PHP error debug list:</p>


                <p>1) did you use the correct argument order? if you’re a good
                    programmer, use the *reverse* from what you think it is.
                    see if it works. no? you’re not a good programmer, or you
                    learned php’s braindeadness and can go on to step 2).</p>


                <p> 2) did you think about your code? if so, don’t. php will do
                    it for you so you can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such
                    as not escape the data that goes into your sql queries.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Dazjorz</author>
                <work href="http://dazjorz.com/">MSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perl6-more-geek-facts-about-Chuck-Norris">
        <meta>
            <title>More Geek Facts about Chuck Norris</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">rindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I&#39;d like a vim clone written in perl. </saying>
                <saying who="Makoryu">Why isn&#39;t there one already, then?</saying>
                <saying who="Makoryu">(A vim clone in Perl)</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">good question. there&#39;s one in javascript :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Su-Shee: actually , it&#39;s a vi clone.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Writing a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Just like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing a Perl 6 implementation.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Unless you&#39;re Chuck Norris.</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">rindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?</saying>
                <saying who="moritz_">no, he scared K&amp;R into writing it ;-)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Su-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Su-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">rindolf: yes, I know - he published slackware under the pseudonym patrick volkerding...</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Chuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.</saying>
                <saying who="araujo">the second time includes fixing all its errors</saying>
                <saying who="moritz_">but he didn&#39;t commmit his changes, it seems</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">moritz_: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="araujo">Chuck Norris doesn&#39;t commit changes, the changes commit for him</saying>
                <saying who="araujo">:)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Code is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">It is generated right in the first time.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris&#39; computer.</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">.o(I see a chuck norris release on the horizon... ;)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Su-Shee: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">we could ask chuck norris if he&#39;s willing to promote the star release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to laughter.. :)</saying>
                <saying who="araujo">Perl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language</saying>
                <saying who="dukeleto">Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">dukeleto: LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Perl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">rakudo - chuck&#39;s choice ;)</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">well, camelia and chuck norris go well together. ;)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">OK.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Of course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer. </saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">He designs machines by combining individual atoms.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Using his thought.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Atoms obey Chuck Norris.</saying>
                <saying who="Su-Shee">rindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of super hero comics in your childhood :)</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perl6</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>What you could assume was true about Chuck Norris</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="give-me-ascii">
        <meta>
            <title>Give me ASCII</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#give-me-ascii">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="technion-ways">
        <meta>
            <title>Technion Ways</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place
                    to the other, but they are all the same length.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#technion-ways">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="im-chat-with-sjors-awayer">
        <meta>
            <title>Sjors the Awayer</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="shlomif">Hi Sjors the Awayer!</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">Hi Shlomi the, uh</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">Onliner! :P</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I am not an Awayer!</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I am a free man.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Onlinerer, heh.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Touche.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">;)</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">or is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">No, it&#39;s not.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">It&#39;s pig-English for someone who is Away.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">We don&#39;t have a &quot;w&quot; sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by &quot;v&quot; a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing it.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Even though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">many Dutch people have problems saying th too</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">earth</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">they say it eart</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I tink</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I say it ers</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Heh.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">You seem to be in a funny mood too.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I tink you are dere</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">hehe</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">How&#39;s school?</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I&#39;ve been feeling great lately :)</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">But OTOH you&#39;re a funny guy, anyway.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of Denmark.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">haha</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">J/K.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Or maybe also online.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I know many Dutch people funnier than me</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">IRL?</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">And online, I think</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">Meh</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I&#39;ve been playing openttd</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">but those damn trains</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">are SO STUBBORN</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Well, no offence, but you&#39;re not the funniest person online.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">it&#39;s annoying me</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I&#39;ve known.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Sometimes trolls can be funny.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Larry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or E-mail.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">But he&#39;s not always funny.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">IRL, he&#39;s really funny.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">He gives funny presentations.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I don&#39;t have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners, stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it&#39;s like a millisecond shorter than the other route</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Though I think they always get more serious towards the end.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">hm :)</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Is it a commercial game?</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">OpenTTD?</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">The Open says everything.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">yep :)</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Gotta love Ctrl+Up.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Gotta love Ctrl+Up.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I think we&#39;ve been there, though.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">hehe</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Old joke.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">Didn&#39;t know it</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I told you about it a long time ago.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">It was you I think.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">And then we did a session of two messages in a row.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">ETOOMUCHINFORMATION</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">ETOOLITTLEKNOWLEDGE</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">ETOOHARDTOREADACRONYMS</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">ah</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">:P</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">EPLEASEUSESOMESPACES</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">EIWISHWEWEREUSINGSEXPRS</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">ENOSPACEBARDETECTED?</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">You know what S-exprsessions are, right?</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Indeed. No space bar.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Gotta press alt+032</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Or something.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">hmm</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">I don&#39;t have a numeric keypad</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Mac O Sucks.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Mac O Sucky Computers.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">No offence, I hope.</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">MUCH OFFENSE TAKEN!</saying>
