shlomif-email-signature / shlomif-sig-quotes

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I dont believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I dont believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.
%
The prefix God Said has the extraordinary logical property of converting any
statement that follows it into a true one.
%
I used to be arrogant. Now Im simply Perfect.
     one of Shlomi Fishs relatives.
%
Microsoft  making it all make sense. Ours.
%
Linux  Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.
%
The American Lottery: all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.
%
Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you
take the blame for it anyways.
%
Judaism: God is all the shit, all the nonshit and all the intermediate
demishits in between.
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what
went wrong more quickly.
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely
enough a computer program they coded, could.
%
Knuth is not God! Typing God into Google and pressing Im Feeling Lucky
will not lead you to his homepage.
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.
%
C++ supports ObjectOriented Programming roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.
%
I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isnt less clear now.
     One of Shlomi Fishs Technion Lecturers
%
My opinions may seem crazy but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense
nonetheless.
%
Theres no point in keeping an idea to yourself since theres a 10 to 1 chance
that somebody already has it and will share it before you.
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.
     one of Shlomi Fishs relatives
%
You are banished! You are banished! You are banished!
Hey! Im just kidding!
%
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distiniguish between the two.
%
If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten
imaginary bugs in the Hello World program.
%
Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.
%
Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of Sexpressions for closures is
Evil with one of those gigantic Es you can find at the beginning of chapters.
%
95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they did not write, in the bottom
5%.
%
No selfrespecting tomboy would use Mandriva.
%
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.
(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).
%
  :)-<
   +--
     Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish
%
The first phrase that need to be taught when teaching a new language is how to
say Do you speak English?. The first thing that needs to be taught when
teaching a new computer tool is how to exit it.
%
He who reinvents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.
%
He who reinvents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.
%
He who reinvents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year
trying to figure out why it doesnt work properly.
     Nadav HarEl
%
Sometimes you dont need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that
something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.
     Shlomi Fishs friend.
%
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.
     One of Shlomi Fishs Technion Lecturers
%
Real programmers dont write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade
their software.
%
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.
%
Except for boastfulness, rashness is my only defect!
     Based on http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ .
%
If it isnt in my email, it doesnt exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different,
email will conquer.

     an Israeli Linuxer.
%
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and it sometimes
doesnt. The good thing about software is that its consistent: it always
does not work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.
%
Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.
%
Larry Wall gets the colon.
%
There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S., but only one that matters.
%
Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.
%
Larry Wall dreams in Perl.
%
Larry Wall can program in his sleep.
%
Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.
%
Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.
%
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot
a lot. Remember too much.
%
Im not an actor  I just play one on T.V.
%
Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying
to stay dry. ( one of Shlomi Fishs Internet Friends)
%
Im not straight  Im Israeli.
%
It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.
%
We dont know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didnt know it.
%
What do you mean by WDYM?
%
Id do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.
     an Israeli Linuxer.
%
Nobody expects the Randal Schwartz condition!
     David Fetter
%
I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
then I remember  because they are so pedantic.
     an Israeli Perl Monger
%
Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish: so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki
about unit testing fortunes in freecell?
%
You can never truly appreciate The Gilmore Girls until youve watched it in
the original Klingon.
%
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we
read.
%
Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.
%
Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink .
%
*shlomif:* hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

*mrjink:* hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make
test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

*meep:* hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision
%
What does IDK stand for? I dont know.
%
Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!
%
In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but
they are all the same length.
%
English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.
%
COBOL is the old Java.
%
You name it  COBOL does not have it.
%
Chuck Norris wrote a complete Perl 6 implementation in a day, but then
destroyed all evidence with his bare hands, so noone will know his secrets.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris refactors 10 million lines of Perl code before lunch.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is his own boss. If you hire him, hell tell your boss what to
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
do.
%
Chuck Norris read the entire English Wikipedia in 24 hours. Twice.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever
he wants. (By: Kattana.)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris doesnt make mistakes. (SuShee) He corrects God. (Shlomi Fish)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
And he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack breaks.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris doesnt commit changes, the changes commit for him.
