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pmxbot skynet logopmxbot horrible logo

Welcome to pmxbot!

Feature List

While pmxbot's feature set is always growing and changing, here's a list of the current features included as part of version 1105.5b1.

8ball'8'Ask the magic 8ball a question
acronym'ac'Look up an acronym
anchormanQuote Anchorman.
annoy'a', 'bother'Annoy everyone with meaningless banter
bender'bend'Quote Bender, a la
bitchingisuseless'qbiu'It really is, ya know...
blamePass the buck!
blessBless the day!
booBoo someone
bottom10'bottom'Return the bottom n (default 10) lowest entities by Karmic value. Use negative numbers for the bottom N.
calcPerform a basic calculation
chainChain some(one|thing)down.
cheer'c'Cheer for something
compliment'surreal'Generate a random compliment from
configChange the running config, something like a=b or a+=b or a-=b
ctlaltdel'controlaltdelete', 'controlaltdelete', 'cad', 'restart', 'quit'Quits pmxbot. A supervisor should automatically restart it.
curseCurse the day!
dance'd'Do a little dance
dealDeal or No Deal?
define'def'Define a word
demotivate'dm'Demotivate someone
disembowel'dis', 'eviscerate'Disembowel some(one|thing)!
duck'ducky'Display a helpful duck
embowel'reembowel'Embowel some(one|thing)!
emergencycompliment'ec', 'emercomp'Return a random compliment from
excuse'e'Provide a convenient excuse
featurecreep'fc'Generate feature creep (P+C
fightPit two sworn enemies against each other (separate with 'vs.')
flipFlip a coin
fmlA SFW version of fml.
gettowork'gtw'You really ought to, ya know...
golfclap'clap'Clap for something
google'g'Look a phrase up on google
googlecalc'gc'Calculate something using google
grailI questing baby
hal'2001'HAL 9000
hangoverQuote hangover.
help'h'Help (this command)
hireWhen all else fails, pmxbot delivers the perfect employee.
imotivate'im', 'ironicmotivate'Ironically "Motivate" someone
insultGenerate a random insult from
job'card'Generate a job title,
karma'k'Return or change the karma value for some(one|thing)
keelhaul'kh'Inflict great pain and embarassment on some(one|thing)
klingon'klingonism'Ask the magic klingon a question
logEnable or disable logging for a channel; use 'please' to start logging and 'stop please' to stop.
logoThe pmxbot logo in ascii art. Fixed-width font recommended!
logsWhere can one find the logs?
lunch'lunchpick', 'lunchpicker'Pick where to go to lunch
meaculpa'apology', 'apologize'Sincerely apologize
motivate'm', 'appreciate', 'thanks', 'thank'Motivate someone
murphy'law'Look up one of Murphy's laws
nailedit'nail', 'n'Nail that interview
nastygram'nerf', 'passive', 'bcc'A random passive-agressive comment, optionally directed toward some(one|thing).
notifynotify <nick> <message>
oregontrail'otrail'It's edutainment!
password'pw', 'passwd'Generate a random password, similar to
pasteDrop a link to your latest paste
pick'p', 'p:', 'pick:'Pick between a few options
progressDisplay the progress of something: start|end|percent
quote'q'If passed with nothing then get a random quote. If passed with some string then search for that. If prepended with "add:" then add it to the db, eg "!quote add: drivers: I only work here because of pmxbot!"
r'r'Quote the R mailing list
rollRoll a die, default = 100.
rubberstamp'approve'Approve something
saysomethingGenerate a Markov Chain response based on past logs. Seed it with a starting word by adding that to the end, eg '!saysomething dowski:'
simpsons'simp'Quote the Simpsons, a la
stab'shank', 'shiv'Stab, shank or shiv some(one|thing)!
storytime'story'A story is about to be told.
strategySocial Media Strategy, courtsey of
strikeStrike last <n> statements from the record
tgifThanks for the words of wisdow, Mike.
therethere'poor', 'comfort'Sympathy for you.
ticker't'Look up a ticker symbol's current trading value
timeWhat time is it in.... Similar to !weather
tinytear'tt', 'tear', 'cry'I cry a tiny tear for you.
top10'top'Return the top n (default 10) highest entities by Karmic value. Use negative numbers for the bottom N.
troutslap'slap', 'ts'Slap some(one|thing) with a fish
urbandict'urb', 'ud', 'urbandictionary', 'urbandefine', 'urbandef', 'urbdef'Define a word with Urban Dictionary
weather'w'Get weather for a place. All offices with "all", or a list of places separated by pipes.
where'last', 'seen', 'lastseen'When did pmxbot last see <nick> speak?
zoidberg'zoid'Quote Zoidberg, a la

Example Session

It's sometimes hard to get a sense of what pmxbot is like if you've never used it, so here's an example IRC discussion where we heavily use pmxbot.

< chmullig> cperry: in cologne?
< cperry> !m chmullig
<@pmxbot> you're doing good work, chmullig!
< cperry> indeed
< chmullig> awesome
< cperry> yeah
< chmullig> I'm recording a little chat for the pmxbot website
< cperry> ooooo
< cperry> is this getting recorded?
< chmullig> !8ball is pmxbot awesome?
<@pmxbot> Most likely.
< chmullig> yes, yes it is
< cperry> good thing I didn't insult the person I was going to insult
< cperry> because I love everyone!
< cperry> !bless
< chmullig> !cheer everyone
 * pmxbot blesses the day!
 * pmxbot cheers for everyone!
< cperry> !curse insulting people
 * pmxbot curses insulting people!
< chmullig> !w Washington, DC | Cologne
<@pmxbot> Washington D.C., DC. Currently: 70F/21C, Cloudy.    Mon: 73F/22C, Thunderstorm
<@pmxbot> Cologne, North Rhine-Westphalia. Currently: 43F/6C, Mostly Cloudy.    Mon: 46F/7C, Chance of Rain
< cperry> in fact, every time I think about insulting people, I just want to
< cperry> !dance
<@pmxbot> O-\-<
<@pmxbot> O-|-<
<@pmxbot> O-/-<
< chmullig> !def dancing
<@pmxbot> Wikipedia says: Dance (from French danser, perhaps from Frankish) is an art form that generally
          refers to movement of the body, usually rhythmic and to music, used as a form of expression,
          social interaction or presented in a spiritual or performance setting.
< cperry> hmm
< cperry> !urb dancing
<@pmxbot> Urban Dictionary says dancing: Formal term meaning: to move with unhindered grace around an area
          with the presence of another enjoying the same activity.  Urban term: Humping someone in public
          Sad world isn't it.
< cperry> ewwww
< chmullig> !g salsa dancing classes in washington, dc
<@pmxbot> - Dance Lessons and Studios - Latin Salsa Merengue
          Tango Ballroom
< cperry> !otrail dancing
<@pmxbot> dancing made it to oregon. Time to party with schmichael.
< chmullig> !ylunch Washington, DC 10m
<@pmxbot> Tonic at Quigley's Pharmacy @ 2036 G St Nw -

< cperry> yes! my favorite!
< chmullig> Are you teaching the germans sql on rails?
<@pmxbot> Only 76,417 lines...
< cperry> nah, they prefer spss
< chmullig> thank you, pmxbot
<@pmxbot> I'm afraid that would violate the fire code.