                <saying who="sjors">Hands off my Mac! ;)</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">It&#39;s mine! All mine!</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">My precioussssssssssss.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">I&#39;ll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#sjors-and-rindolf</channel>
                <network>MSN Messnenger</network>
                <tagline>Sjors the Awayer</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perlcafe-trusting-the-docs">
        <meta>
            <title>Reflections on Trusting Documentation</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="whoppix">Quick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to touch the file on the filesystem by updating it or merging local changes into the repostiroy</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">whoppix: you can use .gitignore</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I think</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">rindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">that was slow.</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">rindolf, hm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is what I need.</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">.gitignore is only for untracked files</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">whoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Git is so complicated.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">And so opaque</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">rindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">whoppix: can you believe the docs?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">The docs may be lying.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Don&#39;t trust the docs.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Don&#39;t trust anything.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You&#39;re all alone.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">It&#39;s you against the machine.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">When in doubt, use the source code.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Not some sissy documentation.</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">right</saying>
                <saying who="whoppix">I&#39;ll have some of what you&#39;ve been smoking</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">whoppix: I&#39;m 100% clean.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Reflections on trusting documentation</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-jquery-ruby_on_tails-and-rindolf-as-cats">
        <meta>
            <title>Emulating cats on #jquery</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <joins who="ruby_on_tails">has joined #jquery</joins>
                <me_is who="rindolf">removes ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.</me_is>
                <me_is who="ruby_on_tails">throws his paws at rindolf and scratches his face</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">Fight!</saying>
                <me_is who="rindolf">hisses at ruby_on_tails </me_is>
                <me_is who="rindolf">curves his back.</me_is>
                <me_is who="rindolf">is not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says that?</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">On the Internet, no one knows you&#39;re a cat.</saying>
                <me_is who="ruby_on_tails">deep-scratches rindolf&#39;s ass</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">Is there a word for a female  cat.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: truce?</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">tiger b-)</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">B-)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">We must be united against our common enemy.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Dogs or whatever.</saying>
                <me_is who="ruby_on_tails">unites all breeds of cats against rindolf</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: I am not the cats&#39; no. 1 enemy.</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">you are :P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">lol</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;Cats of the world - unite!&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">they are already united</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">Andy-: ajax form submission</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully bad mood.</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">:P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;Ceiling cat is watching you.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I derive a sick pleasure from them.</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">I just watch tom n jerry</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Well, not really sick.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">ruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">He&#39;s the cat, right?</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">yea</saying>
                <saying who="ruby_on_tails">but he&#39;s got determination till the end :&gt;</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">There&#39;s also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Rita is a smart cat.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#jquery</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Felines of the world - unite!</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="english-spelling">
        <meta>
            <title>English Spelling</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and
                    methodically.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#english-spelling">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="Sjors-virtual-money">
        <meta>
            <title>Virtual Money</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="shlomif">BTW, have you read my stories yet?</saying>
                <saying who="Sjors">I haven’t</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">"If you read my stories, I’ll give you 1,000,000 virtual dollars."</saying>
                <saying who="Sjors">Causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">And be virtually rich.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">And then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">And buy a lot of virtual goods.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="Sjors">Then, I’d be virtually happy</saying>
                <saying who="Sjors">Too bad... :P</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">It’s a virtual win-win situation.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">You can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of virtual code for KMess.</saying>
                <saying who="shlomif">"My old virtual dad used to say to me: ‘virtual money does not bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.’"</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>Shlomi Fish and Sjors</channel>
                <network>MSN</network>
                <tagline>Virtual money.</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-tddpirate-and-pepy-about-top-vs-bottom-posting">
        <meta>
            <title>Top vs. Bottom Posting</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Shlomi_Fish and me engaged in a religious argument - top posting vs. bottom posting.</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">What is your side (Pepy)?</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">hmm</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">bottom posting</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">i guess</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">well,guess bottom posting is winning then</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">Heh.</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Pepy: may you be damned, filthy heretic! TOP POSTING IS THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY ! ! ! !</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">TDDPirate: you are past redemption, you archangel of evil!</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Shlomi_Fish: not to speak of your vile and wicked bottom posting ways!  </saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">so</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">go go bottom posting</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">Pepy: that’s the way to go.</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">The way to go - if you want to be DOOMED! TO! ETERNAL! FIRES! OF! HELL!</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">Top posting is for the weak and timid! I will challenge all top-posters to a Batelath contest for undermining the HONOUR of the entire Klingon race!</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Don’t dare to defile the honor of the honorable Klingon Race by dragging them into this argument!</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">Sujatlh ‘e’ yImev TodSaH!</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">Pepy: nice klingon.</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">thanks shlomi  </saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Is this Klingon? And if yes, what does this mean?</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">yes it is</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">and it means “shut up geeks”</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">Pepy: I may be a geek, but I’m a true klingon geek-warrior!</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Nice use of the language, Pepy.</saying>
                <saying who="Shlomi_Fish">And a true Klingon geek warrior ALWAYS bottom-posts.</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">no no,true Klingons have power to change quoted tops</saying>
                <saying who="TDDPirate">Pepy: do you mean that Klingons have the power to defile and make filthy of sacred E-mail messages?</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">no,but they’re used to “edit” history</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">ah, when they ask me how the hell I managed to write so good band propositions</saying>
                <saying who="Pepy">I’ll tell em,the secret is to chat with geeks about top vs bottom posting</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>Shlomi Fish, TDDPirate and Pepy</channel>
                <network>MSN</network>
                <tagline>Bottom vs. Top Posting.</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="d3x-and-shlomif-about-foss-versioning">
        <meta>