     Araujo
%
Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris computer. As a result, when
he uses Microsoft Windows, it behaves just like a Linux system.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is a real programmer. He writes programs by implementing the most
optimised machines for them using real atoms.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Deletionists delete Wikipedia articles that they consider lame.

Chuck Norris deletes Deletionists whom he considers lame.
%
There are no deletionists. Only Wikipedia articles which Chuck Norris allows
to live. (By: joeyadams)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
No one knows all of Perl. Not even Larry Wall. Except Chuck Norris, who knows
all of Perl 5, Perl 6, and can answer questions about the design of Perl 7.
%
Chuck Norris reads all messages posted to LKML (= the Linux Kernel Mailing
List), understands them all, and he kills all gnomes he sees in sight.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
When Chuck Norris uses Gentoo, emerge kde finishes in under a minute. A
computer cannot afford to keep Chuck waiting for too long.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is the greatest man in history. He killed all the great men who
could ever pose a competition.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
My only boss is God. And Chuck Norris who is his boss.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris can make the statement This statement is false. a true one.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
XSLT is the worst thing since nonsliced bread.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Mothers used to tell their children stories about XSLT to scare them.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
XSLT is the number one cause of programmers suicides since Visual Basic 1.0.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
The X in XSLT stands for eXtermination.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
The only things worse than XSLT are Excel and SugarLess Tea (XSLT).
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
XSLT is what Chuck Norris has nightmares of.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Confucius says: XSLT made me realise humanity was hopeless..
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
God considered inflicting XSLT as the tenth plague of Egypt, but then thought
it would be too evil.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
In Soviet Russia, XSLT codes you. Badly!
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Satan condemned Hitler for a million years of writing XSLT.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
The KGB used to torture their victims by having them look at scrolling XSLT
code.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
My name is Inigo Montoya. You forced my father to write XSLT. Prepare to die!
And be thankful I dont force you to write XSLT.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Stray XSLT code causes more deaths than road accidents.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil redirects to XSLT.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Mastering cat is almost as difficult as herding cats.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Mastering-Cat/
%
NASA Uses COBOL.
%
When a FLOSS developer says they will work on something, he or she means
maybe.
%
* Backward compatibility is your worst enemy.
* Backward compatibility is your users best friend.
%
Every successful open source project will eventually spawn a subproject.
%
Duplicate effort in FOSS is inevitable. Live with it.
%
The number of items on an open source projects todo list always grows or
remains constant.
%
<rindolf> buu: do you have a functional spec? An architecture document? An
interface whitepaper? A developers guide? A user manual? A The BL Book and
BL  The Program?
<buu> rindolf: no, no, no no and no
%
<mst> I find its usually safe to assume that whatever shlomifs doing, there
isnt a good reason for it.
%
Become an awesome Perl ninja rockstar vampire zombie pirate.
     http://is.gd/T2uCO7
%
<PerlJam> Im trying to achieve world peace and this regex is the last thing
standing in my way! ;)
%
<rindolf> be here or be not here  there is no maybe.
%
<rindolf>  If you repeat a scene 50k times, then the movie will have less
entropy and will compress better. ( irc://irc.freenode.org/#perlcafe )
%
Modern Perl  the 3D Movie. In theatres near you.
%
<rindolf> I am not solvable. I am Turing hard.
%
<rjbs> sub id { my $self = shift; $json_parser_for{ $self }
    ->decode($json_for{ $self })->{id} } # Insideout JSONnotated objects
%
I started out as a BASIC programmer. Some people would say that Im
permanently damaged. Some people are undoubtedly right.
     Larry Wall
%
bzr is slower than Subversion in combination with Sourceforge.
     Sjors, http://dazjorz.com/
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! Its members can be arranged in N! orders to form N!
different Cabals. The algorithm to find which order formulates the correct
IGLU Cabal is NPComplete.
%
There is no IGLU Cabal. The problem of founding an IGLU Cabal has been proven,
in a surprise move, to be equivalent to the question of the existence of God,
fullytolerant religions and NPcomplete oracles.    Omer Zak
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! Homemade Cabals eventually superseded the power and
influence of the original IGLU Cabal, which was considered a cutting edge
development at its time.
