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<title>The Fountainhead - A Parody</title>
<meta name="description" content="A hilarious parody of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead.  If you're an Objectivist without a sense of humor, stay away!"><meta name="keywords" content="objectivism, Ayn Rand, Fountainhead"></head>




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<h1><em>The Fountainhead</em><br>starring<strong> Skull Force</strong></h1>
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<img src="fh_parody_files/fount1.gif"><p>

<strong>Peter Keating: </strong> Sorry you got kicked out of school, Howard. </p><p>

<strong>Howard Roark:</strong> Don't be sorry for me, sucka!!! Don't nobody never be sorry for me!!!<br>
<strong>(Clacks teeth menacingly.)</strong><br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount2.gif"><p>

<strong>Peter:</strong> I work for the greatest architect in the world!
Sorry you're working for some washed-up shmoe. Say, can you do this work
 for me?</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> You betcha! But what I really ought to do is pull out your heart and eat it!!! <strong>AH-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAA- HAAAAAAAAAA...</strong><br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount3.gif"><p>

<strong>Peter:</strong>That building you designed for me made me rich and famous! I know you're broke, Howard. Can I help you out?</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Not me, buddy. I'm going to work in a quarry upstate. And you're lucky I don't take your spine with me as a souveneir! <strong>AH-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAA- HAAAAAAAAAA...</strong><br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount4.gif"><p>

<strong>Dominique Francon:</strong> Hello. To prove how far above the masses we are, would you like to break into my house tonight and rape me?</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Would I? Hotcha!!! <strong>(Clacks teeth, intending to be jaunty, but comes across as menacing.)</strong><br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount5.gif"><p>


<strong>Dominique:</strong> I love you so much I must destroy you!!! I think I'll marry Peter Keating.</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Wouldn't have it any other way, baby!<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount6.gif"><p>

<strong>The Masses:</strong> Oh, Ellsworth Toohey, you're magnificent!</p><p>

<strong>Ellsworth Toohey:</strong> <em>If only they knew how much I
despised them all, and how I long for every bit of their individuality
to be eradicated. I must destroy that Howard Roark!!!</em><br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount8.gif"><p>

<strong>Gail Wynand:</strong> Now that I've met Howard Roark, I don't
think I'll kill myself, and I'll put all the resources of my vast
publishing empire to work championing him! Let's get married,
Dominique!!!</p><p>

<strong>Dominique:</strong> Okay.<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount7.gif"><p>

<strong>Peter:</strong> Now I'm old and sad, Howard. Will you design this building for me?</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Oh, why not?<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount9.gif"><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Man, do I hate this building!!! Why do I keep doing buildings for that guy?<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount10.gif"><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Blah, blah, blah, blah, ninety thousand pages of blah...blah, blah, blah...<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount11.gif"><p>

<strong>Toohey:</strong> Howard Roark won, but at least I sued you and kept my job!!!</p><p>

<strong>Wynand:</strong> Nuh-uh! I've realized that I'll never be like Howard Roark, so I'm closing the paper and liquidating my vast financial empire.<br>

</p><hr>

<img src="fh_parody_files/fount12.gif"><p>

<strong>Dominique:</strong> Yay! Now we can get married!!!</p><p>

<strong>Howard:</strong> Why couldn't we before?

</p><hr>

The above parody was created by <a href="http://dig.netcentral.net/vx/index.html">Robert Lee.</a><p>

For a Netscape-friendly version of the above parody, click <a href="http://dig.netcentral.net/vx/founthd.html">here</a>.</p><p>

<a href="http://www.jeffcomp.com/jcp/faq/index.html">Return To FAQ</a>.

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