            <title>FOSS Versioning</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="d3x">btw, you can do mplayer -dumpaudio -dumpfile file.mp3</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">no need to reencode</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">This -dumpfile is a nice trick.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Is it new?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I wonder when mplayer will hit 1.0 already.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Ah.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">All the stuff I saw told me to use WAV and then encode.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">mplayer and 1.0? i&#39;m not really sure it&#39;s their goal</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">They will stay at 1.0RC-foo forever?</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">although i would be glad if they had some sensible versioning</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">At the moment perl-Mojolicious is at 0.999924.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">At least perl-Moose hit 1.00</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">lol</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Without any substantial changes from 0.99.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">But you&#39;ve got to upgrade somehow.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">perl-Moose is MDV/RH notation, but I like it.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">imo it&#39;s just stupid not to release 1.0</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I dislike libmoose-perl</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">wine did so and now they have normal versioning</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Though most of my CPAN modules are sub-1.0.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">http://search.cpan.org/~shlomif/</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I think except for one  module (where I used 0.2.0 0.4.0 and eventually hit 0.8.0 and had to go to 1.000) all my 1.0 and above modules are adopted.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">they are sub-1.0, but they are not 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">:)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">One of them used the CVS revisions as  versions.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">d3x : LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">d3x: can I quote you on that?</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">i say it&#39;s stupid to make releases up to 0.9.something and then not to release 1.0</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I collect quotes on my homepage.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">sure you can</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">At the moment I have freecell-solver-2.42.0</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">But I hope the new release will be 3.0.0</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">the one that was bought by freecell enterprise? :D</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I&#39;ve left GNOME and gtk+/glib behind.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">d3x yes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Freecell Solver Enterprises™ Inc.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Ah, so you&#39;ve seen that.</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">yes, you posted a link on #debian</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">You should add a digest to the version.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf"> 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5-adc83b19e793491b1c6ea0fd8b46cd9f32e592fc</saying>
                <saying who="d3x">lol</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">In case you&#39;re using git or hg.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>private conversation</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>d3x and Shlomi Fish (rindolf) about FOSS Versioning</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-offtopic-not-a-bug">
        <meta>
            <title>Not a bug on #offtopic on OFTC</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">sarnold: you go to OGI?</saying>
                <saying who="sarnold">rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there, and other co-workers earned degrees there..</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">sarnold: OK.</saying>
                <saying who="muli">sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?</saying>
                <saying who="sarnold">muli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?</saying>
                <saying who="muli">rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A. </saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">muli: I know. But I was just checking.</saying>
                <saying who="sarnold">rindolf: ah, you’re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the language  requirements :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">muli: see?? LOL.</saying>
                <saying who="muli">rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.  </saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">muli: wisely spoken.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">But mine wasn’t a bug - it was a sanity check.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#offtopic</channel>
                <network>OFTC</network>
                <tagline>Not a bug</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-ruby-lang-about-sharp-ruby">
        <meta>
            <title>#ruby-lang and #ruby</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi all.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Why are there both #ruby and #ruby-lang ?</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">mmm</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">some questions</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">you know</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">they&#39;re best not asked :)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">erikh: &quot;The first rule of the fight club is you don&#39;t talk about the fight club.&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">pretty much.</saying>
                <saying who="raggi">no, you punch them in the face until they get the message</saying>
                <saying who="erikh">raggi: haha. hi man.</saying>
                <saying who="Judofyr">The first rule of #ruby-lang is you don&#39;t talk about #ruby.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#ruby-lang</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>#ruby-lang and #ruby</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-ror-how-to-market-your-rails-book">
        <meta>
            <title>How to market your Rails Book?</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="Radar">and on a completely unrelated note</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">http://ryanbigg.com/2011/04/rails-3-1-in-action</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: I know it&#39;s rehearsed, but I prefer reading dark on bright rather than the opposite.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: let me see if there&#39;s an alternate stylesheet.</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">rindolf: Command+Option+Control+8</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">heh</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: I&#39;m not on a Mac.</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">rindolf: then whatever the shortcut is for you to invert your screen.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: Firefox 4.0 on Mandriva Linux Cooker on an old P4-2.4GHz.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: yeah....</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: that way XChat and Pidgin will be in technicolour.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">Radar: so, once you&#39;ve gotten Rails 3.1 in Action out, are you going to be going for Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Well, I applied a no-stylesheet.</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">workmad3: Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows(r) 7(tm) actually.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">Radar: I&#39;ll reserve my copy now :D</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: good luck with that.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: will the book be available online for free view/download?</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">rindolf: a windows book? for free?</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">are you crazy???</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: Windows?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: it&#39;s about Rails.</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">rindolf: no it will cost money</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: ah, OK. :-(</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">Rails 3.2 In Action on Windows(r) 7(tm)</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">it&#39;ll cost big bucks!!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Ultimate Premium.</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">Yes, I&#39;m going to spend a year of my life writing a book and then release it for free, yay</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">how about no?</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">Radar: don&#39;t forget the Enterprise Rails 3.2 on Windows In Action 7(tw)</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">you can charge double for that one... it has enterprise in the title!</saying>