%
There is an IGLU Cabal, but its only purpose is to deny the existence of an
IGLU Cabal.
     Martha Greenberg
%
There is no IGLU cabal! The former cabalists are trying to prove the
correctness of a program that proves the correctness of proofs of other
programs.
%
My Commodore 64 is suffering from slowness and insufficiency of memory, and its
display device is grievously short of pixels.  Can anybody help?
     Omer Zak
%
I hope that you agree with me that 99.9218485921% of the users wouldnt bother
themselves with recompilation (or any other manual step for that matter) to
make their games run 1.27127529900685765% faster ;-)  Nadav HarEl
%
I also have versions of this code in COBOL.NET, Intercal, PDP10 Assembly, J,
APL, Windows NT 4.0 Batch script and Autocad Lisp  Im sure you can handle
all of them because none of them is Perl. ;-).
%
Dax: yep, space. Nothing but nothing all around.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Q: Ill be about 6.5 milliard Terran years next September.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Sisko: Q: would it be OK if my crew brought along their phasers with them?

Q: Of course. They can also bring some photon torpedoes if they wish. None of
them will work, but I dont mind them taking them.
%
Q2: Busy people are unproductive. We are very productive and so were never
busy.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Katie: in case you have any interest in me, I should note that I have a policy
against getting involved with people who are 4 times my senior or more.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
When Chuck Norris uses git, he takes a coffee break after initiating every git
commit. And then he waits for the commit to finish.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and has been waiting
for Larry to play catchup.
     dukeleto ; http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris does not code; when he sits at a computer, it just does whatever
he wants.  Kattana on Freenodes #perl6 .
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Logic sucks. Morality sucks. Reality sucks. Deal with it!
%
Chuck Norris can end world hunger, but he thinks that hungry people make
humanity a more challenging adversary.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris writes understandable Perl code.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris can read Perl code that was RSA encrypted.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
If you have the same ideas as everybody else, but have them one week earlier
than everyone else  then you will be hailed as a visionary. But if you have
them five years earlier, you will be named a lunatic. ( Barry Jones )
%
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mohandas_Gandhi (Disputed)
%
I learned a lot from my teachers, and from my friends more than my teachers,
and from my pupils the most.  Rabbi Hanina
%
Better be a tail for the lions, than the head of the jackals.
     Pirkei Avot, 4 15
%
What is is. Perceive It. Integrate it. Act on it. Idealize it.
     Leonard Peikoff
%
And the top story for today: wives live longer than husbands because they are
not married to women.
     Colin Mochrie in Whose Line is it, Anyway?
%
I feel much better, now that Ive given up hope.
     Ashleigh Brilliant
%
The more I think about it, the more I think I should think about it some more.
     Clarissa Explains it All
%
Do not meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good
with ketchup.                                        Unknown source.
%
I simply hate, detest, loathe, despise, and abhor redundancy.
     http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Redundancy
%
In Soviet Russia, every time you kill a kitten, God masturbates.
     http://linux.slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=195378&cid=16009070
%
Tel Aviv, a functional definition: free parking spacefree space.
     Shachar Shemesh ( http://blog.shemesh.biz/?p=435 )
%
Sesquipedallianism: making excessive use of long words.
%
Learn Perl from Learning Perl in 24 Minutes Unleashed, in a Nutshell for
Dummies.
     based on Shlomi Fish and f00li5h on #perl
%
A golfed Java program will be longer than nongolf Perl or Python code.
%
Were not doing it for money were doing it for a shitload of money!
     Spaceballs, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094012/
%
Lone Starr: Just what we need  a Druish princess.
Barf: Funny! She doesnt look Druish.
     Spaceballs, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094012/
%
The cool thing about Vim is  you find something interesting with every typo.
     SuShee on Freenodes #perl .
%
Larry Wall *does* know all of Perl. However, he pretends to be wrong
or misinformed, so people will underestimate him.
