Source

shlomi-fish-homepage / t2 / humour / bits / facts / NSA / index.html.wml

#include '../template.wml'
#include "jqui_tabs_multi_lang.wml"
#include "stories/facts.wml"
#include "stories/stories-list.wml"

<latemp_subject "NSA Facts" />
<latemp_meta_desc "Factoids about the NSA - the U.S. government National Security Agency" />

<facts__nsa />

<h2 id="facts">NSA Facts</h2>

<ul>

<lip>
The NSA don’t publish. They perish.
</lip>

<lip>
The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most
stupid and incompetent ones.
</lip>

<lip>
The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of
information and doing nothing with it.
</lip>

<lip>
The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as
The Emissary. They also positively identified the NSA headquarters
as The Dungeon.
</lip>

<lip>
One of <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>’s episodes took place in the NSA
headquarters, but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had
uncontrollable panic attacks.
</lip>

<lip>
The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it,
knows why they should.
</lip>

<lip>
The more the NSA think, the less they want to be able to think.
So they think less and less.
</lip>

<lip>
With the NSA’s budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (<b>Kika</b>)
</lip>

<lip>
Think of the most incompetent organisation possible. The NSA would be more
even more incompetent than that.
</lip>

<lip>
The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.
</lip>

<lip>
<b>Yogurt:</b> “Never overestimate the power of the NSA.”
</lip>

<lip>
First the NSA ignores “silly” Internet memes, then they laugh at them,
then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.
</lip>

<lip>
The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use
Artificial Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant
information and reach genuine understanding.
</lip>

<lip>
Your next job after one in
<a href="http://twitter.com/NSACareers">@NSACareers</a>, will be as a dead
corpse in a coffin, 6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric
ward.
</lip>

<lip>
Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates
rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.
</lip>

</ul>

<h2 id="other_nsa_humour">Other NSA Humour</h2>

<ol>

<li>
<p>
<a href="$(ROOT)/humour.html#yo-nsa-publish-or-perish">“Yo
NSA, Publish or Perish!”</a> - captioned image by me.
</p>
</li>

<li>
<p>
<a href="$(ROOT)/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=smg-next-film">“Sarah
Michelle Gellar’s Next Movie”</a> - old fortune cookie.
</p>
</li>

<li>
<p>
<a href="$(ROOT)/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=kilmo-about-the-NSA">“kilmo
about the NSA”</a> - a sequel to the previous fortune cookie.
</p>
</li>

<li>
<p>
<a href="smg-film/">Open Letter to Ms. Sarah Michelle Gellar regarding
the production of the film “Summerschool at the NSA”</a> - another
sequel - somewhat more serious.
</p>
</li>

<li>
<p>
<a href="http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/2615.html">Blog Post:
“‘Publish or Perish’ → ‘Life or Death’”</a> - discusses why keeping secrets
to yourself is a recipe for disaster.
</p>
</li>

<li>
<p>
<a href="$(ROOT)/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/"><i>Summerschool
at the NSA</i> - a screenplay</a> - “<summerschool_at_the_nsa_abstract /></p>
</li>

</ol>

<h2 id="license">Copyright and Licence</h2>

<cc_by_sa_british_blurb year="2013" />