                <saying who="Radar">workmad3: how did you know about the third installment of the trilogy?! only Yehuda and I know of that</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">Radar: I&#39;m really yehuda in disguise</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">dammit... I should have waited 25 mins to reveal that...</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: well, I&#39;m now working on an EPUB of http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ but DocBook/XML is giving me some grief in generating a valid EPUB.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I think I&#39;ll fix the EPUB manually.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I&#39;ll have to study the EPUB format.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: it&#39;s a story - not a technical book.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: http://perl-begin.org/ - this took me several years to work on (well not 100% of the time) and it&#39;s mostly CC-by.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">rindolf: who&#39;d pay for stuff on perl though? :P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: you&#39;d be surprised.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">rindolf: I doubt it</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: I think chromatic&#39;s latest &quot;Modern Perl&quot; book was a smashing success.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">my sense of surprise has been surgically removed</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: even though it was available online the whole time.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: but Perl is a bit passé and established.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Radar: people will torrent your book/etc.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">also, I think I need to colour my sarcastic text differently</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: ah, OK.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">or maybe just my non-sarcastic text</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">chromatic did an awesome job.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">would probably be easier</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Use &lt;sarcasm&gt; ... &lt;/sarcasm&gt;</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">too much typing</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Human XML.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Write an IRC client macro for that.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">I&#39;ll just put &lt;nonsarcasm&gt; when I&#39;m not being sarcastic</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Heh.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">assume that previous one was escaped</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">XSS!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">1+1 = 2. [citation needed]</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I like this channel.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">But I admit I&#39;m not big into rails.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">it doesn&#39;t like you</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">it&#39;s looking at you funny</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">muttering under it&#39;s breath</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">:P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Most of my sites are hosted on something which I don&#39;t care what it runs or alternatively static HTML sites.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I&#39;m so making a fortune out of this conversation.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">rindolf: nah... I&#39;m too lazy</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: ah.</saying>
                <saying who="workmad3">rindolf: if I could sit down while doing it, I&#39;d be a millionaire :P</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">workmad3: more like a milliardaire.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#rubyonrails</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>workmad3 drives Radar and rindolf mad.</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-perlcafe-aleenas-little-perl-boys">
        <meta>
            <title>Aleena’s Little Perl Boys</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">Feminists</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">So anti-womans rights douchebags.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: well, I don&#39;t know too much about how feminism relates to the global women-lib movement.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I do know I kinda hate feminazis, which I consider a subset of feminists.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">It&#39;s a bunch of women who are pissed than other women are getting dicked more often than them.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: heh.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">So they &quot;hate&quot; men, but secretly want to be tied to a bed and boned repeatedly.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Diablo-D3, please don&#39;t lump me in that group.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">Lady_Aleena: thats up to you, not me</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">I do not create feminists, I only laugh at them</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: I don&#39;t think you&#39;re a feminazi.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: you&#39;re really cool.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: at least on IRC.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Thanks... :)</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Though I still want to break a guy&#39;s fingers.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: and don&#39;t take what Diablo-D3 says seriously.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">I try to keep an open mind.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">rindolf: hey now</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: well, you or I can want to kill some people and it&#39;s OK as long as we don&#39;t actually do it.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">rindolf, NOT kill, maim.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">any woman who tries to take away the rights of other women should be flogged in the town square.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">One can not change the mind of the dead.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">However, one can change the minds of the maimed.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: in one of my stories (still work in progress), the protagonist wants to punch her boyfriend, but she knows better than that and so just goes away frustrated.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: let me translate that part to English.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">rindolf: thats boring!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">She should have kneed him in the nuts.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: maybe she should shoot him with a bazooka.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">Clearly the chick should hit the guy, the guy should hit back, and then they should have wild sex.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: it&#39;s in public.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">UH! S&amp;M!</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">rindolf, the best place.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Diablo-D3: it&#39;s actually an anti-thesis to a lot of Hollywoodian stuff.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Lady_Aleena: to have wild sex?</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">rindolf, sure, why not?</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">A dom makes her sub perform sexual acts on demand, no matter the place. If insufficient the sub is flogged.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">s/A dom/A dom, with no inhibitions,/;</saying>
                <me_is who="Lady_Aleena">giggles.</me_is>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">I think I just sent 2 men running for their mommies.</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">no, we&#39;re too busy fapping.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Good.</saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Good little perl boy…</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">lol</saying>
                <saying who="Diablo-D3">evil Lady_Aleena </saying>
                <saying who="Lady_Aleena">Bad perl boy, no cookies...</saying>
                <me_is who="Lady_Aleena">is now known as Mistress_Aleena</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">Mistress_Aleena: heh.</saying>
                <me_is who="Mistress_Aleena">laughs.</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">Well, that scene continues.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">In the balcony.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">They end up making out.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">I can translate more I guess.</saying>
                <saying who="Mistress_Aleena">No need.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Mistress_Aleena: maybe you should be Madame_Aleena</saying>
                <me_is who="Mistress_Aleena">is now known as Madame_Aleena</me_is>
                <saying who="rindolf">I wonder if I should make a fortune out of this conversation.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">It&#39;s a bit Rish instead of PG-13ish.</saying>
                <saying who="Madame_Aleena">little rindolf, go for the X.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motion_Picture_Association_of_America_film_rating_system</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Madame_Aleena: X!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">X marks the spot.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">X-Windows.</saying>
                <saying who="Madame_Aleena">Yes it does, little rindolf.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Maybe you should be Hotbabe_Aleena</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Madame_Aleena: BTW, did you register Mistress_Aleena and Madame_Aleena ?</saying>
                <saying who="Madame_Aleena">Yes.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#perlcafe</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Go for the X.</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="st-we-the-living-dead--katie-meets-moses">
        <meta>
            <title>Star Trek: We, the Living Dead - Katie Meets Moses</title>
        </meta>
        <screenplay>
            <body>
                <saying character="Shlomo">
                    <para>Mosheh, remember I told you about Katie?</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Mosheh">
                    <para>oh yeah! She looks cute when she’s angry.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Katie">
                    <para>Moses, right?</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Mosheh">
                    <para>that’s right.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Katie">
                    <para>
                        well, in case you have any interest in me, I should
                        note that I have a policy against getting involved with
                        people who are 4 times my senior
                        or more.
                    </para>
                </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/">Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead”</work>
            </info>
        </screenplay>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tow-fountainhead-dinosaur">
        <meta>
            <title>The One with the Fountainhead: Dinosaur</title>
        </meta>
        <screenplay>
            <body>
                <saying character="Ross">
                    <para>I can’t believe he could not tell the other guy wasn’t really a dinosaur.
                    </para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Chandler">
                    <para>Well, cartoon characters usually have a difficulty seeing through disguises.
                    </para>
                </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/">The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)</work>
            </info>
        </screenplay>
    </fortune>