%
Real programmers use a nice editor and a nice programming language and get it
done in less than O(N!).
     vanguard on Freenodes ##programming
%
Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallmans Emacs as the
basis of his companys stateoftheart product Microsoft Editing Macros
Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional.
%
JATFM == Just answer the fabulous man
%
The one and only, 100% original, real, actual, and unmatched, Slimy Fish!
%
Jack: Hi Sophie!
Sophie: Dont Hi, Sophie! me.
Jack: Dont Dont Hi, Sophie! me me!
%
Doing linear scans over an associative array is like trying to club someone to
death with a loaded Uzi.      Larry Wall
%
And truth be told, I miss you.
And truth be told, Im lying.
     The All American Rejects, Gives You Hell
%
Yesterday I asked one of my students if she knew what an encyclopedia is, and
she said: Is it something like Wikipedia?.
         http://twitter.com/alisonclement/status/8421314259
%
<Botje>  Khisanth =~ s/must sleep/must give Botje all my money/ .
     Freenodes #perl
%
CPAN thrives *because* of the unfettered uploading of shit, not in spite of it.
     Andy Lester
%
Real men dont listen to sentences that start with Real men dont.
     http://whatsup.org.il/article/6023
%
<ew73>  VB.NET is all of the fun of enforced privacy OO with all of the power
of BASIC.            Freenodes #perl
%
I invented the term ObjectOriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in
mind.                   Alan Kay (Attributed)
%
Id love to change the world, but they wont give me the source code.
     Unknown
%
He says One and one and one is three.
Got to be goodlooking cause hes so hard to see.
     The Beatles, Come Together
%
Larry Walls purePerl code is faster than Assembly.
%
Chuck Norris once wrote a 10 million lines C++ program in Microsoft Notepad
without having to use the backspace key. And it compiled without errors or
warnings, and was 100% bugfree.
%
Larry Wall has been changing the world. By modifying its very source code.
%
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peter_Ustinov
%
A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always
wish they were younger.
%
Sophie: Lets suppose you have a table with 2^n cups
Jack: Wait a second! Is n a natural number?
%
If God exists and is the egomaniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that is
described in the Old Testament, then were in deep trouble.
%
I might be mad. But Im a mad genius.
%
To err is human; to apologise  divine.
%
To have bugs is human; to fix them  divine.
%
To have bugs is human; to find them  divine.
%
An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.
%
I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise  just shoot me, and get on
with it!
%
mplayer 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5-adc83b19e793491b1c6ea0fd8b46cd9f32e592fc is
now available for download.
     Shlomi Fish and d3x.
%
I may be a geek, but Im a true Klingon geekwarrior! And a true Klingon geek
warrior ALWAYS bottomposts.
%
Shlomi: if you read my stories, Ill give you 1,000,000 virtual dollars.
Sjors: causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
%
If Botticelli were alive today, hed be working for Vogue.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peter_Ustinov
%
We have nothing to fear but fear itself. Fear has nothing to fear but XSLT.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Xena the warrior princess can meet King David for breakfast and Julius Caesar
for lunch. Without time travel.
%
No one calls Xena the warrior princess Zeena to her face and survives.
Luckily for you, she hasnt visited the modern day United States yet.
%
Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Peter_Ustinov
%
In Soviet Russia, cats own you. No, wait! Cats own you everywhere.
%
Email, web feeds, and doing something productive  choose two.
%
The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.
%
Writing a BitKeeper replacement is probably easier at this point than getting
its license changed.
     Matt Mackall (who ended up writing a BitKeeper replacement)
%
<danderson> We are NO LONGER the knights who say BitKeeper. We are now
the knights who say git, git, git, cogito  Linus!.
%
There was one Napoleon, one George Washington, and one me!
     Big Boy Caprice in
       http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Dick_Tracy_%281990_film%29
%
Emacs is a nice operating system, but what it lacks, in order to compete with
Linux, is a good text editor.
     based on http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Emacs
%
Skill without imagination is craftsmanship and gives us many useful objects
such as wickerwork picnic baskets.  Imagination without skill gives us modern
art.             Tom Stoppard
%
The best thing about a UDP joke is that I dont care if you get it or not.
     http://gregsowell.com/?p=2742
%
If at first you dont succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
     Unknown
%
Staring at XSLT code for one minute has a 67% chance of making one permanently
blind.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
Larry Wall can make shit up, and the computer will understand what he means.
%
Whitespace in Python is not a problem: just lay out all the whitespace first,
then add the code around it.
     sizz on Freenodes #perl
%
Interesting has a negative correlation with successful.
     Anno on Freenodes #perl
%
A: Im hungry today.
B: Well, wait until tomorrow. Maybe this feeling will pass.
%
Only dead fish go with the flow.
     via Nadav HarEl
%
THERE IS NO JUSTICE. THERES ONLY ME.
     Death in Terry Pratchetts Mort
%
How many one-liners do I actually write? I dont know; maybe a couple dozen
a day. But I guess I must be unusual, because as we all know, AWK was a
complete failure and vanished into obscurity since it didnt address anyones
real needs. (That was sarcasm.)  Twelve Views of Mark Jason Dominus
%
Failure is not an option! Its bundled with the product.
     Cipher-0 in Freenodes #perl
%
If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the
mountain. If the mountain will not come to Chuck Norris, then the mountain
will suffer Norriss wrath for not complying with his whims.
%
We agree. But do we agree to agree?
%
A wiseman can learn from a fool much more than a fool can ever learn from a
wiseman.                http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Cato_the_Elder
%
sed and awk make me sad and awkward.
%
Chuck Norris has 0 messages in his E-mail inbox. Including already read ones.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
If a million Shakespeares had to write together, they would write like a monkey.
     based on Stephen Wright, via Nadav HarEl.
%
<talexb> Hey, I have a flat tire. Can you help me change it with a can opener
and a pound of sesame seeds?
     talexb on parsing HTML or XML with regular expressions.
%
Chuck Norris was never a newbie! He will kill anyone who implies otherwise. In
a very not newbie-like manner.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Only perl and Chuck Norris can parse Perl.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
All Chuck Norris has to do is *look* at Perl code and it interprets itself
out of fear and respect.  DrForr
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris taught God how to create the universe.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
The conversation about how someone shouldnt do something in an IRC channel is
always at least twice as long as the text the accused person created in the
first place  Chris62vws Rule
%
Thats why I feed my leprechaun every day  because there are not enough
phonemes in Navajo to tell him to get his act together and find a job.
     My comment on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izne8XcaBBg .
%
Chuck Norris is the reason why the Knights who until Recently Said Ni,
are no longer saying Ni.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is not afraid of superstitions. Superstitions are afraid of Chuck
Norris. (via Dov Levenglick)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
In Soviet Russia, superstition believes in you.  Sawyer X
%
Where they have burned books, they will end in burning human beings.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Heinrich_Heine
%
Quark: Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. But only for your customers.
Rule of acquisition No. 172.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Why cant we ever attempt to solve a problem in this country without having
a War on it? -- Rich Thomson, talk.politics.misc
%
Chuck Norris *does* expect the Spanish Inquisition.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
The Spanish Inquisition does not expect Chuck Norris.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
A wood chuck cant chuck wood. Chuck Norris can chuck wood chucks.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Java is a DSL (= Domain Specific Language) to transform big XML documents
into long exception stack traces.  Scott Bellware
%
Bigamy: Having one wife too many.
Monogamy: The same thing!            Unknown source.
%
One thing I could never understand is why in Microsoft Word, it often happens
that I press enter and the font changes.
%
But if youre writing [open source software] for the world, you have to listen
to your customers  this doesnt change just because theyre not paying you in
money.
     Eric S. Raymond in The Cathedral and the Bazaar
%
On the Road (and on the Internet), dont be right  be smart!
%
Flock aims to be the browser for the social web, but I found it to be the
completely anti-social browser.
%
Thank God I found the good in goodbye!
     Best Thing I Never Had, Beyoncé
%
Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.