    <fortune id="tow-fountainhead-joey-reading-the-fountainhead">
        <meta>
            <title>The One with the Fountainhead: Joey Reading the Fountainhead</title>
        </meta>
        <screenplay>
            <body>
                <saying character="Ross">
                    <para>You’ve already read it (= the Fountainhead)?</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>Yeah <inlinedesc>puts the book down</inlinedesc>. I
                        was in acting school, and the guys decided to throw a
                        discussion on it. So, I decided that I’ll read the book
                        so I can make a good impression on the ladies if y’know
                        what I mean…
                    </para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Rachel">
                    <para>Yep, we know what you mean.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Monica">
                    <para>So, did you get laid that night?</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>No. I spent the entire night discussing
                        <italics>The Fountainhead.</italics>
                        <inlinedesc>pause</inlinedesc> Interesting
                        book.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Chandler">
                    <para>Must have been one of the most stimulating nights of
                        your life.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>Not quite as much as the next night.</para>
                </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/">The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)</work>
            </info>
        </screenplay>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="tow-fountainhead-joey-writing-the-fountainhead-today">
        <meta>
            <title>The One with the Fountainhead: Would you write the Fountainhead
                today the same way?</title>
        </meta>
        <screenplay>
            <body>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>Hey, know what we can do, so I can get prepared for
                        the audition? Let’s role-play our own version of "The
                        Fountainhead".</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Rachel">
                    <para>Our own version? Why would we want to write our own
                        version of it! This book is great.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="The others">
                    <para>"Yes." "One of the best books I ever read." "Can’t
                        get better than this"</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>Come on, if you wanted to write it today, would you
                        write the same book?</para>
                </saying>
                <description>
                    <para>Silence.</para>
                </description>
                <saying character="Phoebe">
                    <para>Well, for one thing: didn’t it bother you that
                        Dominique Francon, the main female character, didn’t do
                        anything in the best years of her life, except like…
                        sleeping with people?</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Ross">
                    <para>yeah. All the characters in fact do nothing in the
                        20’s and 30’s, except maybe build a couple of
                        buildings.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>If you ask me: the book is too slow-paced for the
                        90’s. I mean, in the 60’s it may have worked but we’re
                        in the information age now.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Ross">
                    <para>Joey, "The Fountainhead" was written in 1943.</para>
                </saying>
                <saying character="Joey">
                    <para>Yeah, but it was still good enough in the 60’s right?
                        OK: our own version of "The Fountainhead" - here’s what
                        I think it should look like</para>
                </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOWTF/">The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1)</work>
            </info>
        </screenplay>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="humanity-the-movie--civilization">
        <meta>
            <title>Humanity: Civilization</title>
        </meta>
        <screenplay>
            <body>
                <saying character="Voice">