     Ecclesiastes 1:11
%
Do one thing every day that scares you.
     Eleanor Roosevelt
%
The English Wikipedia: now you dont see it  now you do.
%
The devil created a 10th circle of hell for the inventors of XSLT, because
the first nine circles were too mild for them.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/XSLT/
%
I have a brilliant idea: a distributed, NoSQL, Webscale /dev/null alternative.
Im going to patent it. (inspired by arubin on ##programming).
%
<Su-Shee> Also, .* is the most unspecific regex you can use. Its like saying:
oh well match something of anything or nothing, and, please, a lot of it ;)
%
Objective jIronPerl++.NET Enterprise Edition Professional Home Premium 64-bit
Single-user.
     based on a Freenode #perl conversation ( http://is.gd/cCUBY2 )
%
All language designers are arrogant. Goes with the territory :-)
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Larry_Wall
%
<Su-Shee> Absolutely. Also: a German dog barks wau and a cat meows miau
<rindolf> Su-Shee: German animals are true German patriots.
%
The NSA dont publish. They perish.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The NSA employs the largest number of mathematicians with Ph.Ds. And the most
stupid and incompetent ones.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The NSA has a patent for an efficient process for collecting a lot of
information and doing nothing with it.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The Bajoran scholars have positively identified Benjamin Sisko as The Emissary.
They also positively identified the NSA headquarters as The Dungeon.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
One of Buffy the Vampire Slayers episodes took place in the NSA headquarters,
but had to be destroyed, because all of the test audience had uncontrollable
panic attacks.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The NSA knows what you did last summer. But no one, in the NSA or outside it,
knows why they should.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The more the NSA think, the less they want to be able to think. So they think
less and less.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
With the NSAs budget you would expect evil to be extinct by now. (By Kika).
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
Think of the most incompotent organisation possible. The NSA would be more even
more incompetent than that.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The NSA headquarters are the unhappiest place on Earth.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
Yogurt: Never overestimate the power of the NSA.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA/
%
The gods help them that help themselves. ( Aesop )
%
If the mountain will not come to Muhammad, then Muhammad will go to the
mountain.   Francis Bacon
%
Reality to be conquered, must be obeyed.   Francis Bacon
%
Trust in God, but tie your camel.
     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_helps_those_who_help_themselves
%
God helps them that help God help them.
     http://shlomif.livejournal.com/66017.html
%
 <rindolf>  You are all Nazis! ;-)
  <tadzik>  People who invoke Godwins law are worse than Hitler.
     Freenodes #perl
%
/usr/bin/perl consults Chuck Norris with how to parse Perl.
     Nadav Vinik ; http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris helps the gods that help themselves.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
If the mountain does not come to Muhammad, then Chuck Norris will bring the
mountain over.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
An apple a day will keep Chuck Norris away. But not for long.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Reality to be conquered, must be obeyed. Youd better obey Chuck Norris or
hell conquer you.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris had a problem so he decided to use regular expressions. Now,
all the Worlds problems are solved.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means
she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Buffy/
%
Buffy Summers does not really need stakes to slay vampires, because her kisses
are deadly for them. And that includes those that she blows in the air.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Buffy/
%
A is A and A is not not-A  unless Chuck Norris says so.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris can make East and West meet.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
When Chuck Norris orders Pizza, it arrives before he presses the OK button.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris does not need to heat up food. The food is already warm right
after he took it out of the fridge.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chucks idea of a short walk is to the Andromeda Galaxy and back.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Buffy will always find a wooden stake to slay vampires, even if it means
she will have travelled 100 years back in time, to plant a tree nearby.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Buffy/
%
The Chuck Norris of the Buffyverse, has been secretly training under Buffys
supervision, and so far - lost every battle with her.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Buffy/
%
Buffy is so hot, that you would totally love to fight her. And lose. (by
Dan Dascalescu.)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Buffy/
%
Chuck Norris hasnt taken these facts down yet, so they must be true.
(by Cantide)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
For every A, Chuck Norris is both A and not-A.