                    <para> Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the
                        depths of space, on a remote planet you know as Earth,
                        came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon: Civilization.
                        What it means is that intelligent, </para>

                </saying>
                <description>
                    <para>A text on the screen with a beep  - (?)</para>
                </description>
                <saying character="Voice">
                    <para>conscious</para>
                </saying>
                <description>
                    <para>A text on the screen with the same beep - (?)</para>
                </description>
                <saying character="Voice">
                    <para>
                        Stop it!
                    </para>
                </saying>
                <description>
                    <para>A text on the screen with a different beep
                        - (!)</para>
                </description>
                <saying character="Voice">

                    <para>
                        Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed
                        cities and countries, with a technology that became
                        more and more advanced in time.
                    </para>

                </saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/humanity/">Humanity - The Movie</work>
            </info>
        </screenplay>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="spam-for-everyone--rap-to-the-spam">
        <meta>
            <title>Rap to the Spam</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> Mike “The Mouse” House (a.k.a “D.J. Salinger”) was a minor
                    rap artist, and a computer geek when he decided to start
                    selling CDs of open-source software.  He turned to spamming
                    to publicise his business, but found out that the spam he
                    sent was trapped by most spam traps. He decided to use the
                    notorious obscured image spam, but since he had a few blind
                    friends, decided to also include an audio recording of a
                    rap song with the spam message.  </p>



                <p> House received a few offers from his spam campaign, but his
                    real break came when a few enthusiasts of the spam song
                    shared it on the Internet, where it became an instant hit.
                    The song eventually hit the charts and MTV, and made D.J.
                    Salinger famous, who quickly released his first successful
                    album called <i>Rap to the spam, Ma’am!</i>, with such
                    highly acclaimed hits as “Rap to not get trapped” and “He
                    ain’t Nigerian. He’s a Spammer!”.  </p>



                <p> As a millionaire, House decided to donate some of his money
                    back to sponsoring open-source projects, and has donated
                    100,000’s of U.S. Dollars to such causes as <a
                        href="http://www.fsf.org/">the Free Software
                        Foundation</a>, <a href="http://www.li.org/">Linux
                        International</a> and <a
                        href="http://spamassassin.apache.org/">SpamAssassin</a>.
                    “If it hadn’t been for them, I wouldn’t have made it big”,
                    he said, and said he’s now working on a second album with a
                    similar theme.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Spam-for-Everyone/">“Spam for Everyone” - The Internationl Campaign for Accessible Spam</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="I-promised-I-forgot">
        <meta>
            <title>I promised, I forgot…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise —
                    just shoot me, and get on with it!
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#I_promised">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="an-original-philosopher-knows">
        <meta>
            <title>Original Philosopher</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    An original philosopher knows the right combination of
                    ideas to steal.
                </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#original_philosopher">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-to-err-is-human">
        <meta>
            <title>To err is human</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <ul>
                    <li>
                        To err is human - to apologise - divine.
                    </li>
                    <li>
                        To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.
                    </li>
                    <li>
                        To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.
                    </li>
                </ul>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#to_err_is_human_corollaries">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="I-might-be-mad">
        <meta>
            <title>I might be mad</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>I might be mad. But I’m a mad genius.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#might_be_mad">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="if-God-exists">
        <meta>
            <title>If God exists…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and
                    helpless creature that is described in the Old Testament,
                    then we’re in deep trouble.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#if_god_exists">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="table-with-cups">
        <meta>
            <title>Mathematical Riddle</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p>
                    <b>Sophie:</b> Let’s suppose you have a table with
                    2^n cups…<br />
                    <b>Jack:</b> Wait a second - is ‘n’ a natural number?
                </p>


            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="significance-of-being-18">
        <meta>
            <title>Significance of Being 18</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18.
                    Afterwards, they always wish they were younger.</p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sorting-the-dishes">
        <meta>
            <title>Sorting the Dishes</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> <b>Shlomi’s Father:</b> If you don’t sort the dishwasher,
                    the dishwasher won’t be sorted.  </p>

                <p> <b>Shlomi:</b> No, it won’t be sorted by me.  </p>

                <p> <b>Shlomi’s Father:</b> No, it won’t be sorted at all. We
                    will throw away the dishwasher.
                </p>

                <p> <b>Together:</b> Along with all the dishes.  </p>

            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="your-programming-language-must-suck">
        <meta>
            <title>Your Programming Language Must Suck</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <p> All languages of the world suck. If you require people to
                    declare variables (like in Pascal, C, <a
                        href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scheme_%28programming_language%29">Scheme</a>
                    or Perl 5 with <a
                        href="http://perldoc.perl.org/strict.html">strict</a>),
                    then people will tell you they like variables to spring up
                    upon first use. Without variable declarations, then you get
                    various weird side-effects of the implicit scoping. If you
                    use curly braces for scoping, then you’ll have to type more
                    and there’s more clutter. With indentation-based scoping
                    (like in Python), you’ll find it hard to introduce
                    multiple-expression <a
                        href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lambda_calculus#First-class_functions">lambdas</a>.</p>

                <p>Rob Pike and Paul Graham hated object oriented programming
                    (OOP) and so they didn’t introduce it in their <a
                        href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_%28programming_language%29">“Go”</a>
                    and <a
                        href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arc_%28programming_language%29">“Arc“</a>
                    languages, well after OOP has become mainstream. And guess
                    what? Many people, including me, think that OOP is still a
                    good thing (and no, in my opinion, C++ did not do OOP very
                    well) and so gave up on Arc quickly and did not look
                    closely at Go.</p>

                <p>Dynamically typed languages (like Perl 5, Python, Ruby, or
                    Lisp) possibly suffer from many subtle errors&#160;;
                    Statically typed languages (like Haskell) are less
                    expressive and it seems that about one third of the
                    language design papers published on <a
                        href="http://lambda-the-ultimate.org/">Lambda the
                        Ultimate</a> are about various funky extensions to the
                    Haskell type system to allow for better expressiveness.</p>

                <p>Purely functional languages have no assignment and most
                    people find them harder, in part because the world around
                    us has a lot of state, and they also need to do funky
                    compiler tricks to make you feel like you don’t need
                    assignment. Non-functional languages have side-effects and
                    so are prone to many errors.</p>

                <p>If you have goto or goto-like statements (such as exceptions
                    or Perl 5’s “last LABEL;” (more like “break” in C) or
                    “next LABEL;”), then you encourage code to not be factored
                    correctly. If you don’t have such stuff, then programmers
                    will hate you for having to go through many hoops to write
                    quick-and-dirty code.</p>

                <p>Perl 5 has a dedicated regular expression syntax which is
                    treated magically by the parser. PHP and Java use strings
                    for them, and require weird escaping and backslashing rules
                    to interpolate the sub-regexes inside them. And if you
                    incorporate a first-order syntax for regular expressions,
                    then people will want similar first-order syntaxes for
                    XPath, for XML (like some recent versions of Visual Basic
                    .NET have), and for all other grammars you may need to
                    embed.</p>

                <p>Finally, many people absolutely hate all the clutter created
                    by the leading <a
                        href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigil_%28computer_programming%29">sigils</a>
                    of Perl 5 (the "$", "@", etc.), and similar languages, but
                    they allow for much better backward compatibility,
                    facilitate the so-called “interpolation” (= embedding
                    inside strings), and also give some important visual cues
                    when skimming code (even without syntax highlighting).</p>

                <p><b>You are damned either way</b>, whatever you do.</p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://shlomif-tech.livejournal.com/57811.html">Your Programming Language Must Suck</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="how-many-wikipeders-to-change-light-bulb">
        <meta>
            <title>How many Wikipeders Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>

                <ul>
                    <li>
                        1 User to start a
                        http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changing_a_Light_Bulb
                        article.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 editor to tag it with the “No original research”
                        template. (Without giving a reason)
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        3 users to find citations for the article.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 editor to claim it violates the wikipedia “Neutral
                        Point of View policy”.  (without giving a reason).
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        The original user to ask why he thinks this way on the
                        talk page.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        5 users to find occurences of changing a light bulb in
                        popular culture.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 anonymous user to correct an “it’s” to “its”.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 editor to revert it.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 editor to revert the revert because it was a real
                        typo.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        10 users to rant in the talk page that Changing a
                        lightbulb is not notable enough.
                    </li>


                    <li>
                        10 Wikipeders to start similar articles in French,
                        German, Spanish, Catalan, Esperanto, Ido, Hebrew,
                        Klingon, Mandarin Chinese, and other languages.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        10 more people to periodically keep the articles in
                        sync with the English version.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        Starting the cycle again on the localised wikipedias.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 Person to argue that the article should be merged
                        into the main article about the inventor of the
                        lightbulb.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        5 People to argue on the talk-page who the inventor of
                        the lightbulb was.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 Person to start a wikiquote page about changing
                        lightbulbs.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 Person to add it to wikibook.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        4 persons to gradually delete content the section about
                        “choosing a good chair” until it only reads “choose a
                        good chair.”
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 person to write it again.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 deletionist to remove the article due to all of its
                        perceived problems.
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        3 months from now:
                    </li>