Chuck Norris is freaking everything.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Tomorrow never dies, unless Chuck Norris volunteers to take it out of its
misery.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
God created the world in 6 days and rested on the 7th. Chuck Norris created
the world in one day, and has been incrementally destroying it every day since,
without rest.
%
Well, one thing I can tell you about parenthood is that such things
can progress from figurative to literal, extremely quickly.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
I can imagine the headline: Sarah Michelle Gellar, who played
Buffy the vampire slayer, murdered in cold blood by child daughter.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
The apple completely supplanted the tree.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
SGlau: Between the President and God, I dont suppose you mean the Pope?
SMG: Oh no You realise Im Jewish.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
I am the Little Red Riding Hood of Messiahs. My apocalypse is badder than
yours.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/the-eternal-jew/#reception
%
Publish or Perish  Life or Death
     http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/2615.html
%
SGlau: I suppose serving here at the NSA is also one of your 99 problems?
Daniel: Hey, this place is at least ninety of my problems.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
Selina: Toothpicks? Have you blokes been watching too much Sesame Street?
Warrior #1: Why, of course! Every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame
Street.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Jessica on the phone: Sel, youre getting strange lately, but you are becoming
more amusing in the process.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Selina: By the way, apparently, we will never be able to truly appreciate
Sesame Street until we watch it in the original Klingon.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Mephiqoleth: THERE ARE JEWS OF MANY SPECIES.
Selina: Really? Thats great - can I have a Jewish lady-cat? I want one
so she can mother cute little Jewish kittens.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Clarissa Darling can start from I think therefore I am and prove that
Isaac Newton formulated the Law of Gravitation back in 1687.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Clarissa/
%
Gödels Incompleteness Theorem is about to be replaced by the
[Clarissa] Darling Like, Totally! Completeness Theorem.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Clarissa/
%
Clarissa Darling will win over Chuck Norris in a battle of wits.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Clarissa/
%
 <petn-randall>  Writing your own nirvana may be easier than writing a good
                 blog engine ;)
     http://xrl.us/botw86
%
 * rindolf demands equal rights for years, minutes, hours and days to also get
   YAAKOVS GREAT HUGE LOVE.
      http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/sharp-perl.html
%
 <rindolf>  I LOVE YOU ALL WITH YAAKOVS GREAT HUGE LOVE.
      http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/sharp-perl.html
%
 <rindolf>  RESOLVED / WONT_FIX / FUCK_YOU  story of my life.
      http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/sharp-perl.html
%
 <Su-Shee>  Botje: you cant kill Botje isnt Newtons first law.
 <Su-Shee> 	Its not even the 5th.
      http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/sharp-perl.html
%
 <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yeah because Perls crypt() is TOTALLY different from all
            the other crypt()s. ;)
 <rindolf>  Su-Shee: crypts are like snowflakes - no one alike.
 <rindolf>  has a huge and comprehensive collection of crypts on his disk.
%
A is A, and A is not not-A? WTH is he talking about??! Of course A can be
not-A! I want a little of the stuff hes on!
     Initial reaction to the http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Organon
%
Laziness will bring the downfall of mankind, but I cant be arsed to do
anything about it.
%
The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norriss throughput of killing.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
First the NSA ignores silly Internet memes, then they laugh at them,
then they are unable to fight them, and then they lose.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA
%
The NSA is an intelligence agency which thinks it can use Artificial
Ultra-Stupidity (AUS) to wade through tons of irrelevant information and
reach genuine understanding.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA
%
Your next job after one in @NSACareers, will be as a dead corpse in a coffin,
6 feet underground, or as a patient in a psychiatric ward.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA
%
Hackers bend the rules, so the NSA hates them. Instead, the NSA accumulates
rules, observes them, and accepts their fate: death.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/NSA
%
SGlau: Sounds really crazy. Are you sure youre OK?
SMG: No, Im not. My secret for success was that I was never completely sane,
heh.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
SMG: It was 1997-1998ish, Buffy started airing. So one day a group of
yeshivah pupils arrived to the studios saying they have some numereological
insights from the Jewish bible, about what will happen in Sunnydale next.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
Daniel: Yeah, those guys [= NSA] dont publish
Andrew: They perish, man.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
Yes, of course. But a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. For her
country and the benefit of man-kind of course. [She puts her hand in the
air] God bless America!