                    <li>
                        1 different user to feel the absense of the
                        Changing_a_Light_Bulb article, create it and start the
                        cycle all over again.
                    </li>
                </ul>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/How-many-Wikipedia-Editors/">How many Wikipeders does it take to Change a Light Bulb?</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-use-perl-moose-and-roles">
        <meta>
            <title>Shlomi Fish on 13 May 2009</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    As expected from the latest trend in the Perl blogosphere
                    this post will be about Roles. And Moose! And Roles in
                    Moose! And Moose in Roles! And Roles outside Moose…
                </p>
                <p>
                    Seriously now, this is a post about a completely non-Moosey
                    and non-Roley script I wrote to filter the use.perl.org
                    master journals' feed.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/38969">Meta: Script to Filter the Master use.perl.org Blogs' Feed</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-english-russian-cuisine">
        <meta>
            <title>Russian Cuisine</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
                <saying who="rindolf">Hi all.</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">O HAI rindolf</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: HAI HAI.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: what&#39;s up?</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">rindolf: I&#39;m hungry!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: there&#39;s one antidote for it.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: it&#39;s called Food.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: &lt;/bolt&gt;</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">well, but what food?</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">and I need coffee</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">oh, I think I know what I&#39;ll have.</saying>
                <saying who="benwbrum_chez_so">Chili.  A big bowl of red, with crackers and onions on the side.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: does it matter?</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">If it has to be some cuisine.</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">Did I spell correctly?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: spell what?</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">oh yes.</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">cuisine.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">&quot;cuisine&quot; is spelt this way.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Yes.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">It&#39;s a French word I think.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">.ety cuisine</saying>
                <saying who="la_fen">&quot;1786, from Fr. cuisine &#39;style of cooking,&#39; originally &#39;kitchen, cooking, cooked food&#39; (12c.), from L.L. cocina, earlier coquina &#39;kitchen,&#39; from L. coquere &#39;to cook&#39; (see cook (n.)).&quot; - http://etymonline.com/?term=cuisine</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">OK, originally from Latin.</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">nevermind. Which cuisine is the best?</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">In general</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: I like many cuisines.</saying>
                <saying who="Gvidon">Russian, of course</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: though most of the ethnic food is actually poor men&#39;s food.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Gvidon: Russian cuisine?</saying>
                <saying who="Gvidon">rindolf: Yes</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">well, yes, because I need something to eat to be able to eat it.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Gvidon: what does it feature?</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">Russian cuisine lacks flavour.</saying>
                <saying who="Gvidon">rindolf: Vodka</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Gvidon: ah.</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Gvidon: I didn&#39;t know Vodka is nutritious </saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Leuthihi: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">In Soviet Russia, They no longer use this meme. :P</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">Vodka has plenty of calories at least.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Gvidon: and I don&#39;t consume Alcoholic beverages in any quantity.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: :-)</saying>
                <saying who="Leuthihi">Volis: because: In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">«In Soviet Russia, cats own you. Oh wait! They own you everywhere.»</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">Considering the fact, i&#39;m still underage. Please change the topic.</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: underage?</saying>
                <saying who="rindolf">Volis: ah, you cannot drink?</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">In Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">&quot;Dear fellow driver, let left be for communist crap only&quot;</saying>
                <saying who="Volis">rindolf, Rules of the world.</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>##English</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Russian cuisine</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-email-and-web-feeds">
        <meta>
            <title>E-mail, web feeds…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    E-mail, web feeds and doing something productive —
                    choose two.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://shlomif.livejournal.com/4002.html">LiveJournal.com Post</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-wasting-time">
        <meta>
            <title>Wasting Time</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/1342.html">Unarmed but Still Dangerous Post</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-Im-hungry-today">
        <meta>
            <title>I’m Hungry Today</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    <b>Sophie:</b> I’m hungry today.<br />
                    <b>Jack:</b> well wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling
                    will pass.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#Im-hungry-today">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-we-agree">
        <meta>
            <title>We agree…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    We agree. But do we agree to agree?
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#We_agree">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-sed-and-awk">
        <meta>
            <title>sed and awk…</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    sed and awk make me sad and awkward.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="sharp-mageia-social-linuxguy101-about-windows-8">
        <meta>
            <title>linuxguy101 about Windows 8</title>
        </meta>
        <irc>
            <body>
<saying who="linuxguy101">sebsebseb: i thought you were abducted by windows 8</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">sebsebseb: hi.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: windows got him</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: if you say so.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">he is trying to find that icon in windows 8 that has irc on it</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">average users it usually will take a day or longer</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">it is a productivity enhancer</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: heh.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: you must get windows 8</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">it is an experience in windows you will never forget</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: why?</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: it is like windows me and vista combined with a bunch of retarded programmers who cant speak the same lang</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">it is jaw dropping</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: sounds fascinating.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">i expect Microsoft will earn some rewards on this os</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">like longest boot time..  Hardest os to use by a human. And most compatible os with itself ever made.</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: :-)</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: you must switch to something less useful and more productive like windows 8</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">think of the hours you could spend on windows 8..   remember it is retro</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: retrofitted?</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: yes..  down to 2 or 4 colors..  steve balmer in a cocaine brain storming meeting with the developers decided to move to a gui that was un pattoned so they invented retro..  simple and stupid colors a 4 year old child could barely read or draw</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">he called it retro</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">Retro.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">clearly a first in computing history</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">Now I get the joke.</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">Metro is Retro.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">oh it is no joke.. just wait for windows 8 lack of sales prompt stever balmer to shove it down into the updates for windows 7</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">on a side note, did you know that linux is becoming more popular now days?</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">i dont know why..</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">rindolf: you really should try windows 8</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">at least virtual box it..</saying>
<saying who="rindolf">linuxguy101: maybe I should, but I&#39;m not going to shell out money  for the experience.</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">Warning!: using windows 8 may cause massive hysteria, laughing and vomiting in some cases..</saying>
<saying who="linuxguy101">the first time i used windows 8 i laughed uncontrolably for several hours and almost wet myself</saying>
            </body>
            <info>
                <channel>#mageia-social</channel>
                <network>Freenode</network>
                <tagline>Win 8, Lose 9</tagline>
            </info>
        </irc>
    </fortune>
    <fortune id="shlomif-english-wikipedia-1">
        <meta>
            <title>The English Wikipedia</title>
        </meta>
        <quote>
            <body>
                <p>
                    The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.
                </p>
            </body>
            <info>
                <author>Shlomi Fish</author>
                <work href="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html">Aphorisms Collection</work>
            </info>
        </quote>
    </fortune>
</list>
</collection>
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