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
SGlau: Heh, youre looking at me like Im the only pretty girl for miles.
George: Heh, that would not be an overstatement. The NSA is very far
from being anything like the Israeli military.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
George: I guess you can enter now. Im just following orders.
SGlau: The Nuremberg defense!
George: This place gives you no other option.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
SGlau: You want to publish As a fellow artist, I want to publish too.
Dr. Feldman: Publish or Perish - they always told us that when I got my
Ph.D.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/
%
The Guide: THE PORTRAYAL OF BUFFY SUMMERS, THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, IN
THE TELEVISION SHOW WAS VERY EXAGGERATED. THE REAL BUFFY IN QUESTION IS AN
INCOMPETENT SLAYER. EVEN I AM BETTER THAN HER.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Alan: Hello, Miss Mandrake. Im Alan. [she shakes his hand.]
John: John. [shakes his hand.]
Alan: Were mighty vampires.
Selina: [Amusingly] Selina Mandrake, mighty pirate.
%
Selina: How may I be of service?
Alan: Well, according to the Codex, were supposed to be slain by you.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
John: Hey, we are completely non-violent vampires. We dont suck blood.
Selina: I thought all vampires suck blood.
John: Bullocks, hen. Vampires come in all shapes and sizes.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
Selina: Quite a weird lot this supernatural underworld seems to be.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/
%
The Messiah will come when everybody assume his role.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/the-eternal-jew/
%
I am the most powerful man on Earth.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/the-eternal-jew/
%
    <rindolf>  preaction: every mighty Klingon warrior uses Vim.
  <preaction>  only green-blooded Romulan scum use Emacs
     #perl, http://is.gd/grdEqT
%
  <rindolf>  Barbapappa: Buffy Summers > Chuck Norris
<preaction>  so, Chuck Norris is a vampire?
  <rindolf>  preaction: no, but in the Buffyverse, hes getting pwned by Buffy
     #perl, http://is.gd/grdEqT
%
In Soviet Russia, joke is tired of you.
     apeiron, #perl
%
All truth is Gods truth.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=larry-wall-all-truth-is-gods-truh
%
What's the point of claiming your code is illegal?
I might anger a few, but I just wanna sue
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Can-I-SCO-Now/
%
Can I SCO now? Sue who you wanna sue, it doesn't matter anyhoo, it's time to
litigate.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Can-I-SCO-Now/
%
Officer: Captain, theres a new star system a few thousands of lightyears
away, and its sun has an irregular shape.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Major Kira: Well, duh! The prophets spoke of several of The Invisibles
children and their whereabouts.
Jadzia: Major, you and I will need to talk someday about that duh.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/
%
Vizzini: He didnt fall?! Inconceivable!
Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you
think it means.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Princess_Bride_%28film%29
%
Inigo Montoya: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.
The Man in Black: You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die.
     http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/The_Princess_Bride_%28film%29
%
Chuck Norris is always right. Even if he says that A is not-A, he would
be right, because Logic is subject to his whims.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris does not own a dishwasher. His dishes know better than to become
dirty.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
The Angel of Death cannot keep up with Chuck Norriss throughput of killing.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Computers are useless because they can only give you answers. Chuck Norris
is not useless, because he knows the questions which these answers belong to.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris is Vito Corleones godfather. (by ZadYree)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris will kill everyone who has not read these factoids.
Slowly and painfully.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Chuck Norris could have built the Roman Empire in a day. And it would have
taken him even less time to destroy it.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
A man in love is incomplete until he is married.  Then he is finished.
     Zsa Zsa Gabor, "Newsweek"
%
Chuck Norris once counted all the real numbers on his fingers. (by: ZadYree)
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
%
Only two things are infinite: the universe, and Chuck Norriss destruction
ability. And we cannot be sure about the former thanks to the latter.
     http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Chuck-Norris/
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